Psychological nutrition

If you want your child to thrive, you need not only physical nutrition, but also adequate psychological nutrition.

Brief introduction of the author

The author of this book, Lin, is a doctor of psychological counseling and clinical counseling in the United States and a famous parent-child expert. I have been engaged in psychological education consultation for 25 years and have been exposed to a large number of cases of children's psychotherapy and family therapy. Dr Chae Min Lim is also a mother of four children. Combining her work and parenting experience, she put forward the concept of "psychological nutrition". Through this concept, she also interacted with hundreds of thousands of parents to help them solve their parenting problems, which was widely praised by parents.

Introduction to audio

In the book Psychological Nutrition, the author vividly explains the concept of psychological nutrition for us with vivid cases and easy-to-understand language, and at the same time lets us know how to better help children with different temperaments, give play to their advantages and make up for their disadvantages; At the same time, I also understand why children have problem behaviors and how to deal with them after discovering them. Finally, we know that to help children grow up healthily, we should not only provide children with physical nutrition, but also give them adequate psychological nutrition.

You will hear

1, what is innate temperament? What are the main types of children's innate temperament?

2. How to teach students in accordance with their innate temperament?

3. What are the reasons behind children's problem behaviors?

4. In order to promote the healthy growth of children, what psychological nutrition should we give them?

The golden sentences in this book

1, the basis of unconditional acceptance is to trust children, and the channel of unconditional acceptance is to find the reasons or emotions behind the behavior.

2. If a child doesn't get enough psychological nutrition from childhood, he will keep looking for it in his later life, leading to various situations until he finds the psychological nutrition that was once missing.

3. A good relationship between mom and dad is the best gift for children.

4. The basic source of children's sense of security mainly depends on whether the mood of the mother or the main caregiver is stable, and whether the relationship between father and mother is harmonious, stable and safe.

Recommended reading

Topic: Psychological Nutrition

Press: Shanghai Academy of Sciences.

1

Hello, everyone. The book to tell you in this issue is Psychonutrition.

Today's society is developing rapidly and the competition is becoming increasingly fierce. In order to make children get ahead in society when they grow up, parents begin to plan their future for them from birth-making nutritious meals, buying supplements, and making children have healthy bodies; Apply for early education, learn special skills, and spend a lot of money on one-on-one tutoring with teachers. I'm afraid my child will lose at the starting line. Most parents believe that as long as children's physical quality and intellectual development are good, they will have a beautiful life.

However, in real life, there are many children who drop out of school because they can't take care of themselves, even if they are admitted to a prestigious school. Some children have excellent grades, but they suffer from depression because of too much pressure; Other children have bad relations with their parents because they refuse to obey their parents' discipline and even run away from home. What's going on here? In the final analysis, it is probably because parents pay too much attention to the development of children's intelligence and physical quality in the process of cultivating their children, but ignore the concern for their psychological quality.

Mental health and physical health are the same. At different stages, children need to supplement food nutrition with different formulas. Similarly, at different stages of children's development, psychological nutrition at different stages is also needed. If a child doesn't get enough psychological nutrition at a very young age, then he may have a series of personality, behavior and interpersonal problems. Every child is like a different kind of sapling. Only by adopting the correct training methods can children thrive, and we also need to pay attention to their innate temperament. In the process of children's growth, when children have behavior problems, we should not suppress them rudely, but guide them in a scientific and gentle way.

Then, how can we provide targeted education methods for children according to their innate temperament? How to help children correct their various deviant behaviors? What psychological nutrition should we give our children in order to make them grow up healthily and happily? After reading the book Psychological Nutrition, you will find the answer.

The author of this book, Lin, is a doctor of psychological counseling and clinical counseling in the United States and a famous parent-child expert. I have been engaged in psychological education consultation for 25 years and have been exposed to a large number of cases of children's psychotherapy and family therapy. Dr Chae Min Lim is also a mother of four children. Combining her work and parenting experience, she put forward the concept of "psychological nutrition". In this book, the author combines theory with cases to tell us how to teach students in accordance with their aptitude according to their temperament types; How can we help children correct deviant behavior without hurting them? What psychological nutrition should we give our children at different growth stages to help them grow up healthily and happily?

Speaking of which, you must want to know the specific content of this book, right? Let's study at once before it's too late.

In this book, the author tells us many ways to solve the problem of parenting. Let's first discuss what innate temperament children have and how to teach students in accordance with their aptitude in combination with their temperament types. Then, learn how to better help children adjust and correct behavior problems and improve the quality of postpartum care; Finally, let's take a look at how to give children enough psychological nutrition to make their lives grow and bloom to the fullest.

Next, let's follow Dr. Lin's footsteps and learn how to teach children in accordance with their aptitude, give them enough psychological nutrition and care for their healthy growth.

2

In many families with two children, we will see this. The boss is smart and sensible, and his academic performance is also very good, while the second child is naughty and it is useless to educate him. Why is this happening? In fact, the problem is not the children, but the parents. Because we acquiesce that all children are the same, we educate two different children in the same way, which coincides with the personality characteristics of the boss, so the boss grows up very well. But the same method is not suitable for the second child, who is not as good as the boss.

In fact, every child has his own innate temperament. If children want to thrive, we can't educate all children in the same way. Before choosing an educational method suitable for children, we must first understand the innate temperament of children.

What is innate temperament? It is a personality tendency that children have since birth.

Famous psychologist Jerome? Professor Kagan once did such an experiment. He left the babies alone in the chair, and then asked them to do something new, such as listening to the sound of balloons exploding or smelling alcohol cotton swabs, which the babies had never touched before, and then observed the baby's reaction.

He found that some babies reacted violently, crying, kicking or waving their arms hard; Some reactions are quiet and occasionally move, but there is no overreaction at all; The performance of the rest of the babies is between these two situations. At this time, the influence of parents' upbringing on the baby is still very small, so the response to fresh stimuli is almost always an automatic response brought by innate temperament. If you want to know the child's innate temperament, you can carefully observe the child's behavior, such as the performance of the child every time he sees a new toy or stranger, or the interaction between the child and other children, so as to make a judgment.

What are the temperament types of children? There are mainly four types, namely optimistic, melancholy, radical and calm, and each type has different typical performances.

Happy children care most about relationships and have the advantage of interpersonal communication. They are emotional, compassionate and most concerned about interpersonal relationships. At the same time, they enjoy themselves and are eager for others' affirmation, praise and recognition. The biggest feature of their personality is that they are used to looking at things with optimism. The disadvantage is poor self-discipline, and sometimes I forget my promise to others because of some unexpected situations.

Melancholy children, with delicate and profound feelings, are natural perfectionists. Their greatest feature is that they are sensitive and fragile, and their feelings are delicate and profound. This type of children will generate and feel more emotions than other children, and then get stuck.

Radical children are brave and persistent and easy to achieve. The most obvious personality characteristics of such children are strong purpose and strong willpower. As long as they set a goal, they will go all out and sometimes even do whatever it takes to achieve it, so they are also very easy to succeed. However, once the concepts of right and wrong deviate, their destructive power will be enormous.

A calm child is cautious and has strong thinking ability. They are naturally cautious, gentle and steady, good at thinking, emotionally stable and not easily disturbed by the outside world. But it is precisely because of caution that they do things slowly and need more time to prepare and think than others.

Some parents may ask, "I understand the child's innate temperament through observation. How can I adjust my parenting style according to the child's innate temperament?"

First of all, let children develop in advantages and learn in disadvantages.

Congenital temperament is the natural background of children's life, and there is no difference between good and bad. Pay attention to the special advantages and disadvantages of each child and teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Many parents are always used to paying attention to their children's shortcomings, thinking that as long as their children make up for their own shortcomings, they will become a perfect person. However, blindly paying attention to shortcomings and ignoring advantages will not only make children grow up, but will make them feel worthless. Therefore, parents should encourage their children to develop their own advantages, so that children can gain more sense of value and self-affirmation, thus forming a virtuous circle, so that children can use these advantages in their future life and work. At the same time, we should maintain an accepting and peaceful attitude towards the disadvantages of children. Children are like different kinds of trees, each with its own characteristics, and no one is perfect. It is precisely because of their own shortcomings and deficiencies that children grow into people with their own unique personality and charm.

Secondly, don't label children casually. After we understand the innate temperament of children, it is good to adjust the parenting style accordingly. There is no need to tell your child what qualities his parents think you are, and there is no need to look at him with a fixed eye.

Because once you tell your child this, it is equivalent to putting a label on him. How parents treat their children will greatly affect their views on themselves, so labeling parenting is putting the cart before the horse, which is not conducive to children's growth.

Finally, parents should give their children the most appropriate educational methods according to their temperament types. This is also a mistake. In the face of parents' criticism, different children will have different reactions. For example, optimistic children may not have much reaction, because they are more optimistic about everything and value their excellent side more; And melancholy children will stay in their hearts for a long time; Radical children will reflect on themselves until they don't make the same mistake again; A cool-headed child will clean himself up and not let himself be troubled by criticism.

Therefore, in the face of children with different temperament, parents should adopt different methods. This is the same as growing flowers. Different kinds of flowers have different needs for water. If we water every flower with the same amount of water, some flowers may bloom and others will wither. When dealing with happy children, parents should learn to play warm cards when they encounter problems. Instead of criticizing children directly, tell them, "Mom will be very pleased if you do this." In this way, it will be easier and more effective to guide children with positive emotions; And melancholy children, because they are very easy to fall into negative emotions, so even if they make mistakes, we should not criticize him too much, but tell him repeatedly, "You are a good boy, but this thing is just wrong."

But for radical children, parents should learn to give up their desire for control, because this type of children are very opinionated and don't like others to control themselves. If parents are too strict, it will lead to conflict and resistance, and even personality problems in severe cases; Calm children are slow to do things, so parents are advised not to criticize their children because they are slow, because children will feel that they are not respected and understood, but will become more procrastinating.

Well, from the above research, we know that parents can't treat their children with rigid educational methods if they want their children to grow up healthily. Instead, it is necessary to identify children's innate temperament through observation, understand their advantages and disadvantages, use different educational methods in a targeted manner, and teach students in accordance with their aptitude, so that children can grow up healthily in a pleasant atmosphere and achieve twice the result with half the effort.

However, in order for children to thrive, we should not only pay attention to their innate temperament, but also pay attention to their acquired cultivation, both of which have great influence on their growth and are indispensable.

three

Next, in order to better solve the problems encountered in postpartum care, we will focus on children's problem behaviors, learn how to start from the source, effectively help children correct inappropriate behaviors, and let children develop good behavior habits.

Some children will have some problem behaviors when they grow up, such as swearing and throwing things when they are slightly unhappy; I often rob children's toys in kindergarten, and I also bite and fight. When we encounter such a situation, we will have a headache and worry that our children will go astray in the future. Therefore, as soon as we find out that children have these problems, we want to deal with them immediately, reprimand them, beat them and scold them, and then we feel that the problems have been solved when we see that children are mainly serving.

When a child has deviant behavior, the first thing we should do is to stop the child's behavior and let the child know that this behavior is not advocated, but it should be gentle and firm. For example, when children are between 1 year and a half and two and a half years old, they will gradually develop a sense of independence. When he explores the world, he will trick or treat, such as spilling food everywhere and stuffing things into his mouth out of curiosity. At this time, we should stop him gently and resolutely. Modesty refers to our tone. If we don't shout or be fierce, firmness represents our principle and bottom line. We can satisfy children's curiosity as much as possible, but we must resolutely say no to some dangerous and cross-border behaviors.

In addition, the author tells us that it is not enough to just stop the problem behavior just now. Just like a child has a fever, we immediately give the child antipyretic drugs, but we don't go to the hospital to diagnose the cause of the fever. The same is true of problem behavior. It is impossible to really solve children's behavior problems if only the superficial behavior is suppressed without finding the reasons behind the behavior.

Parents should pay attention to the source of children's behavior problems, and then solve the problems from the source. What are the basic causes of children's problem behavior? Generally speaking, one situation is that a child is eager to get more attention from his parents, and the other situation is that there are too many unresolved negative emotions in his heart, which makes him unable to control his behavior.

First of all, let's look at the first reason. Children are eager to get the attention of their parents.

From a psychological point of view, individual behavior deviation is often a response to situations that make them feel powerless. This kind of reaction is a disguised signal for help to the people around to attract others' attention. For example, some children want their parents to stare at their homework. Once parents leave, children will be distracted, scribble in their exercise books, or leave their seats directly. There are children who love and oppose their parents. The more parents say no, the more children have to do it. ...

This situation seems to be that the child is naughty and disobedient, but it may also be that the child is seeking more attention from his parents. The subtext of his naughty behavior is "You should spend more time with me".

If children's behavior problems decrease obviously with more and more parents' company, it must be related to lack of attention. In this case, we should try to reduce the time outside and spend more time with our children. And companionship should not only pay attention to time, but also pay attention to the quality of companionship. Interact with children more, such as playing some parent-child games with them or doing some housework with them. When children feel concerned, they will not rely on inappropriate behavior to seek attention.

Next, let's look at the second reason. Children's behavior problems are because there are too many negative emotions in their hearts to be solved. Some parents may think, "What troubles can children have when they sleep and play every day? Where did he get the negative emotions? "

Actually, children are very sensitive. Many trivial things in life that seem inconspicuous to adults will lead to negative emotions in children, such as being criticized by teachers or having conflicts with friends. However, the two main factors that lead to children's negative emotions are the emotional state between parents and parents' attitude towards children. Bad relationship between parents, frequent quarrels or the cold war will make the child feel insecure and lead to his emotional instability. Because children love their parents very much, when they see their parents quarreling, they will also be influenced by their parents' negative emotions and feel powerless. In addition, he encountered emotional problems himself and dared not take the initiative to talk to his parents. On the contrary, he kept it in his heart. After a long time, there will be behavioral problems caused by emotions. In addition, parents treat their children in a simple and rude way, for example, criticizing their children indiscriminately and being too controlling. This will also lead to too many negative emotions in their hearts. Children don't know how to deal with these emotions, so when they can't stand it, they will follow their instincts and vent in the most primitive way, such as crying and throwing things, and may even hurt themselves or others.

The simplest and most effective way to deal with the problem behavior caused by emotions is to let children play more. Because in the process of playing, children will jump and shout, which will help to vent their emotions. But, more importantly, we should pay attention to the family atmosphere. On the one hand, establish a harmonious relationship with your partner, on the other hand, establish a good parent-child relationship with your child, so that he can feel concerned, accepted and valued in a loving environment.

Well, from the above research, we know that in order to help children deal with problem behaviors, we need to show our attitude and say no to children gently and firmly when behaviors occur. After that, we should look for the deep-seated reasons behind the behavior and see if the children want our attention or have too many emotions to vent. Only by solving children's behavior problems from the source can we really help children grow up healthily and happily.

If children are compared to saplings, solving children's behavior problems is like pruning, weeding and killing insects for saplings. In addition, parents should pay attention to "fertilizing" young trees, which is what we mentioned before. Children must get enough psychological nutrition from their parents in order to really thrive.

four

Finally, let's take a look at what kind of psychological nutrition we need to give our children in order to make their lives grow and shine with the greatest brilliance.

Children are like seeds. Seeds need sunshine, soil and air in the process of growth, and children need not only physical nutrition, but also psychological nutrition. And psychological nutrition and physical nutrition are the same. At different stages of children's growth, the most desired psychological nutrition is different, so at different stages of children, we should pay attention to giving children the most needed psychological nutrition. However, does this mean that children don't need these nutrients at other times? Of course not. For a child, these psychological nutrients can help him grow at any time, but in a specific child growth cycle, if these nutrients can be properly supplemented, the child will develop a stable personality and ability more effectively.

What psychological nutrition should be given to children? There are five main aspects, namely unconditional acceptance; Let the child confirm that "at this moment, I am the most important thing in your life"; A sense of security; Affirmation, praise, recognition, as well as learning, cognition and example, that is to say, to be an example for children to learn.

Next, let's take a look at the psychological nutrition that children are most eager for at different growth stages.

The first psychological nutrition is unconditional acceptance. The so-called unconditional acceptance is to respect the child's physical and mental development law and accept his current state according to his development stage. Especially for newborn children, unconditional acceptance is more important. It is the first psychological nutrition we give our children in life. Why is this? Newborn children, who can't speak and have no ability to live, can only express their needs by crying and rely on their parents. Therefore, if we can't accept children and see them crying, we will feel very annoyed and even refuse to pay attention to their needs. Children will feel unloved or even abandoned, which will bring great harm to children. In the later growth stage of children, parents should also pay attention to giving their children more acceptance and love. Accepting a child does not mean accepting his behavior, but telling the child, "No matter what, you are the child of mom and dad, we will love you, and we will tide over the difficulties with you."

The second kind of psychological nutrition is to let children confirm that "at this moment, I am the most important thing in your life". For children aged 0 to 3 months, it is very important to get such confirmation from caregivers. Children need to make sure that there is such a person in the world, "no matter how busy, you can appear at any time as long as you need it", and this person is called "important person". Children hope that important people can give them unconditional acceptance. They are the most important people in their own lives, so that they can feel the meaning and value of their existence. With this feeling, children will be able to establish meaningful interpersonal relationships with others when they grow up. If the child is placed in the "most important" position of the caregiver at the critical stage of 0-3 months, at other stages, his requirements for parents to put him in the most important position will not be so urgent. Otherwise, children may continue to be dissatisfied with their parents' love, and no matter what their parents do, they will feel that their parents don't pay enough attention to themselves.

The third psychological nutrition is a sense of security. The child's initial sense of security mainly comes from infancy. When he is hungry, he can eat milk, and when he is uncomfortable, he can get his mother's hug and comfort. During this period, the child feels that he and his mother are one. As children grow up, they begin to have their own ideas and need to be separated from their mothers. But in the separation stage, it is also important to give people a sense of security. In the process of accompanying children, mothers need to be calm, pay attention to their needs, give them a loving family environment, be positive and optimistic about things, and make them feel relaxed. When children make some challenges, express their views and make mistakes, they should try their best to maintain a positive attitude of tolerance, understanding and acceptance, so that children will have enough sense of security and think that they can calmly cope with the difficulties and challenges in life.

In the first few stages, children need to absorb nutrition from interaction with their parents. As children slowly enter the stage of four or five years old, they begin to pay more attention to the interaction between the outside world and themselves. Therefore, at this time, in addition to the three kinds of psychological nutrition mentioned above, the affirmation, praise and recognition given by parents to children is what children need most at this time. At this time, praise from the father is often of great significance to the children. Because the father is a symbol of strength, the father's affirmation will make the children full of confidence in themselves. Therefore, if the father is willing to appreciate the child and express it in words and actions, "You are great, Dad loves you very much" and "Dad is proud of you", the child will also feel that he is a person worthy of being loved, thus establishing self-confidence and self-identity.

Next, let's look at the fifth psychological nutrition, which is to set an example for children in the process of learning behavior and gaining cognition. For a child of six or seven years old, with the continuous expansion of his life circle, he will face more and more problems. How to deal with differences of opinion with other children, how to communicate with others and how to look at the world will all appear in his life. At this time, what children need most is an example. Children learn and gain cognition by observing the behavior of role models. Children's most intuitive role models are their parents. Parents treat people with what attitude, so children are often like this. Therefore, parents must pay attention to their words and deeds and set an example. If you want your children to read and study at home, then you should stop playing with mobile phones all the time. If you want your child to be a positive and optimistic person, then you must first learn to face life optimistically. In short, what kind of person we want our children to be, then we must do it first. This is the best gift for our children.

As the saying goes, you are old at the age of three, and you are old at the age of seven. This means that we can see the embryonic form of children's future development through their psychological characteristics and personality characteristics at the age of three, and we can see their development and achievements as adults from the age of seven. Although this statement may be exaggerated, it is enough to show that we should pay attention to the cultivation and education of children before the age of seven. This age stage is an important period to lay the foundation for children's future development. If the child can get enough psychological nutrition at this time, with his growth, he can bravely face all kinds of difficulties in life, develop his potential and choose his own life path freely.

Seeing this, some parents may ask, "My child has grown up and missed the critical period of development, so there is no way to remedy it?" Of course not. For a child, psychological nutrition is what he needs all his life. Especially those children who didn't get enough psychological nutrition when they were young, they will have problems in emotion and behavior, and can't develop their original abundant vitality. Moreover, they will always look for the lack of psychological nutrition, perhaps from teachers or from their partners. Of course, what they want most is to get psychological nutrition from their parents. Therefore, giving children psychological nutrition can be done at any time.

Acceptance, affirmation, recognition, security and sense of value are all psychological nutrients that children need to grow up. With adequate psychological nutrition, children will become independent and dare to take responsibility for their own lives. At the same time, they will also have the ability to love, accept the love of others, love others, and their own vitality will be activated to live a happy life.

five

Ok, that's all for today. Let's briefly review.

Facing children with different personalities, how can we teach students in accordance with their aptitude? How can we help children correct problem behaviors and improve the quality of parenting? What psychological nutrition should be given to children to help them grow up healthily?

In the book Psychological Nutrition, the author systematically answers the problems encountered in the process of parenting from both theoretical and practical aspects.

We know that if we want children to grow up healthily, we must understand their innate temperament, help them develop in their strengths, learn from their weaknesses, don't label them, and give them the right combination of temperament types.

Well, that's all for the book Psychonutrition. If you are interested, you can choose to read the original and get more new experiences. Thank you for listening. See you next time.

Author: Yu

Anchor: the other shore