Japanese women's cheating rate ranks first in the world: How crazy are women tortured by sexual repression?

Edit | Great

Gentle and virtuous, clever and obedient, Japanese women in my impression are labeled like this.

According to a survey organized by Japan's Sankei Shimbun, 49% of Japanese women admit to having an affair.

According to a survey report reported by modelpress, one of Japan's largest female websites, 50% of women who cheat on their husbands have had physical relations with men other than their husbands, and one of the main reasons is that they have no sexual life with their husbands.

A woman becomes a "refrigerator" after marriage, and sex is just a luxury.

Cheating caused by asexual marriage is the chief culprit of the high incidence of cheating among Japanese women.

Maslow, the father of humanistic psychology, pointed out that sexual demand, like eating and drinking water, is one of the most basic needs of human beings. If sexual needs are not met, then other higher-level needs are not important.

Women in marriage need sex, and if their sexual needs are suppressed to a certain critical point, they may cheat to get satisfaction.

There is a line in the Japanese drama "Tian Yan":

"Marriage is about losing enthusiasm in exchange for stability."

"A husband will treat his wife like a refrigerator. Every time you open the door, there will be food. Although it will be inconvenient if it is broken, it will never be maintained. "

This line speaks for many Japanese married women. Married for a long time, many women will easily become "refrigerators" around their husbands.

This phenomenon is closely related to Japan's long-standing family model.

Since the beginning of the 20th century, influenced by European and American cultures, a family model has emerged in Japan. Men are mainly responsible for going out to earn money to support their families, while women are responsible for housework and taking care of children.

After 20 10, this family model began to change: more women still work after getting married and having children, but it did not completely subvert the traditional family model of "the man is the outside and the woman is the inside".

Although men pay their wives every month and women control the family economy, they still expect their husbands' care and respect.

On the surface, Shahe and her husband Shunsuke get along well and are smiling. But this relationship between husband and wife is more like a bubble in an imaginary world.

Sha and her husband haven't had sex for a long time. At night, her husband will hold her hand and sleep, but the closest contact is limited to this.

When a woman is materialized into a "refrigerator" for storing food by marriage, her basic physiological needs are easily ignored by men. No matter what kind of yarn and implied intimacy, the husband will refuse under various excuses.

In the eyes of the husband, the wife is only used to prepare lunch, ignoring that she is also a woman who needs love and sex.

Andrew Marshall, a British sexologist, pointed out that the lack of sexual life will hurt the feelings of both parties. If one spouse yearns for intimacy and the other refuses, it is easy to bring psychological frustration to the other spouse.

It is in this asexual marriage that Shahe lost his sense of self-esteem and doubted that he had lost his feminine charm.

A woman whose sexual desire is not satisfied, after feeling a man's indifference, the seeds of betrayal and derailment will sprout quietly.

Sexual repression has nowhere to be released, and derailment has become a buffer zone.

Freud believed that sex is libido (referring to the pleasure of all organs of the body), a desire and an impulse. People need to release this desire and relax mentally. If too depressed, Libido will look for weak links in life and seek satisfaction in a pathological way.

Some married women who are deeply involved in asexual marriage have too many desires and impulses in their hearts and need an outlet to release them.

And cheating is a good buffer. A woman can temporarily get physical and emotional satisfaction from another man.

In this asexual marriage with Sha, she was already exhausted. When she met Kitano, who could talk to each other about her troubles and appreciate each other, she plunged into the affair with him.

Shah, who has been neglected by her husband for a long time and is not satisfied physically and psychologically, seems to have found a way of rebirth, although it seems immoral.

Sexual repression has no national boundaries.

Isn't China's repression of women forcing them to try to cheat? ?

A social software app published a set of data: more than 50% of users are married women over 30 years old.

It seems incredible at first glance, but it is reasonable to think about it carefully. Women in their thirties may be sighing in the "besieged city" where their husbands are cold, family conflicts and lack of love and sex.

In order to soothe the trauma of the soul and fill the lack of emotion, they may choose to cheat.

Sevrina, the heroine of the French film Beauty in the Day, has a handsome, gentle and well-paid husband, but he can never satisfy her sexually.

Under sexual repression, Sevrina was deeply involved in this extramarital affair for a long time after meeting the professional killer Marcel.

If married women can't get sexual satisfaction, the motive of cheating is sexual desire "foraging".

The book "Intimacy" mentioned that the motivation behind our loving a person and maintaining intimacy is to meet our unsatisfied needs.

We pursue others to be our partners, because we need companionship, care, support, touch and hug.

Once our partner can't satisfy our own desires, we want to transform our partner or seek substitutes, but this may not solve the problem.

Cheating may get a short-term pleasure, but it can't get a lasting satisfaction.

Women can enjoy satisfaction without cheating.

Philosopher Krishnamurti said: Sex is not a problem for you, just as eating is not a problem for you, but if the mind depends on the happiness of the body, it will hold sex high.

The mind rejects love. Without love, sex becomes a problem.

The problem of sex has never been just a problem of sex, but more of an intimate relationship. When we focus on the handling of relationships, sex may no longer be the core factor affecting women's satisfaction.

1, take the initiative to talk to your partner about sex

Quéven Wiley, a British sexual health expert, said: "Only when you can talk to your lover about everything can women find more ways to improve their sexual life." ?

Taking the initiative to talk about sex and feelings with your partner and adopting an open communication model will help improve the satisfaction of both parties.

Through the dialogue about sex, we can also see the problems that need to be solved in intimate relationships, expose their respective feelings of vulnerability, and thus get closer psychologically.

We look at and look for solutions to problems from the perspective of relationship, and our satisfaction has also risen from sex to a higher level of relationship pleasure.

2. Turn in your "out-of-control self"

Driven by sexual desire, we sometimes lose control.

Influenced by the code of conduct we accepted since childhood, we are afraid that our partners will see our desires and our out-of-control side. It seems that only in this way can we appear very cultured.

But the more depressed we are, the more likely we are to be pushed to the edge of madness.

Accept your own desires, accept yourself out of control, and dare to give your "out of control yourself" to your partner, so that the other party can see your true desires.

Giving yourself out of control to the other party is a sign of trusting the other party. When the other person feels trusted, he will also take the initiative to open his true self.

Seeing each other's out of control and truth can make them emotionally closer and get satisfaction beyond sex.

3. Reach a tacit understanding and "sign an agreement"

"The problem of asexual marriage is not the lack of sex, but the inconsistency of two people's needs for sex."

I know a couple who live apart. They only have a very small number of sexual intimacy every year, but they are all emotionally supreme people.

Deep feelings, harmonious three views, a video and a WeChat can all bring full pleasure to each other. When they pay more attention to the emotional level of demand satisfaction, the proportion of demand for sexual satisfaction will shrink simultaneously.

Because they have a tacit understanding of sexual identity psychologically, whether they have sex or not will not affect their pleasure of enjoying sex.

If both partners can "sign an agreement" on the frequency of sex, sex will no longer be a painful entanglement, and each can get extra satisfaction from sex.

About the author: Hua Yang, founder of Dacheng Institute of Mind, hypnotist of China Haipu Si Nuo Institute of Dynamic Hypnosis, senior psychological counselor, internationally certified clinical hypnotherapist, parent-child relationship pet coach, parent-child communication training instructor, editorial board of the textbook "Training for Improving Teenagers' Learning Ability", and roving instructor of Guangzhou public welfare psychological counseling, has long been under personal experience and supervision.