The story of 1068 Shen Yao and Li Xiaojun

The story is called A Woman’s Ten Years

It is available online

I’ll post the second half for you

Eight

In telling this story, I left out a lot of people. They passed by in my life.

For example, in a Shenzhen hotel, a boy secretly stuffed a note into me and stuck a rose on the window lattice of my dormitory. It’s not like I didn’t see it or was touched by it, but I hurt him severely. , I stood under the streetlight and asked him: How can you, a waiter, love me?

In the dark night, his face turned red, he took a big breath, then turned and left.

Later, we passed each other countless times in the hotel, and his eyes were full of anger and disdain.

Later, he left the hotel.

Later, I heard that he had opened a company.

Later, I heard that he had become famous in Shenzhen.

I often think of him. He is a good boy and should find a pure white woman.

The other boy is from Jiangmen. His home is across the water from Hong Kong.

We met on the plane flying to Wuhan. Yes, it was the time I returned to Wuhan from Guangzhou. He would be working in Wuhan for a month. He sat next to me, and I sat with red eyes. Sitting in a daze in my seat, he talked to me from time to time.

The first time I took a plane, I vomited violently, but he was always busy with me, even more thoughtful than the flight attendant.

We took a ride together from the airport to Wuhan city. He gave me his phone number. I knew he fell in love with me at first sight.

He came to my school to look for me and invited me to dinner, but I refused lazily.

He has a prominent family, is well educated, and has a decent job. He takes me shopping. As long as I stand in front of an item for more than three minutes, I will definitely receive this gift one day. He is the ultimate romantic and gentleman.

When he returned to Guangzhou, I went to see him off. At the airport, he shyly asked me: Miss Shen, if you are willing, would you consider being my girlfriend?

I laugh. I said I sent you an e-mail, and you will know my answer when I return to Guangzhou.

I told him everything in an email.

When he flew back to Wuhan to find me, I had already gone to Shenzhen.

When he found my address in Shenzhen, I had already left Shenzhen.

In order to look at the bright moon in the sky, I missed the giants in the world.

We actually met each other in Beijing in 2003. At that time, there was already a woman with a beautiful smile beside him. We exchanged pleasantries, and he turned his back and smiled lonely.

Let me take a breath and talk about Shen Yao.

I took myself out of the plot and pretended that Shen Yao was just a woman who happened to have the same name as me and had a similar experience to me.

A new century has begun.

On the New Year’s Eve of the new millennium, the sky is full of fireworks blooming like flowers, which is especially enchanting. Steamed Bun and I were sitting on the balcony railing. She asked me if I still hated Li Xiaojun. I was silent. I thought of my child who died in infancy, and I thought of the blank stare I had seen. I gritted my teeth and said: Hate.

Mantou stopped talking. It was my word of hate that once again made me and Li Xiaojun rub shoulders.

Before Mantou asked me this question, Xiaojun said to Mantou on the phone: Xiaoman, I decided to ask Yaoyao to tell me personally what happened to her. How could she abuse herself like that.

Mantou yelled at the phone: Li Xiaojun, I also want to ask you what you did to Yaoyao!

Mantou hugged me, patted my shoulder gently and said: Yaoyao, forget Xiaojun, start over. Youth is inherently bitter.

I fell asleep in Steamed Bun’s arms, and in my dream I saw Xiaojun standing on the other side of a big river. I called him hoarse from here, but he didn’t respond. I had this dream for three years and got tired of it.

Mantou called Xiaojun that night. She calmly told Xiaojun: Shen Yao hates you, please don't disturb her peaceful life again.

And these, I don’t know.

How many times has this happened to us?

Those were years that crawled by like a snail, and I almost never smiled.

I often sit on the bus, sprinkle washing powder in the toilet, cut vegetables into my hands, and forget to put water in when cooking. My life is a mess. I feel like a disabled person who has lost the ability to live.

I live in a small attic near Hanzheng Street. I go to work early and come home late every day. On weekends, I sit on the terrace and read the newspaper. From dawn to dusk, I never turn a page. , I didn’t speak for a whole day, and when I finally spoke, I thought it was someone else’s voice.

When I find a job, I am often quit after less than a week because I am too dull and often make mentally retarded mistakes.

I was looking for a job in the scorching weather in June, and my skin was tanned. I stood on the streets of Wuhan and looked dizzy at the huge billboards. I have almost no capital to be proud of. I have been idle for four years and my major is not good.

Finally, a company wanted me. They liked my young and pure face. I stood in the lobby of the company every day, wearing a straight suit and just the right amount of makeup. I was like a living sign. Occasionally I would be obscene. Some customers make exaggerated jokes, but as long as I smile calmly, everything will be fine.

Life seems to be gradually smiling.

Nine

For two thousand years, I have lived in a daze, without any news from Xiaojun.

For two thousand years, my trajectory has been from the workplace to the dormitory, never beyond the boundaries.

Two thousand years is very important. Because when I seemed to be coming out of the haze, Xiaojun and Li Xiaojun appeared.

A wound that looked like blood had coagulated was stabbed again.

On November 12, 2000, I received a call from a high school classmate after get off work, saying that a group of Wuhan classmates were having a gathering and were waiting for me in a hotel.

Everyone was here when I went, and a bunch of people were shouting and joking. I was laughing quietly in the corner. During the dinner, someone answered the phone and asked everyone while holding the phone. : Hey, comrades, guess who is here?

Students, you and I kept guessing. The classmate who answered the phone said mysteriously: Li Xiaojun, the current outstanding employee of Motorola, has returned to Wuhan.

Before I finished speaking, the door of the private room had been pushed open. The lover I had longed for was standing in front of me without any explanation, and my head exploded with a bang.

In the bustling crowd, Xiaojun also saw me. We stared at each other through the sounds around us.

My lover, he is still tall and straight, the chest I miss is still broad, his eyes, his eyebrows, his cold fingertips, his slightly curly thick hair, the red behind his ears The red mole remains the same.

How I want to go up, lie on that chest, and cry.

Xiao Jun just looked at me and was forced to drink one cup after another of spicy liquor. Drink until your neck is red.

I just looked at him stiffly, across a round table, I looked at him, Xiaojun, who had left an indelible mark on my life, he didn’t look at me again, and he didn’t say anything to me. One sentence.

After dinner, we moved to another classmate’s house for activities, and I was forcibly pulled over. Xiaojun was in another car.

My classmates deliberately did not let us be in the same car. They knew the embarrassing past of Li Xiaojun and me. They thought that Li Xiaojun and I were gone. Who knew that I was heartbroken?

Eight people, two tables of cards. A table of poker and a table of mahjong.

Li Xiaojun was at the same table as me, and he sat down opposite me.

After a night of nothing, I lost three hundred and he lost four hundred.

There was nothing to say until daybreak. When he left, he finally said: Shen Yao, please pass my coat.

This sentence was said lightly and skillfully. When we were together, he often commanded me: Shen Yao, bring me my coat, Shen Yao, bring my leather shoes, Shen Yao bring my tie. Bring it to me...

For a moment I still had the illusion, as if we were still in love with each other, as if I could still act coquettishly in his arms at any time, as if I could hang on his neck on a swing, as if ...

Just as if. What he said today had the word "please" in front of it. This word wiped away all our vigorous past.

My Xiaojun has completely turned the page on me. He is no longer the same person waiting for me.

Although, I wasted my whole green years for him.

I went back to my residence and dug through all the treasured things with traces of Xiaojun, bit by bit, and caressed them carefully in the weak winter sunshine.

He gave me the hairpins, brooches, all the Wuhan-Guangzhou train tickets, the air tickets from Guangzhou to Wuhan, the messages he wrote to me, the phone book with his handwriting, his tie clip, his cold medicine, the invoice he bought for the pager, our rent receipt, and the bed sheet where we were intimate for the first time.

I spent a whole day looking at these small items. As I looked at them, I started wiping away tears, sobbing, and wailing.

A year later, I finally cried.

I miss Xiaojun.

I thought he missed me too.

I am in pain because of missing you.

I thought he was in more pain.

I thought we would still be together, and he would come over and hug me and kiss my eyelashes as usual. His lips were thin and cool, and his eyes were bright. I thought he would say: Yaoyao, I love you, I still love you.

I thought I could throw myself into his arms again, biting my teeth on his shoulders willfully. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms and have a dream of spring and flowers blooming, the seasons changing, and... Waves beat on the wet shore.

Everything is over, he can politely say please to me, he does not look at my haggard face because of him, I lost ten pounds in one year, my wrist is so thin that you can see it. He didn't even look at the blue blood vessels that appeared. He didn't even look back when he left my sight. I almost fainted behind him, but he didn't know. There were so many details, and he didn't know.

I resigned from the company with red eyes, and then bought a ticket to Beijing.

I want to find a corner and lick my wounds, not in Wuhan, not Guangzhou, not Shenzhen.

I chose Beijing, which has four distinct seasons and is bone-chillingly cold in winter.

Ten

In December 2000, at the Capital Airport, the cold wind was biting. I walked into the crowd carrying a small suitcase.

At that time, my expression was indifferent, my eyes were no longer clear, and my straight hair just reached my shoulders. The only thing that remained unchanged was that my lips were as color as a baby. I insisted on not using any lipstick or lip gloss. I kept it for him for six years. Like a day of loyalty.

I rented a room in Gongzhufen, painted it tender pink, burned a light fragrance of Dharma in the room, placed green leafy plants on the windowsill, and raised two water-playing animals. Fish in the fish tank on the dining table.

I go back and forth between Guomao and Princess Tomb every day. I am used to sleeping with the handrail hanging on the subway. I am used to wearing stiff professional clothes. I am used to living a life without Xiaojun.

I seem to be getting further and further away from Xiaojun.

I no longer keep in touch with my classmates in Wuhan. I bought a mobile phone number in Beijing, and the phone book is full of my Beijing friends.

Three months later, I spoke Beijing movies fluently. Even the people in Beijing didn’t know where I came from. They didn’t expect that I once spoke of Wuhan in a vicious way, and they didn’t know that I could understand every sentence. Cantonese.

I smile reservedly and talk gently with customers. I seem to be born for work.

However, night is a difficulty.

I have a habit of crying on the terrace at night. I cried happily, then wiped away my tears, went into the room, got into bed, and sobbed myself to sleep. Like a baby, I relied on this once-a-day catharsis. Occasionally I wake up in the middle of the night. I have nightmares. When I wake up, I am shaking all over. I stand on the terrace with my arms folded. The Beijing night is as cold as water, and my exposed skin hurts. I often stand there for half the night.

When I wake up, I will get up quickly and rush to the subway station to start the day's work. No one knew how awful my secret nights were.

Without him, I am just lonely.

On weekends, I would pass the time playing chess with others at the community activity center. My chess skills have improved day by day, and I can almost dominate the community. Only when I was playing chess, I could not think about anything. I gave up the chess to the kind-hearted old men tolerantly, and I made them laugh. The old people cared about it like children, so I gave up again and again, and still beat them.

I just stayed in the activity center for a day. If there is sunshine, I will push the elderly with handicapped legs for a walk and listen to them tell interesting stories about old Beijing. Their love for me was beyond my imagination. There was a time when the clothes hanging in the community were frequently stolen, but my clothes were never lost. As long as I washed the clothes, they would chat near the clothesline until the clothes were dry. They took it off for me. Every time I came back from the company and saw the sun-scented clothes hanging on the door handle, I couldn't help but feel a sore nose.

If you give love, you will definitely receive more love.

But I gave so much love to Li Xiaojun, but what I gained was piercing pain.

Eleven

Do you think I will still describe those processes? No, no, I want to end this memory. Those details become more and more sad as they are peeled off. No wound has ever been It can be described repeatedly and revealed, and it is all shocking. We only talk about the future. Every story that begins in the past will have a future.

Later, in January 2003, a man named Su Ke said loudly on the crowded streets of Wangfujing: Shen Yao, marry me. I won't let you cry anymore.

Suke had pure eyes, fair skin, and slender fingers. He was thin and frail, but he said he wanted to protect me. I tried to hold his arm, leaned against his chest, and groped for warmth with my eyes closed.

I said to Su Ke: Su Ke, give me three days, just three days, and I will give you the answer.

Suk wrapped my hand in his big hand and said: I'll wait.

Three days, I used it for a flight.

Flying at night, I saw darkness everywhere. Standing at Baiyun Airport, listening to the familiar and sonorous Cantonese, it felt like a world away. I hailed a taxi and drove slowly into the heart of Guangzhou. Every slight bump made my heart palpitate. The young and shy driver asked me: Miss, where are you going?

Please, take me around, anywhere. I said.

What then? He continued to ask me.

I sat in the back seat and watched the neon lights flashing outside the window: Then, we went back to the airport.

The driver looked at me in surprise from the rearview mirror. I smiled and explained: I just forgot about the smell of Guangzhou and flew here to smell it.

When I returned to Beijing, it was early in the morning. In the cold spring of January, I called Mantou. I asked her if she knew where Li Xiaojun was. Mantou was silent, and then told me word for word: Li Xiaojun. The wedding date is set for May 1st.

Hang up the phone, sit on the roadside, in a daze, and then stop the car with difficulty.

The taxi was driving hard on the Third Ring Road. Traffic jams are a common occurrence in Beijing. I leaned against the car window and looked out boredly. A man in a navy blue suit was standing next to a Passat. His figure was very striking. Li Xiaojun, I jumped out of the car like a man possessed. As soon as I got off the car, I saw the man getting into the car. Then the car started to move slowly. I ran over quickly. The traffic started to move faster and faster. I was completely thrown on the third ring road. On the road, the cars passed by me gradually, and I was left behind again and again. I seemed to see time passing by me, and I stood in the traffic with tears streaming down my face.

Three days later, Su Ke and I stood at the marriage registration office.

Twelve

Xiaojun, if you read this article in the future, please believe that this is all, my ten years, the ten years I have devoted to you. I will no longer ask, no longer ask why you are willing to let me feel sad.

We will eventually forget each other in the world, and let it drift away. If we can meet again, please don't stop me. Because I promised Su Ke to accompany him for the rest of his life.