Eighty-six Years of Storms—Grandpa’s Life Journey

? Preface

My grandfather is 86 years old this year. He is short and thin, in good health, walks with wind, has no vision, no deafness, and has no other symptoms except mild diabetes. The physical abnormality is rare at his age. Grandpa's good health cannot be explained by the effects of genetics and environment.

My grandfather was probably born in 1933, which is more than half a century older than me. With my life experience, I can never give a comprehensive overview of his long and tortuous life. I am more unfamiliar and unfamiliar with it, and it is difficult to understand what happened at that time. Despite the profound historical background and social environment, it is only possible to describe Grandpa's ordinary but thought-provoking life like a frog in the well and a fleeting glimpse.

? Grandpa and Me? Me and Grandpa

It is rumored that Grandpa’s father, my great-grandfather, was a landowner who made his fortune through gambling and became the richest man in our village. The economic foundation determines the upper class. Building, thus creating a good educational and growth environment for my grandfather. Grandpa was also a good man, and he worked hard all the way through elementary school, middle school, and college. After graduating from college, he worked as a high school Chinese teacher until he retired more than 20 years ago to live in retirement. I silently thought that this place in Xi'an might actually be much more peaceful than other places. It was amazing that my grandfather was able to complete university studies at the beginning of the founding of our great motherland in an era of wars and bandits. It was really not easy.

My impression of my grandpa began in the late 1980s, when memories began to sprout and I perceived the world in a confused way. I vaguely remember that my grandfather was teaching at Xuyang High School in Lintong County, 50 miles away. He would go home every Saturday afternoon, enter the house through the back door, and leave through the back door the next afternoon to start his work week. Grandpa almost never leaves the house during holidays. He only reads and sleeps. Occasionally, an older man will come to grandpa to play chess with a chess bag. In the blurred picture in my mind, my grandfather and his older chess friend hardly talked, there was no language, eye contact, or even a smile. They just played chess, selfless chess, talking with chess, stingy. in words and expressions. Like other children at the time, I didn't understand anything and could only play with the "killed" chess pieces as building blocks. Grandpa didn't talk to me either. Of course, I should be considered well-behaved and would never cause trouble and affect the exciting game between the two of them.

Around 1988, when I was about 5.6 years old, I really wanted a plastic rubber band toy gun that could be found in the carts of "salesmen" walking around the streets. It should cost 2 cents each. There were no other adults at home at the time, so I had no choice but to ask my grandfather for money. Grandpa directly took out 10 yuan and gave it to me. I was shocked at the time. I had never seen such a large denomination of money. It was not good to hold it or not to hold it. I just stood there blankly, like a wooden chicken. Bewildered and at a loss. I remember that I never asked my grandfather for anything in the more than 20 years since then. 10 yuan frightened a child out of courage, and also blocked the family relationship with my grandfather. My grandfather and I rarely spoke. We were like strangers when we sat together. Every question and answer was concise and to the point. There was no intimate language or even an intimate tone. My mother said that my grandfather and I have similar personalities, both are relatively cold, maybe! One didn't want to say it, and the other didn't bother to ask. Instead, they had a tacit understanding with each other and didn't affect each other.

? The so-called marriage, the so-called husband and wife

Few people comment on the marriage of grandpa and grandma. After all, it has a long history. Grandma has been dead for many years. The past is like smoke, drifting away in the wind, accompanying The passage of time was submerged in the rolling red dust, leaving no trace.

My grandma is three years older than my grandpa. In ancient times, it was a custom for "three-year-old girls to hold gold bricks." Grandpa's family was well-off at the time, which seemed to be in line with the general social situation of "parents order matchmakers."

Grandma’s personality is completely different from that of Grandpa. It is almost difficult to stay quiet. She sets off at dawn every day, visits various places, and only comes back during meal time. Do you ask grandma and others what to eat and who cooks? This is quite understandable. Grandma met a particularly kind and hard-working mother-in-law. Everything in the house was taken care of by her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law worked hard until her mother-in-law was about to pass away, and she died suddenly.

Grandma speaks loudly and has a bad temper. It is said that grandma often curses people in the north end of the village, but she can be heard clearly in the south end of the village. You ask grandma why she curses? I don’t know, but my memory of my grandma is that she cursed people, with great momentum and confidence. As for the reason, I think it can be attributed to the tragedy of her character. It is her nature to be irritable and irritable. She blames everything and never reflects on herself. Grandma, who had a bad temper and liked to curse, was not able to stay with grandpa for too long. Grandma suddenly died of cancer when she was about 55 years old.

How the quiet and indifferent grandfather lived with the hot-tempered and irritable grandmother for many years is hard to understand. I think my grandfather must have been in a lot of pain, otherwise he would not have experienced the "Qi End" when my grandmother passed away. He married her again before 50 days had passed. This decision shocked many people at the time. There is a saying: "If you haven't experienced my hardships, don't easily persuade me to be tolerant and generous."

I used to call the woman my grandfather married "Po", and she is younger than my grandfather. 11 years old, very tall, probably very pretty when she was young, good-tempered, soft-spoken and slow-spoken.

My grandfather had a "second spring" after his marriage. He and his mother-in-law raised eyebrows and treated each other as if they were guests. They went through ups and downs together for more than 20 years, traveling all over the country, from Inner Mongolia in the north to Hainan Island in the south, leaving behind famous mountains and rivers in various places. Their figures.

I often think that if my grandfather had not remarried, he might not live to be 80 years old, and his body would not be as healthy as it is now. After all, not many teachers around me live long. "It is rare for people to live over seventy." The 86-year-old grandfather is still strong and healthy. The importance of a harmonious marriage to people is self-evident.

The so-called family affection, the so-called children

The grandparents gave birth to four sons, but no daughters. The fourth uncle of the younger son died young. My mother-in-law is a farmer. She gave birth to 6 daughters before remarrying her grandfather, but she had no children. The remarriage of two people is a big event for the two big families. Everyone has a different point of view, but the starting point is mostly based on economic interests. It is not surprising, it is just the norm in society.

My mother-in-law has changed from a farmer to a city resident, and my grandfather’s salary is quite high, so it is a happy event for their family of seven. My father has three sons, two farmers, and a civil servant. The second uncle, a civil servant, is very happy and has an open-minded view. He no longer has to worry about his grandfather's daily life. My father and my third uncle were small farmers, and life was hard and making money was not easy, so they strongly opposed my grandfather's remarriage. In fact, it is easy to understand. Female head of household is the norm in current Chinese society. After remarriage, the father, third uncle, etc. will no longer feel like masters when talking to grandpa at his house. After remarriage, it means that grandpa will not be able to give him more support. .

Whether you oppose or agree, marriage is a fait accompli and no one can change it. Twenty years after my grandfather and mother-in-law got married, my mother-in-law’s daughters, sons-in-law, and grandchildren often gathered at my grandfather’s house, which was very lively. My father's second uncle and third uncle seemed to be living apart from each other. They reunited during the holidays and rarely interacted with each other on weekdays.

If you don’t interact, you won’t interact. Grandpa was originally an indifferent person. On the surface, it seemed that he had never been interested in any of his sons or grandchildren. Being well-informed and sensible is one of my grandfather's strengths. He is not unfair to his sons and grandchildren. Every family will be given 2,000 yuan for major events such as schooling, marriage, building a house, etc., and he will not take care of other things. Everyone lives in peace.

In 2015, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with "Alzheimer's disease", that is, Alzheimer's disease. People familiar with this disease understand that it is a particularly painful disease, especially for the patient's relatives, and it is a chronic disease. Mental torture. My mother-in-law's six daughters, son-in-law, grandson and others slowly disappeared from sight, becoming inaccessible.

For a normal family, patients with Alzheimer's disease are a big burden. It is human nature to seek benefits and avoid harm. It is understandable that as a daughter and son-in-law, they have six daughters. They all have families, with an elder at the top and a younger one at the bottom. With their families and dependents, they are really unable to afford the daily life of an Alzheimer's patient. It is normal for them to disappear.

My father’s second uncle and third uncle’s opinion was that each should go back to his own home and find his own mother. Opinions are opinions, and without execution means there are no opinions. My mother-in-law's relatives didn't mean it, and neither did my grandfather. The old couple was determined not to separate. Think about it, after all, it is against human nature for a couple to be separated for more than 20 years.

Being filial to your parents is a matter of course and should not be discussed. The relationship between starting a new family is complicated and diverse. Moreover, all members of my father's generation are in their sixties, and I have reached the end of my life. I am unable to take care of too much. It seems even more inappropriate for my grandchildren to take on the lives of their grandparents. Two elderly people are very old, and one is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. It is conceivable that their lives are in embarrassment.

In the economy and society, money can solve many difficult problems. After multiple parties reached an agreement, the grandfather hired an unemployed cousin to cook and clean the house for the couple on a daily basis, and paid the cousin a fixed salary every month. They are all relatives, know each other well, trust each other, each gets what he needs, and everyone is happy. The old couple's daily life problems are temporarily solved satisfactorily.

Grandpa and mother-in-law gave birth to and raised ten children, but in the end, no one stayed with them. Without any intention of blaming, I can deeply understand the situation and family of my parents and "aunts". The concept of raising children to provide for old age is deeply ingrained. In the end, most people are trying to draw water out of a bamboo basket. Money is not as effective as money, which seems to be more able to maintain beautiful family ties, friendships, and love.

? The so-called career, the so-called success

My grandfather is 86 years old and has graduated from college, which was rare in his time. He might have become famous, but his happy-go-lucky personality made him willing to be ordinary and ordinary throughout his life.

It is said that after graduating from college, my grandfather was assigned to teach at Baoji Fengxiang High School. A county party committee official asked him to work in the county party committee, but he refused. The school promoted him to be the dean of academic affairs, but he refused. Grandpa has only taught all his life, and even the class teacher takes no responsibility as much as possible. He shows no interest or attachment to money, power, etc.

When there was a policy inclination, my grandfather immediately transferred back to Xi'an. He first taught at Xuyang High School in Lintong County, then transferred to Yanliang Wutun Middle School, and finally Yanliang No. 2 Middle School until his retirement. Maybe we are getting closer to home, and we may be getting further and further away from our dreams, but my grandfather never seems to pay attention to these. He lives silently, does not compare, does not complain, and the earth-shaking things around him have nothing to do with him. He only cares about food and vegetables, and only cares about food and vegetables. Eat well and wear warm clothes today.

My second uncle once mobilized my grandpa to buy a bigger house while he was still young. Grandpa said he had enough to live in and would not change. My grandfather and mother-in-law have been living in a small 60-square-meter house in the teacher's family home of Yanliang No. 2 Middle School for more than 20 spring, summer, autumn and winter, winter and summer.

Mr. Yang Jiang said: After a person undergoes different levels of exercise, he will obtain different levels of cultivation and different levels of benefits. Just like spices, the more you pound them, the finer they are ground, the stronger the fragrance becomes. We once longed for the waves of destiny, but in the end we discovered that the most beautiful scenery in life is the inner calmness and calmness... We once looked forward to the recognition of the outside world, but in the end we realized that the world belongs to us and has nothing to do with others. It doesn't matter!

The world belongs to oneself and has nothing to do with others. Grandpa knows this deeply. His contented character and his desire-free approach to life made him happy and happy throughout his life, and he enjoyed longevity and health.

Words written at the end

Be silent and talk little, do not exaggerate or compare, live quietly and peacefully in your own world, and you can only find happiness and well-being by yourself.

Marriage is the source of happiness, provided that you find the right partner. Cautious remarriage, two broken families come together, seemingly complete, but there are bigger cracks around the edges, and there is more hidden pain.

Parents and children need to help each other complete each other. If they assume mutual dependence and build their own happiness on each other, they will usually be disappointed. The foundation of the concept of raising children to provide for old age has been shaken. Don’t be too obsessed with it and plan for your own old age as early as possible.

A gentleman loves money in a proper way and should not attach too much importance to money, but he must have reserves to guard against risks. When you are a child, you should not drag your parents down, and when you are a parent, you should not drag your children down. This has become the rule of conduct in life.

The world belongs to you and has nothing to do with others.

I wish grandpa a long life.