Guo Degang's classic cross talk "Dream Wedding" lines

A Everything is changing now, and it’s changing quite fast, one day at a time. Take our cross talk, it sounds like this today, and it will be the same tomorrow.

B What’s wrong?

A Changed. The same goes for people's thoughts. Take me as an example. In the past, I only wanted to get rich, but now I don't think so. This is a change.

B Yes!

A The idea in the past was wrong. I just wanted to get rich. What kind of thinking is this?

B That’s right.

A I don’t have the idea of ??getting rich.

B You are better than them.

A It’s better to have more money!

B You are not as good as them!

A With your kind of thinking, you are in a dilemma!

B You are the only one who has this kind of thinking!

A It’s a joke to talk about getting rich.

B What?

A I made a fortune once, more than 20 years ago. I picked up a large leather bag after a night show at Sanqing Theater in Dashilar. When I opened my wallet, I took a look and saw that there were more than 500,000 yuan in winnings and receipts! I suddenly became rich, and with a thunder, I became a rich man in the blink of an eye. What did it mean to have money in the old society? Pay attention to food, clothing and ostentation. You have to be particular about your clothes. You think, now that I have money, I must be particular about it.

B That’s right, can you wear it?

A If you think about it, I will put on my western leather jacket on June 13th.

B Wait first! Isn’t it hot to wear a leather jacket on June 13th?

A If it’s not hot, make the grass cloth noodles!

B That’s not cool either!

A There is also a small cotton-padded jacket and trousers with gauze inside.

B It’s just a shame!

A I am wearing seventeen top hats. From a distance, I look like a chimney turned into a spirit.

B Big skewers of candied haws.

A My monthly subscription car has three footbells.

B There are two of them?

A The three of us! One on each side.

B Which one is in the middle?

A is poked with the stick of civilization. I was even more tired from sitting than the driver.

B Yes! Your hands and feet are free from time to time.

A. Does A have barbecue for breakfast? font color="#006699">A. Does A. suffer from drought?/p>

B. Does B. have something to eat like that?

A drank ice cream, but he didn’t dare to drink it when it was too cold. He had to take a spoon to heat it up, add some sesame sauce, add three sanitary balls, put four chickens on it, and bring it up...

B Did you drink it?

A I poured it down! It's not a taste!

B It’s a feeling to be helpless.

A It made me crazy, so I ran to Shanghai.

B Why did you go to Shanghai?

A went to Shanghai and stayed at the largest hotel in Huangpu Beach, which cost 60 yuan per room per day. I left eight gates alone.

B Two rooms are not enough?

A No! All eight rooms are useful. There is a dining room, a living room, a shower room, and a toilet, which takes up four rooms.

B Where are the four more rooms?

A Those four rooms take turns sleeping.

B Sleep in one room for one night.

A No! This house sleeps for five minutes, that house sleeps for five minutes. When sleeping, hold the watch. Go in, spread out the quilt, take off your clothes, and get in. I looked at my watch and saw that there was still one minute left. I quickly put on my clothes, folded my bed, and ran to the house again.

B It’s just a toss-up!

A Walk here and there every day. Everything is good, but the only bad thing is that he doesn't understand the dialect.

B Oh! Don't understand the local dialect.

A I miss my hometown when I am in a foreign country, but I miss Beijing again when I arrive in Shanghai. Why! I met an acquaintance in Beijing who is also a cross talker among us. You know this person.

B Who is it?

A XXX, this person’s heart is broken!

B What?

A was in Shanghai that year, so he met me on Guangxi Road: "xx, I came here to look for our relatives, but couldn't find them. They moved. I'm stuck here. You Can you find something for me?" I said, "Where can I find something for you? Why don't you just have time to eat here? It doesn't matter, go to my store." He shaved his head, bathed and changed his clothes, from his head to his feet.

B Enough friends!

A "You want a fox-leg leather jacket first."

B What month is this?

A It’s around June 20th.

B Wearing a fox-leg fur coat in June 20?

A. I am covering my body here, and I also ask him to accompany me and cover it.

B Two sweat bags!

A I called everyone in the store over. "Let me introduce you. Mr. xx is my closest friend. What he has is mine, and what is mine is his. No one is allowed to restrict access.

"Let me ask you, how about we make friends?

B is not ambiguous!

A, alas! Kindness brings disaster.

What's wrong with B?

A p>

I went out that day, and when I came back, there was nothing in my room! I asked the people in the store, and they said, "You can't ask us. You said he came in and out." Don't limit him. "I asked him where he was. The person in the store said: "He has canceled his registered permanent residence and said that he wants to return to Beijing if there is any news. "Oh! I can't say this, I can't explain it, I'm suffering from typhoid fever! I don't have much money left, how can I afford to stay in such a big hotel?

What should B do? ?

Move to a hotel. I can’t afford to live in a hotel. I can’t afford to live in an apartment anymore. Then I fell into a bad situation and slept with a beggar. I don’t want to say it anymore, I feel sad if I say it!

It doesn’t matter if I say it

It’s already the twelfth lunar month in a blink of an eye, and I’m wearing a big hollow cotton-padded jacket. .

B, you wore a leather jacket in June!

Don’t mention whether it’s a cotton jacket or something else.

How come B has three things?

A has a jacket in front and a coat in the back, but I haven’t seen B’s clothes even with two ounces of cotton on the cuffs. Yes.

There are good people everywhere. The shopkeeper saw me and said, "XXX, seeing as you are like this, you should go back to Beijing as soon as possible." I said, "Shopkeeper, you know what I said, I have no clothes on my body, no food in my belly, and no money in my hands. How can I go back?" "It has been prepared for you a long time ago." "Open the safe and take out two large sums for me.

B two hundred yuan?

A two cents!

B two cents No!

Why is A’s giving me money? It’s better than sending someone away to beg for food. We’ve been running around for a while and you still don’t understand? I said, “Shopkeeper, please wait. What do you think of the two cents you gave me? Oh, are you treating me like a beggar? Let me tell you, when the person named He gritted his teeth, stamped his feet, and said cruelly: "Isn't it just your two cents?" "

B Don't want it?

A "I'll take it! "

Has B got it?

A is a layman. Who will give you a penny by then? It’s also good to buy some roasted sweet potatoes.

B now knows that money is good?

You don’t support A when you say he is unlucky to eat sweet potatoes.

What about B?

The more A eats, the more he eats. Less!

B, yes, there is nothing left to eat!

A walked north for several days, it was raining heavily, and there was nothing on his body. I have no clothes, no food in my stomach, and my upper and lower teeth are so cold. The more I think about it, the more sad I am. Why am I still alive? Why not jump into a well and die? You said that people will be unlucky, and it comes true. .

Where is B?

As soon as A goes up the slope, there is a vegetable garden. There is such a big well in the middle (gesture) that no one can touch the other if they jump in. .

B is a big well.

There is a shack next to A. There are two people sleeping in the shack. Don’t ask, they must be watching the food. When I saw that there was no one around, no one was aware of it -

Did B jump in?

Why can't A jump? ?

A, you think, we are people who can’t do secret things. I woke up one of the waiters, and I discussed it with him. If he asked me to dance, I would dance with them; he didn’t. Let me jump, I'll jump somewhere else, it doesn't matter.

B I have never heard of waking someone up to jump into a well?

A "Brother, wake up. "Do you want to buy it?" "Buy nothing, borrow your light, and jump into the well." He was so frightened that his color changed, and he held me tight and said, "If you have any trouble, just tell me!" More than 300 people in our village live by this well! You're done in one jump. "The more he pulls me, the more I jump.

B really wants to die!

Who really wants to die? I am trying to scare him. When he gets scared, give me If I pay a few dozen dollars, I will live!

B, listen, what kind of behavior is this!

A yelled, and the other one woke up: "The second one, are you yelling? Woolen cloth? "Brother, come on. Look, this man is about to jump." "Let go!" It’s time to jump early, and some wake people up to jump into the well! "

B This person understands.

A "I said, who wants to jump into the well? "Lend me your light!" "It's just you. Is there anyone else?" "Those are the words of Sanqingzi. Why do you want to join a brother in order to jump into a well? "It's just me.

"It's easy for you to handle it alone. This is our own garden and our own well. We have been operating it for more than 30 years, and we still don't have a dancing master. There's nothing else to say. Brother, please open one!" "

B, let's see if you jump this time!

A is really good at this place, he asked me to open it for him! "I don't want to open it for you, so I won't call you. where! To die, just to die in the open. Tell the truth, is the water in this well sweet and bitter? "

B, why do you ask this?

A is looking for steps to walk easily.

B, he said sweet water?

A, sweet water for me If I don’t die, I’m a miserable person and I can’t let God do anything.

B. He said bitter water?

A. Bitter water. I won’t die. Don’t drink sweet water before you die!

He has something to say!

I won’t die regardless of what he says. This water? ”

B Is it sweet or bitter?

A “Half sweet but not bitter!” "

B can drink whatever he wants.

A has a second nature. What a second nature! You are a young man! If you refuse to save someone, how dare you kill someone? Are you still afraid of those who wear shoes? I said no, I'm really anxious!

A, I will kneel down to them! What nonsense did B say to them?

A: "I haven't eaten anything for three days. Give me some food if you have any left." ? I will never forget your benefits as long as I live. "

Is this what B is talking about? You are suing others!

A just bluffed those two away!

B is a soft-hearted person.

A “It’s better for young people to learn a little bit, I should have said this earlier. Scaring us by jumping into a well? The second one, get it to him. "After a while, he brought me two pancakes and half a casserole pot of millet porridge. "Come on, you can even give me this pot!" "

What does B want from this pot?

A is asking for food.

B is hungry this time.

A gave me a bundle of firewood and half a box of matches. "Go and go to the Earth Temple in the north. That's our father-in-law's place." "I came to Tutu Temple and fanned the X (left wooden right hand), dusted off the dust on the altar table, lit the firewood, and chased away the cold air in the temple. I sat on the pot, and after eating, I made pancakes. The porridge was hot. I drank the porridge, put the firewood and ashes into the casserole, hugged the casserole, wrapped my cotton-padded jacket around me, and rested my head on the incense burner. I was sleeping like this for three days——

B seems to be sleeping.

A is blaming me, I missed the tax!

B, you missed the tax!

A is here. I couldn't sleep, but I heard the sound of a car outside the door, and I stopped. Two people got out of the car, and one of them said, "Look!" "Who said: "Don't worry, he can't go far, he must have entered the temple! "

B may have caught the thief.

If A catches the person who smashed the open flame, he will shoot me later! When he got scared, he jumped down and hid under the altar table, looked out, and came in These two don't look like official servants.

What does B do?

A is dressed like a follower, wearing a leather jacket and holding an electric baton in his hand: "Look at it." ——What's wrong here? Come out! "I said: "Not me. "As soon as the two people rushed forward -

B tied you up?

A knelt down for me! Don't mention it if you call me nice.

What did B call you?

A: “Master, who offended you again? The old lady gave us three days, the second day of installment. If we can't find you tomorrow, we will have to be sent to the county! Master Gu, please go back with us! ”

B, do you have relatives here?

Who does A have relatives?

B, then why do you call your aunt?

< p>A has recognized the wrong person.

B is right.

A, I have to give you a clue: "Look carefully, is there a lady like me? ? "The follower was making trouble; "My aunt, my words are worthy of your words. I raised you from a small child, and I can recognize even the skin and bones. "These two people simply recognized the wrong person.

B, alas!

A, he recognized the wrong person. Do you want me to go with him or not?

B, then go with him.

Would A go with him? It depends on what he is looking for. If you look for your son or nephew, you can go with him. Why are you looking for nothing? You have to give me a few bucks. I'll stand there, sir. Do you think this is a light beating?

A, don't go. Go? I have to starve to death in this temple.

B, do you have any ideas?

A, if there are many men in his family, I won’t go. It doesn't matter if there are many women. Just hit him twice, tell him, and run away.

B You are not talking about this. You are my aunt and you don’t know who I am?

A is talking about business, using my words to trick him: "Now that you two brothers are here, go back and tell him that I have no intention of committing suicide!"

B, you have no intention of dying at all!

A "Look, my clothes are in tatters. If I go back like this, who do you think I can deserve? I'll find a classmate to change my clothes before I go back tomorrow!" The follower said: " My dear, you are so confused. Who else is there in your family? The old lady is your hometown; Dare you laugh at me?" I didn't expect it to be an old widow with a girl (looking very proud).

B What are you going to do?

A Walk in the head. Get into the car with a casserole in your hand.

B Just throw away the casserole!

A layman. Throw it away? When I got there, I saw that no, there was no one left to beg for food!

B This time I was scared of hunger.

A The car was driving really fast, and the corner was coming. At the Guangliang gate in the north of the road, there are four locust trees, horse stones and horse stakes. The light bulb at the door is so big (gesture), it has more than 84,600 candles.

B Is there such a large number of candles?

A It shines like daytime. The attendant got off the car and shouted inside: "Meet my aunt!" More than two hundred people came out. The big ones, the small ones, the messengers, the servant girls, the old ladies, standing around like this made me afraid to get out of the car.

B What?

A It’s dark in the Earth Temple. Two people with four eyes are blinded no matter what. There were more than 200 people and more than 400 eyes. One of them could tell: "This is not our grandpa!" Trouble! Not down? The car is at the door!

B What should I do?

A I have to show off my style, holding the casserole as if holding a purse, flicking my sleeves and covering my face: "Don't look like this!" Go in! With a quick grab, he snatched out the two taels of cotton from the cuffs!

B This time he became a jacket.

As soon as A entered the second door, he saw my old lady coming out of the upper room.

Do you know B?

A I don’t know him.

B Then how do you know?

A There is a reason. The one holding the arm between the two mothers must be my old lady. There was no one who helped my mother for a walk around the yard after dinner.

B Never heard of it!

A kneels down at the door and covers his face with his hands: "Oh my God, I'm back!"

B Are you still ashamed?

A Who is ashamed?

B Then why are you covering your face?

A I’m afraid she’ll see it!

B Right.

A The old lady said: "Oh! If I can't find it for two more days, you have to lie down outside. Sooner or later you will make me angry to death. Go inside!" Didn't see it! I was shivering from the cold outside, and I was covered in sweat when I entered the house.

B What?

A Surrounded by heating pipes, there are eight large stoves. They are all so tall, so thick, such a big stove plate, and such a big furnace eye (gesture). Eight tons of coal are only half poured into them! The flames shot up to nine feet high!

B Huh! Where is that room?

There are holes in the house!

B If there are no holes, then everything is intact!

A When I look in the mirror, my teeth are white. "Take me to the bathroom to take a bath."

B Is there a bathtub at home?

A. Someone brought me six pieces of soap. I ate three pieces and washed three pieces.

B Why do you eat three pieces?

A This is called seeing the light inside and outside.

B This... cleanse the intestines!

After A took a shower, there was a small door here with "Changing Room" written on it. I went over to open the box and took a look. It was filled with lake crepe, buckle crepe, flowery crepe, etc. Kara, rattle, goose satin, Guan Ning silk, imitation satin; there are no coarse cloth, blue cloth, large white cloth, moon white, gray market, light wool blue.

B This kid is so poor!

A We know how to wear clothes, but we can’t make others laugh when we wear them.

B Of course.

A Wear three pieces of soft-topped trousers and jacket, three pieces of trousers and jacket, and three pieces of sweaters and woolen trousers. Wear a five-silk silk gown or a spun silk gown. Camel hair robe, velvet-lined cotton robe, and a coat worn outside the cotton robe. A leather jacket is worn outside the coat, a mandarin is worn outside the leather jacket, and a waistcoat is worn outside the mandarin jacket. Tie a dungaree, wear a straw hat, and wear a felt pullover.

B What virtue?

A As soon as I sat down on the sofa, the old lady didn’t even mention the compliment.

How can B still praise you?

A "It's true that a man is just as good as his clothes and a horse is a saddle. I don't look good if I don't have a sword and ruler. This sword and ruler -"

B Does it look good?

A "He has become a bear!"

B He has become a bear!

A "Have you eaten?" Why don't you show off when you come to your own home?

B Eat!

A "I haven't eaten anything for three days!"

B You should be more ambitious!

A It is so hungry that it feels uncomfortable. "Place western food for me." This is going to kill you!

B What?

A There are no chopsticks in Western food, just knives and forks, and I have never used them. He took a knife and poked it in his mouth, breaking his tongue.

B You should be careful.

A and I were about to drink when the old lady called my mother: "Go! Send a message to the lady, saying that his son-in-law is back and let them meet." This is a good opportunity. I have to see Miss. If she's good-looking, I'll just put up with her; if she's not as good-looking as me...

B Then you're leaving?

A I can bear it too!

B I can’t stand it anymore!

A What to eat here!

B Did you eat it when you saw it?

A After a while, four little maids came with the young lady on their arms. They pulled the damper and oh! I took a look at this young lady! She looks so angry that the four beauties are angry.

B Please tell me.

A Smiling and praising Si, I hate Daji, Xi Shi is sick, and Concubine Yang is drunk. The fish is sinking and the geese are falling, the moon is closed and the flowers are ashamed. They are so modern and beautiful. Cut their heads and perm their hair!

B. How can you still be poor?

A has one foot inside the threshold and one foot outside the threshold. Seeing that I am happy first and then worried, this energy makes it difficult for me to learn!

B Are you studying?

A "Oh! Mister X is back?"

B Is there any English here?

A "Who offended you? Once you left, and now you left, the old lady still took care of us when she was alive, but when the old lady died, we had to show up with you! Looking at you, you are such a stranger. Unable to teach, shameless. Very annoying, very annoying, you are so annoying!"

B You are so annoying!

A The old lady said: "Don't bother talking, I will get married to you during the Chinese New Year." Chinese New Year? Eight years of waiting! The old woman beside me said kind words to me: "Old lady, you are getting more and more confused as you get older. My uncle comes and goes just to prevent the marriage from being consummated, and the young lady comes and falls sick to prevent the marriage from being consummated. You might as well do it as early as possible. That's it." The old lady said: "Okay! Check the imperial calendar." When I check the imperial calendar, Ding is Ding, Mao is Mao, today is a good day (showing a proud look)!

B What do you want to do?

A I changed my clothes again, wearing a red cross and a flower arrangement. The two main gates are hung with lanterns and colorful decorations. After worshiping heaven and earth, you enter the bridal chamber. When I got to the bridal chamber, I looked at it like this. I was so confused that everything fell to the ground. The bed was covered with a shiny satin mattress, a satin quilt, and pillows, pillows, and mandarin duck pillows. The young lady sat on the bed and smiled at me.

I took a step towards the bed and it was amazing!

B What?

A The force used was too great. With a bang, I fell from the altar table to the ground. The casserole was broken, the cotton-padded jacket was caught, and my neck was injured!

B Aren’t you married?

A Where? I was dreaming in the temple!