Growth Lab

A week ago, I fled and got on the high-speed train.

When I took the high-speed train, the train rushed to my destination at high speed, and I was too busy to stop like a top. Looking out the window and slowly following the scenery, I finally breathed a sigh of relief, as if the suffocating environment was drifting away from me.

For me at that moment, traveling may be a great escape from real life.

Some people say that there must be at least two impulses in a person's life: one is desperate love, and the other is a trip that says go.

Desperate love involves another person and needs too much karma and combination. For most people, it is something that can't be met and can't be forced.

It's much easier to travel when you just leave.

Companion is not free? Go by yourself! There is no money in the wallet? Find a closer place for a poor tour! No time? Fire the boss and come back after you release him!

More and more people want to travel, breathe free air and live the life they want.

When it comes to "traveling", most people will be excited, envious, jealous and even disgusted.

For modern people, living in a high-pressure environment and being overwhelmed by a lot of work, "going away" hides too many impulses and expectations.

There is often a very criminal word behind impulse and expectation: freedom. To some extent, Let's Go has become an opportunity to escape from life and pursue freedom.

Therefore, in a trip, the most exciting moment is often the preparation stage before the trip, because at this time we are all living in various fantasies of "running to the arms of freedom".

How much we can't help ourselves in reality and how much we yearn for freedom. But looking around, how many people can just leave?

But if you think about it carefully, you will find that this kind of "freedom" is not worthy of the name.

-Means personal freedom?

It's true that you don't have to go to work during the trip, but you won't stay in the hotel all day, and you finally come to a brand-new place. You want to go to several scenic spots more or less, at least to the punch points in several online celebrities, so as to control your transportation and accommodation costs!

-Means freedom of time?

Yes, you finally don't have to get up at 6 o'clock to squeeze the subway to avoid the rush hour. You can even sleep in the sun and get up, but you may think in bed: it is not good to do this every day. Traveling seems very free, but the time for traveling is always limited. If you are bored in a foreign land for the so-called freedom, it is better to keep a cat and be an otaku at home.

-Means freedom of relationship?

You might say, I can finally stop looking at that smelly face! Finally don't have to bow to those disgusting customers! Outside, you will still meet all kinds of people you don't necessarily like, and their faces are not necessarily better than your boss and customers.

Taking a trip without saying goodbye is not so much courage as his lack of ability to embrace freedom in reality.

People are like rubber bands, which are stretched too tightly for too long and finally stop, and may also lose their toughness.

Freedom means flexibility. In fact, the essence of freedom is not to leave impulsively, but to have the ability to choose flexibly at all times.

What this trip inspired me was about three abilities of freedom.

On weekdays, we either mechanically repeat the "two points and one line" at work and home every day, or passively deal with the tide of things.

These trivial things, big and small, are like an intricate web woven by life, and we are like insects trapped inside.

Walking back and forth in this network for a long time, it is easy to get into a maze. Just as no one can drag their hair away from the earth, it is difficult for us to extricate ourselves in such an endless cycle.

The so-called infatuation with the authorities is that the "bureau" restricts our freedom of thinking: without realizing the existence of the network, it is certainly impossible to know that we are lost in the bureau, let alone realize the "bureau".

Travel is like the "pause" button of life, which allows us to catch our breath in the hectic life. In another place, with another rhythm, or even with another identity, I look at my original life off the court and see my "net" clearly.

Jumping is difficult, but it doesn't mean it's impossible.

Suppose an ant wants to climb from point A to point B on a straight line on a two-dimensional plane (such as a piece of white paper).

If he is confined to the two-dimensional thinking dimension, he may only move slowly from point A, shorten the distance between them, and finally reach point B.

But in the three-dimensional space, if we want to roll the white paper into a cylinder, then point A may coincide with point B instantly, and ants can easily reach point B from point A. ..

From two-dimensional to three-dimensional, it is to examine your ability from a higher level.

Going back to the original topic, even returning to the original life track after the trip, how can you have the ability to understand the situation without "walking away"?

The answer is to install a "pause" button for yourself. Freedom means that you can press the "pause" button of life at any time.

Arrange a fixed time for yourself to be alone every day, week or month, such as 30 minutes before going to bed, an hour on Sunday afternoon and so on.

At this time, if you are willing to ask yourself a few more questions, you may be able to stand higher and see more comprehensively, and then find the "bureau" where your past thinking has fallen and give yourself greater freedom of choice:

That day, I sat on a bamboo raft and drifted in the Yulong River.

Just when I was about to get lost in the intoxicating scenery, the boating uncle next to me suddenly asked me: Do you want me to slowly explain the scenery on both sides while rowing?

I can't help but ask curiously: how to explain it?

He pointed to two sharp and round peaks in the distance and further explained: Look, those two mountains are called Luosi Mountain. Do you think they look alike? If you like, I can accept you 58 yuan; If you still want to take pictures while explaining, I'll only accept you 88 yuan.

I couldn't help laughing, admiring my uncle's business acumen and even rejecting his proposal. The reason why I made such a "wise" decision is not because I need to charge, but because I was with a group tour guide the other day and there was a noisy voice in my ear.

A few days ago, because the scenic spots I wanted to visit were too far apart, I didn't want to worry about things like "car luggage", so I simply signed up for a one-day personal tour.

Visiting three or four scenic spots a day is rich and compact. However, when I want to travel freely, the tour guide asks me to follow the route. When I was sleepy at noon, the voice of the tour guide selling products kept ringing. When I kept chasing the introduction of the tour guide and listening to the stories of various scenic spots, I still couldn't appreciate the scenery along the way with my heart.

At that time, I was actually in a state of being, that is, a state of learning. It's like always wanting to go to more places, constantly wandering around major scenic spots and taking photos as a souvenir to "visit here". It seems that you can prove that you "own" this memory and gain the capital to show off in the future.

But in the acquired state of mind, I didn't really experience the place, the environment and the customs there.

Enjoyment is a state of being. Naturally open up every sensory experience, and integrate our eyes, ears, nose, tongue and body with the color, health, fragrance, taste and touch of this environment. At this time, we heard the murmur of running water, the cheerful songs of birds and even the breathing of the earth.

Our world is full of the golden rule that "being" can only be "being": if you do your homework well, just study and get into a good university; Only when you go to college and have a good diploma can you find a good job; Only when you have a good job and the ability to stand on the society can you have a happy and successful life. ...

I was told from an early age that I must do something (do it) and not do it (have it) in order to enjoy a happy and successful state (yes). Instead of enjoying the present state (be) first, then do what you have (do) and have what you have.

What kind of things do you like? This kind of thinking reverses the essence of things, just like the essence of love is a relationship, but you only want to run a relationship if you have that piece of paper or a promise.

Life is originally a "go and go" trip. All sentient beings are just passers-by in this world, and I don't know where they will suddenly get off.

And people come empty-handed and go empty-handed. There are many external substances that we can't take away. What we can take away is the inner state of "yes".

Travel, is it another way to remind us what is the most important thing in life?

Does the meaning of travel turn us into a completely different state of life, so as to remind ourselves that the meaning of life lies in getting more colorful life experiences, including experiencing every colorful moment?

Therefore, freedom means whether you have put the "shift" button on yourself, whether you have switched from "have" to "have" mode at any time, and don't rush to have anything, accomplish anything, and get something you think is very important.

And every moment in life, if necessary, you can press the "pause" button first, then press the "shift" button, and then think clearly:

Travel is fresh, interesting and exciting because it is full of all kinds of uncertainties.

Even if you do a good job in the strategy or the itinerary arranged by the tour group, you don't know what the weather will be like, who you will meet and what unexpected things will happen.

Life is distressing because it is full of all kinds of uncertainties.

On the second day of this trip, I planned to go to a classic tourist attraction, but the burning sun dampened my enthusiasm for going out. I checked online and found that all the scenic spots were open until after 9 pm. So I made up my mind that even if I was bored to sleep, I wouldn't go out until at least 4: 30 in the afternoon.

As a result, I arrived at the gate of the scenic spot at 5: 30, and the aunt who sold the tickets told me that the tickets for the daytime would be cleared at 6: 30, and the tickets for the light show would be doubled after 7: 00 in the evening.

I was dumbfounded when I heard that. Obviously, the reality is not what I imagined. I have booked a daytime ticket online, but under such a tight time, I can't expect to "swim the classics gracefully and quietly without sunbathing".

At this time, I can't help but hate myself: why didn't I check the information carefully in the morning? Why don't you procrastinate and go out early? It was thoughtless of me. What if I buy a ticket in advance?

Yes, when I don't want to accept the facts in front of me, but I have to accept them, and this kind of anger has nowhere to vent, I will scold myself severely in my heart.

So sometimes it is always difficult for me to make some choices, because once something unexpected happens to me, I will automatically blame myself for being thoughtless.

Even before the unpleasant facts happen, my heart has been infinitely entangled. I don't know which option to choose, because no matter which option I choose, something bad may happen.

If I choose one of option A, I always feel that I have lost. Because at this time, I always think, if I choose another option B, there are so many uncertainties in option A and so many benefits in option B, why didn't I think of it? Thanks!

Because I am afraid of the uncertainty of the future, no matter how I choose, no matter what happens, I can't put my heart on the position.

The famous film Yes Man tells the story of the hero Carl Allen.

When life, career and love keep making mistakes, the unbearable Carl is determined to completely change everything about himself. He participated in a reality TV show. Carl can't say "no" to anyone for a year, but only "yes".

According to the theory of the program, saying "no" means rejecting others, rejecting others means rejecting yourself, rejecting yourself means rejecting life, and refusing life means committing suicide.

Carl, who participated in the program, was in great trouble at first because he could not refuse any request, but slowly, perhaps because of the answer of "yes, yes, yes", Carl began to have a new understanding of life.

By accepting other people's demands, it brings infinite possibilities and various opportunities to his life. At the same time, his life is gradually changing, and finally he gains good luck, wealth, love and career.

Although Carl is a character in the movie, I am surprised that he accepted the reality and changed himself by saying "yes": it's that simple? !

In fact, any choice, no matter what happens, is neither absolutely good nor absolutely bad. The reason why I am so entangled is because I don't accept that bad things happen to me at all.

This self-protection mechanism, which is deeply rooted in the subconscious, makes me fall into the binary opposition thinking of splitting into two all the time: either good or evil!

Okay？ "Yes!"

Not good? "impossible!"

But who can guarantee that every moment of life will happen and develop as I wish? So I always "Oh no!" And remorse, behind this is actually a lack of ability to accept reality and accept yourself.

Ok, then "ok!" Try to accept it!

One and a half hours left to visit the scenic spots?

Yes! Try to accept it! So my children and I can play the Lijiang River in the sunset and feel the cool water with our feet.

Unfortunately, it rained heavily in the snack street?

Yes! Try to accept it! So I happened to meet a small restaurant, listening to the gentle voice and watching the life blooming in the dark.

Back to reality, if we press the "Yes" button more often, it is easier to accept what happened to us. How can we have the impulse to "just leave"?

life

This is a trip.

Try to accept it.

You will hear your own breathing.

Will touch the vein of the petals

You will feel the vibration of the eardrum.

You will see the leaves in the breeze.

Shake your heart.

……

End—

Author | Xuan Tong

Psychological consultant

(The above pictures are all from the Internet. If copyright is involved, please contact me to delete. )