Who did you cut your long hair for?

I thought I would never do something that even I thought was childish: "Cut off my long hair that I have had for many years for a man."

Who knows what happened later? I really cut my hair short.

That winter, I felt deeply exhausted from a struggle for love. I bought a ticket to Harbin. I wanted to escape to the north, as if to commemorate the dead love. I used to hope that the love between Cheng Feng and I would be as pure and clear as ice and snow, but now, I wish I could be as frozen as snow.

It's like an escape, but it's not an escape.

01

Taking a plane in Cheng Feng’s city, I wanted to see him more.

He didn’t have time, so he sent me on the airport bus and went back. Before going back, he stuffed me with a piece of clothing he usually wears and said, “It’s cold over there. This clothing is very effective at blocking the wind. "Okay, take it with you, don't freeze."

Everything looks so beautiful and heart-warming. I love this man who gives me all kinds of advice.

But who knows, behind this warmth and deep love, there are some painful wounds.

Looking from the field of view defined by the glass window, Cheng Feng gradually disappeared from my sight.

My eyes also began to become blurry, and large drops of tears fell on my pants and penetrated through them. The skin of my thighs felt the warm tears.

I think of what the woman who had been lingering with Cheng Feng all night said to me: "We love each other very much. I hope you ignore him when he comes to find you." Whenever I think of her words, I will The unresponsive feeling is, who am I? But it is obvious that Cheng Feng and I are a well-known couple.

The bus has left the city and is speeding along the airport expressway. The rapidly retreating tree shadows on both sides of the road outside the window seem to tell me that life is always moving forward, and those that are constantly retreating are... The shadow of the tree, just like the image of your own story, will eventually become a part of the movie story of life.

But there is always a voice in my heart, which seems to be accusing me of being cowardly.

Yes, at that time, I thought more about giving up.

Give up the man I loved deeply, and also give up the love I once looked up to like a pilgrim.

2.

Thoughts are always spreading.

The bus also stopped at the drop-off area while my thoughts were spreading rapidly. When I got off the bus, a gust of cold wind hit my neck. I curled up my neck and rushed into the waiting hall. A wave of warmth hit me and the cold was immediately driven away.

After changing your boarding pass, sit down anywhere. I took out my cell phone from my bag and saw the WeChat message from Cheng Feng. It was still full of warnings, telling me to pay attention to safety, keep warm, and don't get sick, otherwise I would worry about no one taking care of me when I go out.

How heartwarming it is, just like the heater in this terminal. But I know that he is not only warm to me, but also to her.

I was about to reply to his WeChat message when the announcement in the terminal sounded, announcing that the flight I was taking was about to board.

I turned off the phone and put it back in my bag. Maybe it was because I was unhappy in my heart that I had turned off the phone early. I just felt that it was no longer so important whether I responded or not.

The plane takes off.

Ten thousand feet above the ground, I opened the visor, and it was pitch black outside the porthole. Only the moon hung eastward in the night sky, so close to me that it looked like a grin.

My mood at that time was completely opposite to that of this Laughing Moon.

After two hours and ten minutes, the plane landed.

After getting off the plane, I felt a chill. I put on the clothes Cheng Hao gave me, took a selfie in the arrival hall, and sent a message to Moments. Less than a minute later, I received it. Cheng Feng sent me a WeChat message asking me to delete the post on Moments wearing his clothes, because the woman had seen him wearing his clothes and was afraid that she would see it.

I finally couldn't hold it back, so I sat in the arrival hall, lowered my head and cried.

The sadness is real, and the heartache is also real. Tears dripped down on the screen of my mobile phone. My eyes were blurry with tears. I still deleted the post and replied to his WeChat message. If you love her , I let go and wish you happiness.

I am really sad.

After sending the message, I wiped away my tears, took off my clothes, lowered my head, grabbed my luggage, and quickly fled the arrival hall, for fear that I would be betrayed and deceived by the unfamiliar eyes around me. .

Walking out of the airport, the cold wind stung every inch of my skin.

I immediately got into a taxi, and the taxi driver asked me enthusiastically where I was going. He also recommended a bunch of delicious and fun places to me, but I didn’t respond to any of them and had no intention of talking to him seriously.

After arriving at the hotel and checking in, I had no sleep that night.

I kept thinking in my mind, if I hadn’t discovered Cheng Feng’s betrayal, would he have always regarded me as a fool. If I had never chatted with that woman, did he think he could hide it and use my trust in him during that relationship to lie to me for the rest of my life?

After a night of hard thinking, there was no result.

3.

I chose to go to Harbin because I just wanted to let my tired heart take a breather. With all the things that happened, I couldn’t find an exit for a while and escaped into the winter. A place where your heart can be peaceful and you can temporarily stay away from the distractions of the world.

Although I knew that Harbin’s winter conditions and climate were harsh, I finally set foot on that road. Although the road was slippery due to heavy snow and the car almost fell off a cliff, I felt extremely calm.

Everyone in the car stood up and looked at the snow-covered road ahead, which was covered with snow. Only I, more like a person who has seen all the suffering and pain in the world, sit quietly with my eyes closed, and I have never felt so close to death.

I have seen a love story about penguins before. The story says that when a male penguin or a female penguin finds out that his partner is cheating on him and is intimate with other penguins, he will start a love affair with his love rival. It was a fierce battle that would not stop until the defeated penguin was covered in blood.

Fighting is not my strong point, and I don’t even bother fighting with a woman for a man. I want to let go, not because of cowardice, but because I suddenly feel that everything is meaningless.

In fact, everyone is the same, as long as there is a loved one, there will be weaknesses.

Cheng Feng is my weak spot, even more useless.

One day, I was still sitting on the top of a snow-covered mountain, and the warm sunshine covered the entire mountain. Watching people in twos and threes helping to climb up, some close friends, some lovers, some relatives or couples.

At that moment, I seemed to understand that life is impermanent and the world is unpredictable. I also realized that cause and effect reincarnate, and how insignificant and powerless we are in this world.

Ten days passed quickly.

When I went back, I still flew to Cheng Feng’s city, but I didn’t meet him.

I found a hair-cutting shop and cut my long hair that I had had for more than 20 years.

I burst into tears as I watched the barber cut my hair one by one. Each cut seemed to cut off all the ties between me and Cheng Feng, scattering them all over the floor.

Cheng Feng once said that my long hair was left for him. He often said in my ears:

When my hair reaches my waist, let me wear the most beautiful hair for him. The wedding dress became his most beautiful bride.

Now, my long hair has reached my waist for a long time, and it is no longer me who is smiling in your arms. My long hair is left for you, and it ends here.

At this time, the song "Short Hair" happened to be playing in the barber shop

I have cut off my hair

Cut off my worries

The embarrassment of being unloved

[365 Days Challenge? 018]