Confessions of a photographer

Recently, I was deeply moved by the sketch of a post-85 female photographer. Not because of her writing style or experience, but because of her optimism, tenacity and openness.

That kind of feeling is like chatting with friends who have just returned from a long trip and eating hot pot. The atmosphere is harmonious. She laughed all night and told you a lot of interesting people and things on the road. You also smiled cheerfully, thinking that one day I will be able to unload the shackles of work and life and walk on the road carefree.

You also want to embrace the suffocating starry sky in Xinjiang, walk into the realistic animation street scene in Shizuoka, Japan, and join the mysterious sea under the high mountains and cliffs in southern France. But she lacks the motivation to leave whenever she wants.

You listen to her story with great envy, and you are sincerely proud of this interesting, energetic and cheerful friend. Some people can inspire others without grandstanding and compassion, as if she were a small sun, shining everywhere.

Her name is Swallow. A few days ago, I happened to see a tweet on her official WeChat account called Love Actually, which was an essay triggered by the movie Actually Love. It is mentioned that in recent years, she has experienced the story of the death of her youngest daughter, the end of her relationship in 1 1 and her love again. She said:

"Someone asked me what is the name of Xiao Ju.

I said, Li Xiaomai.

Take a deep breath and say your name. I think this little guy really existed. "

That kind of softness and unspeakable grief born as a mother suddenly hit me.

I followed her official WeChat account and watched her updates intermittently: Oh, so she is a photographer. She went to Japan to visit her friends, went shirtless at the seaside in Mauritius and started a photography school. On her birthday, her friends held a pink mystery party for her. She claimed that Dionysus drank beer and chips. ...

She is sincere and interesting, and she works hard. Life is always full of excitement. And the excitement she shows will make you forget how many nights she has experienced. It is this attitude of loving life that has infected a large number of netizens even if it is traumatized. There are always fans who confess in Twitter comments: Swallow, I really like you.

As a new fan, I just watched silently, didn't comment, and didn't deliberately search for her works or news. It is enough to know that she is actively moving towards a new life.

I saw this book "Why Wait for the Afterlife" in the bookstore one day. The cover is a black and white photo of her, with a bright smile and light in her curved eyes. I suddenly want to know more about this female photographer. So I brought it back.

This is her prose, mainly about her travels on the road. She writes more about others than herself, and the characters in her works are always full of dreams, active, lively and interesting, similar to her. Birds of a feather flock together and people with similar values will always come together. This is the so-called law of attraction in the world.

Directed by her husband, this book should have been published when their daughter, who was less than one year old, died and their marriage had not yet broken down. She didn't mention the little orange, but occasionally said, "I was going through something sad." People who have never cried at night are not enough to talk about life. People who cry at night, they stop talking about life and just want to enjoy it.

She wrote a story about her and the director. She sold sushi in her freshman year, sold pirated converse in her sophomore year, opened a photography studio in her junior year, and decided to go to Beijing to start over after graduation in her senior year. I also wrote that they were penniless after paying the rent, and in just a few years, they expanded the studio into a big company with dozens of people. The director named the photography company "Love Little Swallow" and said that he would love her all his life. I also wrote that the director built a folder "Where I Can Take Swallows", and the down-to-earth director combined reality with ideals to realize his dreams step by step; He also wrote that the director took the swallow in a wedding dress to Europe for a deep tour and took wedding photos for himself. When I think of their divorce, I always feel that sweetness is mixed with bee stings. Maybe this is life.

She left the last chapter to her mother and published her letter. The personality of the same strain and the passionate love are vividly on the paper. Swallow's open-minded, cheerful and super-strong action comes from an enlightened and democratic mother. The title "Why Wait for the Afterlife" was also my mother's idea. Mother's wish "I hope you become a free and noble girl", the swallow did it. Mother should be very proud of raising such a girl.

Many bestsellers are superficial, especially essays, which are often satisfied with the use of writing skills, and the core under the skin is almost empty. I usually keep a respectful distance from others. The structure of Why Wait for the Afterlife is also relatively loose, with both travel notes and life insights. What brings them together is the spirit of the swallow itself.

I'm glad this is not a bitter love letter.

Emotional and bitter plays are always easier to move people's hearts, but if you watch them too much, you will get bored, and sometimes you will fall into darkness with your works, thus doubting real life. On the contrary, the book didn't sell badly, and it didn't cry out pain, but only recorded warm memories sparsely. Even Zhang Hui's name is warm: "Eating and singing everywhere", "Everyone is laughing" and "There are fresh people living in the city". Reading, I can't help feeling that the author must be a good girl.

This girl with a golden round frame shares with you the most interesting things she has encountered in the past 20 years, her best years, hot pot beer and beautiful scenery. Do not show off, do not complain. This sincerity to life, I took it with both hands.

After reading this book, I became more and more interested in swallows.

So I searched her information online and wanted to know about her photography. As a result, the information of "photographer Stefanie's ex-husband cheated" was found. It turned out that they divorced because the director cheated the makeup artist on the set, shortly after Xiao Chen died.

I don't know how the swallows survived those two years' nights.

Finally, I saw for the first time the article Untitled about the death of Little Orange published by Swallow. Through the screen, after three years, you can still feel the pain of the swallow at that time. She said, "This is the first time in my life that I face where you will go, and it is actually my own baby." Seeing this sentence, I burst into tears.

This kind of pain is much deeper than the description in Love Actually. First, Three years ago, she said she didn't know when she could hold up a small orange without tears. Three years later, she said that she had forgotten that painful relationship, but she still remembered the empty parking lot of the funeral home at night. Although she didn't mention this in Why Wait for the Afterlife.

All this is summed up in one sentence: "The best life is not that there are no wounds, but that you are willing to run with them."

I am in awe, not because of the pain she experienced, but because of her courage to get out of the haze, and more importantly, she has the ability to love. As we sing, it is never suffering, but the indomitable spirit in the face of suffering.

Really, there is still a long way to go. Time is the best medicine. I thought I would never get better in my life. Under the treatment of time, I can still laugh, feel happy and full of vitality. Just like a swallow who can play with friends and fall in love.

Re-embarking on the road of pursuing happiness is not a disrespect for the deceased, but the greatest respect for them; It is not a punishment for traitors, but an open-minded attitude.

No matter what you have experienced, people always have to live a good life.

If you have an ideal, pursue it; If you have a dream, you will realize it. Mo Wen's future will not wait for the afterlife.

Swallow, I like you too.