Why are some people so talkative? Three skills to get you to talk

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Do you have such people around you?

It seems that we can talk about anything.

You can talk to anyone.

Obviously, it's only the first time we meet, and we can talk as if we've known each other for a long time.

Obviously, I haven't done that kind of work, so we can have a good conversation.

Obviously, I don't play games very much, and I can chat very well.

Obviously, I haven't given birth yet, so I can talk with Ma Bao in full swing.

How did they do it?

The dog brother around me is such a person, and there are almost no circles that he can't get into.

I once saw him attend a small party together, where all the people met in a forum and talked about some ideas about Greater Bay Area, such as buying a house.

There are not many people, seven or eight, but I have never seen them before. It's a small gathering of netizens from all walks of life.

There is a local shoe factory in its forties who is proficient in the world;

There are also shy young people who have just graduated from foreign trade in their early twenties;

There are IT programmers who start a business from BAT and think linearly;

There is also a rich second-generation treasure mother who is full-time WeChat business at home, thinking jump;

There are also civil servants, white-collar workers in the workplace and so on;

Gou Ge consciously acted as the host of the whole evening chat, and he was able to guide the topic with ease. Everyone talked in full swing for more than four hours.

After the party, almost everyone said to Brother Dog: You are the most talkative person I have ever met!

You must think brother dog was born to talk like this.

Because he must be outgoing, active, sociable and energetic, and he is born to be a dancer in a circle of friends.

However, the opposite is true.

Brother Dog and I have been bosom friends for many years. Not only is he not an outgoing and active person, but he is also an introverted and shy person at heart. If you can't socialize, you won't socialize. Most of the time, you like to be paralyzed at home.

Then how on earth did he become such a talkative person?

What are the characteristics of people who can talk?

Is there anything we ordinary people can learn to copy, so that we can become a talking person?

I have been doing human resources related work since graduation. From consulting company to HR of Party A, it is often necessary to chat with all kinds of people.

In addition, I also like to sum up some frameworks and rules and ponder over how to chat for a long time.

It may be difficult to sum up the rules by looking at only one person.

Then let's look at some people who can talk in general. Who can you think of?

For example, sales, public relations, journalists, management professors, consultants, HR, office directors, investment banks, old Beijing taxi drivers and so on.

What are the characteristics of these talking people?

As you may first think, they are all expressive. They all look like slips of the tongue.

Let's think about a problem in turn. Is there anyone around you?

Some people may be outgoing, fluent or even fast, but they just don't want to talk to them. You don't listen to anything he says, even a little annoyed?

Others, who may be a little introverted, may speak slowly, and even their Mandarin is not very standard, are comfortable to chat with and often have some touches and inspirations?

It can be seen that the ability to express is often not the most important factor in chatting.

Examples of personal experience

When I just graduated, I joined a human resources consulting company.

On the first day of employment, according to my expressive ability, I should be able to chat with all kinds of people soon.

After all, my university is a Chinese department. I worked as the editorial director of the school magazine, played a long debate contest, worked as an intern reporter in Changsha Evening News, and also worked as a director in Hunan Radio and Television for a long time. ...

My expressive ability should be regarded as having gained enough experience in college.

But actually, it may not be a problem to chat after work. On the first day of work discussion, don't talk about it. You didn't even get a word in.

In fact, as long as you have attended school and received basic education, there is not so much difference in expression ability between people.

Everyone uses the same vocabulary. After all, there is no need to compare with CCTV hosts or diplomats from various countries.

The key to chatting is not to use the A-level intonation of Mandarin, nor to use beautiful and complicated words.

Just like the problem I encountered on the first day in a consulting company, I have a deeper and more core key thinking ability!

For example, when analyzing a company, I immediately think of what the company does, where its headquarters is, how many people there are, and whether it is listed.

Although there is nothing wrong, it is not enough for consulting companies. These points are scattered with each other and have no directionality. Knowing this, what conclusion can we draw?

And they can focus on collecting information to be analyzed under the thinking mode of strategic map and SWOT. And draw the conclusion that they have the same directivity.

For example, the advantages and disadvantages of this company, whether it has established its own competitive barriers, etc.

We seem to be facing the same information, after all, a lot of this information can be found on the Internet.

However, different ways of thinking and depth make us finally see a completely different world.

If the way of thinking is single or zero, and the analysis of the problem is shallow, then no matter how fluent the expression is, it is difficult to talk to people.

So I began to study various ways of thinking, such as the golden pyramid principle, the nine-square commercial canvas, the iceberg model, the smart principle, and knowing people.

I believe you may have learned a lot about this way of thinking, and even we may have all heard of the same thing, logical thinking.

However, after a period of time, you will find that you still seem to have not reached your ideal state. Because there is also a key information input.

It's like asking you to talk about the game industry.

You do have strategic maps, SWOT, business canvases and other ways of thinking.

However, if you have been fully exposed to the game industry and don't watch or listen at ordinary times, the game company has only a little knowledge of Tencent. This topic is out of the question.

Without sufficient and effective information input, the way of thinking has no attachment, and it is empty and floating in the air.

Naturally, it is difficult to have good information output. If you talk too much, you will feel that there is nothing to say, just an empty shell, which makes you feel boring and even mysterious.

Three tips for chatting for a while

Information input: there should be filtering, and correct and high-quality information should be input.

Thinking ability: It is best to apply logical laws, be deep and innovative.

Information output: I often experience, can tell stories and have my own style.

Therefore, information input+thinking depth+information output have become the three keys to being good at chatting.

So how to improve the ability of these three aspects respectively?

First, make different kinds of friends.

My experience in a consulting company tells me that the way to get to know a field quickly is not to read books, attend classes or read research reports. Instead, find someone to chat with.

Because perceptual knowledge and communication from people will enter people's hearts more than cold words and data.

It will be much better to read those research reports after you have a perceptual knowledge.

Make as many different types of friends as possible. As long as the underlying values and bottom line are similar, the income level and career gap are not so important.

Every different kind of friend adds an eye and an ear to see the world for us, which is a happy thing.

For example, the dog brother mentioned earlier, he is one of the best.

On the one hand, as a practitioner in the advertising media industry, he will deal with all kinds of active people;

On the other hand, he will consciously push himself out to deal with different types of people.

I often think:

If there were no friends in the medical and beauty industry, I might still think that the anti-aging of those face lifts really depends on smearing.

If I didn't have so many entrepreneurial friends, I might never know what it's like to walk up to the rooftop and be pulled down by my legs and feet.

If I hadn't chatted with the shovel officer on the lawn, I might never have known how the takeaway brother had time to walk the dog.

If there were no such friends, maybe I would go step by step every day and not know so many strange things.

Keep the bottom line of values, but don't set the blockade of friends. Every time you make a new friend, you will have a new vision. You can try.

Second, improve your input standards.

Let's share a short story first.

Once I'm going to an activity and I'm going to wear a formal suit that I like very much.

I clearly remember putting it on the far left of the wardrobe, but I couldn't find it in my hurry that morning.

Time passed by, and finally had to change.

This incident made me make up my mind to tidy up my closet that weekend.

Then I packed two boxes of clothes that I hadn't worn for a year, and even some tags were still there.

And these clothes, I not only didn't wear much, but also blocked my favorite clothes, so that I couldn't find my favorite clothes after rummaging through the closet.

So I made up my mind to follow "Does this dress make me feel really exciting? Will I buy it again? " I packed two boxes of clothes.

I sent these clothes, brand-new and others, to the clothes donation box downstairs, and I felt that the whole world was refreshing.

This matter touched me a lot. After that, I did three more things.

The first thing is to clean up your mobile app and uninstall it without using it for three months.

Second, clean up the official WeChat account I care about. I actually paid attention to two or three hundred official WeChat accounts, and I was shocked. They completely blocked the content I like to watch, and obviously I haven't ordered some for a long time.

Third, clean up your own WeChat reading bookshelf. In fact, there are many strange books on the shelf that I don't know when they were added, such as learning financial management quickly and learning Japanese quickly.

We often say that wasting other people's time is tantamount to murder for money, and wasting your own time is tantamount to suicide.

Before making any choices that take a lot of time, such as reading books, watching movies, reading official WeChat accounts, etc. You can take some time to confirm its quality.

There are many ways to judge, such as Douban and Zhihu. You must have many ways to choose the quality of these things.

A person has so much time every day, and the amount of information in this world is huge. Why waste it on meaningless search and selection?

Especially when those motives will neither make you grow up, nor make you happy, or even make you uneasy.

When inputting information, it is best to carry out special study purposefully.

For example, about speech, about football, about a certain period of history, about negotiation, about desk storage and so on.

This will make information input more concentrated, more relevant and more fulfilling.

First of all, establish your own framework for seeing the world.

Everyone has his own perspective on the world, but not necessarily his own framework.

Framework is the rule for you to integrate information. Only through integration can information become knowledge and wisdom and form our cognition.

The process of chatting is the process of integrating the contents in the brain and dictating them.

The more organized your thinking is, the clearer your message will be, and the more others will understand what you want to say.

Just like when I just graduated, when I look at a company, I will know the industry, number of people, address and so on.

But these can't draw any directional conclusions, and naturally there is no way to talk about communication.

These are scattered data. Only by establishing some thinking frames can we see that the depth of the problem will be greatly promoted to a higher level.

The following is the progressive relationship between data, information, knowledge and wisdom.

I recommend two common thinking frames for you to try.

1, find more similarities between you and the person you are chatting with.

Again, everyone likes to chat with people who are familiar and trusted.

Especially those who have something in common.

For example, they are all from Shandong, all have cats, all like playing mahjong, all have worked in Shanghai, all have been soldiers, all have been cheated by suppliers, all live in the same district, all their children are in kindergartens, and they have recently participated in a certain training, and so on.

These similarities are equivalent to endorsing your trust, breaking your guard and making you a familiar person.

I know a leader who is good at chatting, and I like to watch him chat whenever I have the chance.

For strangers who meet for the first time, if they have time to prepare, they will habitually inquire about the following:

Where is this person from, where he graduated, where he worked and lived, what his main experience is, where he lives now, what he likes, whether he knows anyone, and so on.

If it is the first time to meet, he really has no time to prepare. He will definitely learn this information through the initial chat until he finds the similarities.

For example, fellow villagers and alumni all know someone, like a hobby, have lived there, have been to a project recently, have traveled there recently, like their food, and what grade their children are in.

Find a few similarities, and then go deeper to learn more.

When the whole atmosphere was no longer cramped, everyone began to sit comfortably, and even began to talk about the past, family and private affairs, this chat situation opened.

Moreover, he will divide the chat objects into nodding acquaintances, casual acquaintances, friends in need, friends who never look back, friends of life and death, and so on.

And what level of people, looking for what * * * similarities and topics, to avoid shallow into deep.

Establish a habit of thinking about finding common ground and open the situation of chatting. I have benefited a lot from this and share it with you.

Give you a little exercise:

What do the following two people have in common?

If you want to chat with them, what do you have in common with them?

2. Is there any analytical logic in asking more questions? What is this? Why? What else is there?

This is actually studying the nature of things and the relationship between things.

Let me give you a simple example: For example, everyone says it is good to buy a house in Greater Bay Area, so why?

Is there any logic in analyzing the trend of real estate? It won't take much effort to find "long-term population, medium-term land and short-term finance".

At this time, think deeply, what is the population in the long run, and what demographic indicators are related to real estate?

Search again and you will find population, population growth rate, permanent population, net inflow of population, net outflow of population, and even primary school students.

Then why are these indicators related to real estate? "The house is for living", and the residential property is the primary property of real estate.

What else is there? What if I buy it for investment?

Then whether it is buying a house or investing, there will eventually be a population to take over. And these indicators represent balabalabala. ......

But if it is a short-term investment, we can't just look at population, because in the short term, we have to look at finance, especially financial policy. Then ask the finance department.

Keep asking, you may finally ask why these three factors are involved, and you are already close to the root of the matter.

There are two key principles behind these two thinking frameworks.

Principle 1: Be curious and have the habit of exploring the essence of things.

Principle 2: Have a strong thirst for knowledge, and constantly ask about thinking habits related to things.

Under such a thinking framework, you will continue to explore the thinking habits of different people, different industries and different positions.

For example, the smile curve of industry profits, value chain analysis of enterprise development, iceberg model of human resources, DuPont analysis of financial management, 4P model of marketing management and so on.

You don't need to know these names, or even what they stand for.

Because the logic behind it is the same, they are constantly questioning the essence and the relationship between different elements.

Each question is to root a knowledge point into a tree. And every association is to connect the scattered roots into a big net and form a forest.

Your vision of thinking will become wider and wider, and the power of thinking reflected in chatting will become more and more profound.

In this way, no matter what you talk about, you can have your own ideas and attitudes!

Second, link with familiar scenes.

In order to constantly train the way of thinking, the best way is to connect with familiar scenes, so as to better master and use them.

For example, the iceberg model commonly used in human resources.

We often use it to evaluate a person's knowledge, skills, ability and quality in the work scene, as well as the relationship with the deep-seated values, personality and motivation under the iceberg.

So as to evaluate a person's suitable position, development potential, team collocation and so on.

Can the tools used at work also be used in life? After all, not everyone is a leader and HR.

For example, one day, in the underground passage, I saw a girl screaming at the top of her lungs and arguing with her little brother who put on a cell phone membrane.

She asked her brother why there were bubbles in the film he pasted on her, and why he didn't give her a new one, and then he bowed his head and hugged his arm and cried.

People come and go in the underground passage, and many people look at the direction of the quarrel.

Why would she do such a thing?

Think of a news before, a girl quarreled with her boss in a fly restaurant.

She said that all the beef noodles she used to eat were four pieces of beef, why only two pieces this time. But after all the noise, she began to cry.

Others advised her that there was no need to cry so sadly for two pieces of beef.

She said that it was not the two pieces of beef that she was crying about, but herself, crying that she was 30 years old and was so humiliated because of those two pieces of beef. However, if her life were better, she wouldn't quarrel like this about these two pieces of beef.

The connection between these two pictures makes me feel a little sad and sad, trying to understand their feelings.

Maybe the part on the ice that can prove her working ability and make her professional promotion and development may be promoted, or there is no chance to prove herself at all.

So that it is difficult for them to have the expected social status and income.

Under the ice, there may be fragile self-esteem, eager to be seen, valued and respected, but there is also hidden inferiority.

Sensitive high emotionalization in personality often exposes these, making their interpersonal relationship fragile and anxious.

The fragility under the ice will affect their ability to show on the iceberg and make their work and life enter a dead end.

At that moment, I felt that what I saw was no longer a person who lost his dignity.

When you feel the possible part of her under the ice, she is a complete person, and you can even understand her.

That's a little far.

What I want to express is that this way of combining familiar scenes with the surrounding environment and constantly applying the thinking framework can keep your brain practicing.

And even if I tell others about the thing I just described, it will be more stereoscopic and full.

In the end, these ways of thinking will be as natural as dressing and eating.

If you can do the above input and thinking well, in fact, output is usually a natural thing, just say what you think.

But if you have higher expectations and requirements for your output, then you can try the following two ways.

The first common way to chat is to tell stories.

Everyone likes listening to stories and has entered an era of storytelling.

Share an example.

Three different reporters interviewed a rich man. Someone asked three reporters separately, what did you see in the rich man's house?

The first reporter said: The rich man has a lot of money at home and bought all the latest game consoles from Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo.

The second reporter said: The rich man has a lot of money at home and bought all the latest game consoles from Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo. He said that he often called his friends to play games to relax himself.

The third reporter said: The rich man has a lot of money at home and bought all the latest game consoles from Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo. He said that he often called his friends to play games to relax himself. When he got to know him better, he said that he had never played games and had no friends when he was a child.

When you hear the third story, you will find that the first two are more about describing one thing, while the third one makes you feel like a story.

Even if you have never played games, you are tempted to talk about what happened next, why he never played games when he was a child, and why he didn't have any friends.

Although the story is not finished yet, you may have a desire to go on at the beginning.

This is the power of the story.

Because stories convey emotions, not just cognition, stories bring strange relationships closer and enrich strange faces.

You can convey your ideas in the form of stories, and they are not so blunt, but very soft and silent.

You can try telling stories yourself, and chatting with stories is a very attractive way.

In the next article, I will also share a common way of telling stories.

Second, sharing equally avoids showing superiority.

Everyone likes to chat on an equal footing and doesn't like being lectured. Just think about yourself.

But sometimes people instinctively want to compare, and sometimes they can't help but want to show their superiority. At this time, it is necessary to adjust by exercising your own output habits.

There are a few small principles to try:

Principle 1: Avoid emphasizing yourself by comparison.

You must have heard something like this when chatting:

Do you suffer? Can you be as miserable as me? I am miserable now!

Can you work overtime like me? You just work overtime until 12, and I always work overtime until one or two.

Can you call it chop hands? You don't look at what I bought on the Double Eleven!

This kind of comparative dialogue will actually make people feel uncomfortable, and it will also block the desire for further communication, and the topic will be forcibly pulled to themselves.

Principle 2: Avoid opening sentences in rhetorical questions.

Did you just say that without thinking?

Didn't I tell you before that he would do this?

You don't even know this?

Isn't this common sense?

Don't you know to look around at this time?

In fact, rhetorical questions have an arrogant tone and a condescending sense of scrutiny.

That kind of answer has preset a good feeling for the other person's answer, has a strong judgment on the feelings of others, and is somewhat aggressive, which will also make people unwilling to continue chatting.

Open-ended questions are more comfortable to communicate and have stronger dialogue ability.

What was the situation then?

I really haven't thought about this angle. What were you thinking?

What exactly did you say when you could still have such a wretched operation?

These are all open ways of communication.

Open-ended questions make people feel invited to share, further exchange and discuss, and reflect the sincerity of listening. I suggest you try more.

Write at the end:

Chatting is about being open and being open. Invite others to open a part of their heart, provided they are sincere.

At the same time, after all, the world is infinitely vast, and we don't have to be able to talk forever.

Sometimes it is a good thing to allow ourselves to be embarrassed and ignorant, which shows that we are constantly touching the unknown boundaries of this world.

Sometimes it is another realm to allow others to occasionally not want to chat and occasionally want to close the doors and windows to have a rest. Sitting silently opposite each other is another realm.

I hope we can all become warm and knowledgeable people.