A joke that can amuse girls.

1, a vicious wolf came out for food and heard a woman lecturing her child, saying, if you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! As a result, the wolf waited all night and said, shit! The old lady broke her word!

Dear, you smile sweetly, just like a flower in full bloom in the spring breeze. Why do I smile so sweetly? Because you sent me a text message.

Give you some sunshine, and you will be brilliant. Give you a smile and you will discharge. Give you a cotton-padded jacket, and you will sweat. Give you a basket of feed and you will lay eggs.

At this moment, LZ is very sad. He was caught stealing in the supermarket, and the security guard was showing what he stole in front of the crowd-small cloud-proof sleeves!

5. When a man meets love, he will treat his wife like clothes-the fashion is changing with each passing day, and the cost of clothes is getting more and more expensive; Men don't have a good thing-but it is the biggest buyer's market for women after all.

6. A businessman went out by taxi, and his car suddenly skidded on Panshan Highway. The driver shouted in horror: the brakes are not working. What should I do? The businessman shouted at him, turn off the meter quickly, you idiot!

7. Since I met you, you should know your place in my heart. Except for you, everyone else is a pile of shit in my eyes, but you are different, because you … are two piles.

8, twist a twist, health follows the body; Ho, you have everything for me; Take a break, feel refreshed and do a somersault; Received the receipt and received the blessing: May you stay happy and have a happy life!

Swimmer: The lifebuoy produced by your factory made me learn to swim quickly. Director: I'm flattered. Swimmer: The lifebuoy deflated at the sight of water, so I had to swim hard and learned to swim.

10, I have always had a soft spot for you, and your face has always appeared in front of my eyes! But I am too poor to expect, and now I have money! You can say loudly: boss, cut that pig head in half for me!

1 1, dear friend, May Day is coming. Let me remind you first. In order to carry out the name of Labor Day, come to my house to brush the toilet and bring your lunch. Labor is the most glorious!

12, I think you broke the telephone line, burned the mobile phone card, emptied your wallet and took all the sleeping pills. Hey! But I still miss you!

13, luminescence is not the patent of the sun, gold can also be used, except pests are not the patent of frogs, pesticides can also be used, and mice are not the patent of cats, so can you. What are you waiting for? Hurry up!

14, the first time I saw you, I said to myself: You are the goal of my life, I want to pursue you and hug you. I want to announce: I love you ... RMB.

15, how much love you have, you can start over. Supreme treasure teaches you a trick: take your box of home improvement cookies to the balcony at night, and then shout to the moon: Boruo Bomi!

16, a sloppy anorectal doctor wrote in his medical record after seeing the patient: anal speech. After reading it, the chief doctor angrily wrote on the medical record: Bullshit!

17, did you feel the spring after watching a lot of idol dramas? Haha, don't be silly. Those who fall in love at first sight are handsome and ugly, and they are all long-lasting!

18, Bajie: Monkey, I changed my name to Sai Pan An, and many beautiful women are waiting for me! Wukong: Unless you surf the Internet, you idiot.

19. When I heard my husband come back to open the door, I wanted to flirt with him. Just say it out loud and hide. My husband is back. Then, then my husband left without opening the door! Don't answer the phone!

20. Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love; we?

2 1. I wonder what you like to do. Now it's time for you to choose. I want to sit in the car all day with my pockets full of money. I see. You want to be a bus conductor.

22. There is a supermom at home who plays computer games with me every day. The slogan is I'll let you play for ten minutes. Ten minutes later, she always praised me: Why are you so naive?

23. Mood prediction: I will miss you tonight to tomorrow morning, and I expect to miss you very much in the afternoon. Affected by this mood, I will become a wild dream at night, and this weather will last until I see you.

24. I bury corn in the soil in spring, and I will harvest a lot of corn in autumn. I bury my wife in the ground in spring, and I will be shot in autumn!

25. Tell you what is romance? Send her 99 roses when you know she doesn't like you. Tell you what waste is. Just know that she likes you and send her 99 roses.

Don't drink too much in the morning. There are still a few tables today. Don't get drunk when drinking at noon and have a meeting in the afternoon; You can't drink at night, lest your wife look everywhere.

In the 1980s, fellow villagers met fellow villagers and went to sea to do business. In the 1990 s, when fellow villagers met fellow villagers, they lied to you without consulting; In the 2000 s, villagers met villagers and were busy with lawsuits.

28. Two men were playing by the river when they saw a beautiful woman fall into the river. One person is going to save him, and the other person is holding him. Wait a minute. Now the rescuer can't do artificial respiration.

29. Going to the barber's tonight, the barber's brother asked me what kind of hairstyle I wanted to cut. I said how to cut it and how handsome it is. The barber brother stood behind me for more than ten minutes, not knowing how to start.

30. One day, 0 and 8, 6 and 9 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. Why wear a belt! 6 without looking at 9, he said: Cool is cool, don't stand upside down!

3 1. My little nephew was ill once. After he came back from the hospital, he kept crying and said, I want to become a turtle. Why did he become a turtle? Answer: The tortoise's shell is so big and hard that the needle can't get in.

32. An old lady loved playing mahjong before her death. After her death, her children offered to send mahjong with her, but a woman was very worried: what if she called us because she was short of hands?

33. No one is right or wrong in love. Only when you have been abandoned and hurt can you know how to love? As long as you love brave enough to love, you believe that happiness is just around the corner.

34. W: I want to divorce my husband. Lawyer: Is there any reason? Woman: I suspect that he is the father of my child.

35. There is a man named Uncle Niu in our game. As a result, the tinker was always beaten and later changed his name! After being beaten again, I just looked at his game name, Wocao, and he actually changed his name to Uncle.

Sorry, I accidentally deleted the phone book! Are you Shen Jinbing? Or Liu Mang or Qin Shou? Is that Mei Renxing? If neither, then you must be a pig! Pig head!

Wife, you are the other half of my life. I look forward to the early extension of our life! I will take good care of our children, my wife and this family with my sense of responsibility!

38, practice a set of happiness, not too long; Kick your happy legs, don't be too late; Run for good luck, don't sweat; Dance a happy and sweet exercise, don't be confused; I wish happiness everywhere.

39. Fall in love with you, never give up, and stay together every year; Tender as water, inseparable, always with you. I wish all lovers in the world a happy and sweet Valentine's Day.

40. Spring is far away, summer is here, Sophora japonica is fragrant, butterflies are flying, the night is like water, thinking about the moon, thinking about my lover and sending messages. Rose Valentine's Day, I wish you happiness, good luck can be consulted, and happiness can be tapped.

4 1. I miss you from tonight to tomorrow morning. It is expected that the afternoon will become a continuous thinking, and the evening will become a big dream, and the mood will drop by five degrees. It is expected that this weather will last until I see you.

Judge: The lawyer has defended you. what do you have to say? Defendant: Your Honor, I just want to draw your attention to the fact that he is still a very young lawyer.

43. Talented people are ugly, handsome people earn less, people who earn more don't care about their families, people who care about their families are worthless, and promising people are not romantic, romantic and unreliable.

44. The old tortoise molested the mussel and was bitten. The old turtle dragged the mussels back and forth reluctantly. When the frog saw it, he exclaimed, Hey, Brother Tortoise mixed up, and a briefcase came in and out.

45. If * * stipulates that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I would rather that person is you. Till death do us part, I have no regrets! But it happened that * * didn't stipulate ... then forget it!

46. Universities are full of stars. Walk in, it's tattered. Ten teachers and nine idiots. There is another one, insanity.

47. Tell a story that anger makes people stupid. That day, I heard a bitch and people cursing all over the street: bah! Shit, your face is covered with shit! Everyone present at that time laughed, and the bitch was still very proud.

48. You don't have to wear a tie, pee, laugh and whistle from time to time-brother, you are really good at kung fu!

49. The minister of family planning went to the countryside for a general survey and asked the old farmer: Do you know why close relatives can't get married? L the old farmer replied with a simple and honest smile: relatives, hehehehehehehehehehehehe ... hehehe, too familiar, not easy to start!

50, looking for, deserted, miserable. When I was drunk yesterday, it was the hardest to move forward. Three glasses of two spirits, how to hit him, sleepy. The saddest thing is sleeping next to the garbage when the traffic passes by.

5 1, a priest advised the poor to believe in religion. He asked a poor man, "Would you rather go to heaven or hell after death?" The poor man replied, "Alas! You see, wherever the corn flour is cheap, go there!

52. A colleague took a cat and a dog to the office to play. Another colleague wanted to stir up trouble and let the cat and the dog fight to watch the fun, so he hit the cat and said a classic sentence: Dogs fight!

Pop superstar Michael Jackson's pet orangutan "Bubble" is now the richest orangutan in the world, and its owner left it a legacy of up to 2 million dollars.

54. At this stage, the salary has not risen, and the children are not rewarded. When they see their wives, they dare not shout, and they can't go shopping for leisure. It is difficult for beautiful women who have appointments in Shandong and Henan to itch. As a result, prices soared, and all good things were illusory.

55, someone's penis is three eggs, very depressed. He went to the doctor and said, doctor, don't tell anyone that our eggs add up to five. The doctor said in surprise, huh? You're just one of them?

56. One day, the Mullah asked Afandi, "How are you going to serve the king in the future?" "I can at least dig the king's grave." Two generations of love replied.

57. An old lady can't read, but she likes listening to the radio. The weather forecast must be listened to every day. One day at dinner, I asked my family: Do you know where the local area is? It rains there almost every day.

58. Since you have been hit by youth, I wish you happiness, being trampled by happiness, being searched by health and being kicked by good luck. I am a good friend!

59. A Jiangnan man went to Beijing and lost a handkerchief in the city. He asked a rude soldier, "Have you seen me?" ? The soldier was furious: I have seen thousands of things. What are you afraid of?

60. The teacher was describing the appearance of African wild boar and found the students dozing off. They were furious: look at me, not me. How do you know what African wild boar looks like?

6 1, so beautiful and handsome, but I don't know, this is temperament; So rich and talented, but others don't know, this is self-cultivation.

62. I'm a little tacky, a little boring and cute! A little lazy, a little bad, a little smart, a little rogue! Say rogue is rogue, slick love! You want to love me, then love me.

63. Friend, are you in trouble? Don't worry, the ancients said: in the end, there will be a road and a dead end! So it's no use worrying!

My lover is a stunning beauty, and one day she will marry me on a fire-breathing dinosaur. However, at the end of the story, I only saw her mount, but I didn't see its owner.

65. I walked into the alley and heard someone calling me upstairs: Your Majesty ... Your Majesty! I looked up and said, what? Then I was splashed with water. The woman said: I told you to avoid it early, which deserved it!

If you want to have a happy day, drink more wine. If you want to be happy in January, you must find the feeling; If you want to be happy for a year, you must give up your troubles; If you want to be happy all your life, don't follow the new trend.

67. After a party, a group of animals rushed into a convenience store to buy things. As a result, the clerk knocked them out, but left the lamb alone in the store. Why? Convenience stores don't close for 24 hours!

68. Four ideals of women: men make money, women spend money, their beautiful faces are scratched, they go out to take a Ferrari, and men are always at their feet!

69. Send a few messages in your spare time, be more humorous and less annoyed, be optimistic when you are good, think of beauty when you are depressed, stand up straight when you laugh at difficulties, treat others sincerely without expecting anything in return, and be calm and happy.

70. Xiao Ming sent a note to Xiao Fan. I like you very much. If you like me, please send the note back. If not, throw the note out of the window and send it back. It says: the window won't open!

7 1, I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled up to each other. You looked up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately ... woof woof woof.

72. The magpie came, and my mother said it was like a bird and a guest. The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker!

73. A friend said that he has a durable old man who will take care of everything. A friend said that he has a very durable girlfriend and will not break up again; And I only have a boss who can stand it, and he won't give me a raise!

74. A thief went to the guest room to steal something. He opened the door without anything, and was seen by his master: close the door after going out! The thief proudly replied, you don't have to close this door at all!

When the train started, the conductor told a beautiful lady to close the door. The girl said, I haven't kissed my sister goodbye yet! Close the door and I'll take care of the rest.

76. One? Miss Mei had a miscarriage, and the doctor deliberately made it very painful. Miss mei shouted: it hurts! I can't stand it! Doctor: If you can't stand it, you have to endure it. Don't come to me when you feel better.

77. A unit is competing for a position, and it is a beautiful woman's turn to give a speech on the stage. A leader under the stage suddenly stood up and said, "This is my relative. It's time for me to leave." . The girl was promoted smoothly.

78. Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love; we?

79. Work is boring, making money is hard, but the ideal is great. When I am rich, I will drink soybean milk and eat fried dough sticks, and I will dip them in sugar. Buy two bowls of soybean milk, drink one bowl and pour one bowl!

80. Girlfriend: What are the conditions for love? Boyfriend: Male and female. Girlfriend: Nonsense. Boyfriend: Yes, and a lot of nonsense.

8 1, the teacher asked us to make sentences with the word sure enough, and a classmate wrote: I haven't bathed for three months, and I really stink.

I accidentally sent you "I love you" by mistake. If you accept it, keep it. If you don't accept it, send these three words back to me.

83, squeeze 3 cups of juice to send you: one cup is grape juice, let you sip purple romance; One is cucumber juice, I wish you a green and healthy seat; One is orange juice with honey. May life be sweeter than bitterness!

84. A couple embraced and watched the TV series "Latent". Boyfriend stroked his girlfriend's bulging abdomen and sighed and said, honey, if you can't get a marriage certificate, you have to try to hide it!

85. A teenager came to buy condoms. The boss was surprised. He said, I want to give a gift to my girlfriend. The boss said: Do you want to wrap it up? He said, no, it was originally used to wrap gifts.

86. My sister is a crow flying in the sky, and my brother is a German shepherd chasing on the ground! Catching up with you is not eating you, but torturing you with love!

87. Playing with a master who shaves his head, we all know that the first thing the master does is scissors. Haha, I'm used to it, and my hands are used to it.

88. Not loving you is too much. I'm sorry for not loving you. If I don't love you, my friends will hit me. I have only one goal: to love you.

89. I go to class by bus today. For the first time, a handsome guy offered me his seat. Nima, after I sat down, what do you mean when you asked me how many months I was pregnant? I want to ask how to sentence intentional homicide.

90. The forest is full of trees, and white clothes are better than snow. I sit on my knees, stroking the lyre, and you stand, my only confidant. So, you and I have made a story that has been passed down through the ages.

9 1, a military exercise, a shell accidentally fell into Gua Tian, and soldiers were sent to check it out: a man in rags said with a sad face, Isn't it just stealing a melon and shelling it?

92. A drunk fell with blood all over his face and put a band-aid on the mirror in the bathroom. The next day, the wife took her husband with a cut face to the bathroom. When he looked at it, the mirror was full of band-AIDS!

93. Admit it, that coat you lied to yourself last year, "If it's more expensive, you can wear it for a few years." When you opened the closet this fall, you pretended not to see it.

94. I wish you good health and lose all your teeth; Bon voyage, missing halfway; Go the whole way, give up halfway; Happy every day, often abnormal; Laugh often, laugh anyway!

95. The guest said to the little host, Look, what beautiful curly hair is it from mom? The young master thought: I think my father gave it to me, because now he has no hair on his head.

96.why is it so dark? Because Niu Niu is flying in the sky! Why is Niu Niu flying in the sky? Because. That's because you blow on the ground!

97. After working overtime for several days in a row, an employee doesn't want to go to work tomorrow and wants to ask for leave on the grounds of catching a cold. The boss asked: What are you doing on vacation? The worker quickly said, I may catch a cold tomorrow!

98. She said to her boyfriend who loves literature: Honey, have a drink with me! Boyfriend's poetic farewell: friends drink less, lovers talk more. My girlfriend slammed the door and left.

99. Some people say that you are like a professor during the day and an animal at night. I think they are wrong, because you are an animal when you take off your clothes at night, and you are not a professor when you put on your clothes during the day, but a devil wears Prada!

100, if Ma Yun gave you 100 million yuan to eat a piece of shit, would you eat it? Haha, I just laughed. How can I look down on people? Don't say 100 million, even if you give me 80 million, I will show it to him!