The department organizes a self-funded trip. How do I apply if I don’t want to participate?

The department organizes self-funded travel. How do I propose if I don’t want to participate?

Say no, then look at the other person with a smile.

Just like looking at a mentally retarded person, use caring eyes and don’t say another word.

If the other person starts speaking faster, get up and go to the bathroom.

If you’re embarrassed, be tactful.

Euphemistic rejection means "tactful rejection". To put it more bluntly, it means: "rejection that does not hurt other people's self-esteem." I don’t know about your company, but as someone who has been out in society for a long time, I generally understand other people’s financial difficulties. Since it is self-funded, there should be no need to go. You can say it frankly: Not long after I started working, funds are a bit tight. ...I think this is the most sincere and decent approach. Others will understand. As long as the family does not provide money, no one has ever been poor. Generally speaking, people who have been working for a while will not look at this society with such an overly cautious attitude. Relax, don't be nervous.

Learning to say no is a very important thing and is the real beginning of happiness in life.

Some people are kind and weak at heart. Many times they accept things that they should refuse because of other people's coquettishness, crying, pressure, etc. Then what is waiting for them? ——To do things that you don’t want to do or even hate to do! My time has been taken up and I have no time to do my own job! The decision I had made was about to be overturned again! The person who was originally determined to break up had to live in torment! ——Your life has been destroyed since then, and you can never find yourself again. More importantly, from now on, you will be regarded as a person who is easy to control, a person who is easy to bully, and a person who has no dignity.

Is this what you want? Do you want to be a pushover? Is this what you are willing to exchange for your kindness?

No! ! !

So, from now on, learn to refuse, learn to refuse without malice, without shame and firmly! Learning to say no is the beginning of personal independence!

First of all, let’s talk about mentality. People who can't reject people don't have the courage and ability to reject others, but they don't have the mentality to reject others. They feel that they should not reject others. So the first step to learn to say no is to reverse the wrong mentality.

1. Kindness does not mean lack of principles.

Kindness is an excellent aspect of a person’s personality. However, kindness does not mean not knowing right from wrong, it does not mean having no principles, it does not mean being used, being ordered, being treated as a servant or working hard. The more kind-hearted people are, the more they must learn to distinguish right from wrong and learn to adhere to principles, so that they will not be used by bad people and become their accomplices. Are you going to be the accomplice of the bad guys?

2. Don’t be unbalanced in the relationship.

He should be responsible for other people's affairs. You can help, but it is your wish, not your responsibility. If you don’t want to help, you’re not wrong! And helping is often because each other is a friend or colleague. This relationship itself is a mutual relationship. If you have been the only one helping him without him helping you, then the originally equal relationship will fall apart. If a relationship becomes unbalanced, the final solution is that the relationship will develop into non-existence - he will gradually take your help for granted, and if one day you are unable to provide help, he will suddenly turn against you. And you regard him as the most hated person in the world. Repaying kindness with hatred is sometimes instigated by this "virtue". Do you want to instigate your enemies like this?

3. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions and pain.

This is especially true for girls. Because girls are born with well-developed empathy, they will feel sad when they see others being sad. But you have to know that others are not children. He has the ability to solve his own sadness, and the process of solving this problem is the process in which he gradually becomes more determined and mature. In this process, they will cheat and escape. At this time, they will treat others as their own parents and ask others for help, using such desperate, lonely and helpless eyes and expressions to ask others to take responsibility for their affairs. And once someone falls for it, their chance to grow is lost. Do you want to deprive others of the opportunity to grow like this?

4. Don’t get kidnapped.

Kidnapping does not necessarily involve violence. More often, kidnapping is gentle and warm - just like boiling a frog in warm water, you will never realize that you are almost cooked. "I am your mother, and I must be good for you. Just do this job. Listen to your mother. That's right." How do you feel when you hear this? This is kidnapping with family affection and using your own will to decide your behavior. "Our school needs you very much. If you leave, the work will not be carried out. What will the students do?" Is work originally your scope of responsibility? If not, this is yet another emotional kidnapping. "I love you, if you leave me, I will commit suicide!" It's very simple, emotional kidnapping. In addition to emotional kidnapping, there are also moral kidnapping, self-harm kidnapping, patriotism kidnapping, etc., which I won’t go into detail here. In short, are you willing to become a hostage in the hands of kidnappers?

5. Respect your own needs.

You and others are completely equal in terms of personality, and other people’s needs are not more important than yours. Even your own needs are greater than others' needs.

Therefore, it is completely correct to respect your own needs and act according to your own ideas. It is an expression of loving yourself, caring about yourself, and respecting yourself. And despising one's own needs while striving to meet the needs of others is a sign of having no self-esteem. Do you want to be such a disrespectful person?

After analyzing the mentality, let’s talk about today’s learning goal: refuse without hostility & without shame.

1. No hostility. When you refuse, it's just because you really don't want to do it or can't do it, rather than because you have any negative judgment about others. Non-hostility also includes if he expresses anger and unwillingness when he is rejected, you also understand that this is a normal reaction when a person is rejected, and it is not that he really wants to attack you. So you don't have to activate your defense mechanism, and you don't have to be hostile to him because of it.

2. No shame. Your rejection is because you have your own needs or others' requirements are too high, not because you are incompetent or owe something. So don't feel ashamed at all. Being shameless also includes others humiliating or despising you after being rejected. You also understand that this is another normal reaction when people are rejected. Don't be influenced by this kind of evaluation, otherwise you will be too stupid.

3. Be firm. firm. firm. Nothing more needs to be said.

Okay~ The learning goals have been clarified, now let’s formally talk about how to learn.

1. Understand how you feel when you are rejected by others. Don't let yourself get angry or feel humiliated by someone else's rejection. Try to understand why others reject you.

Yes, the best way to learn to say no to others is to accept rejection yourself. After all, how can people who cannot accept rejection by others and regard rejection as hostility or humiliation face their rejection of others?

2. Learn to say no. Make a habit of saying no.

For the first period of time, your mind may be in a mess, and you may not be able to express your love to someone you really like. Don't be afraid, this is the price of growth. You once said it was too easy to say too much, now you have to learn to say no the same way you say yes, until saying yes or no becomes easy and natural.

3. Learn to procrastinate.

Who says procrastination has only bad consequences! Procrastination can also save people! If there is something you didn’t want to do but accidentally agreed to it, learn to put it off. After procrastinating for a while, he will understand that you actually wanted to refuse but you didn't express your refusal well at the time.

Theory is always boring, action is the real meaning.

So, from now on, start rejecting people! Start your own real life!