How to completely overcome psychological shyness?

Proper shyness is a kind of "self-protection" behavior, which can help you learn to be "cautious and independent" in social situations and learn to listen to others. However, if shyness is magnified or even this shyness affects your life, it will be extremely bad, which will make you lack self-confidence and security, make you feel inferior and bring obstacles to your social interaction.

Then, about how to overcome shyness, according to my own real experience and experience in the process of growing up, I tell you that shyness may not be completely removed from my bones, and the seeds of shyness cannot be completely pulled out, but what I can do is to make shyness gradually smaller and weaker, and I can actively control shyness instead of letting it control me. Therefore, although the following three points can't be done immediately, you can be like me as long as you persist every day.

1. Create a "Harvest Diary"

When I was in college, a teacher who taught psychology told us a way to set up a special diary of my own, in which I could write down my harvest, whether it was eating my favorite snacks or wearing beautiful clothes, or rewarding my progress in learning, or even showing and praising my special hobbies. So I can take it out every day and you will find that I am actually great and excellent, because I can do so many things to please myself.

2. Continue to enlarge your hobbies.

Many shy people are shy because they feel that there is no bright spot in themselves, and they are full of confidence in their own specialties and hobbies, fearing that they will be laughed at if they don't do well. It doesn't really matter. If you are embarrassed to show your hobbies in the crowd, you can first show your talents in writing, calligraphy, painting, dance, music, handicrafts, makeup and so on online. As long as you find the right platform to show yourself, when you get some attention and continue to cultivate your ability, you will not be afraid to show your skills in life.

3. Start with small things first

No matter in study, work and life, before doing something, don't "challenge yourself", first learn to "do what you can". For example, don't set yourself an unrealistic goal of earning hundreds of thousands of dollars next year. You can set a few hundred dollars this month to complete a small task at work, get the approval of the leaders and improve your performance.

Although the above three methods seem inconspicuous, they are not particularly advanced, at least grounded, and I have tried them all, and the effect is not bad.

Do you feel shy?

Please answer the following four questions:

If you often feel these feelings, you may have a certain tendency to be shy.

Mild shyness is normal, but severe shyness may make people feel depressed, lonely, afraid, anxious and lack of self-esteem.

According to research data, nearly half of people will be shy, which is a very common psychological reaction. The typical performance is cowardice, no opinion, poor expression ability and poor communication ability. Even if others say something about themselves in public, they are prone to insomnia. If this shyness cannot be adjusted and eliminated soon, it will add a great psychological burden to us and even affect our life, work and social interaction. If you want to find a way to overcome it, how can you overcome this psychology?

Let's look at a few small examples first. When I was in middle school, there were always some naughty boys in my class. Once when the teacher was away, a classmate who usually doesn't like to talk had a good time with them for some reason. It happened that the teacher only saw him make trouble as soon as he entered the door. Suddenly, the whole classroom was quiet. He staggered to his feet, his face turned white and then red, and even the teacher's questions were stuttering. In primary school, the teacher asked questions in class, and my deskmate stood up timidly every time. The teacher asked questions, and after the other students were allowed to sit down, they wiped their sweat and felt very disappointed: this is the answer, I thought it was wrong! As for myself, when I graduated from college, I held a party in my class. I think I have the courage to sing in the past. It was the first time I picked up the microphone and sang in front of everyone. Although I still tried to finish singing, why did I feel so nervous when I practiced well in the dormitory that I could hardly breathe and my limbs were ineffective? The result is predictably bad.

If we want to overcome shyness, we must understand it and trace it back to the source. I think it comes from inner fear, fear of the unknown. We are afraid of being criticized, talked about and laughed at, and then we are afraid of being noticed and becoming the focus. Even if we do well, once we become the focus, we are likely to screw up. Let's imagine that we are singing and dancing with music easily and happily, intoxicated by it. We saw ourselves in the mirror and put on a playful smile, but in fact, the mirrors around us are all one-way perspective glass, and the audience around us are watching our performance. They like to perform and applaud, but we don't know. Then all the mirrors disappeared, and the surrounding audience could clearly see that we were still in place. Can we still perform the same effect as before? If not, why not? The venue hasn't changed, the characters haven't changed, things haven't changed, but our consciousness has changed, and the groups that nobody pays attention to in the safe closed space suddenly become the objects of attention. The audience is an unknown crowd to us. We don't know what they will think of us or what they will say about us. We are afraid. Therefore, we need to eliminate our inner fears.

How to eliminate inner fears? I think the most important thing is to accept yourself completely, even if you procrastinate, sleep late, even if you can't do anything well, and let yourself down again and again, don't be depressed, don't blame yourself, accept it bit by bit and accept it from the heart. Increase image awareness, do you want to get in touch with a sloppy person? Would you like to communicate with someone who yawns for days on end, can't keep his eyes open and can't concentrate? A good image is more for your own pleasure. Of course, you don't need makeup, but the clothes are clean and tidy, and you can arrange your diet and life reasonably to ensure enough energy. If we make full preparations in advance, we will feel stiff in a new environment and become familiar with it when conditions permit. Don't athletes always seize every opportunity to adapt to the climate and the venue before the game? An excellent speaker can only play the expected level if he knows how many times he has practiced in front of the mirror, in the crowd and through many speeches. Even if you don't have time, even if you are familiar with the venue and materials, you will have a little bottom in your heart. Take part in more activities. For me, I prefer sports. I feel that while enduring muscle aches and sweating, I have honed my willpower and played a positive role in resisting bad emotions. At the same time, I think this is also a more effective sports group activity than friends gathering karaoke. Of course, the sharing meeting of the exhibition promotion meeting is also good.

How to completely eliminate shyness? To achieve the above points, we must have confidence. When you encounter a situation that may cause shyness again, you can adjust yourself in time and gradually calm down, which will not affect your ability and may not be completely eliminated. I think "complete elimination" is too full, there is no need to pursue perfection, and it is cute to be shy once in a while, isn't it?

new talent

-Big talk, an official WeChat account focusing on mental illness.

Personally, I am also a shy person. I used to be shy when I saw acquaintances, especially boys. I really want to smoke myself. Why am I so shy? One day, I learned that Doby is good once in a while, and it won't be too embarrassing to be alone at a party or group activity.

First, self-identity. You should have a clear idea: introverted and shy people are also very good. Some people may be naturally shy or influenced by the environment. There's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to worry. People who don't like themselves will not be happy, which will trigger a series of butterfly effects, and eventually lead you to be too immersed in negative emotions when others speak, and don't know how to answer.

Secondly, talk less and do more. There is a saying that fools talk more and wise men talk less. Get to the heart of the problem every time you speak. Talking more useless nonsense will only make people feel that you are not practical, easy to expose and amplify your shortcomings, and will make you sneer for a long time.

Furthermore, learn to listen. Everyone wants to be the protagonist in life. Some people always talk a lot. You can be a listener at this time. Some people don't talk much, but you should listen carefully and patiently to what they say. You can always catch the reason. Most people will not dislike people who ask questions. Don't always think about what I should say, which will only make you more distracted and don't know what to answer.

Then, master the words. When you meet for the first time, you can try some polite words, such as discussing the weather, clothes, compliments and so on. , and searched online for some chatting skills about "how to make chatting not awkward". Even if you recite it, as long as you make a little progress, you can greatly increase your confidence.

Finally, smile. You really have nothing to say about what others say. If they say something relatively happy, you can smile and respond to something that is not embarrassing or sad, and you can sigh and comfort.

Shyness is a psychological barrier. As long as you cross this mountain, you will find a Ma Pingchuan, tell you a little trick of my own, and make a friend who is especially fond of joking. At first, I was quiet and a little shy. He is a very funny friend and always attracts a group of people to laugh together. After getting along with him, I am also cheerful. But not all cheerful people should make friends. Social girls may despise friends like you.

However, you should also dare to accept big tasks and projects, in the simplest terms, such as what position you want to run for. When I think of the English speech in those days, my hands are shaking on the platform, I bow my head all the way, and my voice is trembling. When I looked up at the audience and found that few people were listening carefully, I was calm, my legs stopped shaking, my hands stopped shaking, and my voice went from mosquito level to audio level. I felt very proud.

Having said that, good luck!

Psychological shyness refers to the state that people feel embarrassed, worried or nervous in social situations, which is more serious when they get along with unfamiliar people.

"Shy" doesn't mean "introverted". Introversion makes people prefer solitude and gain energy through solitude. Behind shyness may be a desire to communicate with others, but I don't know how to communicate, or I can't handle social anxiety.

Shy personality may have genetic factors. Studies have found that a serotonin transporter gene is related to social anxiety. But it shows that shyness "has a reason", not a matter of will. It should be noted that you can't overcome shyness by drinking or even other drugs, so as not to lead to other dependence.

We can overcome shyness by adjusting cognitive bias. Cognitive deviation refers to the systematic deviation of rationality or judgment that people generally have. Some cognitive biases are related to shy mentality. For example:

On the basis of understanding the cognitive biases that lead to shyness and nervousness, some specific behavioral connections can also help alleviate social anxiety. For example:

I think the first thing to know about this problem is what shyness is. Shyness is common in everyone's life, but the definition of shyness is not very clear. Shyness refers to feeling embarrassed or uneasy because of timidity, fear of life or fear of being laughed at. It can also be used as embarrassment. Worried that your shortcomings exposed to the sun will make others look down on you. So I dare not confess.

In my opinion, the only way to overcome shyness is to find the source of shyness, and then constantly exercise yourself and beat yourself. It is true that this is a relatively empty and pale method, but I have tried it and found it to be the most effective. In fact, I am very shy, probably because of my inferiority complex, and my self-esteem is still very strong. I can't stand people's disapproving eyes, so I'm always shy, and I'm particularly slow to heat up, so it's always difficult for me to integrate into a new environment. Shyness affects many things. Dare not speak on stage, dare not talk to the opposite sex, dare not look at others, dare not turn yourself into the focus of everyone. But people all live in society, so they must be overcome.

First, I try to think about my origin and why I am shy, which really has something to do with my personality. I am an introverted personality, and it is also important to have external factors. When I find it, I will learn about external factors, for example, some people are caused by family factors, and then I will practice and dare to participate in those big activities, knowing that this process is not easy. My first attempt at that time was to run for class cadre. I couldn't sleep well for several days, and my heart was always hanging, but once you participated. So there is no way to find out the reason why I have this situation, and then practice faster.

I regret to tell you that shyness cannot be completely overcome. Because people who are easily shy are largely due to genetic information from genes. Jerome Kagan, a famous American psychologist, put forward behavioral inhibition and non-inhibition to describe children's temperament characteristics. About one-third of children belong to the type of behavioral inhibition temperament. They are born with this characteristic, and they are more likely to show shy features such as blushing, rapid heartbeat, nervousness, fear and passivity when facing strangers and strange things.

I know what it feels like to be shy easily, because I am one of them. Shyness haunts me like a curse. I prefer to be rude and hated, and I don't want to be shy. At least rude people won't be bothered by shyness. Unfortunately, shyness is largely inherited, and you can't rewrite your own genetic sequence, so you can't completely overcome shyness, let alone completely overcome it, or even overcome it, because it is a part of you and you can't go anywhere. You can only try to get along with shyness, but you can't completely kill it.

Therefore, accepting shyness as an old friend who has been with us for many years is the first step to help us get rid of shyness.

If you want to get along well with Shy, an old friend who will accompany you all your life, you must first understand some of its characteristics. You need to know when and where your old friends will be so active and bother you. Some people's shyness can easily appear in public speeches, sometimes when they get along with strangers and sometimes when they face the opposite sex. In any case, first choose a situation that bothers you the most, and don't let "shyness" settle down completely from the beginning.

Next, try to get along with shyness in the following ways:

1. Focus on things instead of what others think of me.

Focus on what you want to do instead of worrying about what others think of you. Every time your attention is distracted by the thought in your heart, "Do I look stupid?" "I seem to run very fast" and "I'm really a useless person", just pulling your attention back to what you are doing without blaming yourself.

Start with the little things that will make you successful.

For example, if you are afraid of looking at people, you can start by looking at children (generally speaking, looking at children will not bring fear), then find familiar friends and explain to them that you have no mental problems and just want to solve the problem of looking at people, and then try to look at them when talking to strangers and exaggerate the comfort range step by step.

3. Find an environment that makes you feel comfortable.

Shy people often avoid social occasions. Nowadays, social development is becoming more diversified and more inclusive. We don't have to spend a lot of energy to overcome our weaknesses. We can find jobs that don't need social interaction, such as programmers, librarians, clerks and other jobs with more contacts than people.

To overcome shyness, we must first have the determination to change ourselves. If you are determined to change your life, the following suggestions will be valuable to you.

First of all, you should firmly believe that you can change, second, you should sincerely want to change, and finally, you should be willing to take many actions, be able to bear short-term setbacks, keep practicing and finally succeed.

The first obstacle to overcoming shyness is to think that personality cannot be changed. We must completely destroy this myth. Scientific research shows that a person's personality and behavior will change with the change of environment. In the face of environmental challenges, people can adjust themselves.

Re-recognize yourself. Most people don't really know themselves. You need to conduct in-depth self-exploration, ask yourself questions and do some exercises to enhance your self-awareness. Because the core problem of shyness is excessive self-concern and excessive attention to negative evaluation. These exercises make you more accepting of your inner self and have a deeper understanding of your outer self.

Face your shyness frankly. You should put your shyness on the psychological operating table, face it with a cool and detached attitude of the surgeon, examine the patient carefully, and then decide how to do the operation.

Take care of your self-esteem If you are shy, you may label yourself as "without self-esteem". However, unless you carve this label with granite, let's smash it together.

Develop your social skills. You should learn how to get in touch with people and be comfortable and charming in front of people who want to impress. Through the change of self-behavior, you can get positive returns in social life and eventually become a happy "social animal".

It's not realistic to change at once. Confidence is accumulated bit by bit, for example, the unit should organize a get-together, and cheerful people can play freely when standing on the stage, but we can't. So you should be prepared in advance. You can prepare some famous songs and practice at home. Only in this way can you dare to stand on the stage, because you know that you are ready, and you have a kind of confidence. Maybe after you sing, everyone will be stunned by you. In the eyes of others, you have always been a silent person, which is called a blockbuster. Everyone will applaud your success, and if you are affirmed by others, your self-confidence will also grow.

If you don't play well because you are nervous, there is no need to be too sad. There are many people around you who are very tolerant. After all, you have made efforts and tried, which is a breakthrough in itself. We must look at things positively, so that we can keep moving forward. I have tasted the joy of progress in my constant success and failure, and I believe you can, too!

The essence of psychological shyness is fear. I'm afraid my inappropriate remarks will lead to ridicule. If you talk to a big tree and a grass, will you still be shy? Certainly not, because they won't laugh at you because what you said is wrong.

So how to overcome the fear of speaking in public? 1 You can silently hint at yourself: What should I do if I say something wrong? I don't care who I love, so I can give myself courage. I can imagine the audience as a tree. Whether I am right or wrong, they won't laugh at me. I actively practice my courage, force myself to show up, greet people in the street, and talk more in crowded places.

If you don't overcome your shyness and inferiority, it will accompany you all your life and seriously affect your future work and life. All psychological barriers are paper tigers. Cross it out boldly, and you will find it after it is pierced, but that's all.

I live my life. What others say has nothing to do with me. I don't live for your opinion. If I open myself up, I can live a wonderful life without obstacles.