What's the funniest joke you've ever seen?

Yu Jing, a member of the cultural and recreational committee in the class, is not only a senior official in her father's village, but also her mother's former deskmate.

She always wins the first prize in every school song and dance competition. Once she accidentally sprained her ankle when she came on stage, helped her walk a few steps and won the first place in the dance group.

Not long ago, the city held the Red Zone Patriotic Dance Competition, and the school won the places to participate in the competition.

Under the mother's overnight research, Yu Jing was appointed as the lead dancer by the principal.

The day before the competition, the female teacher who led the team and the students who participated in the competition crowded into the live room guests who went straight to the competition venue.

Yu Jing, who came to see me off, looked at some crowded buses and assumed the posture of an adjutant to call her daughter off the bus. While waving to let the bus go first, she said to her daughter, "It's beneath her dignity to squeeze with them. You are a star now, a big star in the competition. Just like on TV, you have to be escorted by a bodyguard car to make a show. I'll call you some bodyguards and escort you by car. "

Later, several cars of the village Committee were designated as star cars, and several cronies were called to escort their daughters to the competition.

After the female teacher who led the team arrived at the venue, she didn't see Jing Lai for a long time, and no one answered the phone. She is about to play a game. Considering the task given to her by the headmaster, this competition is related to her job title evaluation and even her work. Scratching her head and stamping her feet, she finally got a call from Yu Jing's bodyguard, saying that there was a traffic jam and decided to cancel the performance.

The female teacher shouted: it's over ... it's over ... it's all over; While running to the organizing Committee office in a flurry.

She summoned up the courage to open the door of the office and saw a group of men and women sitting in the office talking and laughing, and the leaders of the organizing Committee kowtowed to them. The female teacher bravely walked behind the leader and learned to lead. Before she could speak, the leaders turned around and saw her.

The flatterer's face suddenly became formal and stern. Why did you come in? I didn't see the leader at the meeting.

The female teacher was frightened by the serious face of the leader and bowed her head and dared not speak. There was silence in the office, and a pair of eyes were looking at the female teacher with her head bowed and nervous. A big leader sitting in the middle spoke and asked, don't be afraid if you have anything to say;

Guan Wei's serious leader suddenly changed his face and said, if the leader lets you talk, you can talk. Sitting here are the businessmen, celebrities, parents of this city, and the guest judges invited by this competition.

When the female teacher heard that all the people sitting here were important people, instead of relaxing, she became more nervous. She stammered a few words, even she didn't know what she was talking about. The female teacher shouted loudly, "We haven't got Yu Jing yet, so we can't play ...",

Instant solidification of the office, was cut by shortness of breath a sneer that can't be concealed.

The leader sitting in the middle held his breath, glared at the cheats beside him, covered his mouth and sneered, and suddenly asked the female teacher for forgiveness: What is your schedule? What program?

The female teacher bowed her head and replied: four ... four crossings in Chishui; .

The leaders sitting in the room are discussing this matter noisily. Some people say dye, others say red ink. ................

The female teacher looked up and turned out of the smoky office.

My wife is a black sheep, spending thousands of dollars on cosmetics online every month. Yesterday, she took a fancy to another blush with a price of 888. I blurted out, "it's too expensive, you can buy a mobile phone in 888!" " She gave me a white look and said, "Can a mobile phone make you blush?" I said, "Yes, you can give me 888, and I will let you use it for a lifetime." This morning, she handed me 888 and said, "I'd like to see how you let me use blush all my life." I took the money, slapped her twice and said, "I blush every morning, and I will also promote blood circulation." ..... Anyway, 120 came and my leg was broken by my wife. I have to pick up my leg at the hospital. I wonder if 888 is enough.

Recently, a lesbian has become very edible. She grew up in A Jin for 20 months, from a beautiful girl to a fat girl. I am particularly curious, "Other girls are losing weight. Why have you gained weight? " She said, "I've had bad luck recently, so I ate too much." I said, "Does luck have anything to do with how much you eat?" She looked at me in surprise. "Haven't you ever heard of eating and running?"

I used to have no house or car, and I was always rejected by girls when I was dating. Later, I worked hard and finally bought a house and car. Now go on a blind date, no girl thinks I'm poor, but I'm rejected because I'm "too ugly"! ".So I continue to work hard, and my goal now is to" save money for plastic surgery! "

One day, my buddy and I went to a restaurant for dinner, and there were two beautiful women at the next table. So my buddy and I immediately came to the spirit. We talked about Mercedes-Benz, BMW and Porsche stock fund real estate, and the beautiful women at the next table kept casting envious eyes. After a while, the hotel owner came over. "Brother, I really can't stand it. Please don't screw it up. Driving a Porsche to engage in real estate is not a bowl of mala Tang! "

During the Spring Festival, I went to my father-in-law's house to visit relatives, and my uncle handed me a cigarette. I said I don't smoke, and he said, "You are a graduate student, how come you can't even smoke!" " . Then I went into the kitchen to help my mother-in-law pack jiaozi. As a result, I didn't install one for a long time. My mother-in-law said: "You are a graduate student, how can you not even package jiaozi!" At dinner, my father-in-law poured me wine, and I said I wouldn't drink it. As a result, my father-in-law said, "You are a graduate student, how come you can't even drink wine!" Alas! I regret taking the postgraduate entrance examination now.

There was a class reunion. In the evening, I drank some beer and ate some cold dishes. Afterwards, it was twelve o'clock. Everyone said goodbye to each other and went home. Who knows, on the way home, I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable in my stomach, with a loud gurgling pain. I thought to myself, I must have eaten too many cold dishes and my stomach was going to hurt. I can't help it, just bear it.

After a while, I felt the pain getting stronger and stronger. No, I have to find a toilet and blow it up. Came to a public toilet, clutching his stomach and rushed in. As soon as my ass was exposed, I heard a poof. I took a breath and felt much more comfortable this time. After a fierce bombardment, I slowly raised my ass and touched my trouser pocket, and my mood became tense again. I don't even have toilet paper. Oh, my God! This is a bolt from the blue. No way, wait for a while! See if anyone comes in and asks for some.

I took out my mobile phone and played games leisurely, but the air was not fresh. After five minutes, ten minutes and half an hour, nothing happened, and I began to worry. Just then, there was a light footsteps outside, getting closer and closer. I got up my courage and said softly, "Brother, do you have any toilet paper?" As soon as the voice fell, I heard footsteps getting smaller and smaller outside, and then a female voice said, "I didn't go wrong!" " "

God, I'm devastated when I hear this voice. I have to leave here as soon as possible, so I shouted "some paper!" " Thank you. "

This time, I only heard a footstep coming slowly, and a bag of Vader fell from the ceiling. I finally relaxed a little.

When I finished, I rushed out of the bathroom and ran home in one breath.

1 I have a stomachache and want to throw up today. There is an exam in the afternoon and the teacher is very open to us. -text: halfway through the exam, I can't help but vomit. The teacher came over and said with concern, "Why, the question is disgusting?"

If someone else occupies your parking space, just remind him! I advise you never to buy cleaning balls and stuff them in other people's exhaust pipes! In this way, people's cars don't refuel, carbon accumulates, and inexplicably stall. Even if it's not a teacher, it's hard to find the reason! Don't use 502 to drip other people's glass seams and wiper spray holes, and don't use a few dollars a bottle of acetone from the hardware store to pour other people's cars, especially in the lifting glass seams! Don't change 1 on someone else's license plate to 7 with a roll of two yuan medical tape. Don't put screws in front of and behind other people's tires to mend them! Don't spend six dollars to buy a bottle of stinky tofu, put the juice into the crack of the door glass with a needle, which can make the car stink for two years! Other people's rearview mirrors fold automatically. Don't force yourself to be a man, and don't force yourself to be kind! Let one step broaden one's horizons,

The young couple were chatting in bed, and the wife said, "The divorce rate is high now. Friends around me divorce as soon as they quarrel. We've been married for more than ten years, and we've quarreled a lot, but you haven't mentioned it once. I am really touched! " My husband said with a clang, "Do you think I'm stupid? At this price, can you afford to marry without it Make do with it! " The wife kicked and turned her calf. The husband said, "Give me another foot, and I'll exchange it for you even if I get a loan!" " "

I saw this old joke for the first time and sent it to everyone. In the elevator downstairs, I saw an aunt dragging a young man and asked him why. The elder brother looked aggrieved: "I just got into the elevator and remembered that I didn't lock the car." I hurried out to see if I was in a hurry and accidentally farted. " Aunt nu way: "you shout outside, I will kindly press the open button and wait for you." Why did you come in and fart and leave? "

I remember when I was a child, boys liked electric toys and girls liked dolls. With the development of the 1990s, it has been completely subverted. Girls like electric toys and boys like dolls. Who can tell me why?

1. I ordered something online the other day and it arrived. I'll go downstairs and get it. The courier stood one meter away. I step forward, he takes a step back, I stretch out my hand, he pulls back. I was impatient and asked him what he really wanted. He smiled and backed away: "Come any closer and you will sign for it." .....

2.

One day, the wife found her husband cheating and asked him how many women he had had sex with.

Husband decided to show his cards, gave his wife a QQ number and said, "Every time I date a woman, I want this QQ for the last time!" " "

My wife didn't find many friends when she opened it!

Just when I was about to lose heart, my husband said, "Look at the results!"

Three suns.

1、

Lao Li's family had guests, and there were not enough disposable cups, so they ran to the neighbor Lao Wang to borrow some. Lao Wang said that there is no water cup at home, but he said, "Isn't there more than a dozen TV cabinets in the second box on your left?"

Lao Li went back to have a look, and it was really there! Lao Wang is really a good neighbor! ! !

2、

20 18 You have achieved great success!

You didn't finish the setting of 20 15 for 20 14 years, so you decided to finish it in 20 17 years on 20 16, but it was delayed until 20 18, and it was successfully delayed until 20 19! ! !

3、

How cold is it today? Let's put it this way: I just met a rear-end traffic accident. Both parties get off the bus and add WeChat to get on the bus, voice call! ! !

4、

Having dinner with a friend, he ordered it first, but mine hasn't been served yet.

Shouting: "waiter, can you make my meal quickly?" My friends are almost finished. "

The waiter said, "Can you ask your friend to eat slowly?" . . . "

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ah ~

What can I do for you in this weather? It's almost useless to call me. . . However, if you ask: Do you want to eat hot pot, that would be great, and our story is about to begin! ! !

Dude, I feel like you're here to smash the venue today.

6、

Lao Li asked Lao Wang: Why do women wear cotton-padded jackets and stockings in winter?

Lao Wang said: Fresh milk should be kept warm and ham should be refrigerated. . .

I'm funny Mubibai, and I'm honored to answer your questions.

I think the funniest thing is watching jokes and jokes. I'll share some with you. Have fun.

I just received a text message from my girlfriend who broke up, "I haven't seen you for years, are you okay?" "I struggled hard and replied," I haven't seen you for many years. Do you still want to try? "

The doctor said to the patient about to have an operation, "If the operation fails, you will be paralyzed on your left side!" " "The patient quickly touched the penis with his hand! ! The doctor questioned, "What are you doing?" The patient replied, "I moved it to the right!" " "

What's it like to be short?

Everyone can't lift their heads when they see me.

What is your best musical instrument?

I quit and played quite well.

What impressed you the most when the teacher praised you?

The teacher praised me for my strength, and I dragged the whole class down by myself.

Which sentence is believed even if you have been cheated many times?

Shh! The head teacher is here.

When will you feel like killing someone?

When my mother called my full name.

Pass happiness, save unhappiness!

1, I: "Mom, why did you buy so many potatoes?"

My mother: "Eat, have you forgotten that when you were a child, you competed with pigs for potatoes?"

I was shocked and stopped my mother quickly. My face is gone.

Me: "I can't talk about this class."

My mother proudly said, "What are you afraid of? Have you forgotten? You won! "

I took my two-year-old son and daughter-in-law to eat instant-boiled mutton last night. As a result, our son vomited at night, so we took our son to the hospital!

I'm worried and uneasy.

The daughter-in-law has been crying there!

I yelled at her, "Stop crying there, it's boring!"

She replied to me: "If it's not your child, of course you don't feel bad!"

If I hadn't taken my sister's bag by mistake three years ago, I might still be a bad boy.

That day, Hong Xing just made an appointment with the next class. When we got to that place, our brothers took out knives, swords and clubs.

When I took Balala's wand out of my bag, I felt that I could no longer be the boss. ......

4, a couple quarreled, the man quarreled and couldn't win the woman, lying directly in bed, motionless.

The woman asked, "What are you doing in bed?"

The man replied, "Dead."

The woman asked again, "Why are you still open when you are dead?"

"Die unsatisfied." The man replied.

The woman asked again, "Then why are you still breathing?"

The man said, "I can't swallow this breath." . ''

5. My friend sent me home. I used to light a cigarette when I got on the bus. My friend pinched off my cigarette and said, "Don't smoke when you get on the bus."

I'll fucking slap him in the face and slap him.

Riding an electric car smells like fucking smoke.

6. Dad, I have a wish. I hope that one day when I get home tired, you will suddenly call me and tell me that our family has 100 million property. I used to pretend to be poor to exercise me.

My dad: "I'm also waiting for your grandpa's call."

7. After the meal, the daughter-in-law applied a mask. My son and I do housework and ask him, "Son, do you want a younger brother or a younger sister?"

The son said, "Of course it's a younger brother! Dad, you want to! After having a younger brother, the three of us will do housework and serve women. If we have a sister, we will serve two women! ! ! "Glancing at his mother:" In that case, life will be even worse! "

8. I was rear-ended by a car at the crossroads today. When I got off the bus, I shouted to the driver, Can you drive? I saw him looking at me calmly: no, I looked at the coach sitting next to him and the students huddled behind him, and almost didn't come up at one breath.

Sorry, there is a mine at home.