How many people have experienced betrayal by their husbands, and will their relationship be the same as before after they return?

There are many husbands who have experienced betrayal and choose to return, but it is difficult to go back to the same situation as before.

Because it is a difficult and continuous remediation project to repair the relationship after returning to the original state, which requires the joint efforts of both husband and wife.

When a couple decides to rebuild their relationship, the betraying partner must cease any contact with the third party. As for the betrayed party, they also need to make up their minds and move towards the goal of reconstruction. Otherwise, the process of reconstruction will be filled with emotions of revenge and hatred. At this time, they rely on the motivation to identify their goals to help them tide over the difficulties.

In the early stages of getting back together, there may be a sweet time when some couples travel together and relive the honeymoon feeling. Some even want to have more children to show their determination to get back together.

But let me tell you, after the honeymoon feeling is over, old traumas will slowly surface.

During the period of getting back together, couples will also have their own problems:

The party having an extramarital affair will:

* Guilt

* Self-protection

* Inexpressible anger

* Mourning for past lovers

* Depression

The betrayed party will:

* Anxiety: Fear of being betrayed again

* Suspicion: Constantly asking about spouse’s whereabouts

* Damaged self-esteem

* Jealousy: Detailed inquiries Things about third parties

* Anger

* Mourning for broken dreams

Because each of them is full of complex emotions, sometimes they cannot distinguish them well, and conflicts will arise. By shifting the blame onto the other party and adding the already existing betrayal issue, the situation becomes even more confusing.

On the other hand, both parties hope that the other party will understand their pain, so there will be quarrels. Sometimes, no matter how they express their inner struggles, the other party cannot understand them.

During this period, everyone must have their own space to identify and understand their inner emotions, then deal with them and relieve them, and then discuss emotional issues when the emotions calm down.

What to do?

1. Rebuilding trust and overcoming jealousy

Someone asked me, since I was hurt and the other person betrayed me, why do I have to take so much pains to rebuild trust?

I tell you, if you base yourself on distrust, you will always find some areas where you have no confidence. No matter what your husband is like, he can no longer give you confidence.

The foundation of the relationship between husband and wife lies in trust. The meaning and value of rebuilding trust does not lie in whether the other party is trustworthy, but in our recognition of the value of trust. Through trust, we invest in the relationship and our lives, so that we can truly be together. Live once.

As for how to cooperate specifically, here are some suggestions:

1. Your husband should admit the trauma he has caused you and be willing to do something to help you rebuild trust

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During this period, he must allow you to express your anger, conflict and hurt. Behind these feelings is a wounded heart. This is because you value him and are afraid of losing him. , will have such performance.

Ask him not to focus on your frequently repeated emotions and many questioning behaviors, but to use consideration to understand your needs and use the courage to admit your trauma. Doing so will speed up the process of rebuilding trust.

2. You need to think clearly about your needs and state your requirements in a reasonable time and space.

For example, within a month, your husband needs to report his whereabouts and ask for his confirmation. Commitment to the marriage, asking him to do certain things to show love, etc.

The requirements must be specific and time-limited.

When he could do it, he decided to trust him again.

But you should note that at this stage, it is easy to be swallowed up by anger and hurt emotions, and indulge in a state of distrust for a long time.

3. During the period of rebuilding trust, both parties must be patient enough

As I said, rebuilding trust requires time and patience, and there is no quick way.

During this period, both parties must maintain their commitment to rebuild trust.

The so-called trust means that both parties have certain assumptions about each other's relationship. For example, if you have promised not to see a third party, no matter how big the reason is, you cannot meet again, otherwise it will destroy *** same assumptions and understandings.

On the other hand, a series of lies is a fatal factor in destroying trust. Lies make you don't know what else to believe and how to understand the relationship.

Your husband needs to apologize for the lies in the past, and at the same time help you rebuild a stable mood, and be mentally prepared. Even if you tell the truth again, you will be suspicious. At this time, don’t make you angry. Instead, accept your emotions because they are natural.

It takes a long time for a frightened bird to regain its sense of security. At this stage, the most fearful person is lack of patience.

The situation becomes even more complicated when anger arises from lack of patience.

In addition to trust, it is a blow to your self-esteem. You feel that you are inferior to the third party in some ways, which makes you angry and full of jealousy.

The general reaction is to keep asking about his interactions with the third party, the heart-to-heart conversations they had, the places they have been, and even what their X behavior is like, and what is wrong with him that he can't compare to. : Some questions may be so profound that he wants to avoid answering them.

To deal with these constant inquiries, it is best to have professional assistance, otherwise these inquiries will cause further wear and tear on the relationship between the two parties.

3. Unlocking the willow lock of guilt and mourning the lost love

After he experienced some inner struggle, he finally decided to return to the embrace of marriage, but he could not untie the knot of guilt. Suffering, and even more unable to let go of the people you once loved, and when the pain in your heart is difficult to get understanding and sympathy from others, you will easily feel depressed.

Besides, even if you feel dissatisfied in your marriage because you have done something wrong, you are not qualified to express your unhappiness; there are thousands of knots in your heart, how can you untie them? This also requires your cooperation.

(1) If you are injured, you should allow him to go through a period of mourning, and do not expect that the love can be rekindled immediately. When you see him depressed, give him space instead of pushing and blaming him.

(2) He can also find a trustworthy person, such as a third-party emotional counselor like me, to vent his dissatisfaction that he cannot tell you, or to share his condolences for the extramarital woman. Feeling.

(3) Let him face his guilt bravely, without flinching or fighting back, and honestly face his own weakness and the harm he has caused to others, and then repent and seek forgiveness, including for you and that person. Extramarital women.

(4) He needs to devote himself to exploring the problems in marriage with you, express his experience in a consistent manner, not to defend his extramarital affair, but to seriously discuss relationship issues; Use extramarital affairs as a solution, and now I have to face it hand in hand with you.

(5) Let him accept himself. He may have done a lot of sorry things to others, but he can still seek forgiveness. A clear understanding of the sins we have committed can make us more humble. It turns out that we are nothing more than this. Humility leads to tolerance for others, and because of humility, we can better appreciate the love and greatness of the Creator.

I hope the above can help you sort out your mood and face your marriage again.