Classic quotations that ridicule life

Funny life quotations 1 1, those who have money get a money field, and those who have no money go home and get some money to get a money field.

2. The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.

3, the iron cock will leave some rust, you are simply a stainless steel cock!

4, can not extricate themselves, in addition to love, there are radishes in other people's fields.

Don't try to be brave after dark without medical insurance and life insurance?

6. Don't talk to me about feelings. Talking about feelings hurts money.

7. The ancients said:? Do women please themselves? Actually, it should be? Do women please themselves?

8. If the boss uses you, you are a talent. If you don't, you will be laid off!

9. A woman without talent is a virtue. I must be too wicked.

10, some people say that love is a debt I owed in my last life. I will pay it back in my life. I must have been vulgar in my last life, so I have no debt to pay back in my life!

1 1. A white lie is a good excuse for your deception.

12, as a typical loser, you are really successful.

13, the piano, chess and calligraphy are not good, and washing and cooking are too tiring.

14, I can choose to give up, but I can't give up my choice.

15, coffee is bitter and sweet, not how to stir it at the end, but whether to put sugar; The pain is not so hard to forget, but whether you have the courage to start over.

16, parents fool their children into calling education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

17, the most wonderful thing in life is not the moment to realize your dreams, but the process of sticking to your dreams!

18, there are some things that you know are wrong, but you have to persist because you are unwilling; Some people, knowing love, have to give up because there is no ending; Sometimes, knowing that the road has gone, we are still moving forward because we are used to it.

19, love is to put your heart and soul into it and then get out!

20. Not everyone can keep a low profile. The basis of keeping a low profile is to keep a high profile at all times.

Life is as crisp as autumn.

I hate this kind of friend, and I usually talk and laugh with you. When you are in trouble, act as if nothing had happened.

Put out the cigarette and talk about the past. Let's call it a day for the first half of our lives and tomorrow.

There is really no need to be cheeky, courageous, patient and energetic to please someone who can't be together.

5. Does the nine-year compulsory education only teach you to pretend to be forced? Are you confused, or am I fucking old!

6. When a man stops talking to you, he speaks very well. Congratulations, you have lost him.

7. Since you left, there have been no women in my world.

8. You are the most beautiful. She looks better in makeup than you do in ashes.

9. I can't satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human.

10. The mature side is for outsiders, and the naive side is for lovers.

1 1. Actually, I look good if I'm not ugly.

12. I heard that there are two sb's on rainy days. One of you is eating chocolate and the other is playing guitar ~

13. A man's handsomeness lies not in his face, but in his wisdom and calmness accumulated over the years.

14. Tomb-Sweeping Day should go back to primary school and junior high school to sweep the grave, because your youth is buried there.

15. Weather is not as good as geography, geography is not as good as people, and people are not as good as money.

16. I haven't held hands for a long time, and I feel gentle even holding a chicken feet with pickled peppers.

17. The table asked me why I have six dishes and one soup every day. In fact, it's nothing, just rich and willful!

18. When I was a child, I always felt that sleeping was a waste of time. When I grow up, I find that a good sleep is a luxury.

19. People of the motherland, I am sorry for everyone!

20. I once weighed myself with an electronic voice counting device. When I stood up, it said, "Please line up, one by one."

Funny Life Quotations III 1, Flying Man Liu Xiang released Weibo. The photo is of his girlfriend and hurdler, with the caption: I love her and her most! User 1 god's comment: cross during the day and cross her at night! User 2 comments: Are they all 12 seconds 88? This damn thing! ! !

Today, I told my deskmate that dogs can distinguish 500 different smells with their noses. Then she thought thoughtfully for a while and turned to ask me: Then why does it eat shit? Shit, I'm speechless!

My daughter-in-law lies quietly in my arms and asks: I have been married for more than a year. What are my shortcomings? I sincerely say: only one is a little angry! Tell me where I lost my temper.

4. I was taking a nap at noon, vaguely feeling that my five-year-old son was covering me with a quilt. Just when I was particularly moved, I saw my son covered with a quilt from beginning to end and whispered: Rest in peace! ?

5. What did we know about robbery before? I opened the tree and planted it. Stay and buy money if you want to pass by! ? Now the times have changed: 500 meters in front of the toll booth, please slow down! Yidian market network

6. I'm a little nervous about attending a parent-teacher conference for the first time today. Other parents are chatting, and I am the only one sitting silently. After a while, a big brother next to me couldn't help asking me: Teacher Wang, you asked us to come to the meeting, didn't you go up and say a few words?

7. I am introverted and shy. I usually blush when I talk to girls. Blind date, after sitting down, I lowered my head and dared not speak. The girl looked at me and asked, How old are you? My face turns red when I brush it. Girls blush when they see me blush, and then stand up and scold me? Rogue! ? Turn and leave.

8. Aunt Li, a retired worker, takes a bus and someone gives up her seat when she gets on the bus. She sat down, stood up again and offered her seat to a child. Someone offered her seat at once, and the aunt did not hesitate to let an older man sit down. Everyone cast their eyes and offered their seats in succession. Aunt said it was not easy for office workers, so she put two tired young people, a man and a woman, in their seats and finally settled down. In this way, Aunt Li's family of five found seats.

9. I accidentally saw a condom in my son's wallet of 17 years old today. Son of a bitch, come here! Why do you still have condoms in your wallet? The son casually said:? Oh, nothing? I was stunned, and then what? How dare you! ?

10 One day, Lao Wang rode his motorcycle across a bridge. He saw a beggar dig a brick on the bridge and put money in it. The next day, he passed by again, and the beggar dug bricks and stuffed money, thinking that it must be the place where the beggar hid the money. I got off the motorcycle and found a brick under the bridge. I opened it and saw a note posted on it, ten yuan. You take a taxi and I ride a motorcycle for ten yuan. ? Looking up and seeing beggars riding motorcycles? And left.

1 1. Today, I heard two diaosi chatting on the bus, saying that even if you buy a 4.7-inch iphone6, in some people's eyes, you are still a diaosi because you can't afford a 5.5-inch iphone6 by default.

12. On the draft stage, the player turned over 10 backflips in succession, and the judges quickly stopped him: this is a music competition, not a martial arts competition. Why do you do so many somersaults? The contestant said: Uh. . . Because, this is my cover.

13, when someone tells you? Hello, mom? How to fight back wit? Hello, son. ?

14, I went to the drugstore to buy cold medicine today. A sister came, and she said, does the boss regret the medicine? The boss said, yes, there are ten yuan and twenty-five yuan. What kind do you want? She said:? Solve 25 yuan once and for all. ? My sister bought the medicine and left. I can't help asking my boss: What is regret medicine? The boss said: Birth control pills! ?

15, I found a new job, and I am very happy to post in the circle of friends: I found a new job today, come on! Then a friend replied to me early the next morning: pay attention to safety at the gas station!

16. Just now, I was discussing Wang Quanan's whoring with my girlfriend. I said? In this world, good women are always fucked by dogs. ? The girlfriend asked:? Am I a good woman? I am speechless?

17, a pony crossed the river. The old buffalo saw it and said to him, Don't be afraid, the water is very shallow, only up to my knees. ? The little squirrel immediately ran over and shouted, Don't believe him! The water was deep and my friend drowned. ? Pony didn't know who to listen to, so his mother told him, son, ignore those two psychopaths. Let's take the bridge. ?

18, my brother is five years younger than me. Strangely, he always only eats duck meat and is forced not to eat chicken. When he was seven or eight years old, my mother asked him: Why do you only eat ducks and not chickens? My brother said:? Chickens don't bathe all day. They are so dirty that they don't eat them. Ducks are all in the water. Take a bath every day! ?

19, I'm pregnant. Once I joked with my husband, I pushed him under the stomach, and then the goods said they were in a hurry. Have you ever seen a hen fight with an egg? Me: ........

20. I didn't do it for money, I did it for a living. I don't want to have sex. I love you.