Any funny jokes?

Do you still remember me? One time we went to climb a cliff and you accidentally fell. I quickly asked you: "Did you get hurt?" You said in panic: "I don't know... we haven't reached the bottom yet!"

: 23

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pick up the pickles and pickles and pickles!"

(Translation: Now let’s invite the township magistrate to speak!)

The township head said: "Rabbits, the dog has eaten today's rice, and everyone is a big bastard!"

(Translation: Comrades, today's rice is enough, everyone has a big bowl!)

No pickles, I’ll pick up dog poop and lick it for you. ． ．

(Translation: Don’t talk, let me tell you a story...)

A county magistrate with a heavy accent came to the village to make a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, Pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive!”

(Translation: Comrades and villagers, please be careful! Don’t talk, it’s a meeting now!!)

The coach said: "The first class kills the chicken, the second class steals the eggs, I will make porridge for you."

(Translation: The first class shoots, the second class drops the bomb, I will give you a demonstration.)

p>

"Lie Chun" "I'm Stupid"

The dark plum blossoms smell the flowers, I have no culture

The lying branches are full of sadness, my IQ is very low,

I hear it lying like water in the distance. If you want to ask me who I am,

it is easy to see the spring green. A big stupid ass.

The shore looks green, I am a donkey,

The shore looks green, I am a donkey,

The shore looks green, I am a stupid donkey< /p>

Confessions of a network administrator

98% of the current Internet cafe guests are stupid. They can’t turn on the computer, switch input methods, convert letters to uppercase and lowercase, how to play private server login I can’t use it, I can’t open voice on QQ, I won’t exit the game after entering it, the private server is shut down and it says there’s a problem with my machine, **, I really want to crush him to death, then knead him into a ball, and then knead him into a twist. Put it in a frying pan and fry it, then take it out and stomp it to pieces

I can’t open the MIC for voice chat, so I said the headset in the Internet cafe is broken.

Watching a movie doesn’t sound like it’s in Mandarin!< /p>

Ask me: "Network administrator, do you have any porn movies to watch?" I said no, he blamed the incomplete movies!

I can't log in to QQ, saying the machine is not good! I ran over and took a look, and found out the password No, that girl asked me what my password was!!!!

There was another even more powerful girl. She accepted a video from an unknown netizen, called me over, and asked me about the person in the video. Who is it!!!

I fainted, I still have this ability!!!!!!!

Play CS and someone put a smoke bomb, he was dodged, and he shouted wildly : The network administrator is down...

The day before yesterday, a stupid girl chatted on QQ and asked me how to type. I asked her, don’t you know how to type? She said she would. I said, then you can just type (and help her adjust the input method at the same time), and called me again after a while. Said: Network administrator, why can’t I type? I said that I couldn't type what I wanted to type, and she told me: Just say "Hello" first, and I typed it for her. Then you know what she said. Don't leave. Just sit next to me and help me type. He looks exactly like a dinosaur. Today, a fool asked me, "Why don't I have QQ coins here as a network administrator? Please help me download some QQ coins...**, if that thing can be downloaded~!" I don’t have to fucking go to work

The spirit of a thief

The first time I got on the bus, I took nothing with me except the 1 yuan for the ride. Sitting from the starting station to the final station, I felt calm all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "It's a shame for a grown-up to go out without taking any money with him. - Sincerely, The Thieves Company."

The second time, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession, thank you. - Sincerely, The Company of Thieves."

The third time, I still broke my wallet and found 100 yuan in counterfeit bills. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "It is illegal to conceal counterfeit banknotes of large denominations. Please go to the relevant departments and hand them in. Thank you. - Sincerely, The Thief Company."

In Chapter 4, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the phone was still there, and there was an additional note: "Please don't make this joke and affect the normal work of our company, thank you. - Sincerely, The Thief Company."

In the fifth episode, I took a toy pistol and stuck it on my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was missing and a note was stuffed in the waistband of my pants: "I hate you the most when it comes to robberies. You have no technical skills at all! Confiscated crime tools! - Sincerely, The Thieves Company."

The 6th time, I was about to get on the bus, but there were too many people and I couldn’t get in. While I was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket and found an extra 20 bucks and a note: "Brother, it's not easy for people in our line of work to be exposed to the sun and wind all day long. Here's my 20 bucks." , take a taxi wherever you want, please stop teasing us! ——Thieves Company.”

So, I also started pressing the keyboard! I pressed hard! I pressed harder! I pressed faster than them! It was louder than them!

They couldn’t help but look over, and I I deliberately glanced at them with contempt! Their expressions changed and they glared at me fiercely! I immediately stared back!

They continued to play Power 5 with livid faces, but the noise exceeded mine!

How could I be willing to do so? So, I simply slapped the keyboard with the palm of my hand! Shoot hard! Shoot hard!

The two guys lost their enthusiasm at first sight and started shooting. Keyboard! The sound is louder than mine again!

How can I give up? Immediately hit the keyboard with my fist! Hit it hard! Hit it hard!

The two people looked at each other. I started hitting the keyboard! The sound surpassed me again! I didn’t give up! I ripped off the keyboard and threw it directly on the ground! I stepped hard! I stepped hard!

Everyone in the Internet cafe turned to me The warmest applause! The two non-mainstream people were dumbfounded and at a loss!

However, under my provocative eyes, they also became angry! They also tore off the keyboard! I threw it on the ground and trampled it to pieces! Then they looked at me provocatively!

At this time, the network administrators of the Internet cafe surrounded them! One network administrator looked at the keyboard that had been trampled to pieces by them. I slapped him in the face! Then the network administrators swarmed up and beat the two non-mainstream people!

Finally, the two non-mainstream people were lying on the ground, and one of the non-mainstream people pointed at me and asked weakly: " Why...don't you hit him?"

A network administrator kicked him: "He plays CS, so he brought his own keyboard!"

Zhu Bajie is here While making out with Chang'e on the moon, suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly chased him with a nail rake. After a while, he came back and said: Damn it, Yang Liwei...

A driver drove a truck full of hens and teased his parrot while driving. A beautiful girl hit the truck. The driver put the parrot in the truck box with the hens and asked the beautiful girl to sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver asked the beautiful woman tentatively: "Can I kiss you?" The beautiful woman shook her head very shyly and said, "No." After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked again: "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head and said: "No." The driver said angrily: "If you can't, just get off." After driving for a while, the driver felt that what he was doing was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and asked the beauty to get in the car. But after driving for a while, the driver stopped. Reluctantly, she asked again: "Can I kiss you?" The beauty still shook her head, "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head, "If not, just get out." After repeating this three times, they finally arrived at the chicken farm. The driver opened the car and saw There were only a few hens left, and the parrot picked up one of the hens and asked: "Can I kiss the beautiful woman?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked again: "Can I hug the beautiful woman?" The hen still shook its head. The parrot said: "If you can't, get down." The hen was thrown out of the car...

The little white rabbit was walking in the forest when he met the big bad wolf and came towards him. "I gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said, "I will let you not wear a hat." The little white rabbit retreated aggrievedly.

The next day, she jumped out of the house wearing a hat, and met the big bad wolf again. He walked up to the little white rabbit and gave the little white rabbit two big mouths, saying, "I Let you wear a hat."

Rabbit was depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.

After explaining the situation, Tiger said, "Okay, I understand. I will handle this matter. You have to trust the organization." That same day, the tiger found his buddy, the big bad wolf. "It's not right for you to do this. It's making it difficult for me." After saying that, he wiped the cigarette ashes falling on the table: "Do you think this is okay? You can say, Tutu, come here and find me a piece of meat." Go! She asked for a fat one, and you said you wanted a thin one. Then you can beat her up, Tutu. I’m looking for a woman. She’s looking for a plump one, and you say you like a slim one. She’s looking for a slim one, and you’re looking for a plump one. You can beat her properly and forcefully.” The big bad wolf nodded frequently and clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance work was overheard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I feel this hatred in my heart.

The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence, the big bad wolf came towards him. The Big Bad Wolf said: "Rabbit, come here and find me a piece of meat." Rabbit said: "Then, do you want a fat one or a thin one?" After hearing this, the Big Bad Wolf's heart sank. Another joy, I said to myself, luckily there is Plan B. He then said: "Tutu, find me a woman quickly." Tutu asked: "So, do you like plump ones or slim ones?" The big bad wolf was silent for 2 seconds, raised his hand and said more I gave Tutu two big-eared posts. "Damn, I asked you not to wear a hat."

The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."

"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”

Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”

The prisoner was executed. During the shooting, due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, strangle me to death! It’s so damn scary...

一

A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director called a meeting with the patients.

The dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone must go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome

all patients stand On both sides of the hospital gate, we have to stand neatly. When I cough, everyone claps together, the more enthusiastically, the better; when I stamp my feet, everyone must stop, and no one can make a mistake. Okay,

We can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember

" Patient in the audience? They shouted together: "Remember!"

That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.

At this moment, as the director coughed, all the patients applauded and welcomed him, and the atmosphere was very warm. The visiting leaders

were infected by the warm atmosphere, smiled and walked into the hospital applauding with everyone. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and the applause of the hospital stopped. It was very neat. Only this leader was still smiling and applauding. The dean was very satisfied. Suddenly, a sick man as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcoming crowd. He strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face with a round fist, and shouted angrily - — "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?!!!"

There were three people competing in marksmanship, with a black man holding something as a target.

The first man placed an apple on the black man’s head, then raised his hand and shot the apple to pieces 10 meters away. He blew the gun and said: I 'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then, 50 meters away, he raised his hand and shot the cherry to pieces. He blew on the muzzle of the gun and said: I' m007

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man’s head, then raised his hand and shot the black man’s head 100 meters away, and he also blew The muzzle said: I'm sorry...

There was a mother who took a bath with her baby son Binbin. Binbin pointed to her mother's black baby and asked, "What is that?" Mom replied, "That's mom's garage." Binbin pointed to her baby and asked, "Mom, what is that?" Mom. Answer him: "That's Bingbin's car!" Bingbin said: "Then can I drive my car into your garage and park it?" Mom said: "No! It belongs to your father tonight. The 'big truck' is coming."

At night, Bingbin sneaked into his parents' room. "Dad! Dad!" Binbin shouted: "Your parking skills are really bad. After parking for so long, the two rear wheels of your 'big truck' are still outside the garage.

When I was in elementary school Once I was caught talking in class by the teacher.

The teacher said: "If I do it again, I will kick you out~~"

At that time, I wanted to laugh but I didn’t feel like laughing.``

Tractor and BMW Racing

A boss was very happy after drinking, whistling, and driving his beloved Mercedes-Benz 600 on the road. At this time, he found a farm truck parked on the roadside. There was a man waving his hand. It turned out that the tractor was broken on the road and he wanted someone to help him tow it away.

The boss agreed at the same time. It was agreed that if the tractor turns on the right turn signal, please keep driving. If the tractor turns on the left turn signal, please stop. Then, the boss drove the Mercedes-Benz 600 on the road with the tractor (of course, driving very slowly). Suddenly, a BMW appeared. The car passed them from behind at a very fast speed. When the boss saw it, he was very angry and cursed: "No one dares to overtake my Mercedes-Benz 600!" "So, he immediately shifted into high gear, stepped on the accelerator, and ran after the BMW. (Because he was drunk, he had forgotten that there was a tractor towed behind him.) The boss quickly caught up with the BMW. Just as they were about to While racing at a speed of 280 miles, I was spotted by a traffic policeman on the side of the road. It was too late to stop me. I quickly took out my walkie-talkie and contacted the police on the next section of the road: "Hey, hey, hey, I found two cars racing. They are very fast. One is a BMW and the other is a Mercedes-Benz 600. Please stop them. No, there are three cars racing, followed closely by a tractor. The tractor also has its left turn signal on, trying to overtake. . . .

A: "Look at the child playing with the ball, is it a boy or a girl?"

B: "It's a girl, she is my daughter.

"

A: "Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father. "

B: "No...I am her mother..."

At dusk, I was jogging on the industrial road.

There was a young man He ran up from behind me and shouted in my ear: "Run!" "

"What happened? "I asked the young man next to me.

"Run quickly. "The young man ran in front of me.

After I quickly chased him for 500 meters, I asked breathlessly: "What happened? "

"You are running too slow. "The young man left me and ran forward.

A hen was comfortably incubating eggs. Suddenly, an egg came out from under its butt.

Hen: “What’s going on? Why did you run out? "

Little Egg: "You...you...you fart!" "

Hen: @#＄＊&...

Old Chen: "Last night was really unlucky. ”

Old Li: “What happened?” ”

Old Chen: “I came home early last night. In the past, I would always hug my maid in the dark. Who would have thought that the person I hugged last night was actually my wife.” ”

Old Li: “That’s okay! ”

Old Chen: “But my wife said ~ Xiao Feng, Old Chen is coming back soon, why don’t you leave quickly!” ”

There was a mother who took her little baby out and was coaxing her baby on the bus.

A passenger turned his head over to look at it out of curiosity and said: :"Wow! What an ugly baby! "

My mother felt very sad after hearing this, and kept crying.

Later the car stopped at a certain stop and some new passengers got on. There was a kind-hearted passenger. Seeing that she was crying so sadly, he comforted her and said, "Madam, why are you crying so sadly? You have to keep an open mind on everything, there is nothing that cannot be solved! alright! alright! Don't cry anymore! I'll get you a glass of cold water! Just relax! "

After a while, the passenger actually poured a glass of water to her and said, "Okay, stop crying. Drink this glass of water and you will feel better." Also, this banana is for your monkey! ”

A Taiwanese named “A-Zhong” (Taiwanese) immigrated to the United States with his family.

One morning, A-Zhong was sweeping the floor in front of his house, and suddenly he saw his neighbor next door. Say hello to him: "I'm Ah Zhong! "(Taiwan)

The neighbor next door replied to him: "Good morning! ”

A-Zhong couldn’t understand English, so he felt very strange.

The next day, A-Zhong met his neighbor again and said, “I’m A-Zhong!” "(Taiwan)

The neighbor next door replied to him: "Good morning! "

Zhong felt very strange again.

In the evening he asked his daughter what the neighbor next door meant when he said Good morning. His daughter replied: "That's to say to you. Good morning! "

On the third day, Azhong met his next door neighbor again and said: "Good morning! "

Azhong thought this time that he would not be wrong this time, right? But the neighbor replied to him: "I am Azhong! "

Azhong was stunned on the spot...

A: "Old man, why did you pour other people's wheat into your own sack? ”

B: “Because I am a half-crazy person!” ”

A: “Since you are a half-crazy person, why don’t you pour your own wheat into other people’s sacks?” ”

B: “Then I will become a complete madman!” ”

A and B are arguing about whether there is such a thing as a miracle in the world. A: If someone falls from the third floor and is safe, what is it if it’s not a miracle?

B: That’s luck. .

A: What if the person falls again and is not injured?

B: That is a lucky star.

A: What if he falls again? Are you okay?

B: Oh! That’s well-trained!

A dog lover went on a trip with his beloved puppy. On the boat, the puppy suddenly fell into the water. The passenger asked the captain to stop the boat and rescue the puppy.

The captain explained that everyone’s time should not be wasted by stopping the boat because of a dog, because after all, it is not like rescuing a human being. Important.

Hearing this, the passenger jumped into the water and shouted for help. Seeing this, the captain had no choice but to stop the boat and rescue him and the puppy. < /p>

A short-sighted tourist saw a sign erected in the middle when he was wandering by the river. Unfortunately, he couldn't see the words in the middle clearly, so he had to take off his shoes and wade into the river to find out. See the sign that says: ＜Please do not eat crocodiles, thank you＞

A: "Why did you break off your engagement with Mr. Zhang?" ”

B: “Yesterday we went to see a fortune teller and the fortune teller said I would have two children, but he said he would have four.” Think about it. He has two more children. Who were they born to? ”

A newly married young couple received many wedding gifts from their relatives and friends. Some were very expensive, and some were very practical.

Among them, there was an envelope, which contained only two movie tickets and a small note. There were only five small words written on the small note: Guess who I am? The couple thought for a long time, who would give them movie tickets?

I thought about it for a long time but couldn’t figure it out. "Forget it! Just don't think about it. Since they have good intentions, let's go watch a movie tonight." The husband said to his wife.

After watching the movie, the young couple was really shocked when they got home, because the house was visited by thieves and all the valuable things were removed.

Finally, I found a note on the dining table that read: Guess who I am!

A mother mouse was walking in the grass with several little mice. Suddenly a cat came. The little mice were so frightened that they all hid. Only the mother mouse was calm and did not hide away. Seeing the cat coming closer and closer, the little mice were very scared. At this moment, the mother mouse imitated a dog's bark, but the cat didn't know there was a trick in it, so she turned around and ran away. After the cat ran away, the little mice came out one by one in fear and looked at their mother. When all the little mice had arrived, the mother mouse taught the little mice earnestly: "Children, master a skill. How important foreign languages ??are!"

A: "I bought a copy of "The Secret of Memory" yesterday. It was so good. I read it in one sitting last night.

B: "Can you lend it to me to read?"

A: "Of course, hey, where did I put it?"

The thief stole it A chicken was plucking its feathers by the river. At this time, a policeman came over. The thief hurriedly returned the chicken to the river.

The policeman asked: "What are you doing? What is in the river?"

The thief said: "That is a chicken. It wants to cross the river. I am here to help it." Look at the clothes..."

In a refrigerator... there is a box of fresh eggs...

One of the eggs said: "Hey! Look...that black one in the corner. The ugly black and green eggs..."

"Really...! It doesn't look right among us who are so white!"

"Yes, yes! Ah..."

Then the ugly black and green egg turned around and said: "Who said kiwis can't be put in egg folders..."

One An ophthalmologist successfully cured a famous Surrealist painter's eye disease. When charging, the doctor said he didn't need to charge any money, but he wanted the artist to draw a painting for him, with the content chosen by the artist himself.

The painter was very grateful to the doctor for curing his eye disease, so he painted a huge eye with every detail meticulous, and drew a perfect portrait of the doctor in the center of the pupil.

When the ophthalmologist saw this painting, he was immediately shocked by the painter's extraordinary artistic expression. He opened his mouth in surprise, and after a while he said: "Thank God, I'm not an anal surgeon."

Do you know why Washington didn't blame him when he cut down the cherry tree...

Haha...because Washington still holds an ax in his hand

Xiao Lin and Xiao Li had a great conversation. When talking about the methods of doing things, Xiao Lin said: "I only believe half of what others say. This is The reason why I am successful today. "

Xiao Li said: "I am just the opposite of you. I always believe more in what others say, and I am still very successful today

. "

Xiao Lin was very surprised when he heard this and immediately asked: Ah, is there such a thing?

Where do you work now?" "Tax Collection Office." Outbreak Hu invited many friends to visit his three swimming pools. Everyone was shocked and asked why he needed three.

He said: "The first one is the same as an ordinary swimming pool. It contains cold water and has the same purpose. The second one contains hot water and is used when the weather is cold. The third one does not contain water. "

"What kind of swimming pool is it without water?"

"I have some friends who are landlubbers and they are not suitable for hot and cold swimming pools, so I built this specially for them. ."

During a campaign to change funeral customs, a TV station interviewed the deceased's wife on the spot: "Are you planning to bury her at sea?"

The woman shook her head and said, "No, he I can’t swim.”

A thief found nothing when he arrived at a house. As he was about to leave, the owner said, “Please close the door.”

The thief said disdainfully: “Your house is completely empty.” There is no need to close the door."

The rich man asked the beggar: "Why do dogs bite you when they see you?"

The beggar said: "If I have some good clothes, then the beast will respect you. Me!”

The guard dog died. An autopsy showed that he had eaten his own poisoned meat. The owner was very puzzled that the poisoned meat was used to poison the food. If the wild cat's meat is kept in the barn, but the dog is always tied by the gate, how can it eat poisonous meat?

Out of the gate, there were several poisoned wild cats not far away. The owner was still puzzled and told the neighbor about it. The neighbor said: "I don't understand this. Obviously, the dog is You're going to die from the kickbacks."

"What's the matter with that lump on your head?" someone asked his friend.

“When I was about to walk into a building, I saw a notice at the door. Because I am short-sighted, I went over to look at it.

"

"What does the notice say? ”

“Caution: the door opens outward! "

A young man rushed down the pier and jumped onto the ferry three feet offshore, saying that he had finally caught up with the ferry!"

The person next to him said with a smile: "Our ship is docking!"

——From now on, my worth will be nobler than before.

——Have you been promoted?

——No, look, I have three gold teeth.

I went on a business trip to Foshan, Guangdong one day, and the route was a mystery. Seeing an old lady enjoying the cool air on the side of the road, she stepped forward to ask for directions. Unexpectedly, I was gesticulating and babbling for a long time, but I didn't know what to say. A middle-aged man came over by the road and said with a smile: She said she didn't understand your dialect.

Ah-Dai and A-Dai are good friends, but A-Dai is more handsome and has more girlfriends, so Ah-Dai hopes that A-Dai will introduce some girls to him.

"Agua, you have so many girlfriends, introduce one or two to me! Ah?" said Dumb.

Agua said: "It's not okay...I'm sorry for the bad introduction..."

A-Dai: "Then introduce the beautiful one!"

Agua: "I'm sorry for myself..."

The life of a flea

Once upon a time, a flea lived on the reproductive organs of a female cellist, but every morning it would It was woken up by the sound of the violin, so it planned to move. During a performance, it found that the conductor's beard was a good place to live, so it moved its home to the conductor's beard. From then on, it thought it would be a good place to live. It would no longer be bothered by the sound of the violin.

But a few days later it was awakened by a loud noise again. It looked around and cursed --- "Why did I come back here again?" ?"

Hesitantly

The introducer took a puff of cigarette and then asked: "Girl, what is your initial impression of that man?"

Girl: "He talks like you smoke."

Introducer: "Natural, chic?"

Girl: "No, hesitant!"

Can't figure it out The teacher taught students to recognize the new word "quilt" in class. Xiao Ming didn't understand, so the teacher patiently enlightened him: "When you go to bed at night, what is on the bed?"

"What's on top of the bed sheet?"

"It's my mother." The whole class burst into laughter.

The teacher was not discouraged and asked again: "Where is your mother?"

Xiao Ming muttered: "It's my dad..."

Pervert vs girl

In a crowded subway car during commuting time, a timid pervert got bold and began to be rude to the girl next to him. After a few stops, when he was about to get off the bus, he was kicked hard by this girl. He was very ashamed and shy and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

The girl said angrily: "Sir, if you can't finish something, just don't do it."

The wife is taking the exam

A rich wife wants to get a car driver's license license.

In the examination room, the examiner asked her: "Madam, please answer, what does the white line in the road mean?"

Sir... that is probably for bicycles. of. "

"What does the sign like S mean? "

"This means there are snakes in this area..."

Telescope

A lady called the police station and said: "Officer, there is a snake in the building next door. "The man was naked."

The police officer said: "Ma'am, we will be there soon."

(Five minutes later, the police officer arrived at the scene)

The police officer asked: "Where is it? Madam!"

The wife said: "Here it is, police officer. He is still going his own way, naked without shame."

The police officer asked: " Where is he? Madam! I didn't see any naked man." The wife said, "You have to use a telescope to see him! 』

Oral cancer

One day, during the chemistry class, the teacher talked about Yingguang and casually mentioned a lot of things about Yingguang.

Only heard by the audience There was a cry of "Yingguang Condom"! !

The teacher said sincerely:

"You must never use Yingguang condoms in the future, because you will get [skin cancer]..."

At this time, someone suddenly shouted in the audience: "It's over, it's over, I will get oral cancer!"

The humor of the head teacher

Our school was lucky enough to participate in the Eighth National Games one year. The opening ceremony was rehearsed, and on the official opening day, many celebrities came, so the female students were in a mess. The next day, the class teacher came to the monitor and asked: "Were all the students okay yesterday when they came on stage? Did anyone disobey the discipline?" The monitor replied: "It's nothing else. It's just that when Zhang Xinzhe came out, many female classmates rushed out. I saw it." Unexpectedly, the class teacher's next words stunned countless students and became a "famous story". Because the class teacher asked: "Zhang Xinzhe? Which class?"

A fool divorces his wife

There is a family in Pingyuan who married a woman from the Bohai Sea as a daughter-in-law. This daughter-in-law is talented and virtuous. He is also good-looking and is known as one of the best in a hundred.

The relationship between the couple was very good after marriage, and a fat baby was born the next year. The husband was very happy and took his wife and children to visit his mother-in-law's house. The mother-in-law was so happy that she was busy doing this and that.

But when he returned from visiting relatives, his son-in-law divorced his wife.

The daughter-in-law asked why, and the husband replied: "This time I visited relatives, I saw that your mother's face was full of wrinkles. I was afraid that you would be like this when you get old, so I divorced you."

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Cats don’t know

There was a mentally ill patient who always thought he was a mouse, and finally recovered with the help of a doctor. On the day he was discharged from the hospital, the patient had just walked to the door when a cat suddenly appeared in front of him, leaving him stunned.

Doctor: You are fine now, why are you still like that?

Patient: I know I am no longer a mouse, but does the cat know? Give me some points