Rene Liu's prose "Happy Birthday"

Happy birthday (prose)

I am not sure how much I can feel it, but I know that every year, there are three days that are forever to me. changed. Xiaomi’s birthday, Xiaonan’s birthday and my own birthday.

It was my birthday that day, and I encountered a Category 7 typhoon. The wind and rain outside were really strong, which made people panic. At this time, in addition to worrying about the disaster, I also imagined those people who live alone like me. The feeling of being alone.

At this moment, the phone rang, it was Xiaomi. I asked lonely: "What are you doing?"

I said: "No! Just stay here!"

Xiaomi has been a good friend of mine for many years, and I don't often contact her, or Said that as long as she shows up, something will definitely happen. Of course she could also describe me that way.

I asked her: "What's wrong?"

She said: "No..."

After a while of silence, she said leisurely : "Thirty-six hours have passed, and he hasn't received an email yet." I was confused at first, and then I remembered that the day before yesterday was Xiaomi's birthday. She has an ex-boyfriend, Xiaonan, whom she has known for more than ten years. Even though they broke up a long time ago, they usually do not contact each other, but every year on their birthdays, they will greet each other.

That year, Xiaomi was seventeen years old

Xiaomi was a bit understatement, but I knew she was deeply hurt. She is the type who downplays an injury the more serious it becomes.

But to say that what she cares about is Xiaonan, it is better to say that what matters most is her birthday. Whenever her birthday is approaching, Xiaomi begins to fall into a kind of anxiety, an atmosphere that is both exciting and doomed to be hurt. Is it because we are getting older? Or is it because the marriageable age has passed? But this is a problem for every urban single woman, so why should Xiaomi bother herself?

The above is just my guess, because I know that Xiaomi is not I like hearing people say "Happy Birthday" so much that even friends like me and she won't ask for trouble on her birthday. But at the same time, Xiaomi was unhappy that people didn't even mention her birthday, as if her arrival in this world was of no importance. Yes, who wants the feeling that all mankind cannot remember their birthday?

Her way of dealing with this problem of conflict between heaven and man is to turn off her mobile phone and unplug it on her birthday. Turn off the phone at home and stop surfing the Internet. Is it overkill? It should be said that hiding one’s head in the sand is Xiaomi’s specialty.

Xiaonan was Xiaomi’s first love, when Xiaomi was seventeen years old. The plot of seventeen-year-old lovelorn seems to be as simple as falling in love. The person involved thinks that his story is heroic, but the audience seems to be nothing more than that.

In the ten years after they broke up, they remained good friends. Even when Xiaomi went to Europe to study music, it was Xiaonan who encouraged her. He said that their way of getting along had reached a dead end. Xiaomi was too dependent on him. If Xiaomi did not leave temporarily, her life would be over. That year, he was admitted to Jiaotong University, and Xiaomi was just a cram school student.

So Xiaomi really left.

And of course her life will be different.

Promise

No matter how many people changed around them, they maintained a wonderful partnership. When Xiaomi was abroad, Xiaonan even often went to chat with Xiaomi's father, saying that no matter how many girlfriends he had, he would wait for Xiaomi and would not give up unless Xiaomi got married.

This statement sounds funny, but it is very touching. Every time Xiaomi hears it, although she says that she will never marry Xiaonan, she is still complacent.

Xiaonan went to Vienna to find Xiaomi once. The two spent three days together. On the fourth day, Xiaonan disappeared, leaving a note, "I bought a train ticket around Europe in Taiwan." , I want to make good use of it..."

After Xiaomi returned to China, she taught children in a percussion classroom. Even though Xiaonan was quite romantic at the time, Xiaonan would appear whenever Xiaomi called her. Xiaomi's dependence on him is not life-related, but more spiritual. Whenever Xiaomi is emotionally frustrated, when her work is not going well, or when she lacks confidence in herself, she needs Xiaonan's "promise" as a booster.

Over the years, they have also tried to be together. After all, two people who support each other have endless sparks. But in the first week of getting back together, the two of them had nothing to say, and the pressure was so great that they were suffocating, so there was no contact for another three weeks!

Xiaomi told me that just after they had reached an agreement, The night they broke up, they went to dinner, and the two of them were back to being the same as before, chatting and talking sweetly.

Xiaomi often said that Xiaonan understood her very well, or that because they were very similar, neither could bear to be with another creature for too long, so the distance between them was always just right. Just enough that "nothing has happened now, but something may happen forever."

Freedom

One day, Xiaonan called Xiaomi and asked her to have dinner with her. Xiaomi said she had to go to work later and didn’t want to go out now.

So he bought a sandwich and went to her house. After eating Xiaomi, he hurried out. He sent her there. Passing by the bridal shop at the intersection of Anhe Road and Xinyi Road (now hanging a poster of Lin Chiling), he suddenly asked Xiaomi: "If you get married, what will you do?" What kind of wedding photos should I take?"

Xiaomi raised her face and said coldly: "I hate wedding photos the most. If you are getting married, don't take photos. It will be a big trouble!"

"I agree, it's troublesome and a waste of money." Xiaomi believed what Xiaonan was implying, although Xiaomi still felt that she would not marry him.

Two days later, Xiaomi went to see "Runaway Bride". After leaving the theater, she listened to a message on her mobile phone. It was Xiaonan, "I'm getting married. You don't know the bride. I haven't told you because I don't know her." I wasn't sure until the last second. I told her everything. She didn't believe that we were just friends, so I had to tell you formally that we were just friends. She is the one I love now. Right next to me..."

Is there anything funnier than this in the world?

He can marry whoever he pleases. That is his freedom, but Is it necessary for him to keep hiding it? If he can't be sure until the last second? Then he can never be sure at all! How they want to take wedding photos is their family's business. Is it necessary to tell me? This belongs to "friends" Behavior? And, the most unforgivable thing, is it necessary to humiliate me on the phone in front of her? "Don't build your happiness on the pain of others." Isn't this a civic morality that all primary school students know?

Xiaomi said on her phone that she didn’t shed tears. She said she was fine and finally freed. She no longer had to be responsible for Xiaonan’s happiness, so she drove her black jeep around Taipei three times. She said, She felt it was ridiculous that she had believed in his promise for the past thirteen years. She was the one who was ridiculous. I said we should go home after completing this circle.

We don’t know when Xiaonan got married later, at least not the group of friends who guarded Xiaomi until death. We only know that from the day the news was exposed, no one has ever heard from Xiaomi again. The word Xiaonan.

The story does not end there.

The only way to live...

Xiaomi didn’t tell me until today.

In fact, she would receive his e-mail every birthday in the past few years.

Just one sentence——

Happy Birthda.

She saved every letter.

Every six months, on Xiaonan’s birthday, Xiaomi would send the same letter back to him.

I laughed at her for being so calm and scheming. Xiaomi said: "I didn't even ask about his marriage... It would make my heartache to write even one more word..."

So the birthday wishes every year are the only way to know that he is still alive, or in other words, to know that he still cares about himself a little bit. This year's birthday has passed, thirty-six hours have passed, and Xiaomi has not received any message from Xiaonan, and she begins to panic. I asked her to write directly and ask. "How is that possible...just forget it if he forgets it!" When he said this, Xiaomi's voice sounded like he couldn't swallow a mouthful of water.

A few days later, I received a text message from Xiaomi.

“I only received his blessing at 11:56 this evening.

The original text is as follows: There are things I

care about everyday but can only say it once a year. Sorry about the delay. (There are some things that I miss every day, but I can only say them once a year. I’m sorry for being late.)

A few days later, we met on the road accidentally A junior high school classmate, he just came back from Shanghai. When we were chatting, I curiously asked about Xiaonan. My classmate said to me, don’t you know he has left?

“Where have you gone?”

The classmate said: "Heaven. "

Then there was a brief conversation as you can imagine, "It's not funny", "Did you see me laughing? He has been gone for almost a year. "

I felt dizzy. After the dizziness passed, I thought of Xiaomi. Why didn't any of us know about such a big thing, and Xiaomi didn't know either? Because after we heard from Xiaonan that we were going to get married, we almost refused to listen. But what happened to the e-mail from a few days ago?

I dug out my old address book and bravely called Xiaonan’s home, but I didn’t know the number. Does it still work?

Three days have changed

A young woman answered the phone and said she was Xiaonan’s sister. I identified myself and said a few words, and finally couldn’t help it. I asked her, if Xiaonan had been away for a long time, how could there be an e-mail? She burst into tears and carefully said to me: "Please don't pursue this matter anymore. This is what Xiaonan asked me to do for him before he left. He asked me to send him a c-mail once a year, but I forgot about it. It took almost a week before I remembered. "Sister Xiaonan asked me to keep it a secret, but how could such a thing be kept secret forever?

But if I were to expose it to Xiaomi, it would be impossible, and I wouldn't be the one to tell it. Sister Xiaonan and I asked more about the situation. The cause was a brain tumor. When it was discovered, it was four years ago. Later, we both sought alternative treatments in mainland China.

Four years ago? Isn’t that the year when Xiaonan left a message to Xiaomi saying that she was going to get married?

“What about Xiaonan’s wife?”

“What wife? Xiaonan is not married! We Everyone in the family knows that he has been waiting for Xiaomi!"

Next, I was silent on the phone for thirty seconds.

I am thinking, what is going on? Or, I have already guessed what is going on, but I am wondering, how is this possible? Is all this arranged by Xiaonan? What? Pretend to be married in a flash , disappearing from then on, giving birthday greetings once a year, until... until when? He wants Xiaomi to give up on him, and then let Xiaomi know that he will always remember her. Is this love? Is there such love in the world? Isn't this the plot in a popular novel? But it is far more real and full of details than the plot of the novel. Xiaonan and Xiaomi are vivid in my mind, their sadness and laughter, that It's not a performance, it's a breath in the long river of time.

The hairs all over my body stood up. That was when I hung up the phone, walked to the alley and looked at the bustling crowd on the road. I need to stare at each stranger to slowly bring myself back to reality. I will return to reality first, and then let myself enter Xiaonan's world bit by bit, to feel what he feels and to weave what he weaves.

I’m not sure how much I can feel it, but I know that every year, there are three days that change forever for me, Xiaomi’s birthday, Xiaonan’s birthday, and My own birthday.

Excerpted from: "Chinese and Foreign Books Excerpts" Issue 04, 2006 Author: Liu Ruoying