Traditional Culture Encyclopedia - Photography and portraiture - Being accompanied by a father in childhood has three important influences on children!
Being accompanied by a father in childhood has three important influences on children!
Su Xiangting, director of the Expression Art Therapy Center of Xingyu Tongling Clinic, said that children are the crystallization of father and mother, and neither of them can conceive. Therefore, in the process of children's growth, God has also given these two roles responsibilities.
Who should take care of the baby? Babies aged 0 ~ 3 will seek a sense of security from stable objects, which will affect the baby's personality development and feelings established externally; In order to make the baby have a more stable growth and development, mom and dad should be the dependent objects of the baby.
Except before the baby is 3 years old, the father can establish a good attachment relationship with the baby through care; When the baby is 3 ~ 5 years old, the role of the father also plays an important stage role.
Caregiver's attitude Although mom and dad are the best attachment objects for children, dual-career couples change their baby's attachment objects to nannies, grandparents or grandparents. Therefore, the most important source of the baby's sense of security has shifted from mom and dad to the real caregiver; Caregivers with lasting and stable emotions are also the key to promoting the baby's stable growth.
Therefore, it is not necessarily the father or mother who will be the main caregiver, but the person with sufficient care quality; The role of nursing should be fully involved in child care in order to achieve the best state of child care.
Teacher Su Xiangting said that if the caregiver has to stay at home to take care of the baby, but it is not voluntary, and there are many complaints and grievances about the existence of this role, then emotional fluctuations will affect the quality of care and then affect the way of treating the baby. This is also the traditional view that the baby is the responsibility of mommy, so mommy was forced to give up her career or work to become a full-time mommy, but postpartum depression occurred due to inadaptability or accidents.
Although it is undeniable that women's characteristics (they are better at taking care of children and naturally understand their needs) do instinctively show their response and understanding to the baby's physiological needs; But problems such as "keen perception" and "soothing skills" have also developed reliably.
Being a parent is learning. Mothers are endowed with the nature to take care of babies. It doesn't mean that fathers can't have close emotional communication with their children. In fact, as long as dad learns to practice parenting and enjoys it, he can not only satisfy his inner sense of accomplishment, but also get unexpected feedback from the baby.
The stereotype of motherhood by the general public not only embodies the gender advantage, but also the cultivation and expectation of social culture. If the father also establishes a good attachment relationship with his children, it will be of great help to the establishment of children's self-confidence and the exploration of the outside world.
Dad-it's a new role for men. In the traditional concept, the father is the pillar of the family and the invincible hero of the children. The role model of "the man is the master and the woman is the master" is also a continuation of the traditional concept. With the changes of the times, there are more opportunities for modern fathers to interact with their children, and fathers are beginning to be willing to participate in the growth of their children and share the responsibility of parenting with mommy.
Therefore, if you want to know how to promote parent-child relationship, you should start by understanding and learning to be a "father"! From tradition to modernity, the role and concept of dad have also changed greatly; The following are the differences and comparisons between ancient and modern categories.
"Law Enforcement" Traditional Dad
Before 1950, the role of the father mostly only provided economic expenses such as family materials, and the responsibility for parenting education and family feelings mostly fell on the mother. Therefore, traditional fathers give children the impression of authority, fortitude and even indifference.
@ Miss Xiang Ting's idea …
In the traditional family role division, mommy will automatically regard her father as a threat when disciplining; What I hear most is: "If you don't go to bed soon, your father will punish you when he comes back", "Dad is back, eat Fan Fan quickly, or he will be angry when he comes back" and so on.
After such a long time, the child will have a feeling of fear and fear for his father, so he is afraid to be close to his father; Or some children will think that their father is a law enforcer in their hearts, and naturally they cannot establish a close father-son relationship.
The new good father of the "male chef"
More and more modern dual-employee families have gradually broken the concepts of "loving mother in strict father" and "male masters outside, female masters inside"; Both husband and wife will emphasize the division of housework, and the role of raising children is no longer just the responsibility of women. Some dads are busy at work, and there is really no way to pay attention to their children for a long time; But as a responsible father, you should still have the opportunity to educate and accompany him at any time.
Dad can share and discuss his views and phenomena on these things from trivial things and what he sees and hears in daily life; Or take children to do some adventurous and energetic activities, such as running, skating, mountain climbing and other activities that mothers are not good at, in order to maintain the balanced development of children.
@ Miss Xiang Ting's idea …
Teacher Su Xiangting said that although modern young fathers are aware of the importance of father-son interaction, they are limited by the traditional mode of getting along with their fathers since childhood (dad is only the provider of family economy); Some novice fathers can easily find a way to express their full father's love at once, and mommy can also patiently assist and tolerate guidance.
"Actively participating in parent-child activities" is the first lesson of modern fathers. They actively understand the growth of children instead of blindly inheriting the old teaching methods. Dad's parenting responsibility should be oriented to "actively" educate children, not just to become an authoritative guiding role.
However, the father's innate appearance must be maintained. After all, the role of father is always a typical hero in the eyes of children. When the social needs change and affect the family structure, the father should review and adjust his attitude and behavior at any time.
The second part. Without "dad", what does the baby lack? Teacher Su Xiangting believes that in the process of children's growth, either parent is an indispensable role; The role of "father", which is traditionally regarded as insignificant in parenting, actually has a great influence on children.
Modern fathers are willing to participate in parent-child rearing in depth and in large quantities, which not only gives mothers the object of support and discussion, but also increases the tacit understanding and consistency of parenting between husband and wife. This way is to give the baby the most complete growth environment. Although many fathers have gradually realized their responsibilities and will set aside a lot of time to get along with their children, there are still many goals that need to be worked hard.
The influence on the three levels of the baby If the child lacks the role of father, what influence will it have on all levels of the growth process? Teacher Su Xiangting provided possible influence, but it may not be applicable to every child; The exact impact results and problems should be determined after detailed evaluation and consideration of other issues!
bodily form
Because most men play an active role and like sports; Therefore, children who have a good interaction with their fathers have a better physical development speed. Most fathers will play outdoor activities or games with their children, and they also prefer to work together technically and physically.
Proper exercise is helpful to the development of children's weight, height and movements, and the progress of this development can also be seen from the amount of contact with their fathers.
individual
In terms of male character, the role of father usually has the characteristics of independence, self-confidence, decisiveness, cheerfulness, firmness, adventure and overcoming difficulties. These are all lacking in female characteristics. It can be said that men and women have different complementary personalities. Therefore, children who are in frequent contact with their fathers will naturally learn their father's behavior and personality characteristics from life; In addition to having the female characteristics of the mother, we should also learn from the male advantages of the father, and the baby's personality development will also be improved.
A study provided by teacher Su Xiangting shows that compared with children who have less than 6 hours of contact with their fathers every week, children who have at least 2 hours of contact with their fathers every day will have more harmonious interpersonal relationships, be able to engage in more open activities, be enterprising and adventurous, and know what masculinity is. On the contrary, children who lack fatherly love are usually prone to emotional disorders. When they are adults, they will have obvious characteristics such as inferiority, anxiety and extreme aggression, and even have many bad habits.
intelligence
Because men think rationally and look at things fairly; In addition, men's strong self-control and thinking flexibility are also the intellectual influence of fathers on their children's intellectual development, and the influence of boys is greater than that of women.
Teacher Su Xiangting believes that if a boy is not accompanied by his father's role in childhood, the child's cognitive model is easy to be feminine (emotional and emotional) because the role of caregivers is more feminine; On the contrary, children who spend a long time with their fathers can easily gain more knowledge, experience, imagination and creative consciousness, which is conducive to stimulating their curiosity, thirst for knowledge, self-confidence and other potentials.
The third part. Dad, you can do it! Teacher Su Xiangting advised his father not to ignore his important role in children's growth. Although mother's education is the main thing in infancy, parents' responsibilities are half and half when they grow up and have the ability to learn; Children after middle school are mainly educated by their fathers, and their mothers' influence is gradually declining.
After my father understands his importance, he can no longer use the saying that "the man is outside the house and the woman is inside". After all, educating children is no longer just a woman's business. The musician Beethoven once said, "I don't know what is more sacred than raising a child." It shows that children are the crystallization of husband and wife and the pillars of the country's future. As long as parents work together to educate and support, children can have a sound and complete growth.
Dad's six magic weapons: the way to get along with the baby must be different from that of mommy and baby, and the role of dad has an important impact on the development of the baby in all aspects; Because of the different gender roles, fathers and babies will also have their own unique ways to get along. Teacher Su Xiangting provided the following:
Dynamic game
Games such as "grimace", "hide and seek" and "role playing" are suitable for fathers and children to play together; During the activity, you can wear wigs, make faces, spread sheets and draw patterns on each other's faces with your baby, while Mommy can act as a photographer and record activities. Every once in a while, make photos into small cards or notebooks and stick them on the refrigerator and wall, which will become a family record of happy games between father and baby.
Do sports together.
When you are free, it is also good to take the children for an outing in the suburbs and run in the park, because dad is the "Hercules" and "Superman King Kong" in the eyes of the baby. Teaching running, jumping, throwing and other physical exercises together will be a "special program" when children get along with their fathers, and it will also become a unique memory. When children feel the courage and strength of the role of father in sports, they will gradually distinguish the different influences of father and mother on themselves.
Tell bedtime stories
Telling bedtime stories to children is mostly the mother's job, but occasionally dad can also play the role of telling stories; Moreover, the role-playing of father's storytelling will be different from that of mother's, mainly based on the powerful uncle Carpenter, the scud Peter Pan and other rough characters.
In private.
Because mommy is nagging and emotional, sometimes talking will make children unhappy or bored; At this time, the father can act as a "catalyst" between the two and whisper to the child (for example, why are you angry? Can you tell me in private? ), first ease the baby's mood and then take him to make up with his mother, so that the whole family can restore a harmonious atmosphere!
Share housework together
Sharing housework between husband and wife is the trend of modern double-income families; Dad taught the baby to share housework together, and by the way, he realized the hard work of his mother in doing housework. The housework shared by children can start with packing toys and learn the concept of "putting toys back after use".
When the whole family is at home on weekends, accompany the baby to clean up the affairs at home or take the baby to throw garbage; It is everyone's responsibility to be the master, so that the whole family can enhance their feelings and be sure that they are a member of this family!
Be a Santa Claus
Dad can give gifts to the baby at home or put them on the bedside, and attach a special card with the words "Dad will always love the baby". When the baby gets up early in the morning or finds a gift in surprise, enjoy the joy of opening the gift with the baby and pass on love at the same time.
Su Xiangting
Present post: Director of Performance Art Therapy Center of Chineydy Psychological Clinic, Lecturer of Promotion Department of Culture University.
Education: Certificate in Expressive Art Therapy from San Diego Comprehensive University.
Experience: grief counselor of San Diego hospice care center, consultant of domestic women's center, single parent center and Beicheng community mental health center.
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