How to manipulate people's hearts from space?

Space can also talk. The size of spatial distance is related to emotions. Through the "talk space", we can also see a person.

The ideal distance of communication is individual space, which is also closely related to cultural background.

When you walk on the sidewalk and slowly approach someone to a certain distance, this person will avoid you intentionally or unintentionally, pulling away the narrowed space distance. This proves that when people get along with each other, they always try to keep a certain individual space. People do have a closed psychological individual space, which divides a certain "territory" for themselves like an invisible "bubble". Once this "bubble" is broken. You will feel uncomfortable or unsafe, or even angry.

Children, I don't know since when, have never seen him coquetry. For parents, it always feels a little lonely and lost, but it also means that children grow up and have their own personal space.

It is also a necessary process for children to try to establish their own independent personal space and grow into adults while restraining their dependence on their parents?

People's growth follows the following three stages, and understanding each development stage is helpful to estimate the degree of children's self-reliance.

Babies are totally dependent on their mothers' personal space. About eight months after birth, the mother and son began to separate, but even if they could walk alone, they still had to share the same personal space with their mother until the first negative phase was about 1 year and a half.

Children are about 2 to 3 years old and begin to prepare their own personal space. It was not until the age of 4 that the chances of playing games with peers increased greatly, and its foundation was basically complete. By this time, children are obviously no longer attached to their parents.

Children aged seven or eight have their own distinct personal space. It was not until adolescence that this process was finally completed.

Parents who refuse to let their children leave their parents' personal space and hinder their children from developing their own fields often make their children enter adolescence defenseless and suffer great psychological harm. Such parents, in the formation of their personal space, are mostly not very sound.

Space can be divided into "emotional space" and "knowledge space".

Psychologically, sitting next to you, that is, horizontal space, is called "emotional space" because this situation is similar to the way lovers talk. Lovers mostly talk about emotional content, which is easy to produce cordial feelings.

On the contrary, the vertical space sitting opposite each other is called "knowledge space", which is easy to make people clear-headed and concentrate. For example, in chess or Go, both sides must sit opposite each other in order to concentrate on the board. There is no room for affection in the "knowledge space", so sitting face to face often makes women feel uncomfortable. It is often seen that when women sit opposite strangers, their eyes are always staring at their skirts, which is a nervous expression that women can't stand this "no feelings" situation.

It is interesting to observe every man and woman in the coffee shop. Those men and women who haven't entered the state are looking for a topic, and their faces are all expressions of fear. While ordinary friends sit at opposite ends of the table.

As for lovers in love, they all speak with a pair of eyes. Couples eager to share everything with each other are desperately talking close to each other's noses. Men and women can't help sitting in the same seat.

How much "inside story" can we know from the sitting posture we choose? Here are three suggestions:

The other person is sitting directly opposite you in a serious way, which probably means that he has something serious to disclose. Similarly, when you have to persuade the other party, sitting directly opposite the other party will convey your true feelings more effectively and attract the attention of the other party.

The other party chose a seat far away from you, which shows that their willingness to speak is quite low. If we negotiate at this time, the chances of success will not be high. It is better to use other small talk to win each other's willingness to communicate. If it's important, let's talk about it another day.

If the other person sits at a vertical angle with you, it often means that you are willing to help you. At this time, you should put forward your own conditions quickly and grasp the good opportunity of negotiation.

Edward Twitchell Hall Jr, an American cultural anthropologist, summarized eight interpersonal distances. The distance between the two sides often implies the psychological distance between the two sides. If these different distances can be used flexibly and skillfully. Can play a role in dealing with interpersonal relationships.

From the distance, we can measure the degree of concern for each other. For example, when talking to the other person, as soon as you get close to him, he immediately takes a defensive posture of avoidance, which fully shows his refusal. And if you leave for non-essential reasons in the middle of the conversation, it also means that the other party thinks there is no need to talk again, so they are eager to keep their distance.

In order to attract the attention of the other party and strengthen your persuasiveness, keep one hand as close as possible to the other's body when speaking.

This used to be the distance between friends. If we can get closer to each other within this distance, it is easy to convey goodwill and enthusiasm to each other. If the situation requires, it is quite useful to approach each other and have a heart-to-heart talk.

The change of the distance between the two sides can reveal the intimacy of each other. For the boyfriend and girlfriend who are progressing smoothly, the change of distance should be a gradual change of social distance, individual distance and intimate distance. If dating again and again can't bring each other closer, then it is necessary for both sides to re-examine their relationship.

People have the need to protect their personal space, which does not mean that they refuse to associate with others, but just want to communicate naturally and not invade their personal space.

Individual space is actually a "buffer zone" that makes people feel safe psychologically. Once invaded, there will be two instinctive reactions: one is awakening reaction, such as many unnatural movements of hands and feet, and the number of blinks increases. The second is to block the reaction, such as straightening up and spreading your elbows in a protective posture to avoid eye contact.

Wake-up reaction is to cause tension, and blocking reaction is a way to deal with the situation. I can't stand it. I'll quit whenever I get the chance.

There was a basketball game on TV, and an interesting scene happened inadvertently. That's the coach scolding a player who made a mistake. He first called the player to his side, looked him in the eye and asked the young man to pay attention to some problems. After the training, the coach patted the player on the shoulder and ass and sent him back to the court.

The coach's move, from a psychological point of view, is really a wonderful idea to understand people's hearts:

First, call the team to the front. Put each other at close range. The personal space of two people has shrunk. Relatively increase the tension and pressure of the other party.

Second, keep an eye on each other. Studies have shown that when telling a story to a child, the child can stare at his eyes tightly, and then he can firmly remember the story. The coach stared at the painful player's eyes to get his attention. His original intention is nothing more than to let the other party concentrate on the reprimand. Otherwise, the player's eyes twinkle and he is absent-minded. It is likely to ignore all the instructions of the coach. It's useless

Third, pat the player on the body and send him back to the court. Experiments show that arranging complete strangers to meet, shaking hands and not shaking hands when meeting, gives people a completely different feeling.

Correctly touching some parts of the other person's body is the most appropriate way to convey your feelings. If the coach only scolds the players who make mistakes, it will leave the other side with the unpleasant feeling of "the coach is ruthless", but once physical contact occurs, the situation may be greatly improved, and the players may become very considerate of the coach's mood: "Although the coach is strict, it is out of kindness to us!"

The above three principles are not only used between coaches and players, but also have unexpected good effects on children's education.

It is a great responsibility for parents to educate their children, so it is a natural right for parents to go in and out of their children's rooms at any time and supervise their children's hard work. But in this way, the original intention of "giving children independent space" has been distorted.

Studies have shown that children who have their own room, pocket money at their disposal and have no habit of sleeping with their parents are less dependent, that is, more independent.

However, judging from the motivation of parents to give their children independent personal space today, even if children have their own rooms, there is no guarantee that they can reduce their dependence on their parents and promote their independence as soon as possible.

In order to make children's personal space play its due role, parents should control their desire to ask questions and participate in everything, and leave the room to their own control. From room decoration to sorting, cleaning and sweeping, it is completely entrusted to the owner of the room. As some psychologists have said, "the children's room must be regarded as another family in the family."

An American survey shows that children's right to privacy is sharp and intense around the age of 1~ 10. The cultural background of eastern countries is different from that of the west. China's parents thought it was the children's room, so there was no need to knock on the door or say hello in advance.

The round table can give each other a sense of intimacy and convey feelings of understanding and mutual trust. When both sides have to sit down calmly and try to use their charm and credibility to lobby and negotiate, the round table is an ideal choice.

On the other hand, the use of the square table can often give people an authoritative and aggressive impression, so it is effective to use it to give orders and convince the other party with its own authority.

The boss called his subordinates to his desk, and when giving various instructions, he used the square desk representing his sphere of influence to show off his master's authority and hint at his status relationship, so as to give orders.

Flexible use of three methods of round table meeting;

Generally, there are no seats at the round table, and participants can speak in equal positions, so the atmosphere tends to be lively and the conclusion of the meeting will not be affected by deliberate arrangements. When it is necessary to collect all opinions, round tables should be used.

Leaders who use round tables tend to pay attention to interpersonal relationships with members and pay attention to overall fairness and coordination. On the contrary, executives who use the square table tend to take solving the agenda as their top priority.

When we attach importance to each other's interpersonal relationship, respect each other's opinions and must lobby and negotiate on an equal footing, the round table is obviously more ideal than the square table.

Because the round table has no upper seat, it can be separated from the upper seat with empty seats if necessary.

By observing the individual space people choose, we can know each other's desire and present situation of interpersonal relationship.

Young men and women under the flowers and the moon, if their spatial distance reaches the point where their skin touches each other and they are close to each other, it can be concluded that they are already affectionate lovers. Because with the improvement of people's acquaintance and closeness, this personal distance is gradually shortened.

Physical contact, that is, gently touching each other's bodies. It often produces unexpected psychological effects. A mother's hug to crying children can make them smile through tears; Old friends I haven't seen for a long time clap their shoulders and shake hands with each other to show their thoughts for each other. These body movements show each other's mentality and are intended to eliminate each other's anxiety and convey intimate and eager feelings.

At the right time, contact with the other party in the most natural manner can not only attract the attention of the other party to the feelings they want to express, but also make the other party unable to avoid their own doubts. This kind of physical contact has actually deeply touched each other's psychological aspects.

Obviously, personal space is different in different occasions and times.

When the bus is dead and crowded, the individual space is obviously different from that when there are few people. If you stand very close when crowded, both sides will turn their heads slightly to one side to avoid eye contact; If there is physical contact, it will naturally make the muscles tense to make up for this space damage.

In a beach or swimming pool, this kind of personal space is more important. If you casually next to a stranger and break his personal space, it is likely to have serious consequences.

As for the dead of night, a person walking alone in the street or in a remote place needs more personal space, and people who are approaching in the field of vision will have a great sense of insecurity and alertness.

We can see that during every national election campaign, there are pictures of candidates shaking hands with voters in their constituencies in newspapers, magazines, television and news media. At this time, the candidate wished that he was not avalokitesvara with thousands of hands, and shook hands with every voter, just as shaking hands can represent his thousands of words, and every voter's hand has already held a vote. In fact, it's almost true. In addition, serious negotiations with the other side of the negotiations can also achieve substantive results without giving the other side room to escape our problems in a short distance.

If you want to persuade others, your earnest attitude must match the short distance, otherwise you will be dozens of miles away from each other, and even if you are very enthusiastic about persuasion, you may attract each other's disgust.

Close friends talk closer than strangers. In the cinema, this distance difference can also be seen from the sitting posture of the audience and the distance kept by the head. The closest people are often young men and women in love. Of course, the distance between husband and wife is also very close.

This tells us that it is particularly important to choose an appropriate spatial distance in communication.

An American girl unexpectedly refused a young man's proposal for a simple reason: the young man was 2.5 meters away from her when he proposed, which made her very angry and made her decide to refuse.

So, what is the most suitable spatial distance? Experts have calculated a very interesting spatial distance scale between people through constant experiments.

A space distance of 45 cm is most suitable for flirting or intimate conversation. 45 ~ 60% is a private space distance, which is an appropriate distance for individuals to strive to safeguard their private interests.

A wife can stay in her husband's private space with peace of mind, but if other women step into this space, she will be jealous. The distance of private space can be as long as 60 ~ 80 cm, which is basically as long as a human arm. This distance is suitable for discussing personal problems.

The distance of 80 ~ 2 10 cm is suitable for conversation between colleagues, while the distance people keep during formal talks is 2 10 ~ 360 cm. The size of spatial distance is related to emotions.

Through the "speaking space", we can also measure a person's personality, mood and so on.

Every year, the national sports competition is always won by the host province and city. This is not a coincidence, and of course, it is not the organizer's intention to release water. Instead, athletes compete in venues they are familiar with, making use of geographical advantages, and their strength is naturally easy to give full play.

It is not uncommon for a child to show off at home and cringe like a mouse outside. Someone is bossing around at home and putting on a man's airs. In the company, he became a "kannika nimtragol" who was passive to Nuo Nuo and Nuo Nuo. In his own department, the arrogant section chief, in other departments, immediately converged into a polite and good colleague. These are scenes that often appear in our lives.

Your home, desks and chairs in your office, and familiar occasions on weekdays naturally become your sphere of influence. Being entrenched in one's own sphere of influence, all actions are decided by the master, so a person can best show his authority and status to others on his own territory. It is easy to gain a dominant position in our own territory, so it may be more beneficial for us to invite a difficult negotiator to our home or office for a talk.

If you expect that there will be a fierce debate when the two sides meet, try to choose the meeting place in a place you are familiar with, so that it is easier to launch a counterattack against your opponent.

The sphere of influence can make the strong stronger, so when the boss wants to persuade his subordinates and parents want to persuade their children, they can choose their own office or room, which will get better results.

A TV host in the interview, there is such an episode:

During the rehearsal, the two sides simply answered and answered, and the host suddenly casually asked the interviewee, "You have been sitting here in a defensive posture, holding your chest with your hands." I wonder if this has anything to do with today's topic' sphere of influence'? " When he said this, the other party was dazed, but at the same time he had to feel heartfelt admiration for the host.

Because the other person is on TV for the first time, there is always a sense of "uneven" tension. Sitting in front of an unfamiliar camera, the expression is even more stiff and unnatural. These uneasy emotions are reflected in the body language of hands folded and chest held.

After the correction of the host, the interviewee certainly changed this unpleasant posture. But it was not until the program was officially recorded that his uncomfortable bad mood was improved. If he can hold his chest in a defensive posture and finish recording, his mood may be much easier, but in this way, it will greatly offend the audience in front of the TV. The host's keen observation is a good eye.

Cross your arms or legs tightly to wrap yourself safely. This gesture often means self-defense and refusal.

A relaxed posture with hands and feet slightly open and the whole body relaxed generally has the intention of accepting each other.

People with high social status show the above-mentioned relaxed attitude to people with low social status, while bosses show it to subordinates. Therefore, making this gesture to the other party will give people the impression that we have an egoistic advantage.

The whole body is stiff like a guard standing still, mostly because of strong anxiety inside.

Depression, unhappiness, and lack of physical movements are usually manifestations of helplessness.

The more the body directly faces each other (face to face), the more it shows good feelings.

However, inferring each other's psychology from posture can not be taken out of context by temporary observation, but should consider cause and effect. For example, after strenuous exercise, a gesture of exhaustion and weakness can certainly not be regarded as a signal for help.