A prescription for calming down your child’s emotions

? ? Compared with discipline, children need “setting limits” more. Love that sets limits can make children feel more secure, just like children having their own treasure box, their own wardrobe room, etc. They can freely collect their favorite items in a fixed space! Only by having restrictions can children truly have ? ? Compared with discipline, children need “setting limits” more. Love that sets limits can make children feel more secure, just like children having their own treasure box, their own wardrobe room, etc. They can freely collect their favorite items in a fixed space! Having restrictions truly allows children to have choices. ? Allowing children to have a fixed space to do what they want to do is a very important part of establishing a sense of security! ? Maybe you will ask: What is the difference between setting limits and discipline? ? The difference between setting limits and disciplining is: before disciplining a child, you must first understand his or her emotional state. During the child's development stage, the amygdala, which controls emotions, matures as soon as the child is born, while the prefrontal lobe, which thinks about right and wrong, It will mature later! When we ask our children out of control, "How many times have I told you, why do I still make the same mistake?" Sometimes, what the children receive is disappointment or anger, which makes it more difficult for them to receive the content of our teachings. Then some elders Come out and say, "It's you who scolded the child for being stupid"! In fact, it is not a matter of scolding or not being stupid, but how much educational messages do children receive from us when they are full of emotions? When a child falls into an emotional moment, it is enough to cause the cognitive thinking function of the brain to decline. It does not mean that the child becomes stupid, but that he cannot receive it. ? Now, you understand that sometimes the disobedience of children is due to the power of the brain, and it does not mean that the child is bad, so you will not have catastrophic thoughts ~ Catastrophic thoughts include that as soon as the child makes a mistake, you will think the following : ? "It's over, my child is like this now, what will I do in the future..."

"What a tragedy, others must think I am a bad mother!"

"Thick "Hey, I'm guessing what other people think about parents' teachings?" I invite you to get rid of these negative thoughts first, then you can truly understand what is behind your children's emotions, and then you can calm down. Attitude, more effective treatment! ? This article is to tell you: how to effectively reflect emotions and set limits for children! ? ? According to children's center play therapy, we need to build children's self-confidence and self-esteem, as well as effective methods when children have irregularities: "setting limits" (Dr. Garry Landreth)

1. First, we first understand " Why set limits? ”

Setting limits is mainly to ensure children’s physical and psychological safety and to teach them self-control and self-responsibility. ?

? 2. The similarities and differences between the steps of setting limits and discipline

The biggest difference between setting limits and discipline is that there is an extra step in setting limits: "Point out the child's emotions." Based on the content of children's center play therapy, I would like to share with you the "Three Steps of Setting Limits for Effective Control":

1. Point out the child's feelings 2. Express limits (content of usual discipline) 3. Provide additional Possible clear choice? ----- ? For example: Xiaohua spilled water and poured it all over the floor, but he did not clean it up. When his mother came home, her mother was actually very angry when she found out and asked Xiaohua, Xiaohua I was very worried about being blamed, so I didn’t dare to admit it at first, but there was only Xiaohua in the family. Seeing Xiaohua refusing to admit his mistakes, my mother was really anxious, angry and blaming herself. If: Mom wanted to teach Xiaohua how to deal with it, Mom would use The reaction to setting limits may be... Excited mother, psychological os:

"Xiaohua, it doesn't matter if you spill the water, you actually learned how to lie to me, do you know how to lie? Human behavior is even more shameful. It’s really hard for me to imagine that you are such a child. Let’s see what you will do in the future%*4@%!#$%$”? So, my mother decided that no matter whether you admit your fault or not, the so-called “child who is not a good mother” Wrong." After scolding, please k*t first and then talk! It turned out that Xiaohua became more timid... (The other kind of child will become very angry and emotional) ? Excited Mom, don't be nervous! ~Relax, please hold it first, you can choose to see the effective response of Calm Mom: ? Calm Mom, after using the three steps of setting limits: "Xiaohua, I know you are scared now, you will worry about being blamed by your mother, So you didn’t dare to admit it at first (point out the child’s feelings), but you have to clean up the water if you spill it, and you have to learn how to clean it up” (set limits)? Now, you can decide to bring a rag and clean it here yourself (choice 1) or ?Mom takes you to the kitchen to get a rag to clean it up (choice 2)! ----- ? The advantage of using the three steps of setting limits is that you can effectively assist your children: ? 1. Let the children experience their own emotions and clearly invite the children to make choices.

2. Cultivate children to make independent choices and learn to be responsible for their own choices.

3. You did not let your example (leading by example) fail because you lost control of your emotions, causing tension in the parent-child relationship! ? The above three points are actually what you originally expected!

According to clinical experience, compared with setting limits again and again and harsh discipline again and again, strict discipline has better immediate effect, but children will obey for a short time because of panic and then relapse or suffer trauma. negative effect.

However, if you set limits gently and firmly, your child will believe again and again that you are a parent who understands him, and he will be willing to obey you because you understand him! !

So, for those of you who love your children, let us practice setting limits together, "understand your children first, and then teach them." Be a parent who does not need to be crazy all the time, and use calm and Set limits effectively, do what you say, and understand your child, so that your child will completely obey you!

Authorized from photographer Li Changzhou, all rights reserved)

"This article is the opinion of the carefully selected author of the cooperation and does not represent the position"