The ending of Rao Xueman's "Song 1"

I often feel that my loneliness is innate. Like a quiet flower, it blooms in my heart alone. Only I can appreciate its beauty and make me proud, free and independent. As a result, the boys and girls in the class began to get used to high school life. When talking about all kinds of love, I was the only one who was not interested in them.

Xiaozhe continues to send me notes every day.

Often after that long physics problem, he writes a small sentence;

Sometimes he asks, Zhuo Ma, do you think Satan is a really great man?

Or: Zhuo Ma, do you know how many times people blink on average a day?

Even: Zhuo Ma, besides vulgar love, is there pure friendship between men and women?

These questions are too complicated for me to think and answer. Of course, even if I really have the answer in my heart, I don't want to tell Xiaozhe easily. I just want to tell that flower what I'm saying, and only it will understand.

Yan Shushu asked me, "Zhuo Ma, what kind of boy do you like?"

I don't know, really don't know.

I have never studied the qualities, types and styles of boys, and I don't want to study them.

However, there was such a person who suddenly appeared in my life when I felt that I had completely forgotten him. I can't escape, just as I have never escaped that damn fate.

It was an ordinary weekend, because the final exam was approaching, and the atmosphere in the day seemed tense and dignified. Going to the canteen to cook, the queue is not very long. Just as I was about to cook dinner, someone suddenly said to me, "classmate, can I borrow your meal card?"

I turned around and it was him.

Every time he appeared in front of me, he seemed to fall from the sky. What's more strange is that he is wearing our school uniform, and the suit fits him well, just like his, but I can hardly recognize it without a hat.

"I'm hungry." He winked at me.

I don't know why, by some inexplicable coincidence, I handed him the meal card.

"Thank you." He took the meal card and kissed it, then handed it to the canteen master and said, "Please give me the same one as hers."

I walked to the table with a rice basin and found several security guards at the entrance of the canteen. They kept coming towards it, as if looking for someone. My heart can't help pounding. Poison has been following me with a rice basin. After I sat down, he sat opposite me, and I saw fine sweat on his forehead.

"Thank you." He handed me the meal card and said to me with a frown, "Do you like potatoes? Don't eat blindly. Girls get fat when they eat this. "

What are you doing here? I asked him, and my intuition told me that the security guards had something to do with him.

"I miss you, come and see you, ok?" He leaned forward, looked me in the eye and said, "You know, I'm not a good liar. I mean everything."

I don't like rolling my eyes, kicking him and hitting him. I know that if a boy deliberately wants to disgust you, just pretending to be indifferent is the best weapon against him. So I buried my head, picked up the biggest potato and bit it down-but I soon found that this action just revealed that I actually cared about his feelings, so I panicked, worried and sweated.

He suddenly picked up chopsticks and gave me a piece of chicken on his plate.

I looked at him dumbfounded, and he said in a gentle tone, "Eat more, you don't look well." With that, he lowered his head and began to eat with a big mouth. Look at him, he looks really hungry!

The security guard passed us several times and finally went out.

Then, I saw Poison stand up from his seat. He walked all the way to my side, gently put the meal card in my uniform jacket pocket, and then whispered in my ear, "Ma Xiaozhuo, I will remember you."

He was about to leave, but I heard the voice of "Ding Dong" in my ear. A shiny thing slipped from his trousers pocket and fell to the ground. "hey!" I couldn't help but stop him, pick up something on the ground and hand it to him. Only then can I see clearly that this is a golden Buddha pendant, which is small in shape but a little heavy.

As soon as he looked back, he immediately held the little golden Buddha in his hand and quickly disappeared from the canteen without telling me anything.

I was left there alone.

I didn't eat the chicken he gave me at last.

That's disgusting. I struggled to say to myself.

In the afternoon, the news that the boys' building was stolen came from the school.

"It's amazing." Wu Dan said, "All the unlocked doors are open. It is said that someone was taking a bath in the bathroom at that time. As soon as I opened the door, the dormitory was in a mess and I almost cried! "

"The camera didn't get anything?" Someone asked curiously.

"Fart, the main plug has been unplugged." Wudan pie pie.

"The boy taking a bath is the philosopher in your class!" The girl in the second bed is from the next class. While chewing an apple, she said disapprovingly, "It is said that his underwear was stolen."

"Ha ha ha ..." They laughed together again.

Sitting in bed reading English magazines, I held the magazines high and covered my face with red and white.

I think I know who did it.

Is there such a coincidence?

And I actually lent him a meal card to eat. What am I?

Back in the classroom that day, the boys' faces were dignified. The good boy said, "Let me know who it is, and then kill him!" " "

"My Zippo is from my first girlfriend!"

"* ... American blockbusters are released, and the security guards are too cheap! "

The members of the life committee registered all the lost items from one seat to another. She came to Xiaozhe and just put the household registration book on the table, Xiaozhe shouted at her: "Go away!" " "

The life committee is a little girl who speaks softly. She gave him a white look with anger and scolded, "Sick!"

"His amulet was stolen. When taking a bath, he took it off and put it on the pillow. It was a golden Buddha, which his mother gave him before he died. " Yan Shushu chewed gum and muttered to me.

Dying?

I looked at Yan with puzzled eyes.

"He fucking died the next day. Breast cancer. " Yan explained it very clearly.

My heart suddenly shrank, as if I had been touched by something. Golden Buddha? ! I suddenly remembered, didn't I hand it to him? Head instantly blank, subconsciously looked up at the front of XiaoZhe. He is busy writing, and the English book in front of him rattles. It's like copying all the words in the vocabulary a hundred times at a time.

Zhuo Ma, you accomplice, what a big mistake you made.

Because the final term is coming, we will stop our homework, so the teacher assigned a lot of homework this evening. The rule in the sky is that no matter how much homework you have, you must finish it in the evening self-study time. If it is postponed after class, it is best not to hand it in.

About halfway through the evening self-study, the whole classroom was very quiet, and almost everyone was doing their homework seriously. My desk moved, and I looked up and saw Xiaozhe had stood up from his seat. He took off his coat and sweater, only wearing a white shirt, and ran out of the classroom alone.

Through the window, I saw his white figure quietly disappearing into the darkness.

I looked up at the others again. No one seems to notice Xiaozhe's departure. Even his deskmate is holding his head with his hands, numbly pulling something on his exercise book.

I lie prone on my desk, looking at the boundless darkness outside the window, and I don't know how to deal with myself.

This time, when I realized that I was being used again, I really felt nothing but anger and shame. I swear, I hate him. Hating him makes me feel stupid, hating him makes me hurt Xiaozhe, hating him makes me an accomplice as heinous as him.

Xiao Zhe didn't show up for self-study all night. At the end of the evening self-study, my inner remorse reached its peak. I had an excuse to ask the teacher, but Yan and I didn't go back to the dormitory.

I decided to find him.

It was not until half an hour later that I found him behind a rockery behind the school.

He threw his glasses aside, turned his back on me and squatted on the ground. He buried his head in his collar, his shirt covered his head, and half of his thin back was exposed.

A cold wind blew and I couldn't help shivering. Wearing only one shirt, he also shivered.

I couldn't bear to call him, so I stood still.

I have never seen a person so suppress his pain-the pain of his father's death and grandmother's death fifteen years ago; Anan's pain when his mother died seven years ago; My pain when my grandmother died; Compared with his pain at this moment, it seems to Hua Song like a wisp of insignificant smoke, which is nothing. I think maybe it's because at least our tears can flow freely in broad daylight, but he can't, or he won't let himself. He could only wrap himself in thin clothes and cry.

Xiaozhe, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry

I left quietly instead of calling him.

At that moment, I made up my mind that I was going to find poison and get back Xiaozhe's things.

Compensation or apology, I just want to return the gift his mother left him. I don't know why, maybe it's because we don't have a mother. However, his mother left him an amulet, and my mother left nothing to the world except me.

The bulletin board on campus says that today is the first cold air crossing the border since winter. I wore the old cotton-padded jacket I bought in the second day of junior high school and walked towards the technical school I had never been to. I am not afraid of cold weather, or at this moment, there is nothing to worry about.

All I know is that I have to get his things back for Xiaozhe. I have to.

Otherwise, I'm not afraid to go to jail with him.

……