Counseling Notes

A mother consulted:

My child is in fourth grade. Before the holiday, I made an agreement with my child: After the holiday, I will complete my summer homework before taking him on a trip. However, it has been three weeks since the summer vacation. Not to mention how much homework he has done, he doesn’t even know what the homework is! I want to punish him, I decided not to take him on the trip. However, I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, what should I do?

I especially understand the feelings of mothers and children, and I also see the different expectations of mothers and children:

The mother’s expectation is that the children will consciously complete their summer homework as agreed, and then go on a trip together.

The child’s expectation is: have fun during the holidays. Although I made an agreement with my mother, I don’t want to do it. I just need to finish my summer homework before school starts. Why can’t I go traveling?

I think that from when we were young, to when our children were young, we all had the same idea about summer vacation homework: staying up late to catch up on homework before school starts is the correct way to start summer vacation homework.

Different times, the same summer homework, the same children.

The part I want to share with you here is the discussion on "Should children be punished and cancel summer vacations?"

The first thing I learned is that "finish your homework first and then travel" is not an agreement made after equal discussions between the mother and the child, but a request made by the mother to the child. Since it is not an agreement, there is no question whether the child will comply with it or not. Mothers have the right to make demands, and children also have the right not to meet their demands.

Secondly, summer vacation travel is an annual family plan, not a reward for the children. It is not directly related to whether the children complete their homework. Even if the children do not do any homework, they will still go on the trip. Last year That's it.

Completing homework is the child’s own business. Turning two unrelated things, homework and travel, into requirements and linking them together is actually weakening the child’s autonomy and turning homework into a responsibility between the child and the mother. Personal things. And the child knows that it doesn't matter if the mother's request is not fulfilled in the end, there will be no consequences.

After distinguishing these two things, regarding homework issues, we can:

1. Arrange a time to chat with the children about their thoughts on summer homework and ask the children themselves plans and ask if you need help. I believe that children in grade 4 can already plan their own summer vacation independently.

2. Think about whether it is acceptable if the child comes to catch up on homework before school starts? If not, express your concerns to your child and analyze the consequences of not being able to complete the assignment. But it is recommended to respect the child's choice in the end.

3. During the time when you are catching up on homework before school starts, accept the worries, tension, anger and other emotions that your children may have at that time, and try your best to provide your children with help.

4. If the child really cannot complete the homework, let him bear the consequences, but do not judge or blame. Likewise, try to help the child when he needs it.

During the consultation, we learned that children in grade 4 can fully understand the meaning of homework, know the consequences of failing to complete it, and understand that it is their own business. Therefore, parents only need to trust their children, not be overly involved, and provide help when necessary.

When it comes to summer vacations, parents can involve their children more, cultivate their initiative, and allow their children to develop a sense of competence in the process of setting itineraries and making strategies together. Since it is a family parent-child activity, then abandon all requirements and simply complete one thing together to feel the love between parents and children.

"Return the child's things to the child, and do our things well with the child." In the end, the mother concluded like this.

So, have a happy holiday~~~