At night, there are rotten dreams!

There are rotten dreams at night, and there are repeated people in the dreams. But then, except in my dreams, I never saw you again. These are the two sentences I just saw. They are sad and look away.

School is about to start, and the novel I have written has been completed. This is the longest I have ever written, with more than 50,000 words, which is considered a novella. I have no intention of writing a long story. Maybe, when I have my own house and no one disturbs me, I will write my story in the form of an autobiography.

The weather in Shenqiu is similar to that in Zhecheng. In winter, there is not much snow and it is cold everywhere. The beginning of spring has passed, and the climate in Shenqiu is mostly cloudy and steamy. It seems that no matter what season, there is a poetic feeling. The Shaying River in the distance flows slowly, and the rural huts have a style that is just right.

After the holidays, it was sometimes rainy and then sunny again. I have been living in Wangzhuang Village, lying on my couch with the curtains closed every day. I don’t know what is going on outside the window, and I feel at ease. I am very grateful to the years, because the encounters I have had in Shenqiu during these years have made me mentally strong and always keep a kind of cleanliness.

Since the day when Lulu and Beibei drove to my house to pick me up when the epidemic was severe last year and I was worried about not being able to come to Shenqiu, I have never looked forward to going home. That home is already strange to me. On the contrary, the city of Shenqiu is so familiar to me, yet so unfamiliar.

In the dream, those childhood days and the memories of the village suddenly returned. I am immersed in the dreams of my childhood, but I am always awakened by the ruthless reality of life. I have read a book by Lu Sihao before, "Please Wake Me Up Before Leaving!" 》Now five years have passed, and I am still sleeping. It seems as if it has never left and has never left.

I have experienced ups and downs in officialdom and vicissitudes of life, but I have always been so fearless. Friends always say: "Dong! Why don't you care about your own affairs?" How do you want me to care about you? Everyone has family support and friends behind them. I looked up at the sky and asked myself: "What about me? Who is behind me?" Maybe, it's just me! These years have passed, and I don’t even believe in myself anymore. What do you want me to believe?

At such an awkward age, preparing lessons can make others laugh at you. As you get older, there are always people around you who make fun of your personal problems, and I always pretend not to care as if nothing happened. I have spent one third of my life, whether it is long or short. In the rural streets, a wisp of smoke has nothing to do with me, but I think it is all good.

I would rather stay in a remote village with a few tiled houses and live with simple food and tea. I don’t want anyone to accompany me to endure hardships, I just want to be alone. Now, I still like it very much, but I don’t say it anymore and keep it deep in my heart. I was still scared, but I had the courage to face it.

In the past few years, whenever I encountered setbacks and injuries, and felt timid and worried, I would calm down and read, and write when I could. I forget about the dissatisfaction imposed on me by the outside world. When I stay alone, I never embarrass anyone. When I get along with others, no matter how many troubles I have, they are not worth mentioning. In 2022, the goal I set for myself is to feel better. Two words - optimism! Even if it’s Buddhist! It doesn’t matter anymore!

A thick layer of dust has accumulated on the windowsill. Only dust in the world can do this. No matter the dynasty, the current situation, success or failure, it can be free and easy at any time. They hide in the corner, humble and humble, far away from the noise of the world. I also want to be just a grain of dust in this life, avoiding all harm from the outside world.

During the holidays, I seldom spoke, almost lost my ability to speak, rarely went out, and I didn’t want to see other people less and less. I always felt that I was out of tune with this society. I don’t know at which point I put myself in a box, just like the short story "In a Box" written by the Russian writer Anton Pavlovich Chekhov. In "People", the withdrawn, timid Belikov.

I remember when I was a child, I liked to pet the dog at home. I felt that the dog was the only friend in the world who was good to me. No matter how much I noised it or hit it, it would always smile at me. Later, after I graduated and started working, I traveled far and wide. The dogs at home passed from generation to generation, and they didn’t recognize me. Maybe I had been away from home for too long, so they bit me when they saw me.

There was a period of time when I would often write text, catch up on TV series, go shopping alone late at night, go shopping alone on campus, and cook and eat alone. No matter how trivial things in this world fetter me. I always have an optimistic attitude. I organize books, tidy up the house, do laundry and cook, and I don’t take anything seriously.

Tomorrow at nine o'clock, the minister notified me to go to the school for a meeting to act as the head teacher, which actually meant that I would slowly take charge. To be honest, I am unwilling in every possible way. How can I not bow my head when I am helpless under the low eaves? I need to make money, but I don’t know anything about the world, so I don’t have to fight with anyone, let alone anyone. There is no way, there are some things in real life that always make you powerless and make you compromise step by step.

In the past ten years, all the stupid things I have done are just for a little love and a piece of my own city. I came to Shenqiu to escape the mess at home. I wanted to live a stable life, and getting a job as a teacher was also a form of spiritual practice, but I had to pay a price.

If you want to make money, you have to be busy with work. If you want to read, you have to make money. Only with money can you live a stable life.

This is a tangle in itself, and no matter what, you can't have the best of both worlds. I don’t know how I will live after the age of thirty? However, the joys and sorrows of life, the bitterness and pain, must be experienced and cannot be escaped. I can only take it calmly and accept it calmly.

In the afternoon I watched a movie called "Four Seas". The world is vague, with ups and downs, successes and failures. Both Ayao and Huansong are determined to live like the opposite of their loved ones. They want to support each other and be independent of each other, but they are never on the same channel. Things are unpredictable, and they have to leave their homes and face an unknown journey.

Every night, there is no noise from Anyang Steel in the distance, the dogs in the village do not bark, and there is deathly silence all around. Being in the darkness, I feel like I have become one with the night. I don't know why I came? Don't know where to go? It’s just that people in the world are as small as dust and as light as passers-by, coming slowly and leaving silently. Look away, you are destined to be a person.

The world is prosperous, ups and downs, and in the breath of fireworks, I feel trapped and frustrated, and also lonely and lonely. In the end, they all return to peace, the tranquility and loneliness under the night.

For me, during the holidays, I can read behind closed doors, write stories, and ponder my thoughts, or I can sit and lie down as I please, doing nothing. After all, since ancient times, the most fearful person in life is being half-deaf, half-dumb, and half-confused. There is no perfect life, everything is only half satisfactory.

Starting tomorrow, we will really enter the days when we are busy with work. Let yourself forget about yourself. In this silent night, have a good sleep and have a good dream...

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