What should I do if my husband and wife live unharmoniously?

In the surveys of psychologists and marriage counselors, in the reports of social organizations, and in the articles of doctors and lawyers, sexual problems rank first in the lives of other couples. According to the investigation of relevant personnel, there were many factors that led to disharmony in family life in the past, but disharmony in husband and wife's sexual life accounted for 50% of the many factors that caused the contradiction between husband and wife. The disharmony of sexual life makes couples worry day and night. Those who are light complain about each other, and those who are heavy go to court for divorce. So, how can we make sexual life harmonious, especially after adulthood?

1, sexual desire and sex life

Sexual desire is an individual's desire for sexual needs. According to foreign reports, the age when men have the strongest sexual desire is 17- 18, and women are around 35. The situation in China shows that there are great differences in individual sexual desire in adulthood. Some gradually weaken, some gradually strengthen, and some remain basically the same.

Sexual desire and sexual ability are both different and related. Some people have sexual desire, but their sexual ability is low. Adult men generally have sex 3-6 times a month, and each sexual intercourse lasts for 7-20 minutes. The number of sexual intercourse and the duration of sexual behavior can reflect the strength of sexual desire and sexual ability. Some people have low human ability and appear sexual psychological imbalance and sexual disharmony in husband and wife's life, but they are usually buried in their psychology. After a certain period of time, psychological depression will further aggravate the disharmony of sexual life and further increase their distress. Due to the influence of traditional ideas and feudal thoughts, the proportion of people who are dissatisfied with the sexual life of adult couples in China is quite large. Therefore, how to adjust their sexual psychology, sexual function and sexual life physically and psychologically is one of the major issues related to the physical and mental health of adult couples.

2, the psychological preparation of husband and wife's sexual life

Compared with the marriage period, the degree of sexual love between husband and wife in adulthood has declined. Due to the heavy burden, the demand for sexual life has also weakened, and emotional adjustment is needed, among which the adjustment of sexual life is essential. Mainly reflected in the psychological preparation of husband and wife in the process of sexual life. Husband and wife should know under what circumstances, it is easy to arouse each other's sex, make each other willing to have sex, and how to make each other "synchronize" with themselves.

Generally speaking, sexual requirements are more likely to arise under the following circumstances:

One is when you are in a good mood. When there are happy things at home and at work, or for some reason, I feel particularly amiable and lovely, it is often easy to have sexual demands.

Second, when you are healthy, a healthy body and mood are easy to cheer you up.

Third, the weather is warm and moderate. Too cold or too hot will affect people's sexual requirements.

The fourth is when the environment is quiet. The noisy environment around the house will destroy people's mood, cause irritability, and thus affect their sexual life.

Fifth, when accepting external stimuli. For example, some scenes in movies and TV, some scenes and some plots in novels are easy to make couples have sexual impulses.

After the spouse has sexual needs, how to pass it on to the spouse so that the spouse's behavior is "synchronized" with his own behavior? This is the so-called "physical love", which is how to send a sexual signal.

The transmission of sexual signals is generally carried out through verbal actions and non-verbal actions. Language actions can be divided into direct and indirect: direct language actions are relatively clear, and indirect language actions include language and hints, related topics and so on. For example, have some sexual conversations with your spouse to stimulate each other's sexual desire; Or urge each other to go to bed early as a hint. Non-verbal actions are mostly intimate actions such as kissing, hugging and touching.

When one or both spouses have sexual needs, the best way to express it is "sign language". This is a common way for couples to satisfy their sexual desire. It can skillfully express its wishes without worrying about being rejected by the other party and hurting its self-esteem. Generally speaking, it is often men who use "sign language" first. For example, after work, bring a bunch of flowers back to his wife, or give her a delicate little gift, or help her wash dishes and wipe the floor. These practices can make her understand his mind. This kind of "sign language" between husband and wife, especially middle-aged husband and wife, is very rich and extensive. A gesture of raising one's hand, a gesture of lifting one's foot, and an affectionate eye can accurately express one's intention and make the other person deeply understand it.

3. Psychological conditions of sexual satisfaction of husband and wife.

The process of husband and wife's sexual life includes both physiological and psychological reactions. It's not just to satisfy sexual desire. The reason why human sexual behavior is different from animals is that it is driven by love. In this process, there are many complicated psychological activities, which make sexual behavior have clear selectivity and direction, and can foresee the possible consequences of this kind of sexual behavior. Of all the factors in the relationship between husband and wife, love and sexual behavior should be the closest. Husband and wife further increase their feelings through sexual life, so that love can be consolidated and developed.

Scientific research shows that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction between husband and wife are mutually influenced. In the life of husband and wife, it is difficult to feel the happiness of marriage because of the disharmony and dissatisfaction of sexual life. On the other hand, the marital relationship between husband and wife is not good, and it is difficult to get a satisfactory sex life. So, how can we achieve sexual satisfaction? What psychological status affects sexual satisfaction between husband and wife?

(1) Starting from love, realize emotional blending.

Love is the foundation of the relationship between husband and wife, and the sexual life between husband and wife comes from love. Two people fall in love, and finally have sex to satisfy their sexual needs to the greatest extent. It is impossible to get spiritual and physical satisfaction by making love in a married bed without love. Similarly, even in the marriage relationship concluded by love, sexual intercourse, if not driven by love, is sometimes just an export of sexual desire, which is also imperfect and cannot be satisfied.

Sexual behavior is essentially a psychological phenomenon. If the mind is in an unbalanced state, such as fear, worry, tension, anxiety, disgust and irritability, it will affect the satisfaction of sexual intercourse.

(2) Mutual understanding and cooperation

The intensity of sexual demand between husband and wife is not exactly the same, and their views on sexual pleasure, frequency of sexual intercourse and sexual preference are not exactly the same. Husband and wife should be considerate of each other, and can't be too demanding or reluctant on each other, otherwise there will be no sexual satisfaction.

Both sides should learn and communicate in life, so that their understanding of sexual life is consistent, and they can recognize and accept the different characteristics of each other's sexual reactions and preferences, thus strengthening their ability to provide happiness for each other.

(3) keep attractive to each other

Frequent expression of love between husband and wife is an important factor to maintain sexual attraction. Love can be expressed in verbal forms, such as "I love you", or in nonverbal forms, such as kissing and caressing. This expression should be sincere, not flattering, not hypocritical. The true expression of love can reflect inner happiness and is a positive evaluation of each other. It symbolizes the connection between sexual joy and love, which makes the couple's sex life natural. Warm and easy to harmonize.

The attraction of mutual maintenance between husband and wife is also manifested in many aspects, such as keeping the skin and underwear clean between husband and wife, and not being naked or informal in front of their spouses; Don't have too frequent sexual contact; Sleeping in separate beds moderately improves sexual acuity. In addition, both husband and wife try their best to show their positive qualities and overcome their negative qualities, so that both husband and wife can always maintain passionate sex and love, so that sexual satisfaction can be easily achieved.