"Dream lover" shuttling between movies and life, reality and dreams

Xiaomei came to a strange city on business. She met a tall, handsome and gentle man while working with employees of local companies. The man seems to like Xiaomei very much, too.

that night, the man asked Xiaomei to have dinner with him. Xiaomei readily went to the appointment.

during the dinner, they chatted happily. They talked about each other's college days, their experiences after work, and what they like to do after work ... The short three or four hours passed so quickly.

Xiaomei is married. But her husband is too "real" in her eyes. During the day, he was a white-collar worker in the company, dressed in a suit and tie, and polite. At night, when he came home, he turned into a stingy man and sat on the sofa watching TV, digging nose excrement and farting loudly like nobody's watching ... It was simply too annoying for Xiaomei, who always paid attention to the quality of life.

The man in front of me told Xiaomei that after work, he likes reading and watching movies. He likes to keep his room very clean, and he likes to listen to jazz and take a hot bath in the fragrant bathroom ... and these are also her hobbies. They have the same taste.

this man has simply satisfied her fantasy of a perfect man.

this modern story is very much like the scene of a movie.

The Bridges of Madison County is a classic film about extramarital affairs.

Francesca, the heroine, is a peasant woman who lives in a town. On an ordinary day, when her husband and children were out, and she was alone at home, she met a photographer of National Geographic magazine, the hero Robert.

In just five days, the romantic feelings between Francesca and Robert gradually rose to a very high level. When Francesca's husband came back to town with the children, Robert also offered hope and invited Francesca to leave town with him. At this time, Francesca hesitated, retreated and made a difficult choice-staying at home.

From this movie, some people see infidelity and extramarital affairs, while others see once-in-a-lifetime feelings. I see people living in an imaginary world.

When Robert appeared in Francesca's life, it was like a "perfect lover" coming out of a dream. They met in real life. However, just like the name of the movie, this is just a dream, and the dream is only short-lived.

Robert already exists in her dreams, dreams and fantasy worlds. How much can she really know about Robert in five days?

Robert is a real person, a real existence. He has his own career, life, hobbies, past, present and future.

When Robert asked to take her away, for Francesca, he changed from a dreamy character to a real person. However, she only has the courage to fall in love with the woman of her dreams, but not the courage to devote herself to the deep love in real life.

I think this is probably the most important reason why the marriage between Francesca and her husband Richard is dull.

I think Francesca's husband loves her very much. At least, he saw her heart and knew that he couldn't be her "dream lover". Before he died, he apologized to her lovingly and regretted that he couldn't give his wife romantic love. I think the scene itself is more moving and romantic. Because the husband finally saw his wife and admitted his wife's desire.

There is a line in the movie: "This kind of definite love only comes once in a lifetime." I think this line satisfies people's romantic fantasies, but it is not the truth. This kind of love may only happen once in a lifetime, but when the opportunity is met, it may appear for the second time and the third time.

Because, as long as a person continues to live in fantasy, he will keep looking for his fantasy lover.

A few years ago, Cui Yongyuan, Zhao Benshan and Song Dandan performed a short play called Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow in the Spring Festival gala. In the sketch, the couple Baiyun and Heitu regard Zhao Zhongxiang and Ni Ping as their dream lovers respectively.

Think about it carefully. As two farmers, Baiyun and Heitu may have only seen Zhao Zhongxiang and Ni Ping on TV, but it is almost impossible to see them in their lives. So, how can they regard these two hosts as dream lovers?

These two presenters present such roles in front of the screen: politeness, kindness, kindness and enthusiasm ... In their roles, such role presentation is normal. However, this is the need of their professional roles, which does not mean that they must be like this in life, or they will always be like this.

Many people present other people's roles as real people.

For example, some people like soldiers, and after blindly marrying a soldier, they find that they are not suitable for each other. For example, some people have a good impression on the teacher, but after they really get along, they find that the real other person is far from her ideal.

I think Baiyun and Heitu, two simple farmers, are both very wise. When they say this in the sketch, they want to say their love for the two hosts, and they also show their trust in each other, and they dare to present their inner voices in front of each other.

You know, many couples can't chat together like this. Many couples can't share what their dream lover looks like and what expectations they have for each other, and try to negotiate these expectations.

Some time ago, I saw a report that a married middle-aged rural woman was infatuated with actor Jin Dong on a short video platform. Later, she and her husband slept in separate rooms, saying that she could give up her husband and son and the whole family for Jin Dong. She said that she had never experienced love, so for her, "Jin Dong" was the first love, and she had to live bravely for it.

In fact, this so-called "Jin Dong" is not the real star Jin Dong himself, but the impostor of the video website. And those videos on the short video platform are just clips of actor Jin Dong. These short videos also use "sweet talk" dubbing to trick users, blog traffic and earn rewards.

Although infatuated middle-aged women have doubts about the fake "Jin Dong", they can't give up this "fantasy" for a while.

why does a middle-aged man in his forties and fifties fall in love with an imaginary character? Many people have different views on this.

Some people say that this is because she has not received enough education. Many women from rural areas have not been systematically exposed to new media, so it is difficult to tell the truth from the falsehood on the Internet.

Some people say that this is because she has never experienced love. Many women long for true love and care, but when they were young, they hurried to get married in order to live together, and they never tried the warmth of love until they were old. Therefore, the fake "Jin Dong" in those shoddy little videos: "Sister, my brother advised you to take a break, too. You have been carrying it for so many years", which has such great magic.

Some people say that this is because she comes from the countryside, from the bottom, and life is too hard.

I think the essence of this incident is that people are unwilling to face real people and real life. Many people love their imaginary lover rather than their real lover.

In ancient Greek mythology, when Narcissus Narcissus, the son of the river god and the forest fairy, was born, a prophet predicted that if Narcissus wanted to live a long life, he would never see his own image.

Narcissus grew up and became the most handsome man in Greece. Although there are countless young girls who love him, he ruthlessly rejected all of them.

One day, Narcissus came to a pond by accident. He saw his reflection in the water when he leaned over to scoop the water. Ah! What a handsome boy! He has never seen such a perfect teenager! He fell madly in love with his reflection and put his hand into the water countless times, trying to hug his lover.

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't touch his true lover. Unable to bear the pain, he finally jumped into the pond and drowned. Out of sympathy, the gods turned him into a daffodil after his death.

like this, many people are imprisoned in the cage of self-concern and have no ability to really connect with others.

Patrice Evans, founder of the Alama Evans Interpersonal Relations Research Center in Canada, said,

The "dream woman" is like the embodiment of the feminine side of men-but no one realizes that this side exists. This subcontract contains his "incomprehensible" feelings, intuition and feelings. When he was young, he was associated with his imaginary part, not with his real self.

On the contrary, for a woman, a dream man should be the embodiment of a woman's masculine side-full of confidence and vitality. This kind of "dream person" does not appear as frequently as before, because women are more confident and active now than they were 5 years ago.

when we fall in love with the person of our dreams, it may be understood that we fall in love with the other side of ourselves. When we expand ourselves, we don't have to fall in love with an imaginary "dream person" to maintain our good feelings.

In fact, when everyone first falls in love, most of them go through similar psychological processes.

they found themselves with a particularly ideal object. This lover fits his imagination.

For the time being, this object has no real personality and opinions, and everything in this object is endowed and recognized by him. This object is the porcelain doll and teddy bear in his hand.

once this object starts to show their personality and differences more and more, they may be surprised or disappointed. The perfect object in their hearts has a self he has given them, and they can't accept this person's true self.

And healthy love needs to be based on knowing the true self of others.

Many couples lack true love. They live together but don't communicate with each other. Each of them holds a mobile phone and can play for one night and then sleep separately.

They fled to an imaginary world and avoided contact with real people.

Others fled directly to the "dream lover".

There is a saying in The Bridges of Madison County: "All marriages and all fixed relationships may fall into this inertia."

The dream lover only exists in a person's dreams, or in his imagination and mind, and more directly, in his self-righteousness. He thinks that a lover has what characteristics. In his eyes, the lover has no real self, only his self.

however, the other party is a real person.

his love can only be placed on imaginary characters. He has no ability to love a real person. Falling in love with an imaginary person is as easy as a child's love for Barbie dolls, toy superman and teddy bears. The illusory man, in his imagination, has satisfied all his needs. But it is too difficult and too tired to love the real person.

A real person has his own opinions, which may be different from yours. When you see eye to eye, it is easy to love each other. And when you have differences, can you accept each other and continue to love each other?

A real person has his own emotional feelings. If you feel happy, he may feel sad, and if you feel angry, he may not understand. On the emotional level, you may not be on the same channel often. At this time, can you accept each other, experience each other and continue to love each other?

A real person has his own freedom of action, and he wants to play ball games instead of going shopping with you. He wants spicy food, but you want light food. When you do things together, you must discuss it.

illusory love, it is enough to ask for it. True love needs to be paid. Unreal love, turning a blind eye to the person in front of you. True love needs to see each other.

it's not easy to really love someone.

(no-quit school, day shift)