My child has been cold and violent to me recently, and he doesn't talk or communicate. How should I solve it?

I went to a party at my friend's house yesterday. I just came in and wanted to complain about the hot weather. I found my friend's face was wrong, and I was obviously sad and unhappy. My friend's six-year-old son smiles every day when he sees us coming, but he changes his usual style and stands motionless at the door of the bedroom. I can't help it after five minutes every day.

Tian Tian: Mom, mom, where is my favorite car toy?

Friend: Don't listen to me or talk to me.

This posture is obvious, mother and son are not at peace. I'm not interested in the cause of embarrassment, but I'm worried about my friend's behavior. Because the practice of friends belongs to domestic cold violence.

The book Illustrated Children's Behavioral Psychology mentions that cold violence is a kind of violence, and its manifestations are mostly coldness, contempt, laissez-faire, alienation and indifference. Cold violence will cause mental and psychological harm to others. If parents often use cold violence against their children, it will inevitably affect their physical and mental health development.

In the family, parents' cold violence against their children. Many people's understanding of cold violence stayed in the cold war period. For example, couples quarrel for three days, a week, half a month, or even longer without talking. However, parents' cold violence against their children is not like this. At the very least, parents rarely don't talk to their children for so long. Parents' cold violence against their children is manifested in the following forms.

Busy, ignoring the needs of children.

Everyone doesn't like to be disturbed when they are busy, but children don't understand this mood. They can do whatever they want, and at the same time feel safe because their demands are met in time. However, in real life, many parents neglect their children because they are busy with certain things. Sometimes I show impatience with children. At this time, children may become more clingy because their needs are not met, and they may choose destructive behavior to attract their parents' attention because they don't know how to do it.

Get angry and ignore the children.

There are many parents in life who get angry when they encounter unhappy things, or ignore their children because they are not at ease when they do something wrong. It is ineffective to deal with children's problems in an adult way, because children simply don't realize that the reason why parents are angry is related to their own wrong behavior.

Disappointed, the child did not meet the parents' requirements.

Some parents like to "control" their children in various ways. Once their children fail to meet their requirements or go against their wishes, they will look at their children coldly. Just like the friend at the beginning of the article, it is because the child is disobedient that he ignores the child.

Perfunctory, absent-minded when playing with children.

We often see such a scene: when many parents are with their children, they are either watching TV, playing with their heads down or even thinking about other things. What questions children ask are answered with yes and yes. In fact, children can keenly feel the perfunctory of their parents. After a long time, children will be unwilling to play with their parents, which will also lead them to follow suit and imitate their parents' behavior patterns, thus forming bad social habits.

Many parents resort to cold violence because they don't know how to solve the problem. Others think that this can effectively "punish" children. Let children know that they are wrong, but cold violence can not only solve the problem, but also do great harm to children.

The harm caused by cold violence can not be ignored, which leads to alienation of parent-child relationship and children's lack of security.

"For no reason" is ignored. After a long time, children will be reluctant to get close to their parents. Parents' unpredictable emotions and behaviors make children mistakenly think that parents don't like themselves. Parents' indifference and lack of love will make children feel a strong sense of insecurity.

A sense of security is very important for children's survival. Liu Zhongchun and Yang Can once said that children with a sense of security are emotionally stable, with a firm and peaceful personality, and will not panic when things happen, and can better integrate into the relationship with friends. On the contrary, insecure children are timid, autistic, withdrawn, emotionally unstable and weak in bearing setbacks.

Cause psychological changes, leading to withdrawn personality.

In the face of parents' cold violence, children were at a loss at first, and gradually formed their own "coping strategies" through comparison. It is manifested in two aspects. On the one hand, they are unwilling to communicate with others and protect themselves by refusing. On the other hand, influenced by parents, they become indifferent imperceptibly, thus forming bad social habits. It will eventually lead to psychological changes and loneliness.

To reject cold violence, parents can take the following measures to establish good parent-child communication. Understanding children's good parent-child communication is an important way for parents to understand their children. In communication, we can learn about children's preferences and make a practical evaluation of their abilities according to their performance. This will not put too much pressure on the children, and will not be disappointed because the children do not meet the requirements.

In the program "Teenagers Listen to You", parents often say: It turns out that he has so many ideas, I really don't know, it seems that the pressure on the children is too great, and so on, all of which are caused by lack of communication. However, too few children can express their ideas on this platform. There are even fewer parents who can deeply reflect on their children's expressions.

To establish good parent-child communication, the first thing is to respect children. Then put on a "listening" posture and listen to the child's voice with love and encouragement.

Manage your emotions well and don't bring negative emotions to your children. I agree with one sentence very much. It is the biggest tragedy of a family that parents' bad emotions make their children pay the bill.

Children are a special group. They know a lot, but their expressive ability is insufficient. At the same time, we can be keenly aware of the change of family atmosphere and the fluctuation of parents' emotions. So parents should learn to control their emotions. Don't show your children the emotions in your work and life. After accidentally losing your temper with your child, you should sincerely apologize to your child.

Go home, put down your mobile phone and work, and spend the whole day with your children. How much time do you have with your children? Many office workers leave early and return late, and their children are still awake when they leave in the morning. Come back at night, the child may have fallen asleep.