The first impression of the importance of interpersonal communication

Interpersonal communication and communication art

Chapter one: Introduction.

Since everyone was born, communication has been everywhere. As a behavior pattern on which human survival and development depend, communication plays an important role in the development of human society. It is communication that makes us understand each other, it is communication that makes us exchange the goods we need, and it is communication that makes us turn our enemies into friends. Today, with the tide of reform, opening up and globalization sweeping across China, the breadth and depth of interpersonal communication have reached an unprecedented level.

Communication is a kind of human behavior, which has a purpose. To achieve the goal, it is obviously not enough to stay at the level of communication, but also to communicate with both sides. Only on the basis of communication can the two sides understand each other's intentions, and then make their own judgments and decisions on whether to continue communication. For example, negotiation is a typical way of communication. But if both sides take a tough stance and don't compromise each other in the negotiations, then the negotiations will break down because they can't communicate. So in a sense, communication is the indirect purpose of communication. Without communication, communication is ineffective.

Everyone knows how to communicate, but not everyone knows how to communicate. How to realize communication in interpersonal communication has become a matter of great concern to every modern person. The purpose of this class is to give you an inspiration or a hint, hoping to help students communicate successfully.

Communication depends on the correct communication art. The so-called communicative art refers to people's understanding, observance and application of the rules that must be observed in communication. Whether a person knows the art of communication is actually the embodiment of his communication ability. If a person's ability is divided, it should include two categories: business ability and communication ability (communicative ability). According to the success theory, business ability is the ability of people to stand on the society, while communication ability is the ability of people's sustainable development. Comparatively speaking, communication ability (communicative ability) can be called the key to success more than business ability. This view fully illustrates the importance of communicative art.

The core of communicative art lies in respecting others. Respect your partner, and your partner will respect yourself. In an atmosphere of mutual respect, communication can proceed smoothly. Many people think that in business contacts, both sides are pursuing economic interests to the maximum extent, and there is no need to cover up their goals with "fake" mutual respect. Indeed, mutual respect is often just a form of expression. But as everyone knows, this form is very necessary. It often plays the role of "lubricant" in communication, so that communication can be carried out in a harmonious atmosphere, and finally a win-win result can be achieved.

Respect for others is to be expressed. Many people think that respect for others should be from the heart and need not be deliberately shown. In fact, everyone wants to be respected and the respect they get is understood by others. So let the other person feel his respect for him. For example, when meeting leaders or important guests, everyone must turn off their mobile phones and pagers. If we turn off our cell phones in front of each other at the beginning of the meeting, we will clearly show our respect for each other. The other party will appreciate your respect from the bottom of my heart, and communication will be much smoother.

The expression of respect must be standardized. Many people want to show their respect for each other, but they often do nothing or even make themselves worse because they can't express their feelings. To avoid unnecessary embarrassment, the key is standardization of expression. For example, inviting distinguished guests to sit on the upper floor is a very important part of reception etiquette. But where is the upper position? This requires our receptionist to have a well-thought-out plan. If you arrange the wrong seat, it may lead to the misunderstanding of the other party, thinking that the reception party will deliberately embarrass or belittle itself, and communication will encounter a lot of trouble.

In a word, successful communication depends on the art of communication. The core of communication art is to respect others. Respect needs to be expressed, and expression must be standardized. The focus of this lesson is the discussion of communication norms.

The second chapter is the content and characteristics of communicative art.

Section 1 The basic content of communicative art

To learn communicative art, we must first make clear the basic content of communicative art, which refers to the key points that people should pay special attention to in communication and play a key role in communication. By mastering the basic contents of these communicative arts, we can draw inferences from others in all kinds of communication and deal with all kinds of situations flexibly.

Generally speaking, there are two basic contents of communication art: image design and communication skills.

I. Image design

In communication, it is very important to design a necessary and appropriate image for yourself. The so-called image design here refers to the proper modification and selection of one's own instruments, clothes and ornaments. So that they meet the requirements of human body surface characteristics and identity. In short, it is the basic norm of dressing. It is often said that respecting oneself is the premise of respecting others. Only by properly "designing" yourself and making your image conform to certain norms can your partner understand your good intentions and your respect for him.

Some people are conservative and think that image design is something that public figures do, and ordinary people don't need any image design. That's not true. Everyone should associate. Once you associate, you are actually a small-scale "public figure" in front of your associate. Your image not only affects your own reputation, but also directly affects the mood and attitude of the people you associate with, thus affecting the process of communication. Imagine how a unkempt, smelly person who removes two dandruff at a time can win the respect and trust of his contacts.

Some people think that image design is a woman's patent, and men can't step into this "forbidden area", otherwise it is "love now". This view has a good market. Usually, we can often see that many men don't pay much attention to their own image and think that "the beauty of men lies in nature and freedom." This sentence is true, but what is natural and free? Does the sloppy image give people a natural and free feeling? In fact, everyone has their own image, which can be enhanced through certain design. There is no distinction between men and women. In communication, your partner will not tolerate your untidiness just because you are a man. On the contrary, it is precisely because most men don't pay attention to their own image like women, so experienced people often observe each other's education and experience from a man's clothes, and judge the degree of respect for themselves and the importance attached to communication.

For example, western business circles often regard men's suits as the main basis for observing their contacts. Because in the eyes of ordinary people, suits are the iconic characteristics of men, and they are one of the few places where men can design. Wearing a proper suit shows that his master is a man with taste, education and professionalism, and it is possible to associate with such a man. Around us, we often find many people wearing suits, but few people will wear suits and know how to wear them. Many people wear suits regardless of occasion, some people wear wrinkled suits, some people wear suits but sports shoes, and so on. These are all examples of people who don't understand image design. Such a man gives people a bad feeling, how can he be "natural" and "free and easy", and how can he win the trust and favor of his contacts?

Some people think that image design is necessary, but they think that image design is to go to a beauty salon to make a fuss about your figure, put on heavy makeup and thoroughly remould yourself. This view obviously does not understand the true meaning of image design. The so-called image design is an appropriate design for one's own body, which is usually external and superficial, including the cleaning of equipment, the matching of clothes, the choice of accessories and so on. The purpose of image design is not to dress up beautifully and attract the attention of the world, but to show your beauty lightly and naturally. In fact, when we talk about the art of makeup, we will specifically mention that women should wear makeup, but they must wear light makeup. Excessive "design" of one's own image not only does not meet the requirements of beauty, but also affects the attention of the communication object and makes people feel bored.

How to design the image? This is a big topic. Different people, on different occasions, communicate with different communication objects and design their own images differently. We should learn to analyze specific problems. But in general, image design still has certain rules to follow.

For example, women often choose to wear some jewelry when attending banquets. If you want to leave a good impression on others in communication, you must abide by a basic rule of wearing jewelry: homogeneity and color, that is, the texture and color of the jewelry you wear should be similar, giving people a harmonious feeling. Another basic rule is the principle of "no more than three ornaments", that is, women should not wear more than three kinds of ornaments, otherwise it will appear too heavy, superficial and ostentatious. People who wear too much jewelry often give people a feeling of looking like a grocery store from a distance and a Christmas tree from a close look, which is very indecent.

Image design not only requires people to "do something" in clothing to reflect their beauty, but also requires "do something" to avoid their own design being unconventional.

For example, many women like to wear leather skirts, which they think is to show their vitality. But one thing must attract the attention of ladies: avoid wearing black leather skirts. Because in western countries, the black leather skirt is a symbol of "yellow female soldier". Wearing a black leather skirt in communication, especially in foreign-related communication, is obviously easy to cause the other party to doubt your identity, and then affect the other party's trust in you.

For another example, fostering strengths and avoiding weaknesses is an important rule of fashion art. A lady's delicate fingers with delicate rings have no intention of giving people beautiful enjoyment. However, some women's fingers are not good-looking, so they can't choose those striking and unconventional rings when wearing rings, otherwise they will attract attention and be "discovered in the New World".

Section 2 Basic Features of Communicative Art

As a specific behavior pattern of human beings, communication naturally has some basic characteristics different from other human behaviors. As the embodiment of communicative competence, communicative art naturally has its basic characteristics different from other behavioral norms. Generally speaking, the art of communication has three characteristics: standardization, objectivity and skill.

I. Normality

As mentioned above, communicative art refers to people's understanding, observance and application of the rules that must be observed in communication. Any communication must abide by certain norms. Some of these specifications are written, such as office discipline stipulated by companies or units; Some of them are unwritten, which are embodied in the moral norms and codes of conduct that people generally abide by in daily life. The former is easy to master because it is clear. The latter is formed in the development of human society, and is actually a manifestation of culture, so these norms are difficult to understand and master. Especially in cross-cultural communication, different cultures have different norms, so we often need to overcome the differences of different communication norms and face more difficulties.

For domestic communication, we have a broader understanding of * * *. In communication. We should be familiar with some norms in China. For example, during the Spring Festival, when you meet a friend, you say "Happy New Year!" "Or" Congratulations on getting rich "is a Chinese etiquette. It is necessary to master these basic understandings in communication.

However, China has a vast land of 9.6 million square kilometers and is inhabited by compatriots of 56 nationalities. Different regions and nationalities have different communication norms. This is a complicated problem for us. For a modern person with frequent contacts, it is more and more important to understand the basic communication norms of different nationalities and regions. For example, ethnic minorities often wear costumes with ethnic characteristics on important occasions to show their attention and respect. In communication, we should have a certain understanding of this, respect each other's customs and habits, and never make a fuss or even make fun of it.

Different religious beliefs also cause differences in communication norms. Although with the development of modern society, the norms of communication between ethnic groups gradually converge, as the spiritual pillar of believers, the differences of different communication rules of religious beliefs are relatively stable. We should have a clear understanding of some norms of different religious beliefs and strictly abide by them in practical communication. At the very least, it is necessary to make clear whether the communication object believes in a certain religion in communication, and then understand the behavior norms and taboos of this religion. Otherwise, it is easy for us to make a fool of ourselves in our communication, and even our communication will fail because of offending each other.

Some of our receptionists often make mistakes in this respect. 1July, 1999, a company in Shenzhen sent Xiao Zhang to receive an important customer from the north. After greeting, the host and guests went to a hotel for dinner. Xiao Zhang knows the importance of this customer to our company, so he is particularly enthusiastic. As soon as he entered the box, Xiao Zhang began to talk: "If you need anything today, just ask. It is not easy for you to come to Shenzhen once. We won't get drunk today! " The customer quickly waved his hand and said, "I never drink." Have a drink. "Hearing this, Xiao Zhang was anxious:" That won't do! I know northerners love to drink. Look down on me if you don't drink! Miss, a bottle of Maotai first! The customer was also very anxious and quickly explained, "I didn't mean that. I am a Muslim, so." ... ""Muslims? "Xiao Zhang listened and felt a little confused." Muslims can drink more! "Miss, two bottles of Maotai!" Hearing this, the customer's face suddenly changed and immediately got up and walked out of the box.

It turns out that Muslims have a strict rule: no drinking. Although Xiao Zhang meant to show hospitality, he didn't think that he had violated the religious taboo of the other side. No wonder the other party turned against him. Obviously, Xiao Zhang didn't know each other's religious beliefs before the reception, which, in the customer's view, fully shows that Shenzhen Company doesn't understand and respect itself.

In international communication, similar ethnic and religious differences also exist. If mistakes occur in international communication, it will have international influence and damage China's international image. Therefore, we should pay special attention to observing similar norms in international exchanges.

1997, a delegation from an Arab country visited a city in the south of China. After the visit, the municipal government held a farewell dinner for the delegation. At the dinner, on behalf of China, the mayor presented a pair of special porcelain vases with a pair of cute panda designs, and wrote the words "Friendship Forever" in Chinese and Arabic. The Chinese side thought that this gift would win each other's love, but the head of the other delegation looked unhappy and even said nothing at the dinner party. What's going on here?

It turns out that the panda is a national treasure of our country, but it is not very popular in the Arab region. The reason is that in their view, pandas look like pigs, and pigs are a nuisance to the Arab people. China presented them with these two things, "pigs", and of course there were quite a few protests.

The problem of communication norms in international communication is not only caused by ethnic and religious differences. In fact, some regular differences between China and the West are not because of religion or nationality, but because of differences in living habits, social development or inherent views on things.

For example, people in China have a common greeting: "Have you eaten?" This is similar to the foreigner's "hello" and has no other meaning. However, it sounds to foreigners that someone wants to invite you to dinner, so he will probably tell you, "No, where do you want me to go?" Then you are riding a tiger.

Foreigners often praise others when they meet: "You are very beautiful today." It's like "Have you eaten?" . You just have to say "thank you". There's no need to keep saying, "Really? I just bought this skirt, isn't it good? "

In international communication, people often have questions: "Why should we abide by some international communication practices? Can't foreigners follow the practice in China? " This aspect involves mutual respect in communication. The key to successful communication is that you express your respect for each other earlier and better than each other. The reason why we advocate respecting each other's norms when dealing with foreigners is to let the other person feel your respect for him first, so as to take the initiative in communication.

On the other hand, the most important reason is that China lags behind developed countries in many aspects due to the different degree of social development, and so does the communication standard. The reason why international norms become international norms lies in their rationality and the reasons for adapting to the needs of modern social development. China's modernization objectively requires us to abide by the corresponding international norms. Only by retaining the reasonable elements in our traditional rules and observing and learning from the corresponding international rules can we integrate into the whole world.

For example, suits are clothes imported from abroad, and foreigners should have more experience and understanding of how to wear suits and ties than we do, so their relevant norms are worth learning from. We can't create China's unique dress style, otherwise we will be laughed at by international friends. Some men always keep the trademark of suit cuffs to show that they are "authentic famous brands", but they leave the impression of "old-fashioned" invisibly.

We have a bad habit, that is, we are always willing to revise some norms of the international community, but we feel good about ourselves when we are dumbfounded. For example, since the 1990s, China people have developed a self-created way of drinking red wine, that is, mixing red wine with Sprite. This way of drinking not only destroys the long-standing wine tasting habit, but also makes foreign wine merchants feel sad and puzzled. In the final analysis, we don't know enough about the standardization of communicative art.

Section 1 Basic Principles of Communicative Art

The art of communication is a complicated topic. On different occasions, for different communication objects, we should abide by specific communication art when dealing with different problems. Learning the art of communication according to the situation will often get twice the result with half the effort. Therefore, first of all, we should learn some basic principles of communicative art. In fact, these basic principles are summarized from communicative practice and have great universal guiding significance. Knowing and mastering these basic principles skillfully, we can draw inferences from others, deal with all kinds of actual situations, solve all kinds of communication problems and make communication go smoothly.

I. Two-way communication principle

The principle of two-way communication is one of the most basic principles in the art of communication. The so-called two-way communication means that in communication, both parties should actively communicate with each other and have a certain and necessary understanding of each other. The principle of two-way communication advocates that mutual understanding is the basic premise of communication. Without mutual understanding, communication will be difficult.

Two-way communication theory first puts forward that people need to understand. The so-called understanding generally refers to the understanding of people. In communication, it is the understanding of the communication object. Including the understanding of the identity, occupation and personality of the communication object and the understanding of the needs of the communication object. The needs here include not only people's general needs such as food, clothing, housing and transportation, but also some special needs, such as some requirements for the environment in communication, the demand for sugar when drinking coffee and so on. In order to make the communication object go smoothly, we should understand and prepare these needs of the other party.

For example, when the conversation between the two parties has reached a certain level and you are not satisfied, the other party is tired and needs a proper rest. At this time, you should be good at observing words and feelings, and find out the state of the other party in time, instead of going on. If this detail is ignored, it may lead to the dissatisfaction of the other party.

For another example, many people are very picky about the environment of conversation or negotiation. Some people want dim light, some people want the window open, some people don't like people coming in and out during the conversation, and so on. In order to show respect for each other and make the communication go smoothly, we can try our best to provide conditions for each other in these aspects.

The theory of two-way communication also holds that in interpersonal communication, in order to realize the real understanding of the communication object, this understanding must be completely based on mutual understanding. In general, mutual understanding between the two sides is often the basic prerequisite for successful communication. Without this mutual understanding, communication will also lack the factors that make it harmonious.

For example, when entertaining guests, you should know each other's eating habits, try to please each other, and know what they have, especially let them know what they have in time, otherwise they will feel very disappointed. In order to avoid embarrassment for both parties, the receiver should ask closed questions when asking for the other party's opinions, such as: "What kind of drinks do you need? We have lemon tea, Huiyuan juice, Wahaha purified water and Master Kong oolong tea. " Such questions actually limit the choice of the other party, lest the other party make demands that he can't meet. If you ask casually, "What kind of drink do you need?" Once the other party tells what the receiver doesn't have, it will be in big trouble.

For another example, according to the dining etiquette of western food, if a diner doesn't appreciate a dish he has tasted, or doesn't intend to eat it again, it is generally not convenient to say it publicly at the dinner table out of courtesy, but just put his knife and fork side by side on a plate full of dishes, with the knife on the right, the fork on the left, the blade inward and the fork upward. This practice is the established western language in the world, that is, the waiter said, "I don't want to use this dish anymore, please take it away." In this case, the receiver doesn't have to ask, "Why don't you eat? Eat more, please eat more and make yourself at home! " In this case, it will only cause embarrassment for both sides.

Two-way communication theory also believes that in order to achieve real mutual understanding in interpersonal communication, it is necessary to establish a conventional and relatively stable communication channel. The so-called communication channel is a shortcut for both sides to realize mutual understanding. Without communication channels, there is no mutual understanding.

It is generally believed that communication channels should be established. The convention here means that a certain communication channel is gradually recognized and used by people in a certain area through long-term social practice.

For example, to show respect for people, people usually put a bunch of flowers in the reception room and change them every day. Both the host and the guest have the same understanding of flowers, and think that flowers are used to show respect for people. With this knowledge, communication will have a good start. So this practice itself is a communication channel.

Communication channels are regional. For example, in China, people often like to put chrysanthemums in the reception room. Because we people in China generally like the graceful wind, proud snow and noble wind and frost of chrysanthemums. People in contact generally feel the same way. But in some European and American countries, chrysanthemum usually means sadness or misfortune, so it is often used for funerals, grave sweeping and condolences. If you receive guests from Europe and America, don't put chrysanthemums in the reception room, otherwise the other party will think this kind of communication is "unlucky".

For another example, in recent years, wedding photography is quite popular. Taking a set of romantic and warm western wedding photos has become one of the necessary steps for young people to get married. At the same time, many elderly couples who have been married for many years join in in order to feel the happy time they have never experienced before, hoping to add some color to their marriage life.

Interestingly, when choosing a wedding dress, although most people choose white, there are still many people who are influenced by the inherent traditional habits and like to choose some "festive" colors, such as red, pink and purple. As we all know, wedding dress, as a traditional wedding dress in western countries, has certain rules. The specific color of the wedding dress is closely related to the number of times people get married. Only those women who are married for the first time can wear white wedding dresses, while those women who wear colored wedding dresses often show that they are not married for the first time.

Understanding of wedding colors, as a communication channel, is established in our country or region. The different choices of different countries and regions fully illustrate the regionality of communication channels.

Communication channels are not only regional, but also stable. That is to say, in the same area, people's views on something are often relatively stable and will not change constantly. Otherwise, it cannot be called a communication channel. Just as Europeans and Americans have known chrysanthemum for a long time.

However, the stability of communication channels is relative. Some traditional ideas have changed to varying degrees through historical changes and social development. For example, once married, women in China used to curl their hair to show their "married" status in front of everyone. But now, this tradition has changed, and people can choose their hair styles according to their own preferences. It is ridiculous to judge a woman's marital status according to her hairstyle.

Section 2 Main Functions of Communication Art

From the micro level, the main purpose of our study of communication art, that is, the main function of communication art, is to make the two sides achieve the effect of communication in communication, thus laying a good foundation for the final "transaction" between the two sides.

But you know, the role of communicative art is not just here. From a macro perspective, communication art has other major functions. This section analyzes the role of communication art in "strengthening internal quality and shaping external image" and its "disaster reduction" function.

I. General functions

The conventional function of communicative art is the function that communicative art can play under normal circumstances. Generally speaking, the conventional function of communication art is "strengthening the quality inside and shaping the image outside".

1, Internal Skill. The so-called inner strength quality, that is, the art of communication can improve the overall quality of individuals for their development. A person who knows and masters the art of communication is a person with certain qualities; To be a quality person, we must understand and master certain communication arts.

First of all, people with quality must be law-abiding. The "discipline" and "law" here not only refer to what we usually call rules and regulations and legal provisions, but also include moral laws and customs gradually formed in the process of human social development. In short, it is a series of written and unwritten rules that regulate human behavior.

We know that the art of communication itself is the embodiment of a series of codes of conduct. The difference is that it refers to the code of conduct that people should abide by in the process of communication. Therefore, observing a certain communicative art is actually observing a certain code of conduct, which is also a quality expression.

For example, "Ladies First" is a basic code of conduct that originated in Europe and America. In social situations, all men should abide by this communication rule that has been used for hundreds of years when interacting with women. Men should let women go first when entering and leaving the hall, and open the door to guide them; On the bus, men should give their seats to women; In times of crisis, men should stand up and, like the heroes in Titanic, leave the chance of survival to women, take risks and overcome difficulties by themselves.

Over time, "ladies first" has become a basic symbol for western countries to judge whether adult men are educated or not. If you compete with women in public, you will be criticized by the public. In China, "ladies first" has gradually become a kind of knowledge dissemination. Pursuing the principle of "ladies first" in communication is a concrete embodiment of the quality of men in China.

Secondly, a quality person should show the image of being polite and respecting others in various public places. As mentioned above, the core of communication art is to express one's respect and respect for the communication object. Therefore, mastering the art of communication means mastering the principles and skills of expressing respect for others, and those who master the art of communication are also quality people.

For example, "Please sit down, please sit down, please sit down" and "tea, tea, good tea" are well-known communication rules. This rule is not a jingle invented by people, but has a specific meaning, and its fundamental purpose is to express one's respect for the people he contacts. Skillfully using these rules when dealing with people is a concrete manifestation of being good at expressing respect, that is, a concrete manifestation of having quality.

For another example, students should listen carefully in class, which is not only the need of learning, but also the need to respect the hard work of teachers. It is precisely because he can listen carefully in class that we can say that he is a student who respects the teacher and is a quality person. And if you don't listen carefully in class, look around, whisper, or even sleep in class, it is a great disrespect to the teacher. We often say that such people are "incompetent"

Thirdly, a qualified person should have a certain understanding of the cultural background of various countries or regions and the customs and habits of various ethnic religions. As a communicative rule, communicative art embodies the cultural background and customs of various countries, regions, nationalities and religions. It is on this basis that the communication art is gradually formed and established. Therefore, a person who can master the art of communication must have a certain understanding of the relevant knowledge of various countries, regions, nationalities and religions, so he can also be called a quality person.

For example, in communication, we should keep in mind the dietary taboos of various religions, otherwise it may lead to small-scale "ethnic disputes." But all religions in the world have detailed and complicated regulations on diet, and it is not easy to remember these regulations, even the most basic ones. Muslims do not eat pork, Hindus do not eat beef, and so on. If we don't understand these rules, or even put them on, our communication will be unsustainable. Only people with quality, knowledge and culture can master these laws and skillfully use them.

The first part receives orders from tourists.

First, the importance of correctly arranging the number of visitors.

The core of communicative art lies in expressing one's respect for the communicative object. However, how to express this respect to each other is a practical problem that we often encounter in our communication.

For example, when receiving important guests of the unit, how to make the guests feel respect for him? Many people always give a lot of material consideration, providing the richest diet, the most elegant environment, the most convenient transportation, and so on. These conditions are necessary, but they are often not what guests care most about. Because good material hospitality is not difficult, but it is difficult to influence each other in details. The ranking problem is the most.