Half a lychee

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In my memory, that summer night many years ago, a tall man took the little With the girl in his arms, he held a plastic bag in one hand. As he walked, he broke the lychees he had just bought from the street into pieces and fed them to the girl's mouth.

The taste is so sweet!

In April 2013, I took the high-speed train with my father and mother. This was my fifth time coming to Beijing. Participated in the recording of a CCTV interview program. The day of recording was 4 days away from my 20th birthday.

I stayed in Beijing for a week and stayed in a hotel arranged by the program team. It was my first time for my father to come to Beijing. When he had nothing to do, he and his mother would push me in a wheelchair and wander around Beijing.

The wind was particularly strong that day and came unexpectedly. Dad said: "You have been to Beijing five times! I haven't seen Tiananmen yet, I want to go see Tiananmen!" When he said this, he seemed like a angry child. Looking at his silly expression that was angry with me, I couldn't laugh or cry.

Go, go, go! What does a strong wind mean? For dad's wish, it will rain, hail, or even use a knife! ! !

So, braving the strong wind in the late spring morning, we arrived at Tiananmen Square. The wind was so strong that my mother quickly wrapped me into a "zongzi" with a pink blanket she bought temporarily from a street shop. Watching the wind blow my bangs to pieces, she went to the center of the square to sell "Red Army". The old man from "Hat" bought a hat and put it on my head to feel at ease.

Oh my God! Although I am in a foreign land, braving the cold wind, and sitting in a wheelchair, I am still a young girl in my prime! Beautiful girl in bloom! Okay? ! All I had to do was find a rope to tie me up... Looking at their expressions of wanting to laugh but almost holding back internal injuries, I thought to myself: Maybe my psychological shadow can be ignored at this moment! So I said quietly: "As long as you are happy..."

I just braved the situation and accompanied them in the Tiananmen Gate Tower, the Monument to the People's Heroes, and took pictures in such a "country killing style". I took the photo and thought about it, and before I had taken two steps towards the Great Hall of the People, I saw two patrolling armed policemen "carrying" their handsome men and heading straight towards me.

I took a closer look and saw that I was not carrying a gun! I thought, it shouldn’t be a big deal! ~

"Please show me your ID card." One of the armed police brothers said to his mother. As they spoke, the two men gave a military salute without expression.

"Who are they? What are you doing here?" The other one looked at me first, then at mom and dad, asking us questions respectively.

"My parents, what's wrong?"

The ID cards over there have been checked.

"Your mother's surname is Guo, and your father's surname is Liu. You..."

"My surname is Guo, too. I take my mother's surname. We are here to travel. What's wrong"< /p>

Hearing the hint of displeasure in my tone, the person who just cross-examined quickly explained: "No, no... routine inspection! We thought... you were... okay on such a windy day!~"

I snickered: Looking at this strange style of equipment and the unfavorable weather, no wonder the armed policeman thought my parents were "human traffickers". If I hadn't answered so straightforwardly, I might have ended up with an "international" gang. What strange connections arise from "Big Case"! It seems that when you go out for a stroll, you need to find the right time!

Been to Beijing 5 times. One visit to the doctor and hospitalization. I didn't get hospitalized once after seeing a doctor. One race at a time. Winning a competition and receiving the prize. The fifth time, I came to CCTV to record an interview program. But, you are not here.

Although I weighed less than 2 kilograms when I was born, my mother said that I started talking when I was 8 months old and I looked smarter than other children of the same age. It's just that my body seems weak, my neck can't support my head, my waist can't support the upper half of my body, and I can't crawl, let alone sit. At first, my family attributed all this to the fact that the child was born prematurely and was not strong. It was not until I was about 1 year old, when I started learning to walk, that my mother discovered that I could not stand at all. But the doctor's conclusion was: "The child may never be able to walk independently, unless a miracle happens."

Although I don't want to admit it, I know that this is what made you leave me. ...

At that time, it wasn’t too long since you left me, just over a year. I can still remember your appearance, when your whole body was covered with hundreds of silver needles, when the pain and Fear invaded and enveloped me. When the doctor was performing countless horrific treatments on me that I couldn't name, I, who was probably less than 5 years old, would occasionally cry out for you heartbreakingly.

At that time, my mother took me alone and had no formal job. She only maintained our lives by opening a small barber shop of six or seven square meters and seeking medical treatment for me everywhere.

Actually, it’s not just Beijing. I have been to many places in my memory: Xi’an, Zhengzhou, Jinan, Hubei, Sichuan, Guangzhou... Everywhere I go, the impression I have is that my mother is sitting on the seat in the carriage. I sleep in my mother's arms. After arriving at the station, my mother tied me to her back and pulled me to the luggage trolley or directly fixed me to the luggage trolley. Every time I went to a city, I only knew there was a hospital...

Later, my mother discovered that I had a talent for singing and always tried to buy tapes for me to listen to.

When I was 11 years old, during the census of the local Disabled Persons' Federation, I was fortunate enough to participate in the city's first "Art Performance for Disabled Persons". Without any professional training, I won a ranking in this performance and was recognized by a senior local The vocal music teacher took a fancy to her, and she later won the provincial gold medal in a vocal competition and ranked fourth in the country. I was the only disabled person in the entire competition.

However, all this is not important.

The important thing is - you have not been here along the way.

I have always thought that you are a "secret" that cannot be mentioned. As time goes by, your appearance has gradually faded away in my mind...

No longer Be clear about what kind of "emotion" I should use to face you next time you appear.

On the day of the program recording, the host asked me: "Do you hate him?"

In front of the national audience, I held back my tears and said with a smile: I don't hate you. .

Yes, I once thought that I should hate you!

But after I became sensible, I realized that letting go of my burdens actually meant forgiving myself...

When I was 14 years old, "Dad" appeared, and from then on, my world was no longer just about my mother. .

I really want to thank him! Even though his presence made me "harsh and rude", you know what? That's because his appearance makes me innocently compare the you I imagined with him all the time. Before that, in my life, this was a topic that didn’t need to be mentioned! A topic about "Dad"...

I really need to say "I'm sorry" to him!

Because of his appearance, I no longer feel that when everyone talks about it, it will become a mentally stressful or even "embarrassing" topic for me~

Because of his Because of his appearance, I can say to others "this is my dad!"

Because of his appearance, I no longer feel that the word "dad" is only worthy of appearing in movies or books. In the storyline...

In 2016, I was 23 years old. Counting, it has been 20 years since you left me. There are fewer and fewer memory fragments related to you in my mind, and I no longer have to worry about it. After you have ignored and ignored me for so long: will there be an occasional "missing" in my heart? Such a question. The little girl has grown up and can eat lychees by herself. She can put the whole lychee into her mouth without breaking it.

Wounds will always heal and scab over. I once thought that you would be a knot in my heart that I could never overcome in my life, just like if you were hurt too deeply, even if you healed, it would leave scars.

But so what? It has been wrapped for too long, so it needs to be exposed to the sun so that it can heal faster!

That summer night many years ago, you held me in your arms, broke the fresh lychees you just bought into small pieces and fed them to my mouth. I will never forget the scene. Will forget!

Life always gives us countless inspirations inadvertently. On this one-way track, we can only keep moving forward, not for the so-called "success" or "immediate benefits", but just to fill the gap. Those tiny hesitations and frustrations on the journey we have taken... So, most of us, we are lonely but persevere, we are painful but smile, because we believe - believe in that little bit of uncertain light, believe in the warmth that once warmed you. , will always warm you!

You choose not to look back, but I choose to be grateful for the past!

Just like the sweet taste of childhood, although it has long passed, it has been transformed into "half a lychee" over time, and will always be engraved in my heart... 2016.05.23 ?