Degang Guo has residential lines.

This is Liu Baorui's version

Mr. a, where are you from?

B I'm from Beijing.

A nonsense, where there are people in Beijing!

No one? Go to the Dashilan. Very crowded.

Where do you think it is now?

B.

I told you before. Back five or six hundred years ago, Beijing was a sea of misery, except for mountains and trees. The Ming emperor sealed ten kings and four younger brothers, the prince of Yan, and swept the north. The military strategist Yao Zao-cheng built the city as an imperial city with four doors, nine doors and seven bells. The nine gates in the Book of Rites are: money, harmony, harmony, east, security, virtue, equality and smoothness; The outer seven doors are: Dongbianmen, Xibianmen, Guangqumen, Guanganmen, Zuoanmen, Youanmen and Yonganmen; The four gates of the Imperial City are Tianan, Di 'an, Dong 'an and Xi 'an. Wu Sangui went to Shenyang to ask the Qing soldiers, the first generation of the emperor shunzhi title, and the hometown of the Qing emperor was not Beijing. Dare you say that you are from Beijing?

B-ho, I really know a lot about this. That's the flag bearer who entered the customs in the Qing Dynasty, driving a dragon here. I am not in the national flag.

Oh, you are on the wall.

Yes, you are on the ground.

Oh, you are the son of radish.

Ah, you are the grandson of kohlrabi. I am on the radish bed. I'm not a flag bearer.

Yes, the rider bit his thigh.

B where is the rider? I tell you, I am a citizen.

Jia Shimin? Oh, Li Yuan's son.

Hey, you are Tang Tong's grandson. I'm white.

A Oh, it's made of alum.

B: You are alkaline. To put it simply, I am an ordinary person.

All 24 provinces in the world belong to the people. Which province do you belong to?

B I is from Zhili Province, now called Hebei Province.

A Zhili is in charge of ten hospitals, which are positive, progressive, broad, big, heavenly, eternal, smooth, safe, river and propaganda. Are you from Yongshun or Baohexuan?

B I belongs to Tianbao Building. Have you ever bought meat steamed bread?

A: I asked which government you belong to.

B I'm Shuntianfu.

Jiashun Tianfu is a four-way flying tiger hall, in charge of twenty-four counties. Starting from Tongzhou, you don't know about communication, dispersion, martial arts, security, Hebei, Hunan, Nanjing, Pakistan, security, culture, communication, ancient, eternal, eastern, communication, ten thousand, Zhuo, Liang, Fang, Chang, Shun, Mi, Huai and Ping.

B I was stuffed with pork and cabbage. Where do you buy steamed bread?

I asked which county are you from?

B I'm Jingnanshu Road.

Oh, you are a crisp oven. Then we are villagers.

Are you also a crispy oven?

A I'm a hanging furnace?

Oh, I'm a saucepan.

I am a hearth furnace.

B: ok, go back to the oven and bake sesame cakes. I am in charge of Niutou Town, Shulu County.

A what town?

B tauren.

A Then let's live in the opposite community.

B You are also a bull's head.

Wo Jia horse face.

Hey, I'm a judge. Let's go to Chenghuangmiao Station! I'm in charge of Camp X in Niutou Town.

I have been to your house. Whether large or small, there are more than a dozen families in the village.

B a dozen families in such a big town?

A: Despite the small number, who is the best?

B that's true.

There are many thieves in armor.

How many thieves are there?

There are also many bandits. Your place has been ten years, five years of drought and five years of waterlogging.

B, not good.

A You can't live without stealing or robbing. That place is too poor. There were no bricks and tiles to build a house, so I piled them up with that smelly black mud. There are collapsed houses on sunny days and cloudy days. After a heavy rain, the house will be piled up again; The worst thing is that there is no wood in your place, so treat wood as a treasure. You can count it. You came out of the magistrate of a county there, wearing a Woodenhead, followed by four "fire clubs" with water pumps.

What's the matter?

A is afraid of T-shaped fire, so there is no place to burn it.

B I said, why is your mouth so vicious? Where do we get rid of bandits and thieves? I'm telling you, we still have officials there.

What does being an official have to do with you?

What can I say when I am an official? There are officials in our family.

Who is this?

Our family is very strict.

What is "Jia Yan"?

What is this? The family is strict, that is, dad.

Oh! I see.

B Yes, I'm confused.

A Hey, your dad just bought it, and my good dad added some salt. Oh, it's hot. Are you afraid your father will stink?

B go, give your father some alkali, lest your father turn sour. I don't know anything. To put it simply, my father is an official.

Your father, is he a relative of yours?

B how fresh it is.

A So is it the old one or the present one?

B it's early ... no, no, now this ... hey, this is too much. Go back to the bag and pile it up. Just this one.

A Oh, there's only one left.

B: Ah, those have been thrown away. I said you could talk, didn't you?

A I have to ask, is your father an official, an official of the Qing Dynasty or an official of the Republic of China? Is it military merit and effectiveness? Donate a class or a soldier? Real vacancy, backup? Is it for others, or is it fake?

B can still live by pretending to be forced? He is the foundation of the army, the army.

So has he ever led a soldier?

B brought it.

How many times did A bring soldiers?

B three times!

What about your first trip?

Yilian town is blocked.

How about two singles?

B attacked the gallery.

I heard that soldier A's third trip was not very good.

Yes, he is old, too.

A Yes, we caught up with the weather when we sent troops. The road was slippery and I didn't go up the hill. I somersaulted, lost my ice wheel, broke my pole and ran back.

Does my father sell ice cubes? With men and horses.

Is he still an official?

B ask for forgiveness.

A: No. This country is in troubled times, with internal troubles and foreign invasion. If you don't contribute to the national service, how can you retreat to the mountains and take a vacation?

B, forget it. He is my father. ...

Answer!

b！ Very clever. When I was old, I couldn't understand the new chapter, and I was too forgetful, so I retired to the forest and enjoyed my retirement.

A There are two money left to come back?

B dare!

How much money is left in A?

B (five fingers) is a big number.

A nickel?

Or sell ice cubes? There are five million dollars left.

Jiahao! (to the audience) I can't look at this like this. People still take advantage of 5 million. (Right) Well, what, you still have eight people living in that semi-shack? Do you still use a pot to eat-stir-fry, stew, wash your face, rinse your mouth, wash your daughter-in-law's feet and wash your pants?

I said, why are you so mean? It should be cut, dried, baked with yin and yang bricks and rolled into noodles, which just makes people get hemorrhoids.

A well, my mouth is bad enough, too.

B Yes, cut us both off. Half a broken hut? My father has money and nothing else to do, but he bought a property.

Where is your house in Du Jia?

B Beijing and Shanghai.

Jiahao!

B Shaoxing, Zhejiang.

Ho ho!

B Guangdong, Sichuan.

Ho ho!

Hehehe, hehehe! Are you going to move all our houses?

A don't make fun of you. (to the audience) When it comes to their family background, others don't know and can't hide it from me. I haven't seen houses in other places, so I won't say it; Tell me about your apartment in Beijing. I've seen it.

B Then tell me.

Speak for him. In Regan Noodles Hutong, Dongcheng. North of the road, at the entrance of Liang Guang, there is a door light at the top, a lazy stool at the bottom, a responsibility room and a steward's office. Entering the gate, there are two doors. On the second door, there are four screens. The green paint is sprinkled with Venus and four red squares. On the back, "Zhai Zheng" and "serious and tidy" are written. Into the second door of the square brick floor, in the courtyard of the sea, your son Xia is in a 30-foot-high arbor; The four red plugs are "lucky stars shine high". There are flowerpots, pomegranate trees, fish tanks with black tea leaves, oleander with three forks and nine tops, five rooms in the north room are on the top, five rooms in the front room are out of the building, five rooms in the east and west wing are waiting for the living room, there are closed windows at night, big glass that can be fanned, curtains for shrimps in summer and baffles for sons' mouths in winter. Come in and have a look. There are Zun kiln bottles, Lang kiln pots, tourmaline hip flask, coral bonsai, wind-grinded bronze bells and jadeite chimes on the table, including a clock more than two feet high. Before the case, there was a red sandalwood square table with a stone heart and mother-of-pearl, a pair of plush chairs, and Four Treasures of the Study, Duan inkstone, Hu pen, Xuan paper and Hui ink on the table. There are many clocks, wall clocks, chimes, children's watches, children's watches, thermometers at home ... Wow, there are many watches at home.

B Yes, my father is the most picky about playing clocks.

A Not only do you have many watches at home, but your father also pays attention to wearing watches when he goes out.

Of course.

A rich advocate pays attention to wearing a pocket watch, but it's not accurate!

Where's my father?

Your father wears a watch. Never left home, with ribs tied around his waist. If I want to dress like this, I will wear gold case, silver case, copper case, steel case, second minute, second minute, Sullivan, Haendly, three-way beam, semi-paved kang, dog head, handle, Wei, Liwei, Bo Wei, Ma Biao and Yi Wei.

Is this my father's watch?

He moved out of the watch shop.