How tiring is a marriage with incompatible views? Can a couple with incompatible views live a lifetime?

It can be said that it is almost impossible to directly find someone who completely matches your own three views. Then, when choosing to enter a marriage, if you do not agree with this person's three views, your subsequent married life will be very difficult. Can it last?

How tiring is a marriage with inconsistent views

1. Ms. Zhang, 28 years old, married for 2 years

My husband and I met through a friend’s introduction , I was attracted by the smile of this sunny boy, and I felt that as long as I saw his smile, I could feel at ease. I am an only child in my family, and my parents are in business, so my family situation is pretty good. My husband also has a sister, and we are from an ordinary working-class family. When I was planning the wedding, something actually happened. I wanted to decorate everything for the wedding in a more exquisite way, including buying wedding candies and so on. After all, I only got married once. But at that time, he was stopped by his mother and sister. They both said that there was no need to buy such a good one, it was just a formality, which was enough. At that time, I thought about it and thought that my husband didn’t make much in a month, and he didn’t say anything, so I didn’t have much time to argue with them, so I just went along with them.

But after marriage, I want to live a more interesting life. Although I can’t go out to eat Western food often, I will often cook steak for my husband at home and have a candlelight dinner at home, but my husband says that I am a fool. What's so delicious about that thing? Even if you buy it and fry it, it's still very expensive! Also, when the seasons change, I always buy two sets of clothes. I feel like there are very few of them anymore. When I get home, my husband still says: "You are all like that" Why did he buy so many clothes? In fact, I didn’t spend his money, I earned them all myself, but he still complained about me. Through various incidents, I discovered that the two of us might not really have the same outlook on things. I should have noticed that during the candy wedding, and I started to think about whether we were a good match or not.

2. Ms. Li, 32 years old, married for 3 years

My husband and I met through a blind date. After all, we have reached the age of marriage, and everyone at home is urging us to look at each other. It seemed pleasing to the eye, so they got married. But after I got married and gave birth to a daughter, problems arose. My mother-in-law felt that I should have another son, but I thought it would be good to have a daughter. One was enough. After she said that I didn’t want to have another child, my mother-in-law started to look down on me. But what made us think about it was that my husband and my mother-in-law were united in bullying me. There was also a time when my child fell ill. I was extremely anxious, but my husband simply called me to ask a few questions and ignored me. He asked me to take the child to the hospital alone to see a doctor. I was so anxious that I cried. I really don’t know if I can keep going. Do they think so little of this daughter?

3. Ms. Gao, 33 years old, married for 5 years

I am with We met my husband when we were in college. Since my husband’s family is from the university, we settled in this city after graduation. I am a person who likes to travel. I want to see different regions, different cultures and different cuisines. After I became more capable at work, I would often travel with my friends. My husband, who was still my boyfriend at that time, would not go every time because he said he was busy with work. Later, after getting married, the honeymoon trip was not too bad. He said that he never wanted to travel again. It was just a waste of money. It was better to keep the money and live a good life. After that, I rarely traveled. After all, my friends all had families to take care of, and if we couldn’t find the time to go out together, my husband would not go with me. Later, I said we should celebrate our wedding anniversary, but he said what's the use of fixing things that are useless? We are already married, so we should live a down-to-earth life and think about how to save money. Later, my child went to kindergarten and I had been a full-time housewife for so many years. I also wanted to start my own business and start a business with a friend. He also said that I was messing around and losing money. What should I do? I was full of expectations, and in exchange for it, It's all disappointment. After enduring it for so many years, I feel like I can't hold it any longer.

Can a couple with incompatible views live a lifetime?

It’s hard to say, can a couple really not make it to the end if they don’t get along with each other? This is just an excuse for the weak and the fleeing party. . Some people say that it is difficult to communicate if the three views are not in harmony. Didn't you communicate before getting married? And why should you get married if the three views are not in harmony? At this point, I want to say: Can a couple who have very compatible three views be able to make it to the end? ?For example, there are two people who have very harmonious views but are strong. There are many people who have lost their families because of their careers.

It is normal for people to have different views. The key is mutual tolerance and tolerance. The reason why Xiaomei and her husband stayed together until the end was because they respected each other's lifestyle. No one should be an accessory to the other party and have the right to choose what they like and what they hate. The essence of the problem is not whether the three views are compatible, but whether each other can allow the other to continue living in his own way.

Conflicts and breakups caused by different views are essentially the realization of one person’s three views with the intention of harming the interests of the other party or forcing the other party to do things they don’t like, in their own way. Life, of course, doesn’t work like this. Changing other people's lifestyles to satisfy your own selfish desires will never last long with anyone.

How important are three views to marriage?

According to a "China Post-95s Data Report", in the item "Which condition is most important to a partner?", the three views unanimously defeated In terms of personality, appearance, and economy, he jumped to the first place.

When choosing a mate, today's post-95 generation pays more attention to the spiritual compatibility of the partner than the material conditions in the past.

In "The First Half of My Life", after Luo Zijun and Chen Junsheng divorced, they encountered the pursuit of a real man, Lao Jin. It is said that Lao Jin's material conditions are quite good. He has a registered residence in Shanghai, has a house with three bedrooms and one living room, and has a decent job. He is a small manager in a shopping mall and has a transportation vehicle. More importantly, Lao Jin responded to Luo Zijun's requests and was willing to dig deep into his heart and do everything for him. If you were an ordinary person, you might feel that you have picked up a gold ingot. In short, Lao Jin is a person with good overall conditions. But Luo Zijun was different. After getting along for a while, she always felt a little weird. She felt depressed inside and couldn't feel the passion and happiness of love. It turns out that Lao Jin has an inferiority complex hidden deep in his heart. In order to make himself a good match for Zijun, he would ask the other person to lower his standard of living to match him. Once, he invited Zijun to a gathering of friends.

Women always have to dress up a little when going out, especially when attending public events, but Lao Jin didn’t praise him. Instead, he criticized him: "You usually dress like this, and your friends also dress like this." , but my friends will think you are weird, and they will think we are not suitable. You can just wear jeans and flat shoes." Zijun finally discovered that they seemed to be a good match, but they had insurmountable differences in values. Divide: If you think there is something wrong with me, no matter what you do, there will be problems! At his core, Lao Jin is a person with a strong inferiority complex. He is satisfied with the current stable life, and naturally hopes that the other party will lower their standards to match him, and Luo Zijun wants But it is a positive and enterprising life.

For people with different views, no matter how good the other person is, they are not your cup of tea. Even if they live together, they will feel awkward and will not last long. Life is too long, I just want to go on with the person who has the same three views, and the two of them can play the song of life into a beautiful chord together.

What is the most important thing to consider when getting married?

Marriage must depend on a person’s three views and the three views of his parents. You are not living with one person, so don't be blinded by the so-called love. What's more terrifying than cheating is that the person you marry doesn't match his family's outlook on life. Material conditions are important, but a good match on the spiritual level is even more important!

We modern people place too much emphasis on external material conditions when getting married. In fact, people are more important, especially whether a person and his family are reasonable. The so-called conflict between mother-in-law and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not caused by the family of origin. Don't keep talking about love and forget these most important things.