You don't change it because it doesn't hurt enough.

In 21, I had a boyfriend named Cheng Yu (a pseudonym, I was afraid you would search him, but now I am a minor publisher). When I met him, his savings was zero, and he was in debt of 5W. He was a 24-year-old Pisces man with a strong spirit. At first sight, he felt that he was smoking and everywhere he went was a flame.

Cheng Yugang started to build a studio in partnership with a cover designer named Guawa, and at the same time, he was doing e-commerce very seriously. When doing the first book, Cheng Yu had only experience but no mind's eye. When he went up, he paid the author's down payment. As a result, the publishing company promised to be ironclad and told him later.

On that day, Cheng Yu invited me to the small town of Emmon, opposite my company, and ordered four green dishes, which tasted like they were torn apart in the summer. Emmon Town is a restaurant that cooks Yunnan cuisine. Every meal Cheng Yu has here has witnessed the life and death of a book, and its best seller is at stake.

Cheng Yu sat opposite me without moving a chopstick, and looked straight at me. He said that after this meal, I could make two choices. One was because I felt sorry for him and decided to be his girlfriend. The other was because I followed him home and found something magical and fell in love with him desperately. Before I could speak, Cheng Yu said, I knew you wouldn't choose easy love.

that year, I just arrived in Beijing, and I couldn't tell love from curiosity. I liked to work hard by myself and watch others struggle.

Cheng Yu led me into the door of the smallest bedroom in a three-bedroom apartment in Xisanqi. Cheng Yu said, do you want to close your eyes? I said, no, I like to face the shock. Cheng Yu said, you'd better close it, or you won't feel the ecstasy of suddenly being in another world. No, it's the fragrance that comes to your face. I think what Cheng Yu said makes sense, so I just behaved well once and was led into the house by him. In order to prevent me from cheating, Cheng Yu also found a coquettish leopard scarf to cover my eyes.

When Cheng Yu untied her scarf, a room full of kraft paper was covered with scrawled and childish calligraphy, which was not fragrant, but full of ink smell, and a row of large fruit yogurt stood in the northeast corner.

Cheng Yu copied all the 18 poems he wrote to me on raw rice paper, and didn't cut them properly with a knife. A room full of paper was like a dog's chew, and a gust of wind blew in, and it was like hanging in black and white.

I was really scared. A romantic thing was forced to death by Ya.

Cheng Yu said that 18 is an excellent number. With his painstaking poems, it is definitely the fiercest defense of love.

For me, at the age of 23, the expression of five puzzles and three things that don't talk about logic will melt into my stomach, and all flowers will tremble. I immediately and quickly made a very responsible superficial analysis of my thoughts. There is no money to earn, and I don't need anyone to support me, but it should be especially unwilling to miss such a poet who is crazy about me.

2

From then on, Cheng Yu embarked on a long road of abuse, exulting and jumping for joy, with no bottom line.

At first, I packed my suitcase when I was unhappy. Cheng Yu was scared to death. He always proudly said that he could leave or had to leave early tomorrow morning, while wearing slippers and rummaging in front of the refrigerator to see if there was anything delicious to support his plan to slow down his troops.

When you took me to 798 for the first time, you had to cross a road. As soon as the green light came on, I was about to leave. Cheng Yu caught up with me nervously and grabbed my hand. When the road crossed, Cheng Yu looked at me with a serious face and said, "Little Track, I like you very much, and I am afraid of losing you every second."

The first time he took me to his classmate's party, a group of men drank a lot in Tongzhou, and after three venues, they were still expressing their reluctance and true feelings. I glanced at the time, at 11 o'clock, it was time to go back to catch up with The Walking Dead, and got up to leave. Several men who drank too much turned their faces and said, Cheng Yu, your daughter-in-law is quite ignorant, otherwise you should ask her to take a taxi and go back first. Cheng Yu picked up the bottle and gave it to the man. It happened that the buddy borrowed Cheng Yu's 1, yuan and didn't pay it back, so they were happily cleared up. The next day, he specially made a phone call to praise me.

The first snow in Beijing was very wild. When I stepped on it, I poured my neck. When I got off the bus, Cheng Yu stood with a hand warmer under the bus stop sign. When she saw me get off the bus, she put the hand warmer in my hand and carried me all the way home. The snow is pressing on me, and Cheng Yu is like a puffed donkey, not asking about the front, just clanging, as if to carry me back into his 18 poems and ringing in his ears.

For the first time, Cheng Yu went to Motie for an interview, and met HR3 with a flashy topic. He was in his early thirties, and he was the age of anthomaniac who was looking around for positive energy in love to correct the mistakes. HR asked, why do you want to change jobs suddenly? Cheng Yu said that your company is close to my wife's company, so that I can pick her up and drop her off from work, and maybe we can have lunch together at noon. HR immediately cried and begged him to stay. As soon as he entered the company, Cheng Yu took the aura of loving his wife and being loyal to his wife, and casually changed to a business department for a meeting. Colleagues all praised him with their spines. In fact, Cheng Yu did the same thing. He accompanied me to work and get off work every day, and came to my company at noon to accompany me to eat mutton buns. Every time I leave, watching his thin back leave with satisfaction, my heart will sink at once.

The last time I moved, Cheng Yu rented me a four-bedroom, two-bedroom apartment. The house was beautifully furnished, and the monthly rent cost him half of his salary. I said I can't live in such a big place. Let's sublet the downstairs. At noon, a couple came to see the house. I was reading in the bedroom, and Cheng Yugang was just cooking in the kitchen. He showed the tenant around, and the couple jumped up with satisfaction and insisted on signing a contract to give a deposit at once. I heard the sound of the computer turning on, and it seemed that the printer was turned on. Suddenly I heard Cheng Yu say that my wife was hungry at this time, so I had to let her eat first, and you would come back tomorrow, and then duang slammed the door.

I sometimes feel that Cheng Yu lacks the backbone, and always magnifies the people or things he thinks are important infinitely, so big that he can't take care of them, so big that he can give up everything for it.

Cheng Yu has more than 1 boxes of books. Every time I move, I persuade him to throw away or give away some books that he doesn't like very much. Every time, he will beg me to keep them all, because he has no other love except small tracks and books.

In the Spring Festival of 212, Cheng Yu carefully asked me if I would like to go home with him.

3

Zhenxiong is in the northeast corner of Yunnan. In order to save money, I took the train and bus with Cheng Yu for two days and two nights. Panshan Road is very scary to drive. Long-distance guests are always lying up and down, and those who take care of their children will let the children directly shit in the big guests. The socks of uncles from all walks of life who return home are particularly arrogant in the closed air. On several occasions, I heard someone spitting in their pants, and the sound of the spray was loud. I secretly vowed in my heart that I would never take any long-distance bus again in my life.

Cheng Yu sleeps in my bunk. When he sleeps, he will repeatedly check whether he has pulled my hand. Every time he pulls my hand, he will gently rub my jaws with his thumb, and his eyes are full of apologies and never again.

We changed trains from Chongqing once, and said that there was a service area to rest. When we got off the train, it was raining heavily in the sky, which flooded the whole Niwozi Road. Some people simply stopped getting off the train and stood in line at the door of the car to pee. Cheng Yu walked behind my back to the service area step by step. The driver glanced at him, lit a cigarette and said in the local dialect, young man, a wife can't be too good to her. Marrying a wife is for playing.

when I arrived in zhenxiong county, I was so happy that I almost wanted to fly myself into the sky as a kite. Cheng Yu is quite famous in Zhenxiong, and the bar and restaurant owners in Shiliba Street have to compete to get him a dinner. In the evening, we stayed in the county town for one night, and sang in a bar with a group of local strongmen. They said that Cheng Yu's wife was really beautiful, and they said that we should stay in the town for another night, and we could do something exciting tomorrow.

someone handed a cigarette to Cheng Yu, and Cheng Yu took a look at me and accepted it. When someone gave him some, I turned my head out of the window, and Cheng Yu said, You're making me smoke, and you put out the cigarette, so my wife can't smell the smoke.

Sooner or later, Cheng Yu will lose all her friends.

4

While walking up the mountain, Cheng Yu made several phone calls. As soon as people return to their hometown, dialects will immediately become very popular. In addition, the excited devil in his heart was rolling, so he spoke very fast, and I didn't understand anything.

I saw a shit-yellow van coming in a short while. There was still a 2-kilometer road after getting on the bus, so I had to rely on my legs. The rainy mountain road was full of mud, and Cheng Yu squatted down and carried me all the way.

I stopped until I came to a mud house. I must have watched it for a long time, and I made sure that I didn't jump off Cheng Yu. Grandma Cheng Yu was very small, looked at me sideways, and quickly came over, grinning with joy. She kept saying "yayu,yayu", and I looked back at Cheng Yu, who explained that Grandma was praising your beauty.

Grandma's meal is eaten on a big cooker. Grandma took out a piece of fat meat and threw it into a big iron pot. With a big spoon, she could practice oil, and then took a golden fish from the windowsill. When grandma threw the fish into the pot, she hurriedly explained that it was not leftover fish. Cheng Yu originally said that she would come back yesterday, but you didn't come back and stayed in the county, but the fish were all in the pot and I fished it out again.

Five dishes were served on a * * *, and white fat meat was put in every root dish of Yunnan cuisine. Grandma kept urging me to eat it, but I was really embarrassed after several excuses. I had never eaten fat meat before, so I vomited, and a group of children surrounded me and insisted that I was pregnant with a baby.

Grandma Cheng Yu took my hand, and went to the pigsty to see her pigs for a while, and then took me to the roof to look at Cangshan Mountain. The misty mountain lay slowly and quietly in the field of vision, half light and half psychedelic. I keep repeating in my mind that "if all time is now, all time can't be redeemed".

Grandma still looked at me sideways, smiling all day in the folds of her face, and her two front teeth were always exposed to express satisfaction and happiness. Suddenly, I couldn't understand most of them, so I just smiled and nodded and said yes, yes, yes.

Later, Cheng Yu told me that Grandma's left eye was blind, so she needed to turn her face to see all the people and things she thought were important.

After going down the mountain, I remembered that Eliot said this sentence.

The rainy road on that mountain is too slippery. I hope the rainy days will not be so long in the future.

The thing that worries me most is going to the toilet. I'm a girl from Shandong. There is at least a small pit and a cesspit in the toilet in rural Shandong. Visiting relatives occasionally encounter such a pit, so it's harmless to take a deep breath and rush in. However, there was no pit in Grandma Cheng Yu's toilet, and there was a crack in the middle of several cement slabs, next to the pigs who were completely insecure in winter. I rushed in and ran out: "Cheng Yu, there is no pit in the toilet. Why?" Cheng Yu said: "That's it, just pee on the seam. If you shit, pull it directly on the cement board. Later, Grandpa will turn the shit over to the pigsty with a shovel."

I was as anxious as lightning at the toilet door, and I couldn't hold back. I ran all the way into the mountains with a big red face and dedicated this wild urine to my desperate love when I was young.

5

At night, when I sleep, the window is blocked by a sheet with a big fat doll on it. There are two doors in each room, and none of them are installed. I huddled under the covers and flushed, but Cheng Yu just hugged me tightly and didn't talk. I thought I had seen poverty before, but I didn't know that there was a place where every family still lived a stable life in adobe houses without windows and wooden doors.

In that Shanghai girl's post, someone commented that what matters is not what a man has, but that whatever he has, he will give it to you without reservation, which is rare.

At 1 o'clock, Cheng Yu got up and went to the living room. I hid under the covers and thought that Cheng Yu's grandmother should be rebuilt with a big house with a pit, and it would be appropriate to move the pigsty to the well in the yard. Thinking that I still had a lot of things to do, I held back my urine.

I seem to hear Cheng Yu talking with his family about money. They are going to discuss what to give the red envelope when I am asleep for the first time. Cheng Yu needs to control the pitch of the discussion from time to time to avoid making me feel very embarrassed.

I stayed in the mountains for two days. On the morning of going down the mountain, everyone went to the roof together after dinner. As a representative recommended by the whole family, grandma took out a red envelope with a door god in it from her pocket. I said no, but grandma said no. Later, I ran downstairs and said as I ran, Grandma, I have money and I don't want your money. Your life is not easy.

Cheng Yu's parents were stuck at the door downstairs, and everyone went to great lengths to chase me down like a well-trained thief-catching unit in order to give me a red envelope.

Grandma said that if I don't accept this money, they can't sleep at all. If I don't take a red envelope, it means that Cheng Yu and I haven't made a good decision.

I'll take it.

When I went down the mountain, it was still raining for two kilometers. In the empty mountain, there was smoke from cooking stoves, mixed with the sound of drums. I looked back at my grandfather standing on the roof and looked at him from a distance, as if to shoot me to death in this bleak and bleak sky.

grandma has good legs and feet, so she was chosen by the whole family as a representative to send us a ride. Grandma walked too fast, and her delicate steps were as important and targeted as embroidery on the muddy hill road.

Grandma spent 2 yuan to find us a van out of the mountain. She took my hand and said, "Grandma, the road here is not easy to walk, and it's cold. You don't have to come back if you don't want to."

I am holding an adobe with pieces of snails, which is a gift from Grandpa Cheng Yu. Hug grandma and say, no, I will come to see you again.

I've been asking myself not to cheat, but I don't mean anything when I'm together. When I'm apart, you have to face a self who can't keep his word.

the swallow will return to the north, and the salmon will migrate, but sometimes when people leave, it is a lifetime.

6

There is 2W in the red envelope, which is the savings of three generations of Cheng Yu. Cheng Yu said that they gave me all the money for living, but they only had so much.

I said I wouldn't move their money. I'll give it back to them when I go home to double next year. It's too expensive to buy a daughter-in-law for 2 thousand yuan. In fact, I only got 2, yuan. That's the price I was fined the year I was born.

Since 212, Cheng Yu's career has started to improve. At that time, I was an executive in a media company. Cheng Yu gave me a credit card, and I had to swipe his card for clothes over 2,, and for bags over 2,. But I never spent a penny with Cheng Yu except for eating.

We haven't had coffee once, and we only watch group purchases of less than 2 yuan at the movies. His card, my only time, brushed a skirt of 799 yuan, Cheng.