Is cuckold open marriage the trend of the future?

I have been married for 18 years and have always been a very traditional woman. Before this happened, I never thought that one day I would have an open marriage and play with my husband... Is an open marriage okay?

The anxiety and pain of a deceived woman

It all started when my husband received a call from a woman.

My name is Xiaoyu, I am 40 years old this year, and my husband Xiaohai is 2 years older than me. We have a daughter who is in college.

Xiaohai and I are an entrepreneurial couple. We have suffered a lot, and now we are finally done.

Since my child went to college, we are the only two left at home, and we don’t talk much when we go home.

He is relatively busy. I am a clerk and work relatively leisurely. I thought my life would continue like this.

Until one time, I woke up in the middle of the night and found that Xiaohai was not around.

Looking at the time, it was 3:30 in the morning. I also searched the house and found no one.

I called him, and it turned out that a woman answered the phone. I thought it was a wrong call, so I hung up.

I called again, and a woman answered the phone. Before I could speak, she said: Sister-in-law, Xiaohai has gone to bed. If you have anything to do, we’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Every woman will go crazy hearing such words.

I stayed up all night, always wondering when he cheated on me? What kind of woman cheats?

I tried to find evidence of his cheating from some clues, but the night had never felt so long.

I almost didn’t sleep all night.

When he came back in the morning, he saw that I was haggard and didn’t say much. He poured hot water for me as before.

I didn't have time to lose my temper, so he spoke first:

"You didn't sleep all night last night. Why don't you take a break and let's talk again?"

I just stared at him without speaking.

He continued:

"Last night she said she was not feeling well, so I went to stay with her. I just want to enjoy life. When I am old, we will spend our old age together . The child is getting married and we are going on a trip."

He said it like this, as if cheating was just a small thing.

He also said:

"To be honest, I never thought about divorcing you. I just feel that I have been married for so many years and my relationship is very flat, so I want to Find a thrill. I can't stand drinking boiled water every day to relieve my cravings. In addition, the things in bed must be fresh and exciting." Unexpectedly, he didn't regret it at all. He's been cheating on me for six years and I've been kept in the dark like a fool.

I feel sick when I think about how nice I was to him in the past.

I smashed the fish tank where he fed the fish every day. When I got home, I also made fun of him and refused to cook for him. I didn’t do any work at home.

But he is still the same as before. He just lets me do whatever I want and won't talk about me anymore.

It’s not that I haven’t thought about divorce, but what will happen to my children after divorce? What to do with the family property that came down with him?

Every day is like being in an ice cellar suffering in the scorching heat. Sometimes I feel cold and sometimes angry. Is an open marriage good?

I feel depressed or crazy.

I don’t think any woman who has truly sacrificed has suffered like this?

I accidentally started an open relationship

After hesitating, struggling, and thinking about it, I finally mentioned divorce.

Xiaohai said: "I know my cheating is really harmful to you. We are so old, divorce is not good for anyone."

I sneered, now I know it is not good for me not good?

He actually said: "I am sorry for you first, otherwise you will find someone else. Maybe then your mind will change and you can understand my feelings."

I really I didn't expect him to say such disgusting things. In fact, I know that he has been cheating on me for many years and I feel very unbalanced. I don't want to find a lover to get back at him.

In that case, I agreed directly. In short, I must take revenge on him. I said I must find some men.

On the contrary, Xiaohai smiled: "In recent years, the quality of our sexual life has seriously declined. It has been a long time since we had sex, and you feel uncomfortable."

It is true that Xiaohai said this. It hits the mark on how I feel in my heart.

In the past few years, we have been in a sexless marriage, and we are not very satisfied when we do it occasionally.

Is our marriage really indispensable?

Originally I wanted to get a divorce, but after listening to Xiaohai's words, I always felt something else in my heart.

Just when I was wavering, I met Xiaokai.

At a class reunion, I met my former deskmate Xiaokai.

We talked a lot and were filled with emotions. In addition, drinking, physical enthusiasm, and firewood made the fire strong.

Maybe it’s because of excitement, maybe it’s because of revenge, I experienced happiness that I haven’t experienced in a long time.

Originally I didn’t want to continue with Xiaokai, but thinking of Xiaohai’s behavior, I agreed to Xiaokai’s pursuit.

Since then, I have completely fallen into such a chaotic relationship.

Perhaps because of the sense of revenge in my heart, my hatred for Xiao Hai is not as deep as before.

Soon Xiaohai also knew that I had a lover, and we talked about it openly.

He told me to protect myself, and made an appointment with me for three chapters:

Pay attention to hygiene and don’t get sick

You can’t take it home Or nearby?

Don’t let others know

You can’t give family money to third parties

When he talked about it seriously, I felt He seemed to be talking about someone else's business.

Now that both of them have cheated on each other, I just decided to give it a try.

In this way, my marriage became an open marriage, and I found a delicate balance in the four-person relationship.

Falling into lust and returning to the original pain

After being together with Xiaokai, we have experienced a lot.

I did everything with Xiaokai that I didn’t dare to do in front of Xiaohai before.

When it comes to open marriage, Xiao Hai said:

You only play with your body and not your mind. Even if you go out to ride a roller coaster and it is exciting, even if you like it, just play it a few more times. You can't live in a roller coaster.

Perhaps because we have spread everything out, my relationship with Xiaohai is better than before, and we occasionally have sex.

Xiao Kai is not bad to me either. He always satisfies me. This alone is enough to release the warm hormones in my heart.

Perhaps because we were classmates, I could chat with him for a long time, whether we were talking about the future of youth or the philosophy of life. Unknowingly, this relationship lasted for three years.

I thought our relationship would always be like this.

Until one time, Xiaokai went on a business trip to another city, and I went with him.

When I was in the hotel at night, maybe I drank too much, I said to Xiao Kai: "I love you"

Unexpectedly, Xiao Kai's reaction was a bit fierce, he said: " Don’t talk about love, we are just playmates who are in tune with each other.”

I don’t know what happened, but I felt very sad when I heard him say that.

I don’t want to admit it, but the villain in me keeps telling me that I’m in love with Xiao Kai.

I thought that an open marriage could save me, but I found that I finally fell into a situation that I couldn't extricate myself from. I regret starting such a game.

Maybe because he saw that I was moved, Xiaokai said that he hoped we would cut off contact.

Think about the past few years, are they all bubbles?

Seeing me becoming depressed, Xiaohai saw it at a glance and said: "This is a game. You committed a taboo in this game, so you were eliminated, but you don't have to be like this. After all, this is just a game, just play it again."

It turns out that in this erotic game, I was the only one who was moved, and they were just playing.

I regret that I impulsively cheated on Xiao Hai in order to get revenge, and now I can only reap the consequences.

On the contrary, our marriage ushered in a closed ending. My body was open, but my heart was trapped in lust, and my temporary greed did not give me relief.

Xiao Kai is gone, Xiao Hai is still the same, but I am exhausted.

For me, cheating is a game I can’t afford to play. Maybe this is the retribution for cheating. Now that I think about it, I was really obsessed with it at the beginning.

Suddenly I feel like this kind of marriage is like a shackles.

In an open marriage, I didn’t get answers and belonging. I didn’t know where to go. I only knew that Xiaohai and I would never go back.

Perhaps I should have chosen divorce from the beginning, but there is no regret medicine in this world.

So many years have passed and my child is about to get married. I don’t know what the future will be like, but now I can only endure it like this.

What is open is the body, what is closed is the mind

I am often asked on various occasions: What do you think? "Open marriage"? Are “open marriages” the future?

I think "open marriage" is not an evolution of marriage, but a regression of marriage.

Why do you say that?

Because "open marriage" is not in line with the development direction of human civilization.

What is this direction?

As we all know, humans have been evolving, this evolution of humans.

What is the difference between humans and animals?

In short, people can be their own programmers and can change their lives, while animals are just robots, executing instinctive arrangements.

The essence of old-style marriage is animals. For example, marriage is to give birth to a son and continue to incense. The greatest curse to a person is to "cut off his descendants".

This is no different from animals.

But when human civilization developed to a certain extent, we discovered such a thing as love.

Marriage is no longer just a relationship to carry on the family line, but a relationship to solve our mutual psychological satisfaction, and the latter is becoming more and more important in marriage.

Our current DINK marriage (choosing not to have children) is 100% representative of the attempt to "only have an emotional relationship, not a reproductive relationship".

But there is a difficulty in marriage, which is the "seven-year itch" or even the "three-year itch".

What is "itch"?

That is, we find that there are too many conflicts and dissatisfactions in the relationship for us to deal with.

So we have two options.

One option is to improve our ability to resolve conflicts and resolve them.

We will find a solution to the problem by selecting "Agent".

Just like the toilet in your house is broken, you can repair it, or you can choose to go to your neighbor's house to use the toilet every day.

Improving our ability to solve problems, this is the ability of human beings to solve problems. "Human nature" strives to evolve.

Trying to use sexual stimulation to digest the "itch" of marriage is actually a kind of regression.

For example, a man told me before that he and his wife have been married for 3 years and they have less and less desire and want to flirt and cheat.

I asked him when did he start losing desire for his wife?

He said that when his wife looked at his newborn son with particularly focused eyes, he didn't know why he felt particularly sad.

He suddenly remembered that when his mother gave birth to a younger brother, he often woke up crying in the middle of the night.

The nightmare that makes him wake up crying is often a picture:

The mother hugs her brother and smiles happily,

He goes to catch his mother, but what? He scratched, all he caught was air.

It seemed that he and his mother were separated forever, and he became a ghost.

Humans and ghosts are different. My mother will never feel it. His existence?

At this point, he burst into tears.

I finally learned that the source of his irresistible sexual desire was actually the tears in the quilt of a lonely 5-year-old boy.

If he turned into an animal, he would forget these pains again and again.

But the price is that he becomes less and less "human", his heart is always closed, and eventually sex becomes a "drug" and he must kill his "inner self" in order to live in the world.

But when he cried, when he understood, when he could hug the little boy, he found that his desire for his wife was miraculously restored.

The so-called "freshness" has nothing to do with sex at all, but it has nothing to do with your "distant cry".

Only when we treat ourselves the way we treat others can we feel happiness as a human being.

And when we treat ourselves like animals, we live in a hell with a human face and an animal heart.

Is an open marriage good? Believe me, self-deception is definitely not happiness, but a deep pain.