Traditional Culture Encyclopedia - Travel guide - 16 Special fate makes us a family

16 Special fate makes us a family

Text/Atangida

Home should be our shelter from wind and rain, and it should also be our physical and mental safety refuge. And family members should be those who can share the joys and sorrows with us.

In the past few years since I was ill, I have seen many families become "uneasy" or exhausted mentally and physically because of our serious illness. Because this debilitating disease not only costs money, but also consumes time and energy, leaving many family members exhausted.

Look at the family members who stay with you all day long in the ward. They all look haggard, cannot eat well, cannot sleep well, and if their condition is unstable, they are even more worried all day long.

And this is what a family should do and bear.

It is understandable that family members occasionally complain and lose their temper, because in their hearts they want their sick family member to get better quickly. Just like those family members who need to accompany the patient 24 hours a day. If the patient loses his appetite during chemotherapy and cannot eat anything, the family members will get angry. This is a kind of anger caused by worrying that the patient cannot eat, and worrying about the patient's health. Family members can understand .

There are also many people who lose their temper with patients when it comes to money matters or medical treatment. The whole family is always happy when they are sharing the joy. In times of trouble, many people are unwilling to do so.

A patient I know is over 70 years old and suffers from lymphoma. He has two daughters. During his hospitalization, he never saw them coming to see his mother. It's okay if they don't come to see me. My mother wants to use her own money to buy self-paid medicines for her own medical treatment. They don't agree. They mean: You are so old, just use the medicines covered by the medical insurance. Self-paid medicines are too expensive. I am worried that my mother will receive less money after her death. Such selfish children are rare.

Of course, most of the thoughts and practices of children have a certain impact on their parents’ education methods, but as parents, they don’t know how to view their own behavior.

Anyone who has ever been sick knows that family care, encouragement and support for patients play a big role in physical recovery.

If you see your brothers and sisters taking care of you every day, or think that your husband and children can take care of you, you will naturally feel better. This is the source of inner strength and the strength of the family.

During these 19 rounds of chemotherapy, I spent most of the time in the hospital alone, because it was not easy for my sister and mother to come to Shanghai. As mentioned in the previous article, I don’t want my older mother to take care of me, and I don’t want to trouble my older sister who is already married. The most important thing is that I can do it by myself.

This is also a contradictory mentality: I want my family to take care of me, but I also want my family to have their own lives, and I don't want to cause trouble. However, with the popularization of smart phones now, constant communication is no longer a problem, and the concern at any time also plays a great comfort role.

Every time she was hospitalized, my sister would call to inquire, send greetings via WeChat, or show concern via video. This is how a family is, they will always miss you in their hearts.

It’s just that some families are unwilling to care about other family members because they only think about themselves. For example, among the patients, the younger sister rarely cares about the sick older sister; the husband rarely takes care of the sick wife; the parents rarely visit the seriously ill daughter; etc., there are many such things, which is why I say "not big" "The ward is a microcosm of such a large society." The world inside is hot and cold, and the warmth and coldness of the world are fully reflected in it.

Fortunately, in the hospital ward, I saw a family outside my blood relationship.

There is a "best daughter-in-law" in the hematology ward. She is the mother of two children and the daughter-in-law of the patient's mother-in-law. The good thing about her is that she takes care of her mother-in-law as her own mother (her mother-in-law is also a very good mother-in-law and treats her daughter-in-law like her own daughter, but she can't be sincere without being sincere), which is really rare in the eyes of our patients.

Many daughters-in-law are fine if they can come to the hospital to see their mother-in-law. There are also some who come to the hospital and are unwilling to sit in the ward. They wander around the ward and then stay in the corridor outside; Some daughters-in-law came here without communicating with their mother-in-law, and they looked like they were dragged here unwillingly by their husbands; some daughters-in-law were nowhere to be seen at all, and there were ~~

But I The daughter-in-law mentioned takes care of her mother-in-law as a family member and a relative. In order to better take care of her mother-in-law, she quit her job (she is a graduate of Shanghai Jiao Tong University and has a good workplace). She said, "I only have one mother-in-law, so I can find another workplace." Doctors need to understand the patient's condition. Looking for this daughter-in-law, the daughter-in-law handles all the medicines her mother-in-law uses and signs for chemotherapy. Every time she comes to the hospital, she brings her own food and always greets her with a smile. When she sees other patients in the ward, she smiles slightly to show her kindness. Greet your mother-in-law; help her wipe her body and wash off all her underwear without disdain; chat with your mother-in-law and say thoughtful words; do not be idle when sitting, or help your mother-in-law rub her back (patients who lie down for a long time have back pain) ), either rubbing her calves or adjusting her socks; more importantly, you can't see any complaints from her. Of course she looked tired (my feeling).

This "best daughter-in-law" in the hematology department is the best daughter-in-law I have ever seen.

Many people's biological daughters are no better than this, not to mention there are many daughters who cannot do such a good job.

This is a real family. Although my mother-in-law left in the end (patients said that only her daughter-in-law cried the most sadly), I think her mother-in-law will also feel relieved about her family - her grandchildren have a good mother, and her son has a good mother. Wife, her husband also has a good daughter-in-law.

Even though the illness is ruthless, the warmth of her family is enough to let her rest in peace.

I also met a real family.

During a chemotherapy session in the first half of 2014, a newly diagnosed patient came to the ward and lived in the bed next to mine. When I was hospitalized, she was basically out of danger (when she first arrived, her platelets were too low, causing gastrointestinal bleeding and she was fasting). She could sit on the bed and eat some porridge, and her condition was getting better day by day.

After I moved in, I saw the benefits of "more people make more power", and I even realized the power of a family.

The patient is in his early 50s, a foreigner, and has been married to a local in Shanghai for many years. There are three brothers and sisters in her husband's family, and her husband is the youngest. She did not have the experience of being ostracized by many outsiders when they married in Shanghai, nor did she have the unpleasant experience of being treated as an outsider. Her husband’s family is a harmonious family, especially during the Chinese New Year and holidays, they always spend time with patients. We get together at home, eat, drink, play, and have fun, and we are a family.

This time when the patient was ill, because of the critical situation, my husband’s brother, daughter, and sister’s two daughters took the initiative to take care of her in shifts, which was very rare. Because it’s good that many relatives can come and visit, but there are really not many who can stay overnight to take care of me. In particular, my husband’s brother also comes to stay with the patients at night and helps the patients with feces and urine. He said, “We never treat our siblings as outsiders, just as our own sisters.”

Such a family explains to us that unity is strength, and makes us feel the warmth of family affection.

Ah Lian and I have no relatives in Shanghai, except for my mentor’s family (I regard my mentor as a relative). Friends? If you have this disease, you will have fewer friends. It used to be that "when you drink with a close friend, you can drink a thousand cups of wine and there will be too little." But in the past few years of treatment, I have met several "special" family members.

One is the daughter of a patient. Her mother had the same disease as me and died two years ago. But the relationship between us has not been interrupted. During my subsequent hospitalization for chemotherapy, she would come to the hospital every time to see me and chat with me, just like a sister at home. She would also bring some delicious meals;< /p>

One is a patient and she treats me like a daughter. Every time we were hospitalized (when we met together) we would talk a lot about trivial things at home and things that she was worried about. She treated me as an intimate. Before the Spring Festival last year, she specially gave me a red envelope of 1,000 yuan, saying that I had no relatives in Shanghai and I would use the money to buy some delicious food during the New Year. I was very touched;

One is a patient Husband, she takes care of me like a family member (mainly in terms of food). I eat whatever her wife eats, and drink whatever her husband drinks. I eat and drink accordingly. The patient's husband would bring some meals he cooked every day for his wife to eat at noon. If I was in the hospital, he would specially cook more and bring me a portion. For example, when he has a bad appetite, our patient likes to eat porridge, so he will bring me an extra bowl; when making soup, he will also add some ingredients and bring me a portion. In this way, every time I am hospitalized, if this patient is also in the hospital, I will be happy, because I know that I will not have to worry about food.

It is these "special" family members who make us feel less lonely and lonely when we are in the hospital, and gain more warmth and enthusiasm.

The scope of home can be expanded or reduced.

When you expand the scope of your family from your own small home to your parents' home, you will hold your parents in your heart; when you expand this home to the relatives' home, you will miss your brothers in your heart Sisters, the seventh aunt and the eighth aunt; when you extend your home to include your work unit, you will feel in your heart that you are a member of the unit; when you extend your home to include everywhere in your life, your heart will Hold more people: passers-by who need help, the old, weak, sick and disabled who need a seat, strangers who need to give a smile...

When you have a "big" home in your heart, your home It's a big one, and family members are not just members of your own family, but there are many others. In this way, your heart will naturally be happy.

How big your heart is, how big your family is.

During the past few years of my illness, I am very grateful to those who have helped me, and I am even more grateful for the warmth and strength they have given me like family.

This is Part 16 of the series "The True Story of a "White-Blooded" Princess": Special fate makes us a family.