Lai Peixia's personal experience.

Lai Peixia, born in Taiwan Province Province on June 8th, 1963, graduated from Jinan University, a singer and tutor.

Lai Peixia used to be a famous singer and host, releasing many records such as Carnival of Love, Frozen My Love, Summer Flying Season, Shake Off, Broken-hearted Love, Embrace Me in Dreams, and shooting the film Amy Amy.

Personal experience

196 1/ My father, an American soldier, is 2 1 year old. He came to Taiwan Province Province with the U.S. military, met and fell in love with my 25-year-old mother, who was the nanny of an American general.

1962. 1 1/ My father was sent to Vietnam and returned to the United States four years later. He married a woman and had three children.

1963.6.8./ Born in Lai Peixia, the mother raised her only child alone. At the full moon, because she cried for four or five days in a row, she was taken to her husband and mother's house by her mother, and was predicted to make a career in singing in the future. I often accompany my mother to visit temples and Buddhist temples. As long as I can remember, I have been with a neighbor of the same age who is inconvenient to move all day, which has had an important impact on my life.

1967/ moved to tainan to get along with my mother's American boyfriend, and began to receive western education and contact western songs.

1968/ attending American Catholic schools, kindergartens began to contact nuns to teach.

196/ went to China primary school, because I was not used to the cultural differences between China and the West, so I was shy and autistic.

197 1/ Stepfather entered the mother-daughter life, lived a stable life and began to learn piano.

197 1/ San Xiao began to receive love letters and began to form an indissoluble bond with the opposite sex.

1975/ junior high school began to participate in school activities, and his personality gradually became cheerful.

1978/ Only one art school is tested in high school, and life is happy.

1978. 12/ China and the United States broke off diplomatic relations.

198 1/ First time to America

If your mother is full of sadness, do you dare to be happy?

Lai Peixia came from a single-parent family and had never seen his father before he was 20 years old. Everything about her father was told to her by her mother. His father is an American. 1962, 2 1 year old, stationed in Taiwan Province province with the US military. Soon, he met Lai's mother and fell in love with her. Lai's mother is an American general's nanny. 1963 At the beginning of the year, my mother was pregnant for 4 months and my father was sent to Vietnam. After that, he returned to America, married a divorced woman and took three children. Lai's mother comes from a small town and hasn't read much. The trauma of this relationship and the failure of first love made her believe that men are unreliable and a happy marriage is more like a mirror.

Like many single mothers who raise their children alone, Lai Peixia's mother is sensitive, suspicious and full of sadness. After giving birth to her daughter, she seldom contacted her family and had no friends. All the motivation of life comes from my daughter, and all the disappointments are dumped on my daughter.

In others' eyes, Lai Peixia is beautiful, studious and helpful. But because there is no father, the children always bully her, pointing at her nose and cursing: "bastard!" " You fatherless child! "At first, she cried and complained to her mother. Instead of explaining and comforting her, she accused her: "No one in this world wants you, only I want you. How can you disobey and quarrel with other children? "When I was 4 years old, my mother ended a relationship. Looking at her covered with a quilt, Lai Peixia asked her what happened. Mom said that the man didn't like her having children and left. After that, whenever I saw my mother in a bad mood or in tears, Lai Peixia always felt that her existence caused the disaster.

"If your mother is full of sadness, do you dare to be happy? If your mother always said,' Without you, I wouldn't live so hard and humble. Do you dare to spoil and cry with your mother like a normal child? "Lai Peixia said that she has been trying to make her mother worry about her children.

Because the relationship between mother and child is the closest, when the mother is unhappy, the child can only bear it silently. Other children may choose to make trouble and fight to vent their anger, but Lai Peixia is an only child and has no brothers or sisters to quarrel with. Her only childhood partner is the landlord's child, but the other person is a polio patient and needs her care and protection. "What I hurt, no one can talk. Because my mother will be even sadder when she knows I'm hurt. So a lot of injustice, I just submit to humiliation ... "

Lai Peixia entered the entertainment circle at the age of 16, in order to prove his mother was wrong, for the sake of the popular children, and of course to escape from his mother as soon as possible. Because of its exquisite appearance, both Chinese and English songs are very good, and it quickly gained a foothold in the entertainment circle. She finally knew that besides her mother, there were others who liked and recognized herself.

Later, my mother finally remarried. Stepfather and mother are both 2 1 year-old, which is very kind to her and her, but her mother is not as happy as Lai Peixia imagined. Mother always complains, "if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have married this man!" " "Hearing such complaints, Lai Peixia's heart suddenly sank again.

At the age of 25, Lai Peixia entered his first marriage. However, her mother has a deep-rooted influence on her. During that marriage, she always complained and accused, just as her mother treated her in those days. The husband also comes from a single-parent family. His parents divorced at an early age, and his father raised him alone. His father was unhappy and his son became his punching bag. Husband, like Lai Peixia, doesn't know how to deal with intimate relationships.

The hedgehog touches the hedgehog, and the ending of this marriage can be imagined. 1996, 33-year-old Lai Peixia chose to divorce, leaving her 5-year-old and/kloc-0-year-old daughters alone. The fuse of divorce is that the other party is having an affair. Lai Peixia has no choice but to accuse and abuse, and so does the other party. "I didn't think I could change anyone. Everyone has his own way of life. I won't continue to hurt. All I can do is alienate. " Lai Peixia said that her mother had no education and relied entirely on short-term jobs to support herself. Studying in Lai Peixia University, the entertainment industry develops. She also saw many single mothers around her, and she raised her children happily. She feels that she can support two children by herself and will be happier than she is now.

Lai Peixia said: "The power of divorce comes from being a mother. I am the mother of two children, and I can't play my husband's mother to take care of him, so I choose to leave. "

Lai Peixia saw that many people said they loved their children, but in full view, they called them "useless" and "shameful". As soon as I got to know them, I found that they all had an unhappy mother or father, just like themselves. That kind of life is boring, painful and hopeless. Lai Peixia wants to get rid of it, be a happy daughter and be a happy role model for her daughters. She also hopes that all parents in the world will realize as soon as possible that you are a paradise for children, a land for children and a world for children, so make good use of kindness, kindness and kindness. Nothing is more sacred and precious than being kind to your children, because children are the most vulnerable group in the world.

In fact, it's none of your business for me to scold you, because my emotional management is not good.

After the divorce, Lai Peixia lived with several girlfriends. Since then, she has greatly reduced her performance work and started to systematically contact and study psychology. The Lost Classic of Happiness written by Sean, a famous American psychologist, has a profound influence on Lai Peixia. In this book, the author said: "Life is not a hard struggle, but an easy game; If you can train your imagination, only imagine beautiful things, and use the power of language correctly, every reasonable inner wish will be realized in life. "

How to realize the "just inner desire" of being a mother who simply loves her children? How to love is pure love, not "love" by scolding and complaining? Why are you full of love, but you look ferocious? Lai Peixia wants to find the answers one by one.

One day, Lai Peixia found that an American friend severely scolded and punished the child for yelling. But soon, my friend apologized to the child: "I'm sorry, baby, I scolded you just now, not because you spoke loudly, but because I had some problems at work and didn't manage my emotions well."

Parents are unhappy, full of complaints, or negative emotions are out of control, which will hurt children. Everyone will be in a bad mood sometimes, and we will always be unhappy because of one thing or another, but afterwards we will always be crowned with the excuse that "I did it because I love you, for your own good".

Yes, children may agree that "mom (dad) loves me", but this ferocious "love" makes children surrounded by fear and worry. How can fear and worry be happiness and love? Lai Peixia said: "All parents should be clear: I scold you, which has nothing to do with you, but because my own emotional management is not good, and I have been hiding behind love instead of giving love."

There are also some parents who are "unhappy" because they are not confident and blame themselves in the process of raising their children. In years of psychological counseling, Lai Peixia met too many such parents. "Because I am a single mother, I try my best to make my daughter get ahead. Otherwise, everyone will say that I am incompetent and have no intention! " "His mother ran away with others, I am a big man with children, easy? Why can't he understand that I hit him and scold him, in fact, it is love! " Lai Peixia said, of course, such parents also love their children, but their love is tortuous and even wrong. In fact, it has brought harm, self-blame and great pressure to children.

Lai Peixia found that behind those children who beat and scold, parents' unhappiness actually stems from their panic about their current situation, dissatisfaction with their partners or lack of attention from their families. These are the life topics of adults themselves, which cannot be passed on or vented on children.

So, what should parents do in the end so as not to "infect" their children with bad emotions?

Lai Peixia said that the first thing to do is to "keep your mouth shut". Don't swear, that is, don't scold children, don't swear to children. When the two daughters were very young, Lai Peixia told them, "Run when you see your mother lose her temper! Don't be a victim of my emotions. " So as long as they see their mother's silence and wrong expression, they will run away quickly. For those parents who didn't speak ill, Lai Peixia's suggestion is to apologize to their children in the future, tell them that he did it not because of the children, but because he was emotional, and then ask them for understanding and forgiveness.

However, not saying bad words and apologizing are only superficial emotional management. Lai Peixia said that if we really want to manage our emotions and let our children feel love and live happily, what we have to do is to make ourselves happy first.

The first step to make yourself happy is to take care of yourself. Lai Peixia's current husband, Xie Zhihong, told her this truth. Xie Zhihong's family is very loving, which also gives Lai Peixia a new understanding of "loving yourself". "My husband is over sixty years old, but he still has a good figure in his twenties. Because he knows that his parents have physical problems, their parents have survived wars and famines, so his life is hard to come by, and we must take good care of it. " A person who always manages his figure and body well has the most basic elements to make himself happy.

The second step to make yourself happy is to have the ability to be happy. For Lai Peixia and many happy parents she has met, the ability to make herself happy is to do what she likes and not be afraid of change and innovation. Now Lai Peixia has multiple identities, and her favorite job is psychological counseling. Occasionally, she goes to the movies, plays plays and musicals. She likes to challenge new things and to develop, understand and know herself constantly.

She is too busy to lose her temper with her children and husband. Therefore, a woman who dares to pursue her dreams after she gets married and becomes a mother is unlikely to have any emotional problems.

After managing our emotions and our relationship with our children, we have to turn around and make up with our parents in the face of the harm brought by our family background.

No one hates their parents and can still live happily.

At the age of 20, Lai Peixia met his father for the first time. Before, she had imagined countless times that when she saw her father, she must go over and slap him twice, and then tell him loudly, "Look, I'm fine without you!" " She felt that only in this way could she take it out on her mother. But when I really saw my father, I felt wronged, lost and regretted, and Lai Peixia burst into tears. It turns out that deep love lies behind the resentment towards my father.

"I believe many children have the idea of giving their mothers a sigh of relief. But those are actually the images of my father in our minds, or in our hearts, which makes us always full of hatred for him. " Lai Peixia said that the father she met was actually a good man who was filial to his parents and loved his children. He is tall, handsome and gentle. "More importantly, from his happy expression when he saw me, from his praise of my beauty and talent over and over again, I can see that he really loves me. He once loved his mother. He's not who my mother says he is. At least he is not the irresponsible man I met. " Lai Peixia said, so she chose to sit down and have a good communication with her father instead of hurtful words.

Lai Peixia tried to communicate with his father and learned that the reason why his father abandoned her and her mother in those years was actually out of necessity. My father is the only child in the family, and my parents need his care. He was born in a remote town in south-central America. Many years later, people there still have great prejudice against foreign races. Her father told her that he didn't take her and her mother back to America because it might be the best choice in this situation. Father also told her that he had been trying to contact them for many years, but because Lai Peixia's mother moved, all the letters sent out were returned one by one.

When making up with her father, Lai Peixia wanted her mother to get rid of her resentment, so she persuaded her mother to go with her to see her father. She always thought that when her mother saw her father, she would run up and tear, beat and scold and say the most vicious words. But my mother didn't. She was silent and her face was full of jealousy and envy. Mother is very friendly and polite to her father and his present wife.

This shocked and moved Lai Peixia. On the way home, she praised her mother's good performance. Mom said, "Actually, you did better. Mom loves you and doesn't want to embarrass you. " A simple sentence made Lai Peixia burst into tears. It seems that times have changed, and my mother has put down her hatred for my father. She doesn't want to live the life of complaining and accusing any more. It was a long journey, but mother succeeded.

At that moment, Lai Peixia had a new understanding of his mother. Yes, parents can't be perfect. In previous years, everyone's living conditions were difficult, and in order to survive, they could not take care of their children's psychological needs. It is an indisputable fact that the expression of love is lacking, cold or sloppy. Lai Peixia is grateful that he took his mother to see his father. This meeting did not bring constant complaints and accusations, but forgiveness, liberation and letting go of all hatred and resentment.

1998, Lai Peixia just entered the second marriage, and her mother died of liver cancer. Before her mother died, Lai Peixia's husband promised the old man that he would take good care of Peixia and his two daughters. Mother said to Lai Peixia, "I am very happy!" Mother's words made Lai Peixia feel that she was a great daughter for the first time, and her mother's life was complete, because she left this world with a smile.

After his mother died, Lai Peixia became more closely connected with his father. "Although there are some bumps in my heart, I choose to talk to my father slowly. I let him know my sadness, my regret and my desire for fatherly love. " Her relationship with her father is getting better and better. At least once a year, Lai Peixia will take her children to visit her father in the United States, and sometimes her father will visit her in Taiwan Province Province. The time between father and daughter is always full of laughter, and talking about Lai Peixia's mother is also a sweet memory. Lai Peixia is glad to see that there is an irreplaceable deep love behind parents' complaints, accusations and abuse of their children.

At the end of the interview, Lai Peixia said: "Even though I still have the love of my husband, children, friends, students, teachers, readers and fans today, my mother's sentence" No one else wants you in this world "will still circulate in my mind from time to time, especially when I am frustrated and depressed. I will still feel the existence of that sentence in my subconscious. "

There will always be scars because of injuries. But it doesn't matter, we should face up to the scar and try to heal it. Lai Peixia said: "When the unhappiness that my mother once brought us strikes, please spread it out in the sun, compare it with the facts, and then tell yourself: these have nothing to do with yourself, and they are all in the past."

Many people have a long way to go to know that they are valuable, loved and worthy of love. Some people have gone through a long life but never believed it, but fortunately, Lai Peixia experienced a long twist and finally ushered in a happy ending.

reference data

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