Haha quotations

Friar Sand said to the Monkey King, "Brother, I heard that the meat of Second Brother is much more valuable than that of Master."

-Analyzing the phenomenon of pork price increase with Journey to the West. You can know your lover in the moonlight, but you must know your life partner in the sun.

-Writer Liu Yongyue

God gave us youth and acne.

-beauty also has defects.

The so-called newly developed resorts often take a roller coaster first, then a pirate ship, eat "Sun Erniang steamed buns" and stay at "Xinlongmen Inn".

-Complaints about tourist attractions

The son asked his mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mother replied, "One! Baby B, where is home C? Standing barefoot on D, EF doesn't wear it, but also shows small GG! "

-20xx Best Sentence Making of the Year

What is terrible for benzene people is not their benzene, but their cleverness.

-Li Ao talks about "benzene"

One of his parents is Dugu and the other is Nangong. Dugu gave birth to a child named Nangong Fan Xiao. The child married a woman named Murong, and their child was temporarily named Murong, the lonely Nangong-there was no name-because the country stipulated that the name could not exceed six words.

In order to solve the problem of duplicate names, the first draft of the name registration list allows children to adopt the surnames of both parents. It is said that this move can increase 1.28 million double surnames. Some people are just so ridiculous.

When knitting, one stitch at a time, be careful; When demolished, a "castle" becomes a pile of lines in the blink of an eye with a gentle pull.

Feelings are like sweaters.

You have me, every day is Valentine's Day; I have you, every day is labor day; You and I are together, and every day is a carnival.

-cunning boys use such sweet words to win the hearts of girls when sending text messages.

Ha ha ha ha! What a boring personality. Say, I actually finished reading it.

0 1, the wind in June, how many old friends have dispersed.

02. People with big faces have no temper, because it is difficult to turn their faces.

03. The most regrettable thing is that I can't kiss your handsome cheek.

04. It's not fair. I am ugly. I don't have a rich father yet.

I heard that you don't have a girlfriend, and neither do I.

06, nothing, want everything.

07, in a bad mood, the supermarket rice jar helps you solve your troubles.

08, so boring, fart and play by yourself.

09. You are crazy at first sight, because you can chew that face.

10, every night, except you, I'm hungry.

1 1, I accidentally got Aladdin's magic lamp, and I made a wish that I must fall in love before I die. As a result, I got eternal life.

12, whoever is young only once, who rules who is spoiled.

13. When I was young, my grandmother always made me a strange cup of coffee. I didn't know Banlangen was there until I grew up.

14, liking someone is simply too tired. In order to improve efficiency, I like ten at once.

15, others fall in love by face value and money. I know the other person is blind.

16, many people say I am cute and beautiful, so clean up and cover your mouth. Don't publicize what everyone knows.

17, don't call me cold. Send a red envelope if you can, and I'll reply you in minutes.

18, I have no ambition in my life, just want to make a lot of money.

19, people say I buckle the rope. Really, I just took a selfie of 30% video games.

20, don't complain because you can't find someone, it's because you are too good.

2 1, I won't brag anymore. I'll sweep all the streets around here in the future.

22. Seeing the news that it is dangerous to play mobile phones while walking scared me to run clean and play.

You asked me to describe my girlfriend. I don't have a fucking girlfriend

24, Ma Ma, forget it, I hit you before you know that I am an outstanding talent with both civil and military skills.

15 phrase, ha ha ha laugh to tears.

Lead: In the second day of junior high school, when my hair was cut, I simply shaved my head. Then every time the class teacher asks questions, I will put my hands together: Little monk, can you solve a problem for the teacher?

1, don't want to listen to his lectures, just want to listen to his bragging ratio!

2. Today, the physics teacher handed out a paper, which was handed out quickly because of the good course foundation. Then the physics teacher said, "It's so boring. I might as well help you with your chemistry paper. " Then I really talked about the chemistry paper. . In the afternoon, the chemistry teacher came to class and shouted at the sky, "He is crazy! ! ! "

One day, the math teacher drank too much, and the smell of wine was particularly strong. Then I told my deskmate that he was drunk. The math teacher listened and said loudly, I did drink, but I didn't drink too much. Is there a problem with this question I said? ! Is there a problem? I said, yes. The teacher said: Well, look at the following dish. . .

In the second year of junior high school, when I cut my hair, I simply shaved my head. Then every time the class teacher asks questions, I will put my hands together: Little monk, can you solve a problem for the teacher?

The head teacher handed in six mobile phones in the class, including mine. Fell in the hallway. Then I went to count, and she dropped seven. Suddenly feel good about Japan.

6. The physics uncle in high school is in class, and his classmates complain that it is too difficult. He stopped suddenly and said with a serious face, "Shh! ! Shake your little head! " The whole class did it inexplicably. He smiled. "Did you hear that?" !

7. A class lasts 40 minutes, 30 minutes to talk about his glorious history, 5 minutes to lecture, and the last 5 minutes to complain that our class is always endless!

In chemistry class, the teacher said that sodium is very active in water. As he spoke, he threw a piece of sodium into it, and the sodium moved quickly in the water. The chemistry teacher suddenly shouted, look at how fast that JB thing is! As a result, the whole class was stunned.

There is a group in our class. On Sunday morning, the class teacher sent me good morning, bitches. Nobody paid attention to him. Later, I quickly got up and pretended to be forced. No one has paid attention to him yet. Then he said, "You all went out on dates and bullied me, single dog." . Later, I went into space and sent one myself. A person, _ _ slowly) indifference, _ _ habit. . . The head teacher 28 is very handsome!

10, junior high school The head teacher moved his office to the back of the classroom. There is a chemistry class. In order to review, the teacher asked, "What is sodium?" Everyone was silent, and the teacher said loudly, "Sodium! Yes! What! Yao! Ah! " At this time, the class teacher sang silently behind: "Sodium is a magical path." After two seconds of silence, the whole class burst into laughter. I only remember that the chemistry teacher turned blue.

1 1. When I was in primary school, my teacher asked me to write a composition about housework, repeatedly stressing that it should be true. I don't know if everyone will ask for this. On Monday, the teacher asked a classmate to read. He read: after dinner, I will help my mother wash the dishes. My mother said to go away and play. I said the teacher told me to do it. My mother said that your teacher forced me to do so much ... This is the truest composition I have ever heard! Hahaha!

12, I slept all morning and waited for this class! ! !

13, do you have a teacher friend who is rich all over the country, but she is poor?

14. She didn't come to class. I found her dragging the next class after class.

15, go to the teacher's house to make up a small class and add one * * * four people. Then we made papers and said that if we got 90 points, we would rest for an hour. Then we all did it quickly, almost correctly. So the four of us started playing mahjong ... and then Jenny came back and scolded him for a long time without listening to our messy explanations. Ha ha ha, it's funny to think about it. After paying the tuition fee, she will give us 100 yuan back and say that she wants to buy snacks and want to cry ... I miss it.

Editor's note: I couldn't stop laughing in the first part. What kind of teasing can teachers and students do! Hahaha!

Funny quotations that make people laugh.

1. I'm Jesus, his son Coconut!

2. Women please themselves, while men please themselves piteously!

There are so many people who despise me. Who are you?

There are plenty of people's backgrounds, but I only have my back.

The realistic society ruined my chance to be a good person!

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

7. There will be a road in the end, and I can't stop it.

8. Wechat is so awesome that it is difficult to make a mobile phone into a walkie-talkie.

9. Even if my heart is the liver and lungs of the donkey, it is enough to feed the dog's stomach.

10. In front of beautiful women: danger can be saved, and no danger can create danger.

1 1. Look at a temple from a distance, and look at our alma mater, with more than 300 nuns and more than 10,000 old roads.

12. Brother looked down, not because he was afraid, but because he was looking for bricks.

13. All kinds of small talk, all kinds of ditties, all kinds of tunes.

14. Maxima is very common, but Maxima's mother is not.

15. Iron shirts, golden bells, Xiao Li flying knives, love bullets whistling, couples watching the battle.

16. Tian Jian, Tu Longdao, Zhang Ba snake spear, one will be turned into a thousand bones, and the jade belt will be a dragon robe.

17. Clear water leads to no fish, while lowly people lead to invincible.

18. There is a man in my family who has grown up for more than twenty years.

19. The wind is light and the clouds are light, and the eyebrows are locked and sad. When I meet a beautiful woman, I give her the glad eye and my mind swings.

20. A big woman can't have no electricity for a day, and a little woman can't have no money for a day!

2 1. When others praise me, I worry that others will not praise me enough.

22. Even believe in advertisements. You must be stupid to study!

23. Brother, I am not lonely, because I am accompanied by loneliness!

24. Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, and those who are afraid of debt are really poor!

25. Sunrise in the east and rain in the west make the teacher heartless.

26. I didn't know until I went to the hospital that people are more likely to hang up than numbers.

27. I have always had you in my heart, but the proportion has changed.

28. Mother-in-law's result: Men are feminine and women are menstruation.

29. Wine meets bosom friend.

30. I have a little thought, but I don't lack it; I have a good temper, but not without it!

3 1. Planting grass won't make people lie down. Why don't you plant cactus?

32. It's a long way to Xiu Yuan, so let's take a taxi.

33. Just like you, at this age, you have fallen below the issue price.

34. The teacher said: The college entrance examination is coming soon, so don't fall in love and quarrel early, so as not to affect your mood; Don't confess without puppy love, lest you be rejected and affect your mood.

You have so many pimples on your face that it will turn over when you drive a tractor.

36. My brother is a legend. Don't ask me which unit I work in.

37. The poor play with cars, the rich play with watches, and Niu B works overtime to knock on the computer.

38. A buddy's psychological quality is as good as no psychological quality.

39. You don't have to count what you said, but you have to change the person you like every day.

40. A big belly is not terrible. The terrible thing is that it is unexpectedly big.

4 1. God, did you share a room in summer and winter? Give birth to this damn weather!

42. How dare I not believe that you have the face to lie?

43. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have people's thoughts. If a pig has a human brain, it is not a pig-it is Bajie!

44. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

45. The so-called puppy love is just to raise a wife for others.

46. Don't buy useless things, no matter how cheap; Don't rely on people who don't love, no matter how lonely they are.

47. Ugly people can get married and beautiful people can be single.

48. People who say good night to sleep often show off in an ostentatious manner after half an hour.

49. A lazy cat went crazy after a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse was very moved: Why is my dear so kind to me? Hey, hey, the cat said with a smile, you'll know when you get fat.

50. A roommate, determined to start losing weight, vowed in front of all roommates: Fat, I'll fight with you. A month later, I failed to lose weight. I said softly in front of all my roommates: Dear Pangpang, you won again this time.

5 1. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.

52. If a diamond lasts forever, one will go bankrupt!

53. Go your own way and let others take a taxi!

The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

55. Taking pictures is to seize the opportunity, and it will never be good on purpose.

56. White plus black: stepping on a person during the day does not fall asleep; Step on one more person at night and sleep soundly.

57. Don't open the gift ribbon. At first, it was full of expectations, and finally it was corrupt.

58. Think about the salary ratio. Forget it. I don't want to live.

59. Don't mess with me, or I'll let you die rhythmically.

60. I won't hit you, you don't know that I am both civil and military.

6 1. You are too short! Let me borrow your telescope to see more clearly. Am I not handsome?

62. I want to make a download software called earmuffs. Because lightning is inaudible.

63. People have lost their waists and bottoms. Why do we have to start with brain cells?

Touch screens are popular in mobile phones and computers. A friend especially felt: Now that technology is developing so fast, it is hard to say which day TV will touch the screen. Another friend said: you are so stupid! Do I have to walk over and poke with my finger without the remote control?

65. Stop fooling around, or you will be confused by the days.

66. If this is not love, then I'd rather sell cabbage.

67. Someone actually wears blue eye shadow, which is an insult to my dark circles!

68. If you fool around, you will get bored sooner or later.

69. Success is 10% talent plus 10% not being distracted by the Internet.

70. I have three heights, a tall man and a high IQ. I use BBK!

7 1. Fate shuffles the cards, but we play cards ourselves!

72. My heart is broken and it looks like dumpling stuffing.

I can't find my tie again. Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

74.look at you! Look at the back, there are thousands of troops; Turn around and scare away millions of heroes.

75. When there is a bright moon, ask the sky for wine and say, Fuck you, I am so busy, how can I ignore you and watch the weather forecast by myself?

76. I am in Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in Jianghu.

77. I'm glad to find twenty cents. When I picked it up, it looked like 1992 money. It's expired.

78. Your future depends on your dreams now, so go to sleep!

79. I just registered a user named Dad on a website and sent me an email. At first, I was dumbfounded. It said: Hello, Dad, your user name has been registered successfully!

80. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

8 1. I skipped classes too much. One day, I want to go to class. Seeing the professor, the professor was surprised and said, I haven't seen you for so long, and I have grown so big.

82. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

83. I definitely don't feel a catty of white wine, because I died after drinking half a catty.

Everyone says I'm ugly, but in fact I'm just beautiful.

85. If I don't hit you, you won't know that I am both civil and military.

86. When I was particularly sleepy, my moral standards didn't wake up. Teachers should be careful.

87. There was a match that burned to death after a few days without washing its hair and itchy scalp.

My future is not a dream, but a nightmare.

89. Hello, the number you dialed has passed away. Please redial in your next life.

90. No matter how ugly you are, you should fall in love and talk about a world full of love.

9 1. I struggled with fat and almost didn't die.

92. Adults are uncomfortable, but they are actually uncomfortable.

93. When I love you, you are beautiful; When I hate you, you are a zombie!

94. There are thousands of children in China. If this one doesn't work, we'll change it.

95. You are the wind, I am the sand, you are the leather shoes, I am the brush, you ignore me and I commit suicide.

96. Showing off your wealth is like being complacent, trying to show off your gorgeous appearance, but being seen in your ass.

97. As long as we have confidence, anything is possible.

98. Stealing food is not my fault, but the loneliness of my mouth.

99. The furthest distance in the world is from Monday to Friday.

100. Since people get tanned, their faces look good, their teeth turn white, and they don't blush after drinking wine.