What should you do if you encounter someone deliberately looking for trouble?

Growing up with you for life, here is Xiao Su’s notebook.

In life, our practices or opinions, whether correct or not, will always be questioned by others. Some people will give reasonable opinions when questioning, while some people are purely unreasonable and deliberately Find trouble. For the former, we can discuss it and make progress together. The latter often gives people a headache, because they have no interest in further discussion with you. No matter how you explain, you can't convince them, which makes people have a headache. Most of the time, we will choose to remain silent, turn a deaf ear and let them talk. We will naturally stop when we are tired, but our silence is always understood by others as acquiescence, which further increases the momentum of others and makes us unable to stop at all. Can we only bear this pain silently?

Recently I saw an example about McLuhan on the Luo Ji Thinking official account, which gave me a way to solve this kind of problem.

One day, McLuhan met Merton, the dean of American sociology. As soon as they met, Merton pointed out straight to the point: Every part of your paper cannot withstand scrutiny! At this time, normal people's reaction is usually to ask the other party for specific reasons and humbly ask for advice. If the other party's reasons cannot convince us, we can choose to retort, debate with the other party, or choose to remain silent and turn around and leave. But McLuhan was no ordinary person.

As a celebrity, McLuhan often faced difficulties from others. From the words of the other party, he could already feel the strong sense of ridicule. Although the other party was already a leader, he had been in high places for a long time. , it is inevitable that you will be a little drifting. If you are too weak at this time and ask for advice humbly, it will only make the other party lift off the ground further, and you may not be able to go directly to the sky. However, retorting will arouse the other party's resentment, and in the end it will only make both of you unhappy. Fortunately, you Already thinking of a third way, McLuhan said: Oh, you don't like these ideas? Well, I have some other ideas, do you want to listen?

McLuhan's answer was very clever. He did not discuss the views he did not like with the other party. Instead, he directly skipped these views and expressed some views that the other party could convince. This statement can effectively put the initiative on the table. The power is in our own hands. When we communicate along the other party's train of thought, the initiative is always in the other party's hands. We can only follow the other party's rhythm, and will eventually be so angry that we explode. Only when the other party follows our train of thought When thinking, only then can we take the initiative and achieve mutual understanding with the other party.

From another perspective, other people’s doubts about us are actually a trap for us. No matter we refute verbally, humbly ask for advice, or remain silent, we will fall into this trap. Once we fall into it, the trap will Holding the opening in each other's hands, it's not just a matter of casually tying a knot between us. When we ignore the trap set by the other party from the beginning, lead the other party into the hole we dug, and let the other party jump in, then whether we choose to bury the other party alive or give the other party a hand does not depend on our mood. Obviously McLuhan likes to dig holes. If the other party chooses to jump in, everything else will be easy to talk about. You have already fallen into the hole, so what will happen if you keep talking? If the other party is unwilling to jump in and insists on you expressing your opinions on their point of view, if you pretend that you didn't hear them and still ask questions like this, the other party will have nothing to do with you, and at most they will get angry and walk away. It is definitely better to make the other party angry than to be thrown away in anger.

Therefore, when someone is deliberately looking for trouble, don’t be quick to get angry. Calmly express that you have some new ideas recently. Do you want the other party to listen to them? If you can’t convince the other party with one argument, then use two. If it still doesn't work, there are three options: either the other party shakes his head and leaves, or the other party is persuaded by us. Arguing will only make each other unhappy, but discussion will make each other gain something. If you don't want to reach mutual understanding with me, it doesn't matter. I hope it will be fine. In the process of constant testing, I can always find you. Recognized things allow me and you to achieve mutual understanding. It is difficult to get the other party to recognize our ideas, but it is much easier to get the other party to recognize his own ideas. Our original intention is not to debate, but to achieve consensus. For example, we are shopping guides in a shopping mall and the other party is a consumer. If the other party does not approve of this brand of products, then we will change the brand. As long as the other party comes to buy sincerely, we can always find the other party's needs and facilitate the transaction, even if the other party is just here to shop. Even if you are shopping, you may not be able to withstand your persistent recommendation, and you may even make a deal on impulse. This kind of thing is not uncommon. Think about your experience of impulsive consumption every time, and you will definitely discover some secrets.

Okay, the above is the entire content of today’s notes, I hope it can bring you a moment of surprise.

Title picture photography: JosepMonter

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Surprise moment

I once heard a sales expert say: Don't ask me to open my mouth. Once I open my mouth, I can make you buy my product.