Always immersed in the sad mood of lovelorn, how can I come out?

Always immersed in the sad mood of lovelorn, how can I come out? Losing love may be the most unpleasant emotional experience. My friend Anya recently ended a long relationship.

Anya and her boyfriend met 10 years and fell in love for 8 years. They expect to perform beautiful fairy tales from uniforms to wedding dresses. Unfortunately, fairy tales are all lies. After her boyfriend broke up, Anya locked herself in the bedroom for a whole month, letting the pain of inner tearing drag herself into endless darkness. She didn't want to resist, and she didn't have the strength to resist, so she sank.

Thinking of these eight years, Anya almost put her mind on her boyfriend, taking care of his life, caring about his feelings, enduring his indifference, not slacking off, and not afraid of willfulness. Only by scoring many times can all her concessions and regrets be complete, and her feelings can be maintained.

It's not that I'm not hurt, that I'm not bored, and I can't see the ending. I'm just used to a person's life and don't want to change. I just can't admit that all these years of hard work are wrong. I just don't want to admit my failure, and my heart has long been disappointed.

Perhaps only after deep injury can we have the courage and determination to bid farewell to the past and move on.

Why can't there be the shadow of lovelorn?

1. Unable to face the anxiety of separation

Losing love is the pain of breathing: teaching me to get rid of the shadow of losing love.

I remember in a conversation, Anya told me about her childhood experience. At that time, Anya's father worked in the army and was away from home all the year round. Mom is a celebrity in the workplace, and everything can't be separated from her. She is only two years old and nobody takes care of her, so her mother simply decides to send her to kindergarten.

On the day of admission, it was very cold and it was raining in Mao Mao. Anya cried her eyes out in her mother's arms. She grabbed her mother's neck with her red-cold little hand and tugged at her mother's collar, telling her not to be herself.

Mother kept explaining that the young Anya didn't understand, but just tugged tightly, as if her mother had disappeared from her eyes as soon as she let go. Mom was in a hurry to go to work, so she had to push Anya to the teacher. Anya clutched the button tightly from her mother's collar and cried sadly, watching her mother's back gradually disappear into her sight.

There is a concept of "separation anxiety" in psychology, which refers to the uneasy, uneasy and unpleasant emotional reaction of infants and young children due to separation from their relatives.

The experience of parting aroused Anya's anxiety of being forced to break up with her mother, and that kind of painful mood was deeply imprinted in her mind. So every time she faces separation, she can't stand the anxiety and pain caused by separation and doesn't want to lose her relationship.

2, strengthen and repeat the unconscious

There are not only cognition in people's memory, but also feelings, feelings and actions. There is a connection between cognition, emotion, feeling and behavior. Information similar to the past and related information will have various reactions to past cognition, feelings, feelings and behaviors after evoking previous memories. The more I want to forget someone, the more I can't forget them.

In addition, the influence of lovelorn will also make you lose some analytical skills. After losing your mind, the "memory shock wave" will lead you to make wrong judgments bit by bit, resulting in the illusion that "only this person has lost Ta, and I won't love again".

In short, it is precisely because we can't miss our feelings that we will pull ourselves into the whirlpool one by one. Looking back on the past and imposing the belief that "you can't lose Ta" on yourself, you can't get rid of yourself in the endless cycle of lovelorn love.

How to get rid of the storm of lovelorn love

First, learn to suppress emotions and stop invalid payments.

If you can control your feelings, you may say that you won't experience the bad trouble of lovelorn. But in fact, if you don't get any emotional feedback, the more you give, the easier it is to lose yourself.

Psychologically speaking, breaking up is a low position in this relationship, which is inherently unfavorable.

If you can't stop paying attention to Ta after breaking up, it will be difficult to get rid of the negative influence brought by this relationship, and you can't redefine and know yourself, whether in action or emotion.

Second, treat lovelorn correctly and re-establish self-confidence.

After breaking up, we will more or less fall into a state of self-denial and doubt. I must be not good enough, so Ta is leaving me. Ta left me because of my shortcomings.

In fact, the end of a relationship must be the result of collusion between two people.

In this process, there is no absolute right or wrong. We should look at each other's relationship dialectically, and we should not completely regard ourselves as losers because of the failure of this relationship, and the impact of excessive disaster and lovelorn on ourselves.