What does unrequited love mean (how does unrequited love redeem itself)

Gu Cheng said, "Don't plant flowers. You said, I don't want to see them wither a little. Yes, in order to avoid the end, you avoid the beginning of everything. "

In real life, many people, like Gu Cheng's poems, are obviously eager for love, but they are afraid of being loved for fear of being hurt. I clearly like each other in my heart, but once I confess, I will want to stay away from or even hate each other.

This is actually a manifestation of "sexual unrequited love".

First, "sexual unrequited love": I can like you, but you must not like me. From a psychological point of view, this kind of person is called unrequited love: they love someone, but they don't want to get an emotional response from the other person, and their love complex will disappear because of the other person's response.

Psychologically, sexual unrequited love is defined as:

A person who falls in love with someone but doesn't want an emotional response from the other person.

This kind of person's love may disappear because of the other person's emotional reaction.

A "sex lover" will fall in love with a person from the beginning and will do whatever it takes. Even if there is no response, when the loved one responds, the unrequited lover will start to shrink back and resist.

Netizen Yunsan said: I had a crush on him at first, but I didn't expect him to confess to me after he knew it. I was a little panicked and disgusted, and decisively rejected him ... until later, I heard that he liked another girl, and I began to regret it again and felt that I liked him again. "

This is actually a pathological manifestation of psychology and an emotional disorder.

To outsiders, they may be "scum" and run away after flirting, but in fact, they are experiencing unknown suffering in their feelings.

They are desperate to love others, but they are afraid of being answered; They have been repeating the pain that they can't love but can't recover after losing it.

Second, what caused the "sexual unrequited love"? Some people analyze it from the perspective of big data. Many sex workers have had bad experiences, such as being abused as children, divorced parents, and having suffered serious emotional trauma. ...

From a psychological point of view, the formation of "sexual unrequited love" can be traced back to childhood: parents or main caregivers gave them the emotional response they longed for.

In the face of people they like, they still interact in a similar way. They are eager for each other's love and give it back, but once the other party responds, they will quickly avoid it.

This is the self-defense mechanism. I feel that I don't deserve to be loved, or that I can't be loved by others. I am afraid that I will really enter a relationship and my emotions will be controlled by the other party. It is better to break this intimate relationship first.

Although they are extremely eager for love emotionally, they always habitually escape in the face of real intimacy.

As Marilyn Monroe said, "Smart girls kiss but don't love, listen but don't believe, and change their minds before being given up."

Third, how should "sexual unrequited love" redeem itself? Can sexual unrequited love be saved?

The answer is: yes. You just need long-term self-healing and psychological counseling. If you have this kind of emotional confusion, try the following three methods:

Believe that you are worthy of being loved. Carefully analyze your love experience and find out under what circumstances it is easiest to feel inferior.

For example, if you resist discussing family conditions with your boyfriend, it means that you may feel inferior to your family. Analyze this way, find out the point of inferiority, and analyze with a calm and rational attitude: what can I change and what can't I change? For those who have the ability to change, act. Those who have no ability to change, slowly learn to convince themselves and learn to accept themselves, instead of simply and rudely drawing a conclusion to themselves: I don't deserve love.

Learn to express your emotions. People who have a "secret crush" will not directly express their emotions when they have conflicts with their lovers. They put themselves on the defensive and indirectly express their dissatisfaction, such as alienation and indifference.

In fact, when encountering problems, the secret admirer can try to express his emotions positively. For example, they can say, "I'm a little sad that you haven't answered my WeChat for a long time today." "I overreacted today, but I was actually afraid that you would leave me." This kind of self-exposure can bring us closer.

Ask yourself more: What changes are you willing to make for this intimate relationship? Many "secret admirers" have not been in love for a long time, and may have experienced many relationships, but they are basically repeating a pattern. If you long for an intimate relationship, in order to avoid repeating the same mistakes, you should ask yourself more: What changes are you willing to make for the next relationship? For example, I am willing to express my love for him boldly, and I am willing to speak my mind when quarreling.

Seneca said: "The power of the soul is stronger than any fate. With our own strength, we can not only benefit life, but also bring misfortune to life. "

Some people love but can't, some people gain and lose, and we all suffer for love. But as long as we are willing to accept ourselves and actively try to change, we will eventually gain better ourselves.

I am @ Xiao Jiu. I'm here to help you smooth your feelings with knowledge and avoid detours.