One of my teachers, Helen Keller, said that nature is not beautiful.

May I take some notes? The young man asked.

Of course. Mr. Kesterman went on with his story: It was obvious that something was bothering me, but I was still surprised that the old man knew my mind completely, as if he could see through me. After we talked for a while, he told me that he was going to visit a friend. He is very depressed now. He said,' My friend just forgot the golden rule of happiness. Of course I haven't heard of the golden rule of happiness, but he quickly explained to me,' It's very simple. As long as you make up your mind, you can be as happy as you want. '

I didn't quite understand what he said at that time, but later I found out that what he said was true, and to be honest, I swear those simple laws were an important lesson in my life. Among them, I think the most important thing for me is the power of attitude.

The young man was fascinated, so Mr. Kesterman continued: Let me explain it to you. Like many people, I always think that things should make me happy, but the fact is that we can make ourselves happy. I remember watching a hypnotic performance. Everyone on the stage was hypnotized and then someone gave them a raw onion. The hypnotist told them that this raw onion was the most delicious fruit they had ever eaten in their life. These people began to lick their lips and swallow green onions, and then someone gave them a peach. The hypnotist told them that peach is a carrot full of fishy smell. After taking a bite of a peach, these people spit it out immediately, as if they had eaten something disgusting. '

This is their "attitude" to onions and peaches under hypnosis. As you can see, in the process of growing up, we often face the facts with a negative or negative attitude, and this attitude is the reason why we are unhappy.

What kind of negative attitude? The young man asked.

The best example is our expectation of life. For example, I have been taught to prepare for the worst because I am not so disappointed.

Yeah! That's how I was taught. That makes sense, doesn't it? The young man echoed.

This is a general statement, but it is wrong. Mr Kesterman said: This will destroy our dreams and prevent us from experiencing the feeling of happiness.

How can it be? The young man said: if you have the worst plan, you won't be too disappointed when it really happens, because you are already mentally prepared, but if it doesn't happen, you will be surprised. If you always expect the best, you will only make yourself suffer more disappointment.

I know it sounds reasonable, but if you always prepare for the worst, you may always encounter the worst. I can prove it to you. Now look at this room and try to pay attention to all the brown things.

Young people look around the room and see many brown things: wooden photo frames, chair armrests, wooden window frames, desks, books and many other small things are brown.

All right, Mr. Jenstman said, now close your eyes. ...

The young man closed his eyes.

..... tell me all the blue things you see.

The young man smiled. I didn't notice anything blue.

Mr. Kesterman opened his eyes and said, "Look, there are many blue things here."

Indeed, there are blue things: a blue flower basket, a blue photo frame, a blue carpet, a blue folder on the desk, blue books on the bookshelf, and even Mr. Kesterman is wearing a blue shirt. The more he pays attention to blue, the bluer he finds.

Look at these things you haven't noticed!

But you lied to me. The young man said, you want me to look for something brown, not blue.

This is the point I want to make. Mr Kesterman said: You are looking for the brown one, so you only see the brown one and ignore the blue one. So is your life. You always look for the worst, so you always see the worst and miss the good.

This is why many rich and famous people-those who have everything you can think of-are still depressed, and many people take drugs or drink alcohol. They focus on what they don't have, not what they already have, so they only see the poverty in life.

On the contrary, many people live in a simple environment, but they are still very happy because they see what they have. This is why a person who sees a glass half full will be happier than a person who sees a glass half empty.

So you see, this is totally different from our general idea. Everything outside of us-money, cars, fame, property-has nothing to do with happiness, but our attitude towards life determines whether we are happy or not. Therefore, to experience happiness, we don't need more money, a bigger house or a better job, we just need to change our attitude. Samuel johnson wrote this passage:

The source of a person's connotation must come from his heart: and it is a correct heart.

People who know little about human nature should change their nature and look for it.

Seek happiness and make every effort to find the fragrant fruit in life.

Reality, but in the end you will feel sorry for what you have lost.

I never noticed this, the young man said, but I think it sounds reasonable.

Isn't it interesting? If you keep thinking the worst, you will lead things in a bad direction. Mr Kesterman said.

Is that really the case? The young man asked.

Let me give you an example. If you are going to give a speech in front of hundreds of people, you may be nervous and constantly imagine the worst. For example, you may forget what you want to say on the spot, you may be tongue-tied, and you may make yourself look like an idiot in front of hundreds of people. If you keep thinking like this, how can you prepare your speech? This will boost your confidence; Or does it make you feel more nervous?

More nervous, of course. The young man admitted.

Of course it is. Who wouldn't? The same is true of many other things in our lives. Who is more likely to get out of bed to face a new day, an unfortunate person lying in bed thinking about what will happen today, or a person looking forward to a beautiful day? Which is easier to enjoy this new day?

I know what you mean. But what if something unexpected happens to you? What if something bad happens?

Remember the golden rule: you can choose your own feelings! Anyway, you can choose to look at blue and brown. Similarly, you can still see the bright side in any situation. Mr Kesterman said.

What if there is no good side?

Of course, sometimes tragedies come to our lives, and it may be difficult to find benefits. However, the way to deal with tragedy is to find the positive side and find something meaningful in sadness. Perhaps the greatest tragedy for parents is the loss of their children. In many such cases, the only thing that can make us recover from grief is to create some positive meanings.

For example, in California, a mother 13-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver on the road. When mother found out that the driver had a record of drunk driving, the law didn't protect the public from people like him. So, she launched a national organization-anti-drunk driving women's organization. This organization successfully lobbied members of Congress to pass a law against drunk driving, which quickly spread to countries such as Canada, Britain and New Zealand, saving hundreds or even thousands of lives. This is entirely because a woman turns the grief of losing her daughter into more positive action.

All the experiences in life have different meanings in many ways, and we just need to choose to find them. You can find that, for example, I met an old man in China, and I lost my job. I just think I am a loser, and I may never find a job again. However, after a long talk with the old man China that day, I began to understand that losing my job might have some very positive values for me.

How can unemployment be positive? The young man asked.

First of all, it gave me a chance to start a new career. Mr. Kesterman said: Therefore, instead of being depressed by unemployment all the time, I might as well face it with a warm, optimistic and cheerful attitude. Remember this: the meaning of our contact with an event-not the event itself-determines how we feel about it.

With this attitude, unemployment means a new beginning and a turning point in life. When I am honest with myself, I admit that I have never been enthusiastic about finding a suitable job. Now I have a chance to rethink what I really want to do. I hope to do something different, with positive value and real contribution to society. I decided to be a teacher, so I went back to school for further study.

Let me give you another good example. Mr Kesterman said: Imagine that you broke up with your girlfriend. You can decide, which means that you are an unattractive and unlovable person, and you will never find a girlfriend, so even if you meet other girls, you can't develop another relationship. Or, you can think that breaking up with your girlfriend means that you have a chance to find a better one. Someone more suitable for you. You see, totally different attitude, no matter what you decide.

You can give positive meaning to any experience in your life. In some parts of the world, death is even regarded as a moment to celebrate, because they believe that after death, the soul will return to the real home, where we can see all our lovers and family.

But it is not easy to think of positive meaning in every situation! Young people insist.

Of course it's not easy not to! If you don't see the positive meaning, you don't want to look for it at all. We can also ask ourselves some positive questions to establish a positive attitude and say,' What can I learn from this experience? Instead of asking yourself,' Why did this unfortunate thing happen to me? '

Is that enough? Can you speak more clearly? The young man said.

All right! You ask yourself questions all day, about what you see, what you hear, what you think, what you have done, what you have to do and what you will do. From getting up in the morning to going to bed at night, your subconscious has been asking yourself questions. In fact, the process of thinking is just a series of questions and answers. Questions bring answers and answers bring feelings, so if you feel unhappy or depressed, it usually means that you have asked the wrong question. You ask yourself what is wrong, not what is right.

When faced with difficulties, most people will ask themselves such questions:' How did this happen to me?' ? Or' what should I do? These are all negative questions. Without constructive questions, it will only bring negativity. Without constructive answers, you will only feel self-pity, despair and depression. If we ask ourselves positive questions, we can create completely different feelings.

What kind of questions are constructive? The young man asked.

These questions can give people a sense of strength and hope. For example, when I find myself in trouble, I will ask myself three powerful questions, which can change the way I look at things. The first question is: "What is the best part of this?"

What if this situation doesn't have the best part? The young man interrupted Mr Kesterman.

Then I will ask:' What's so good about this? This question makes you look for the benefits of the event, and then, just like you look for something blue in the room, you will look for the benefits of the event. You know, everything is a blessing in disguise. When you redefine something, you will have the power to enrich your life in this experience. This is the first secret of happiness.

The old man gave me a list, and everyone on the list taught me some secrets of happiness. Many of them have experienced difficulties in life, but they have all weathered them because they have learned how to construct positive meanings for each situation.

Then, the second question is:' What's the fly in the ointment? This is assuming that things will be perfect, and such questions are better than asking yourself:' What's the matter? Can produce a different feeling. The third question is:' How can I make things the way I want, and it will be interesting in the process? This problem will help you find some remedies and have fun in the process.

Let me give you some examples to illustrate how these problems can help you. When your car broke down last night, if you ask, "What's the best part of this?" You might think,' It's a good thing I'm not hurt. Or' fortunately, the fault rescue center will help me. It's a good thing the car didn't break down in the middle of nowhere'

Then ask yourself:' What's the fly in the ointment? Of course, the answer is that my car is broken. Then ask,' How can I make things the way I want, and this process will be interesting? So when you are waiting for someone to repair your car, you can take time to relax, read a newspaper, or read a book, or listen to a radio program that you didn't have time to listen to before. You can even use this time to plan your next trip, write a letter, or start writing the book you've always wanted to write, assuming you have a pen and paper, or you can climb into the back seat and have a rest before the service staff arrives.

Another example is that you are in a bad mood because you are too fat. This is also very good! Because you finally decided that being too fat would make you unhappy, you decided to change this fact. Another advantage is that you finally know the importance of losing weight, otherwise being too fat may lead to the risk of heart disease. What is the fly in the ointment? Your weight and figure. So how to change it? Understand the causes of obesity, change your diet and start exercising. How do you enjoy losing weight? Join a weight-loss club so that you can meet other people with the same problem, or join your favorite physical education class, or just dance to lose weight. Find some healthy food to eat, or learn to cook food with high nutrition and low calorie.

That sounds really interesting. Young people say: So, expect the best, pay attention to the good things in life and ask some positive questions, so that people can change their attitudes.

That's right! Mr. Kesterman said: However, the attitude of creating a healthy and happy life can be summed up in one word-gratitude! Therefore, the secret of happiness is to cultivate a grateful attitude.

How did you do that?

Looking for something to be grateful for, Kesterman replied: Ask yourself this question every day:' What am I grateful for?'

What if there's nothing to be grateful for? The young man asked stubbornly.

Mr Kesterman raised his eyebrows and looked at the young man. He said: A few years ago, I went to visit a friend who was dying. The doctor said he wouldn't live for a year. I thought he would be depressed, but I found that he was not only cheerful, but even quite happy.

It is strange that how can a person who can't live for a year be happy? The young man said inexplicably.

So I asked him, "Jim, why are you so happy?" He said,' Because I woke up this morning and found myself alive! I felt ashamed after hearing his answer. A dying person can still be full of gratitude, why can't we healthy people? Mr. Kesterman continued: No matter how bad the situation is, there is always something-usually there are many things to be grateful for. The difference between a person living in a magical world and a person living in a miserable world lies not in their environment, but in their attitude. Attitude is like a sign of the soul. We can decide the color of our life, any color we like.

On his way home, the young man was thinking about what he had learned today. There is a lot to know about himself and his life, but more importantly, he finally found out why he is always unhappy.

That night, the young man took out his notes and made a review of today's interview record:

The first secret of happiness-the power of attitude

My happiness is based on my attitude towards life.

I can be as happy as I want. Starting today, I am determined to live happily. If I expect the best, I will get the best!

Happiness is a choice. I can make this choice at any time, anywhere and under any circumstances. Any experience can be constructed in a positive sense. From now on, I will seek happiness from anything and anyone.

When encountering difficulties or pressures, ask these three powerful questions:

What is the greatest advantage of this matter?

What is the fly in the ointment?

How can I remedy this situation and find happiness from it?

Gratitude is the seed of happiness. From now on, my heart will be filled with gratitude. Whether I am happy or not depends on my thoughts, not my environment. I control my thoughts, so I can control my happiness.

The power of moment

That was 20 years ago. Work is not smooth, family problems. One day at about 4 pm, I was walking in the street downtown, ready to give a briefing to a client. Suddenly, I heard a long horn and a woman's scream. I looked up and saw a car speeding in front of me.

Everything seems to be in slow motion. I just stood there, watching the car coming at me in fear. My mind flashed-it's over! I am dead! At this critical moment, I felt someone grabbed me and pulled me back. I'm telling you, it was so close that I even felt the car graze my coat. I will be hit by a centimeter, and I will die. I turned around and looked at the man who saved my life in shock. He turned out to be a little old man in China!

Tony Brown is about forty years old. He is a professional photographer, and his works often appear in national newspapers and many magazines. The young man made an appointment with him in his studio downtown.

I was really frightened by the accident and sat shivering in a chair on the side of the road. Mr Brown continued: The old man from China also came and sat next to me and asked me how I was. I said I was fine. That was close! He said. I said,' I know, thank you for saving my life! I explained that I was a little absent-minded when crossing the street, and then he said,' There is a saying in my country: settle down and live in the present! '

We talked for a few minutes, but before he left, he gave me a small note. ...

With ten names and phone numbers written on it? The young man continued.

Yes, Mr. Brown replied with a smile. This is how I learned the secret of happiness.

How do they help you? The young man asked.

They taught me how to create happiness. One thing that impressed me the most was "the power to live in the present".

Only this moment contains the secret of happiness? The young man asked.

The secret lies not in that moment, but in "living in the present". Mr. Brown said: Happiness is not found in years, months, weeks or even days, but in living in the present.

What does this mean? Young people don't understand. You didn't say happiness wouldn't last more than a minute, did you?

Of course not. I mean, you can only feel the happiness at that moment in the market. Look at those photos. Mr. Brown pointed to the photo on the wall and said, "What do you see?" ?

The young man looked up and studied the photos on the wall. Each one captured an expression. There is a picture of a mother nursing her baby. A father and son are laughing and playing ball, two old people are hugging, and two friends are saying goodbye to a group of children playing on the school playground at the airport.

After reading it, he said: These feelings and emotions are very tense, and each one is fine.

Thank you, Mr. Brown said. These are the emotions I am trying to capture. This is the beauty of photos, which records the moment when we experience an emotion-a moment that cannot be repeated. Have you ever thought about how people measure value? For example, TV sets, computers, cars, money, clothes, jewelry … everything can be easily copied. However, the time in life is something we can never copy and repeat, but we think it is of little value. Time is our most precious asset, but we always waste it. We spend time thinking about the past, worrying about the future and hesitating about the present. And now-here and now-is all we have.

I'm not sure I really understand. The young man said.

When you look back on the past, Mr. Brown explained: When you think of the happy times in the past, what do you think of?

Um ... let me see. The young man said, looking into the distance.

He remembered his fifth birthday, when his father was still alive and his family was on vacation by the sea. They graduated from college. ...

How do you remember those times? Mr. Brown added: Do you use years, months, days … or do you always remember?

I'm not sure. The young man said hesitantly.

Okay, think of a particularly happy time.

My fifth birthday party.

A moment when you really feel happy?

Before the party started, I remember my mother holding me and mumbling to me:' You are my little baby, I love you! When I close my eyes, I can still vaguely hear her saying this in my ear.

Very good! Mr. Brown is satisfied with the young man's description. He said, this is a moment! Every child has had this happy moment. Imagine that if you were thinking about your school work, you might not hear what your mother said to you, and you wouldn't feel happy at all. And your mother may lose the feeling of happiness because of your reaction.

I see. The young man said.

Our memory is a momentary fragment-a moment we saw, heard or felt. We can't remember a whole year, months or even days, but a certain moment will stay in our minds. Only by living every moment well can we live well. If there is such a special and magical moment, our life will become special and magical. The secret is to collect as many moments as possible. Time will not stay, nor will it repeat. You can only live every moment and experience it. Always remember that this moment may not be what you want, but it is what you can have.

The young man remembered a story told by Mr. Kesterman, a man who was in the late stage of his life due to illness, but he was still happy every day, because he was grateful for every day he was alive. The young man thought that the sick man must have learned the secret of living in the present, so that he could live in happiness instead of illness every day.

Pretend to be serious when facing beautiful women.

People who want to compete for the leadership position can't know what it might be.

When you can get a promotion but you don't, tell others that you let him.

Keep your eyes open when you take a nap.

When you are tired, let your peers think that you will fight back at any time.

Be bold and stubborn when under pressure.

When you are inspired, tell your subordinates what is the wind of kings.

Is it difficult to be a leader? It's not difficult.

Is it appropriate to be a leader? It's not easy.

Being a leader is unusual? It makes no difference.