Learn to be lonely, so you won't be lonely.

A few days ago, someone in Zhihu invited me to answer a question, which generally means, "How to get along with myself better to relieve the loneliness in my heart?"

the description of the problem is only two words: loneliness.

Looking at the current online world, many people are looking for a little inner comfort in this virtual space, and the reasons given are quite different.

There is a sentence in "Do Those Things While Being Single" that has impressed me so far. "Your most important relationship is not with your husband/wife, your parents/children, but with yourself. You must learn to get along with yourself, because at any stage of your life, the only person who has been with you is yourself, and only yourself."

No matter what stage we are in, we must learn to get along with ourselves. And those who often complain about their loneliness are really lonely? Or is it lonely because it is too lonely?

Note: Loneliness ≠ Loneliness

There are many reasons for loneliness, but the reason for loneliness is not loneliness. People who can be lonely are called things, people who can be lonely are called people, and loneliness is a lofty realm.

2

There is a scene in the movie Top Secrets of Billions of Teenagers: the man skipped class seriously to watch his girlfriend rehearse the program. Originally, he wanted to invite her to dinner, but the woman said that she had no time to rehearse the program in the evening. The man said angrily, "We had very little time to meet, so we finally met. You always say that you are busy. When will you be free?" The hostess said, "It's not that I'm too busy, it's that you're too idle."

Think carefully, do such scenes often appear in our lives? We often complain that the other party doesn't have time to accompany us. If the other party doesn't answer the phone, it's a serial call. If he doesn't reply to the short message in time, he keeps guessing what the other party is doing. Why don't he reply to the message?

not because others are too busy, but because you are too idle.

you have nothing to do, you have nothing to do.

You turn on the TV for a long time, but you can't find your favorite program. You can memorize all the hot news these days by brushing Weibo once every three minutes. You brush your circle of friends once every five minutes, and envy and hate those who study hard, work hard and travel around in the circle of friends. You are lying in bed, holding your mobile phone and brushing all the apps, but no one calls you or sends you messages, so you start sending messages to your friends. A says you are studying, B says you are working overtime, and C says you are on a business trip. You think the whole world has abandoned you.

in an instant, a sense of loneliness struck. The lonely state of the mean is similar to loss.

when you have nothing to do, loneliness comes to you.

Do whatever you like, and do what you want, which will help to drive away loneliness. When you devote yourself to your favorite things, you can naturally forget everything, and there is no extra space for you to sigh lonely and helpless. Running slowly, writing, doing small crafts, and even playing the piano; The most important thing is the thing you love.

3

Chen Daoming said that "solitude is a virtue, which can purify people's hearts"

Today's society makes us find that solitude is an excellent way of life.

French philosopher Pascal said, "Almost all our pains come from our inability to be alone in the room"

Only when we are alone can we have time to think; When you meditate, you have a chance to feel.

the real loneliness is not the moaning after eating and drinking. Loneliness is the radiation of the soul, the loneliness of reason, the height of thought and the realm of life. It has no sound but thoughts, no extension but connotation. Loneliness is a profound interpretation and irreplaceable beauty.

After reading Rene Liu's "I dare to be alone in your arms", there is such a sentence: "One's life is either striving for one's own space or adapting to the space of others. Being alone is to enlarge yourself infinitely, while getting along is to shrink as much as possible to adapt to the vacant position of others. "

That sounds like a kind of "loneliness", and it is very lonely. But after the mouth of milk tea, it seems that the clouds are light and the wind is light. She said very early that she enjoyed being alone very much, and felt that she could do everything she wanted to do with others, such as watching movies alone, singing K alone, shopping alone, traveling alone, cooking at home, staring blankly ... It was a little pitiful to do everything alone? Milk tea said, not at all, "I think it is painful to be with people you don't know."

only when you dare to be lonely can you dare to love.

4

When you learn to get along with yourself, a person may not be lonely. When there are many people, you may be more at a loss. There is only one moon, but there are many stars, walking in the sea of people, I don't know who understands. Therefore, there is a sigh in the noise and a cold view in the enthusiasm.

in the dark night, keeping a heart lamp alone and staring at the desolate and boundless night, there is no pain, no depression, and quietly savoring the emptiness, openness and silence of Qingyuan. Strolling through my spiritual journey, I melt my anxious heart into the peace like water, cherish life in remembrance and reflection, touch the dancing soul in the deepest part of the night, and make nothingness rich. What a pleasure!

learn to be lonely, and you won't be lonely.