A retired female teacher is living alone at the age of 62. At first, I just wanted to get married, but I experienced ups and downs.

The thorns we walked through and the scars left behind have all faded and disappeared in our memory. When I retired, when I felt that everything was over, when I began to embrace retirement life,

In the dead of night, my unsatisfactory brain memory poured out everything, and I saw The starting point of that road, the dream-chasing me...

My name is Xiao Xian, a retired teacher, and I now live on a pension. When I was young, I was pretty, and now, I still have charm.

My principle is: I must wear makeup when I go out. I have my own standards for managing my appearance. My figure is neither fat nor thin. I don’t need to exercise deliberately, but I will control my appetite appropriately.

It’s not that I don’t like to eat, I don’t dare to eat more; it’s not that I have to stay in shape, I just want to be able to wear my old clothes;

Of course It’s not that I’m too stingy and don’t want to buy new clothes, it’s just that I’m used to being thrifty and running a household.

I once said to enthusiastic people: Don’t persuade me. I will not marry anyone easily. I have to raise my children first and wait until they can live independently.

When the time comes, there are two preparations for a red heart. If you fall in love, live with it. If you can't fall in love, break up. Don't embarrass yourself in life.

Although I say this, I understand in my heart that from falling in love to getting married, to having children, to having a happy marriage, it is such a difficult process. It is like overcoming thorns and wading through mountains and rivers. Can we arrive safely? The other side is filled with so much uncertainty.

Those beautiful fairy tales once made me sleep too deeply in fairy tale dreams, until reality threw me into the pit again and again.

In 1982, after graduating from a technical school and having worked for two years, I found a "Staff University Admissions Notice" posted on the bulletin board at the door of the dormitory building.

I am so happy that I cannot let go of even one opportunity to improve myself. I found the workshop director. Hearing that I wanted to go to school, the director immediately wrote me a letter of recommendation and took me to the factory leader to sign it.

I got the exam and took the exam a month later. At the end of August, I got the admission notice. At that time, all the masters in the workshop cheered for me.

I reported to the Staff University. I was excited and novel. I walked around the campus and felt like a college student.

My wonderful life started in the summer of the second year. It was the day before the final exam. I wanted to review my homework on a stool on campus, so I came to the grove.

However, the benches and stone benches in the grove are all occupied by others. The library? Oh, don't think about it, there won't be a place at all.

I walked around in the woods and finally found a male classmate sitting on a bench, reading a book very intently. The seat next to him was empty, and he didn't occupy all of it.

I thought that I could at least sit and rest for a while, so I walked over to him and asked, "Is there anyone here?"

He looked up at me, and his eyes suddenly lit up. After a moment, he said with a smile: "No one wants to sit down, please." Then he moved the two books on the chair towards him. I said thank you and sat at the end of the bench.

He glanced at the book in my hand and asked: "Are you majoring in mechanics?" I nodded in response. He said: "Hello, let me meet you. My name is Liu Ping. I study geology."

He stretched out his hand as if to shake my hand. I was a little panicked and in a hurry. It fell to the ground. Because I had to lower my head to pick up the book, I avoided the handshake.

After that, we started chatting. He was so good at chatting. We were from all over the world, as if we were acquaintances, and there was a sense of regret that we had met so late.

From then on, we often met here, and it became our "old place". We studied and made progress together, and unknowingly, we fell in love.

On weekends, we would go to the movies together, go to the streets together, eat together, and occasionally go to the dance hall together. But Liu Ping can’t dance. When I dance on the dance floor, Liu Ping always Sitting there, admiring my dance obsessively.

During winter and summer vacations, he always leaves a few days late and comes a few days early when school starts. When we are together, we always have endless things to say. We often look forward to the future, and even have our children named.

By the time we graduated, we were inseparable. After graduation, we each have to go back to work at our workplaces. It takes half a day's drive between the cities where Liu Ping and I are located.

At that time, there were no weekends, and we could only meet during holidays. On the National Day that year, Liu Ping came to see me, and I felt very sweet.

I didn’t realize at all that Liu Ping came to break up with me, but he didn’t say it at the time. After returning home, he wrote me that breakup letter that made me feel like I had fallen into an abyss.

Liu Ping's father has already arranged a marriage for her.

He will get married in the Spring Festival next year. In Liu Ping's family, Liu Ping's opinion is not important. He does not even dare to say that he has a girlfriend.

I didn’t know until then that a passionate love could end so abruptly.

I am not only sad, I also blame myself for my ignorance and stupidity. I was dizzy by his sweet words and nourished, and blindly gave my sincere emotions.

I should at least find out whether he can make the decision for his own love. Can he guarantee that our love will be fruitful? You wouldn’t let me be so passive and fall into the abyss of lovelorn without any warning!

My unforgettable love came to an end in a hurry. At that time, my self-confidence dropped to almost zero.

After graduating from college, I returned to the workshop for the second year (1986). After the Spring Festival, I was transferred to the company's middle school to teach junior high school physics. The change I longed for finally came true.

Facing students, I secretly made up my mind to work hard and be a good teacher.

After working in middle school, I felt that I had a different status. My face became brighter, and my posture slowly became taller. I feel like my self-confidence is returning and the shadow of my breakup is beginning to lift.

The weather is slowly getting hotter, the sun is shining brightly, everything is recovering, the jasmine flowers are blooming, and both sides of the road outside the school are decorated very attractively with jasmine flowers.

The teachers took advantage of their lunch break to take photos with the jasmine flowers in various poses on the roadside. When it came time to take a group photo, Teacher Liu randomly asked a gay man who was passing by for help.

The gay man took the camera and started taking pictures of us. He acted skillfully and seasonedly.

I was attracted to him. He was dressed fashionably and appropriately: a white shirt tucked into black trousers under an open black jacket, and a pair of polished black three-jointed leather shoes. Flickering under the wide trouser legs.

He also had the fashionable "big slick" hairstyle at the time, and he was very energetic. The most charming thing is his magnetic voice.

Teacher Zhang touched me with her arm and said, "Don't be so dazed, are you attracted to me?" She giggled. I blushed suddenly and immediately looked away.

"He is Jiang Guo, a cameraman from the TV station. I want to get to know him, so I can talk to him." Teacher Zhang said to me in a low voice. "Don't talk nonsense. Who said I want to know him?"

"You don't want to know me. I understand. Beautiful lesbians are very proud." His voice came from behind me. I was shocked, and at the same time, I was shy and ran towards the school without looking back. The laughter of the teachers came from behind.

A few days later, after school in the afternoon, Teacher Zhang and I walked out of the school gate. We only saw Comrade Jiang Guo, holding a few flowers in his hands, standing upright on the road we must pass.

I became nervous. I really hoped that the flowers in his hand were for me. I couldn't help but look back and saw that there was another unmarried female teacher behind me.

"Don't look, the flowers are for you." I turned around and he was already standing in front of me. "I'm leaving first, I'm going to pick up the kids." Teacher Zhang smiled naughtily at me and walked away quickly.

I was left there, and I wanted to stay. But I think that good feelings are good feelings, and I need to think clearly about it calmly. After all, I have been emotionally hurt, so I have to act with caution.

Every day after that, Comrade Jiang Guo was at the school gate, waiting for me to get off work politely and with a smile, and then sent me back to my dormitory. Within 10 minutes, I could meet anyone. It was very nice. "Advertise it widely."

Although his high-profile and passionate pursuit satisfied my vanity, it also made me passive and left me no room to think.

Who can withstand such an offensive pursuit? We are in love. I feel happiness like never before. It can be said that Comrade Jiang Guo's love is what I need and what is most suitable for me.

Comrade Jiang Guo is a college student majoring in Chinese. He graduated two years ago (1984) and was assigned to work in a television station. Last year, he was also sent to learn photography and videography techniques.

He also had a girlfriend in college. When he graduated, his girlfriend left him and he was forced to break up.

Comrade Jiang Guo’s parents are both university teachers. He is the third eldest and has two sisters. They have participated in government-sponsored study abroad programs and went to the UK.

In the blink of an eye, a year has passed, and it is another season of fragrant Elaeagnus flowers. It's time for us to talk about marriage.

At that time, housing was allocated by work units. "The factory is about to build another batch of houses. There are many young people who have received marriage certificates and are waiting for houses. You have been talking for a year, and it is almost done. It is time to meet the parents of both parties." Teacher Zhang talked to me.

"The parents nodded. Let's quickly get the marriage certificate and wait for a house. Maybe we can catch up with this batch of houses." I nodded and said that I would discuss it with Jiang Guo when he comes back.

Two days ago, Jiang Guo went home to visit relatives.

At that time, single workers whose parents lived 200 kilometers away could enjoy 20 days of family leave every year.

Jiang Guo went home to visit relatives. The day after he got home, he called me and said that he had arrived home safely. He also said that his father was hospitalized and that he needed companionship. It was not convenient to make phone calls in the hospital. .

If I call again, it may be next week. I expressed my understanding and asked him to take good care of his father. One week passed like this, two weeks passed, and I was anxiously waiting for his call. I didn't know what was going on over there.

His family leave time is over and it’s time to go to work. This morning, I calculated that it should be his working day. I called his office, and the person who answered the phone was their section chief.

The section chief said: "Xiao Xian, didn't you know? Jiang Guo has already resigned." I felt baffled and asked: "Isn't he going to work today? What does he mean by resignation?" ?"

"How come you don't know? Jiang Guo is going abroad. He has gone back to the work unit to complete the formalities. Didn't you see him?" Only then did I feel a bolt from the blue!

"Why is he like this? Why didn't he explain the matter clearly to you? I also asked him, what should Xiao Xian do? He said that he had taken care of it. It was so shameful and irresponsible. I have taken responsibility." Section Chief Wang's voice became farther and farther away...

I opened my eyes and saw a vast expanse of white, and then it slowly became clear that I was in the hospital. On the hospital bed, my mother was beside my bed. Her eyes were red from crying and she looked very haggard.

I was a little confused: "What happened?" "You have been sleeping for almost two days. Just wake up, just wake up." My mother said with a cry.

At this time, it was already 1987, and I was already 28 years old. I was bedridden and couldn't go back to work for a long time. My only thought was that I had no hope in life and my world was gloomy.

Later. I received a letter from Jiang Guo: "Xiao Xian, please forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye. I don't deny that I love you, but I want to change the status quo. I want to have a better future."

"How many times have I wanted to tell you, but I can't. I'm afraid that your tears and my reluctance will make me ruin my future. I'm sorry! I don't expect you to forgive me."

I took a sick leave, and it wasn’t until the end of the winter vacation of the second year that I started to go back to school. Of course, I couldn’t attend classes, so I was assigned to work in the school library.

I was hit hard and suffered in pain for a long time. When I slowly came out, two years had passed. But whenever I mention ginger fruit, my heart aches.

"Duan Xinquan, a physical education teacher in primary school, has been divorced for more than a year, and one of his daughters was taken away by his ex-wife. His parents live outside the local area, and they also need a home." from the library. Teacher Liu mentioned it several times.

"If you want to understand, just meet Duan Xinquan and talk about it. You will always get married," Teacher Liu reminded me again. Teacher Liu’s matchmaking allowed me to meet Duan Xinquan, who is very thin and not tall.

Later I felt that others were easy to get along with and quite caring. After we got along for 3 months, we got married. Maybe a little faster, but so what? Time waits for no one, I need a family, I am already 30 years old.

The next year, 1990, our son was born, named Duan Xiaoyi. Our home is getting warmer and warmer, and sometimes the sun shines brightly. Duan Xinquan is very good at living and taking care of others.

I began to feel happy, but sometimes I still feel flustered, worried that one day the happiness in front of me will suddenly disappear.

I occasionally imagine that if Duan Xinquan leaves me one day, how will I deal with it? I have imagined many ways for him to leave me, but not this one.