Chenlaoban photography

Time can't stay, just like a person's face is getting old.

Time can also remain, just like an open photo.

At the bottom of my bookcase, there is an album. These photos were finally taken by a stupid film machine. In the following years, with the popularity of digital cameras, I no longer have to worry about insufficient film or failure after exposure. Open the photo album, and the faces full of youthful breath are left in a place called Shenzhen. In the photo album, most of them are my single photos or landscapes without themes. Some places have been left blank. After I left Shenzhen, I tidied them up and didn't add the blanks I took out. I think life is like this. In some places, some people inadvertently missed it, which is a sigh. Those memories don't occupy a very important position in their hearts, but those past can't be filled by others.

After the Dragon Boat Festival in 2007, I followed Shu Hai from my hometown of Nanchang, Jiangxi, to Shenzhen, a strange and unknown city.

Shu Hai was originally a pastry chef in a western restaurant in Shenzhen. In 2004, I studied West Point in Shenzhen. In 2006, he returned to Nanchang as a pastry chef because of the call of a friend. After graduating from high school, I worked as a cashier in a restaurant. Because of poor management, the western restaurant opened for more than a year, making ends meet, and finally closed. With our spare salary, in a food stall in Nanchang, several colleagues and a few bottles of beer sang "All things must come to an end". I am twenty-one. The book "Sea" is my first love.

Book sea said, let's go to Shenzhen.

The two of us got off the bus, surrounded by high-rise buildings, the weather was sultry, cars on the road sped by one after another, and people coming and going on the sidewalk were in a hurry, so I felt at a loss and lost my way. Can we get a foothold in this city? Although our work has been decided.

Shu Hai said, "Follow me, don't be afraid! We will have a good time here. " Looking at his firm eyes, I believe him.

We live in an old one-bedroom suite in Desheng Community. This is the room that Shu Hai's aunt found for us. The so-called community is just the former factory dormitory, surrounded by buildings and with a small light-transmitting patio in the middle. In a small apartment, there lived ants with a dream of Shenzhen. The community is near the slope of Desheng Road, and looking out from the balcony of the room, factories are dotted and a bustling street. I looked around the small room and set a small table and a one-meter-two bed. There is not much room left in the room.

Shu Hai returned to the original restaurant to be a West Point chef, and I joined a small electronic product company in Huaqiang North as a logistics salesman under the recommendation of my fellow villagers. Standing on the edge of this busy street, my destination is a cubicle in the middle of a 32-story building.

A 40-square-meter space is separated by 10 square meter, which is the separate office of the boss, Mr. Chen. Five other colleagues and I were crammed into the remaining space except a bathroom. In the bustling e-commerce world of Huaqiang North, people from all over the world come to seek survival and development on every floor, every room and every grid. They come from a certain place and walk on this hot land with their initial dreams. Shu Hai and I are the same. I hope this big city can accommodate us. I took a photo in front of the women's world, followed by people. Despite the red light, pedestrians on the zebra crossing passed. Most of the shops on both sides of the road are selling electronic products such as mobile phones and computers, and the hawking sounds are one after another, or the clerk directly stands outside the door to greet people passing by. Shu Hai bought me a Motorola mobile phone with a handwritten screen in a mobile phone shop. The picture is very clear.

There is no 9-to-5 weekend job here. It's a good thing to get back to your residence before nine o'clock every night. There are only two sundays off every month. As a logistics person, I shuttle in Huaqiang North during the day to pick up goods or return them for maintenance, and pack things for express delivery at night.

Out of the office, out of the building, the streets are brightly lit, and different advertisements are played on the super-large screen in the building of the women's world. I can't see the stars and the moon. The bus stop is still crowded with people waiting for the bus. Squeezing into the bus, the rare seats are full of people, and the face is numb and expressionless, even full of fatigue. I think people from all over the world come to Shenzhen to fight for a better future. Dinner, I eat alone, Shu Hai hasn't left work yet.

The first rest day was the tenth day after work, and Shu Hai asked for leave. They went to Dameisha by bus for two hours. Shenzhen is full of enthusiasm in summer, and people come and go by the sea. Facing the deep blue sea that I love and fear, I can only sit on the beach and watch from a distance, or take some photos with a broken camera aimlessly. When most people's mobile phones can take pictures, my old camera seems out of place. Regardless of other people's eyes, Shu Hai took pictures of me sitting on the beach like a photographer.

Day after day, I shuttled through the electronic market in Huaqiang North. Here, most people are cold-treating. When I went to get the goods, the buyer had already determined the price and quantity. When I gave the name of my company, the sales staff at the counter took out the prepared goods neatly. I just needed to count the quantity, pay the cash and leave. Even after many transactions, there is not too much greeting, because people have to greet the next customer.

Xiao Fei, a colleague who has worked in Shenzhen for several years, said that Shenzhen is a very realistic place. Everyone is trying to make money, and she dare not give her heart to others easily for fear that she will be hurt by her feelings. So, she has been single. I don't think so. I don't think love and pain matter.

I stayed in Shenzhen for three months and got paid twice. I find our little salary really useless. After paying the rent, there is not much left except for the food. I think we should do something to subsidize our family. So I bought some decorations and headdress clips from the internet and prepared to set up a stall on Saturday and Sunday nights. On Saturday and Sunday, the company has less work and gets off work early. You can set up a stall at the entrance of Wanfu Shopping Mall near Desheng Community.

The street in front of the shopping mall is very lively. People come and go, leisurely, and pass by my booth in a hurry, but not many people stop to look at my small commodities. The aunt next door sells watermelons, and people patronize her watermelons from time to time. She used a tricycle, a small electronic scale and a bag of old money falling from her waist to transport melons.

Just when I was worried that I couldn't sell anything, there was a commotion at the entrance of the shopping mall in front, and the aunt at the booth next door shouted, "Ghost, let's go." Then she got on the tricycle and pedaled hard.

I know, the chengguan came, so I quickly packed my things and left the booth with the small counter. My things are light and few. I walked slowly by the side of the road, which made people think I was shopping, too. When the urban management came to our original booth, all the stall owners were moved away, leaving only a messy garbage.

As soon as the chengguan left, the people who had just been evacuated in all directions reunited. However, less than half an hour later, he shouted again: "Go to hell." I looked inside and a man in camouflage made a gesture. A few meters away from him, three or four chengguan came again, and we packed our things and prepared to escape. It's too late to do this twice, and nothing has been sold. It's very frustrating!

The next night, I set up my small booth in the same place as the night before, and my aunt selling watermelons was still next door. I'm lucky tonight. Soon after I put it down, I sold a fifteen-dollar bracelet and then a pair of two-dollar flower clips. People come and go, and finally someone patronizes my stall, and my heart is not so anxious. After a while, a pair of granddaughters came. She took a children's flower clip from my booth and asked me how much it was. I told her two or three dollars. She held a pair of five pairs in her hand and compared them on the little girl's head. She also looked at my small commodities, and then smiled and said to me with a flower clip, "I'll take it."

Then she took out a hundred dollars from her purse and gave it to me. I put it away without thinking and gave her 90 yuan change. Tonight, it looks a little rewarding. I'm glad to be back at my place, and Shu Hai is back from work. He looked at the money in my wallet and asked me how many dollars I had received. When he took out the only hundred-dollar bill he received tonight, he touched it in his hand a few times and his face was not very good.

"You received counterfeit money. Come and have a look. " His words made my mind confused, and that kind mother-in-law played tricks on me. Did she see me raw? Shu Hai comforted me that it didn't matter, but I was still extremely depressed and lost.

Another month to pay rent, water and electricity. I got a month's salary from the office. I feel dizzy and weak. I got on the bus, but I had no place to sit. After two stops, I can't stand it. I squatted down against an iron bar on the door. A boy next to me probably noticed my discomfort and got up and let me sit in the chair. He asked me whether it was important. I shook my head and said I had a cold. He said nothing and stood in the back.

Back to the residence, I went to bed without dinner. When Shu Hai came back from work, I slept in a daze and kept dreaming some messy dreams. In my dream, I got lost in the colorful whirlpool and struggled several times. In a daze, Shu Hai said, I have a fever. Take some medicine.

I still had a headache and a fever until I woke up the next day. I can't go to work Shu Hai had to ask for leave to accompany me to the doctor. When I arrived at the hospital, the doctor said, "I have to take a drip for a bad cold!" "

When I caught a cold, I almost spent all the money I should pay the rent. Eating rice porridge with a book, thinking of the current predicament is sour and depressed.

Shu Hai traded his new Nokia for a month's rent and water and electricity from a market buyer in Huaqiang North. In such a prosperous Shenzhen, it seems that we are so timid.

Shu Hai said that if he changed jobs, he would get a higher salary. When I asked him what his job was, he said he was the manager of a nightclub. I don't want him to work in such a complicated place, but I can't refute him because his salary is more than half of his original job. Shu Hai, whose height is1.8m, once learned some boxing skills. I think he should be able to protect himself well, but in the future, our life will be black and white.

Before Shu Hai went to work in a nightclub, he climbed Wutongshan with me. The Mid-Autumn Festival has passed, but it is still a long summer for Shenzhen. On the way up the mountain, there was shade, and finally it was not so hot. I had a rest while holding hands with Shu Hai, and I was still a little tired after catching a cold. Shu Hai said that we could just go to the pavilion on the hillside and not go any further. He said he was tired. Shu Hai asked a little sister to take pictures of us on the hillside and let me snuggle up to him. My strong chest reassured me for a moment.

We are all very tired. We have been in Shenzhen for several months. This is a fast-paced city, where there are all kinds of life. This city doesn't believe in tears. Everyone collects vulnerability and works hard on the edge of dreams and reality.

I am already familiar with the company's related business and know the products we sell. Teacher Chen said that if it doesn't affect my current job, I can try to start my own business, whether online or offline. As long as I can sell it at the company's price, I can get a 5% commission, not just a fixed salary.

It is not easy to start a business at first. In this Shenzhen market, I feel that I can't start. I can only sell the relevant information obtained from the Internet to others. Often the other party hangs up in the middle of the phone conversation, and I feel very nervous and at a loss. In any case, I must work hard to get more salary.

Maybe it's the climate, maybe it's the stress, and the zits on my face keep popping out from my face. When waiting for the bus after work, a big sister and a beautiful woman next to her sent a leaflet and a business card, which were Mary Kay's salesmen. The title of manager is written on the business card. I accepted with a smile. She said, "beautiful girl, the clothes you are wearing are very beautiful."

I think people in sales really put in a good word. I smiled and said, "It's not good to sell goods on the ground!" "

"Pretty girl, you are really joking, but a woman can have thousands of clothes, but her skin is only one layer and needs to be well maintained." If you are unhappy, you can't talk about it.

"This is not a big problem for you. Look at my products. You can use them together or come and listen to them when you are free. We have specialized skin experts to give you guidance, such as skin care ... "She kept talking, and the bus I was waiting for came. I said I was sorry, so I got on the bus. Unexpectedly, she was in the same car with me, and then she kept saying by my side, how to care about women is so important, and so on. I don't know how to do it. Who knows, I read the leaflet she sent, and the price of a set of skin care products is three eights. How can I afford it at my present level? She has been brainwashing me regardless of the eyes of other people in the car. I didn't pay attention to her until I got a little bored in the back.

"Hey, some women are just stupid, twenty years old and thirty years old!"

An anger rushed to the forehead, trying to attack or holding back. It's quite puzzling to think of it. Isn't the salesman well informed? Why waste time on a poor man like me? Around like a pair of strange eyes, silent. She was too general or boring, and then she got off.

It's not a taste to go back to your residence alone. This is Shenzhen! If you are an ignorant little sheep, anyone can be a wolf. Before falling in love with it, I want to escape.

What really made me leave later was betrayal of love.

Maybe our working hours are black and white, and we have less time for communication. When I came back from work at night, Shu Hai had gone to work. In the evening, I slept alone until dawn to go to work, and he hasn't come back yet. If I don't occasionally see what he uses or what he eats, I have an illusion that I have lived alone for a long time, and my boyfriend just calls twice a day to say hello and chat.

If it wasn't for the physical pain, how could I see that scene when I came home from work early?

When I dragged myself back to my residence and opened the door of my room, a strange sight caught my eye. Two people were lying naked in the bed where I slept. When Shu Haijing sat up, the other one got up. I stared at them for a long time, and then looked at everything in the room to make sure there was no mistake. Girls only wear a pair of underwear, and they are not afraid to wear bras and skirts in front of me. I don't even have the energy to question. The girl got up and left. She said, "In Shenzhen, don't take everything too seriously. Seriously, you will lose! "

I think whether I think seriously or not, all this shows that I lost. The only thought in my heart is to tell myself that I want to leave this place and Shenzhen. I didn't get what I deserved, but I wanted to escape it.

Without any explanation, the city came and left with enthusiasm and sadness. Looking at the clouds in the sky, the wind passed by it quietly. It's not that Shenzhen is not good or cold, but that I am not strong enough to be a deserter and a small passer-by in this bustling city.