Shanyakou Bunin [Russia]

It's late at night, but I'm still dragging my feet to the mountain pass. The cold wind is bleak, the cold fog is pervasive, and I have no confidence at all. But a horse behind me obediently followed me, wet and tired, and two empty stirrups clanged.

In the twilight, I rest at the foot of the pine forest-behind the pine forest is this bare and desolate hillside-and look at the unfathomable land under my feet, and I feel an unusual pride and strength inside: when you look around from a high place, you usually feel this way. You can also distinguish the lights in the dim valley near the narrow bay in the distance. The bay extends eastward, becomes bigger and bigger, and becomes a blue wall, enclosing half the sky. But it's already night in the mountains. Soon it was dark, and I walked to the edge of the forest-the mountains became more and more gloomy and abrupt. In the open space between the mountains, the deep fog was driven by the storm on the mountains and quickly merged into a long and narrow oblique cloud. This kind of fog is blowing from the top of the mountain (there are a lot of scattered fog on the top of the mountain), which seems to make the valley between mountains more gloomy and deep. It turned the forest into a vast expanse of whiteness, and it came to me with the deep and desolate voice of pine trees. The air is filled with the smell of severe winter, and it's snowy and snowy ... It's already night. I'm ducking my head to avoid the cold wind and walking on the arch road composed of pine branches in the mountains for a long time, and the pine trees keep ringing in the dense fog.

"We'll be at Yamaguchi soon," I said to myself. "We can climb the mountain to a quiet place and a bright room with many people ..."

However, half an hour and an hour have passed ... every minute, I feel that the mountain pass is not far from me, only two or three steps away, but the bare rock ramp is always endless. The pine forest has fallen, and the low winding bushes have passed. I began to feel tired and shivering with cold. I remember there are several graves among the pine trees not far from Shanyakou, where the woodcutter who was blown down by the winter snowstorm was buried. I feel that I am now on the top of an uninhabited barren mountain, and there are only clouds and cliffs around me, so I can't help thinking: how can I cross those stone tablets that stand like dark giants in the dense fog? I have lost the concept of time and place now. Do I still have enough strength to walk down the hill?

Ahead, in the speeding fog, a vague black rumbling thing appeared ... these dark hills looked like sleeping bears. I climbed up and jumped from one stone to another. The horse struggled to climb with me, and its hooves tinkled on the wet bare stones. Suddenly, I found that the road began to climb slowly again! So I stopped and felt desperate. I was shaking all over because of tension and fatigue. My clothes were soaked with snow, and the wind went straight through them, so it was extremely cold. Do you want to call? But now even the shepherds are hiding in Homer's humble hut with their goats and sheep-who will hear my crying? I looked around in fear:

"Oh my God! Am I lost? "

It is late at night. The deep, sleepy sound of the waves came from the pine forest in the distance. The night is becoming more and more mysterious, and I can feel it, although I don't know the time or where I am. Now, the last light in the deep valley has gone out, and the gray fog has occupied the whole valley. It knows that now is its timely moment-a long time, as if everything on the ground is dead, and the morning will never come again, only the fog continues to increase, covering the abrupt mountains on duty at night. On the mountain, the trees will continue to make a deep sound, and in the desolate mountain pass, the snow will blow harder and harder.

I avoided the wind and turned to the horse. This is the only thing I have left alive! However, the horse did not look at me. It was wet and frozen, curled up, and the tall saddle stood awkwardly on its back. It obediently hangs its head and its ears cling to it. I pulled the reins hard and faced the wet snow again, bravely facing the snow again. I tried to see things around me clearly, but all I could see was gray, flying and shining with dazzling snowflakes. I listened attentively, only to hear the wind in my ear and the monotonous clang behind me: this is the sound of stirrups colliding with each other ...

However, it is very strange: despair is beginning to make me strong! I walked harder. Because I have to endure all this, I have a malicious complaint about others, which makes me feel very happy. This feeling of complaining turned into a kind of melancholy and unyielding obedience, and I was determined to give in to everything I had to endure. In this mood, even if there is no hope, I am willing. ...

Finally, Shanyakou is finally in sight. But I don't care anymore. I walked along the gentle grass, and the wind blew thick fog like a lock of fluffy long hair, blowing me to the ground, but I didn't mind at all. You can feel that the mountains are firmly occupied in the middle of the night just by the whistle of wind and fog-small people have already slept in their own small houses in the valley; But I'm in no hurry, bite the bullet and walk, muttering to the horse from time to time:

"Go on, go on. Walk as hard as you can until you fall. I have walked through this secluded mountain pass many times in my life! Disaster, pain, illness, betrayal of relatives and friends, ruined friendship, all came to me like the night-finally it was time to break up with everything familiar. So, I had no choice but to hold the tramp's cane in my hand again. However, the mountain road leading to new happiness is steep and rugged. Night, fog and storm are waiting for me at the top of the mountain. Terrible loneliness will occupy my thoughts in Yamaguchi ... but-keep walking, let's go! "

I stumbled along as if in my sleep. It's still a long time before dawn. It takes a whole night to go down the valley, and maybe you can sleep soundly somewhere at dawn-curled up, with only one feeling in your heart: to feel the warmth and sweetness after catching a cold.

During the day, people and sunshine will make me happy, and they will deceive me for a long time ... Maybe somewhere I will fall down and stay on this barren mountain since ancient times, in the darkness and snowstorm?

(translated by Dai Qi)

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Bunin's Shanyakou truly reproduces the process of ideological transformation in loneliness and despair. This painful struggle process is divided into three different exploration periods.

The first is a period of self-confidence and strength. At this time, "I" looked at the bare and desolate hillside in the twilight and felt a desire to conquer, an extraordinary pride and strength. Although everything becomes blurred in the twilight, the mountains become more and more gloomy and abrupt, and the deep fog begins to spread, making the already gray sky and mountains more gloomy and profound; In addition, the weather is very bad, it is very cold on snowy days, and the snow and sweat on my body blend together. Wet body, bad weather and gloomy environment are isomorphic and become objective conditions; However, "I" still have the confidence to overcome difficulties and reach Shanyakou. Because at this moment, "I" kept saying to myself, "We will get to the mountain pass soon", "We can go over the mountain, to a quiet place, to a bright room with people ..."

The second is the process of losing confidence step by step. Because with the passage of time, although "I" has been telling myself that it is not far away, the surrounding hillsides and forests are still there, and I can't see the mountain pass I expected; Coupled with their own fatigue and the cold weather, the sense of loneliness is expanding, and the fearful heart feels desperate and helpless: "I have lost the concept of time and place now, do I still have enough strength to walk down the mountain?" Suddenly, everything around me seemed to be monsters and behemoths, coming at me, and I slowly climbed up the mountain. However, I subconsciously found that the road was increasing bit by bit, walking longer and stopping longer, feeling inexplicable despair and pain, and my strength suddenly disappeared without a trace. The cold wind and cold snow have turned my confidence into despair, and my inner desire and hope have also left me. I began to look forward to a humble hut like Homer, where I could stay warm with my goats and sheep to avoid the wind and snow. The more I think about it, the more scared I am: "Oh, my God! Am I lost? "

With the deepening of disappointment, coupled with the late night outside and the mysterious sound of pines, "I" also deeply felt the disillusionment of hope and self-helplessness: "... I don't know the time and place. Now, the last light in the deep valley has gone out, and the gray fog has occupied the whole valley. It knows that it is its season now-for a long time, it seems that everything on the ground is dead and the morning will never come again ... In the desolate mountain pass, the snow will blow harder and harder. " Everything is gray, without any anger or heating. At this time, when the mood is the lowest, I have less and less confidence to get out of this dark night.

Finally, "I avoided the wind and turned to the horse." This is the only thing I have left alive! However, the horse did not look at me. It was wet and frozen, curled up, and the tall saddle stood awkwardly on its back. It obediently hangs its head and its ears are close to its head. "'I' felt the endurance that the wind and snow could not conquer, so' I' also strangely felt that despair began to make' I' stronger." Because I have to endure all this, I have a malicious complaint about others, which makes me feel very happy. This complaining mood has turned into melancholy and unyielding obedience, and I am determined to endure everything I have to endure ... "Finally, Shanyakou is in sight again.

I feel better. Although people are small in front of nature, we should grit our teeth and rush forward with confidence and hope. "Go on, go on. Walk as hard as you can until you fall. In my life, I have walked through such a secluded mountain pass countless times! " Indeed, my life is full of despair and hope all the time, and countless sufferings come like night, which is overwhelming; However, I can't lose my confidence in choosing a distant lighthouse. Whether I am helpless or full of fantasy, I have chosen to shoulder the heavy burden bravely.

"The mountain road leading to new happiness is steep and rugged. Night, fog and storm are waiting for me at the top of the mountain. Terrible loneliness will occupy my thoughts in Yamaguchi ... but-keep walking, let's go! " My mind is numb, but I feel I must go on. Only by going on can I see my goals and hopes. In the forest and heavy snow where I lost myself, a firm belief is necessary. Perhaps the road ahead is still far away, perhaps rugged, but only by bravely facing all this can we spend the cold winter of life. Lovely dawn and warm solar energy give people encouragement and motivation.

But the end of the article is also full of depressed emotions: "People and sunshine will make me feel happy during the day, and they will deceive me for a long time ... Maybe I will fall down somewhere and stay on this barren and bare mountain forever, in the darkness and snowstorm?" Undoubtedly, in the desolate forest, in the despair without sunshine, in the cold helplessness, "I" got to know my true self and honed my will and belief. Such a "mountain pass" in life, accompanied by the growth of "I", has experienced the ups and downs of life and constantly made "I" stronger.

One by one "Shanyakou" witnessed the mental journey of "I"!

(Chen Lu)