What if there are guests at home who can't find a topic?

Let me introduce this article to you. You will understand after reading it.

How to cultivate a beautiful and popular dialogue?

Recently, I was invited to a bridge party. As far as I am concerned, I can't play bridge. What a coincidence! Besides, there is a beautiful lady who can't play bridge either! She knows that I was Thomas' personal manager before he started his broadcasting career. At that time, Thomas traveled all over Europe. During that trip, I helped Thomas record what he saw and heard along the way. After knowing who I am, the beautiful lady said, "Mr. Carnegie, can you tell me what places of interest you have passed and what strange scenery you have seen?"

After we sat down on the sofa next to us, she went on to mention that she had recently gone to Africa with her husband. Africa! I went on to say, "how interesting it is ... I've always wanted to go to Africa, except for staying in Algiers for 24 hours;" I haven't been to other parts of Africa ... have you been to places worth remembering ... how lucky I am, I really envy you. Can you tell me something about Africa? "

In that conversation, we talked for forty-five minutes, and she stopped asking me where I went and what I saw. She never mentioned my trip again; What she wants is a careful listener, so that she can expand her "self" and tell about the places she has been.

This is what makes her unique and special? No, many people are like her.

I recently met a famous botanist at a dinner party in Greenberg, a publisher in new york. I have never met a botanist, and I find his speech extremely attractive. At that time, I was fascinated, sitting in a chair quietly listening to his invitation to marijuana, the great botanist "Pubang" and the layout of the indoor garden. He also told me some amazing facts about potatoes. Later, when talking about his small indoor garden, he enthusiastically told me how to solve several problems I wanted to solve.

There were more than a dozen guests at the party, but I ignored all the others and talked to the botanist for several hours.

At midnight, I said goodbye to everyone. In front of my master, botanists praised me and said I was "very inspiring" ... Finally, I was the most interesting, talkative and "beautiful talker".

Beautiful talk? Me? I know I seldom talk! If what we just talked about hasn't been changed, I can't talk about it even if I want to. The reason is that I know too little about botany.

But I know I've done it ... that's my "listen carefully and quietly" I listened quietly and attentively, and I found myself really interested in what he said. At the same time, he feels the same way, which naturally makes him happy. That kind of "listening" is a respect and compliment to anyone. Woolford once said in his book The Love of Strangers: "Few people can refuse the flattery contained in that kind of concentration."

I told the botanist that I accepted his hospitality and guidance; I wish I had as much knowledge as he does-I really hope so. I told him that I hoped to go for a walk in the field with him and I hoped to see him again.

Because of this, he thinks I am a good talker. In fact, I am just a good listener and a good talker.

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What is the secret of a successful enterprise? I followed the words of the honest scholar "Eliot", who said, "There is no secret in a successful business transaction ... the person who listens to you attentively is the most important, and nothing is more important than this!"

That is obvious, isn't it? You don't need to spend four years studying this problem at Harvard University. But we all know that ... many businessmen rent luxurious storefronts, reduce the purchase cost, display novel and beautiful windows, and spend huge advertising fees, but they hire shop assistants who don't want to listen to customers: ... those shop assistants interrupt customers, refute customers, and anger customers, as if they are willing to sweep customers out of the house!

Hutton experienced such an example; He told a story in my studio: he bought a suit in a department store in Newark, New Jersey, offshore. This suit is really disappointing to wear. The coat will fade and the coat collar will turn black.

He took this suit back to the department store; Find the clerk who was dealing with him at that time and tell him what happened. I said he told the clerk what happened in detail? No, it's not like that at all ... He wants to tell the clerk what happened, but he can't. Everything he wanted to say was given to the clerk who looked a little "eloquent" and was interrupted halfway.

The clerk retorted, "We have sold thousands of sets of this kind of clothes. This is the first time someone has been picky. " This is what the clerk said, and the voice is surprisingly loud. The meaning of his words is like: "You are lying. Do you think we can bully? " Hum! I will give you some color to see see! "

While there was a heated argument, another shop assistant cut in. The clerk said: "all black clothes will fade a little at first, which is inevitable ... clothes at that price have this situation, that is, the material!"

"At that time, my stomach was full of people." Mr Hutton told his story: "The first clerk doubted my honesty. The second clerk hinted that I bought inferior goods ... I was angry and was about to scold them when the owner of that department store came over.

The person in charge seems to understand his responsibilities. He completely changed my attitude ... he turned an angry man into a satisfied customer. How did he do it? He divided the situation into three steps:

First, he asked me to tell my story from beginning to end, but he listened quietly without interrupting a word.

Secondly, after I said those words, the two shop assistants were going to argue with me again. But the person in charge argued with them from my point of view ... He said that my shirt collar was obviously stained by this suit. He insists that things that can't satisfy the guests should not be sold.

Third, he admitted that he didn't know this suit would be so bad, but he was blunt to me and hit the nail on the head: "What do you think I should do with this suit?" Just tell me what you want me to do. " '

I wanted to return this disgusting suit a few minutes ago, and now I reply, "I can accept your suggestion." I just want to know if this fading situation is temporary. " Or is there any way you can keep this suit from fading? '

He suggested that I take this suit home for another week and see how it goes! He said this: "If you are still not satisfied by then, please change to a satisfactory one. We are very sorry for causing you trouble. .

I left the department store with satisfaction. A week later, there was nothing wrong with that suit, and my confidence in that department store was restored. "

No wonder that gentleman is the owner of that department store. As for the shop assistant, he should not only stay in the position of "shop assistant" for life, but also be demoted to the packaging department and never see the guests again.

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The most critical person, the fiercest critic, tends to soften in front of a patient and compassionate audience! This listener must have extraordinary composure. When the troublemaker opens his mouth like a poisonous snake, he must listen. Here's an example:

A few years ago, new york Telephone Company met a most vicious and unreasonable customer. The customer scolded the operator with the meanest eyes. Later, he pointed out that the telephone company made false accounts, so he refused to pay. At the same time, he will contribute a book to the newspaper; I must complain to the Public Service Commission ... This guest has filed several lawsuits against the telephone company.

Finally, the telephone company sent one of the most experienced and skilled "mediators" to visit this unreasonable guest. After the mediator went, he listened quietly ... and tried his best to let the argumentative old gentleman vent his complaints. The "mediator" of the telephone company only answered with a short "Yes! Yes! " And expressed sympathy for his grievances.

The "mediator" of the telephone company came to our workshop and told us about the situation at that time: "He has been talking loudly and wildly. I listened quietly for almost three hours-then I went to his place to listen to his endless complaints. I visited him four times. By the end of the fourth visit, I had become a basic member of an organization he founded, which he called "Telephone User Protection Association"; Now I am still a member of this group, but as far as I know, I am the only member besides this old gentleman.

During this visit, I still listened quietly, and I sympathetically told him every reason. According to him, no one in the telephone company has ever talked to him like this, and his attitude towards me has gradually become friendly. The first three times, I didn't say a word what I wanted from him. Finally, the fourth time, I completely closed the case. He paid all the bills, and this is the first time that he has withdrawn his complaint to the Public Service Commission when he repeatedly troubled the telephone company. "

There is no doubt that on the surface, this gentleman seems to be fighting for social justice and protecting the public's rights and interests from unreasonable exploitation. However, in fact, what he wants is a sense of self-esteem, which he obtained through criticism and complaint. When he got this sense of self-esteem from the telephone company representative; He doesn't have to list those unrealistic grievances any more.

One morning a few years ago, an angry customer broke into the office of Di Tuomao, the founder of Di Tuomao Wool Company.

Mr. Di Tuomao explained to me: This man owes us fifteen dollars ... Although this customer refused to admit it, we knew it was him who was wrong. Therefore, our credit department insisted that he pay. After he received several letters from our credit department, he immediately came to support Brother Jia. He hurried into my office and told me that he wouldn't pay. Besides, he said that our company would never do his dollar business again.

I listened patiently and quietly to what he said. A few times, I couldn't help being angry and almost wanted to refute the argument with him and stop him from saying anything, but I knew that was not the best way. I tried my best to let him vent. At last, his arrogance seemed to fade away. I said quietly, I appreciate you coming to Chicago to tell me this. In fact, you did a very meaningful thing for me ... If the credit department of our company offended you, I believe they will offend others, and the situation would be unimaginable. Please believe me, I urgently need you to tell me what you just said.

He never thought I would say those words, maybe he would feel a little disappointed. He came to Chicago to negotiate with me, but I thanked him and didn't argue with him. I told him calmly that we would cancel the 15 bill in our account and forget about it. I told him that he is a careful person and only needs to handle one account, but our company staff has to handle thousands of accounts, so he may not be prone to mistakes.

I told him that I knew his situation very well, and if I had the same problem as him, I would have the same idea. As he no longer buys our products, I sincerely recommend several other wool spinning companies to him.

We often had lunch together when he came to Chicago. I invited him to dinner that day, and he reluctantly agreed. But when we returned to the office after lunch, he ordered more goods than before and went home calmly. It seems that this customer went back to check his bill carefully because of my reception and handling, and finally found out the bill. It turned out that he put it in the wrong place himself. So he sent a bill of 15 dollars and an apology letter.

Later, his wife gave birth to a boy, and he took the name of our company's signboard and named his son "Dimoto". He was a loyal customer of our company and a good friend until his death twenty-two years later. "

Many years ago, there was a Dutch boy who cleaned windows in a bakery after school and earned fifty cents a week. His family is very poor, and he often goes to the ditch with a basket to pick up the coal that fell from the coal car. The child's name is Edward Buck, and he has never received more than six years' education in his life. But later he became one of the most successful magazine editors in American journalism. How did he do it? It's a long story, but how he started can be briefly described. He started with the principles put forward in this chapter.

He/Kloc-left school at the age of 0/3 and worked as a child laborer in a western trade union organization. His weekly salary is 25 points in 6 yuan. Although he lives in a very poor environment, he has been seeking opportunities for education. Not only did he not give up the idea of seeking education, but he also began to educate himself. He walked slowly and never took the tram, saving money for lunch. After the money was saved, he bought a biography of a famous American-then he did something that people had never heard of. Edward Buck, after studying the biographies of American celebrities in detail; I wrote to every celebrity in the biography and asked them to tell him more about their childhood. As can be seen from Buck's performance, he has an essence of being good at listening-he hopes that famous people will talk about themselves.

He wrote to General James, who was running for president at that time, and asked James if he had really been a child laborer pulling boats on the canal. James received the letter and gave him a detailed reply. Buck wrote another letter to General Gray, asking him about a battle in a celebrity biography ... General Gray drew a detailed map in his reply and invited this 14-year-old boy to dinner. They talked all night.

Buck wrote to Emerson, hoping that Emerson could talk about himself: ... The boy servant who once sent letters in Western Union quickly corresponded with famous people in China, such as Emerson, Bros, smelly Oliver, Longfellow, Mrs. Lincoln, General Humen and Davis.

He not only corresponded with those celebrities, but also visited them during the holidays and became a welcome guest in their home. Buck's experience gave him an invaluable confidence. These celebrities, men and women, inspired his ideals and will and changed his later life. All this, let me repeat ... is due to the implementation of the principles we are discussing.

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A reporter named "kyle johnson" interviewed many celebrities. He once told us: "Some people can't make a good impression because they don't pay attention to other people's conversations ... These people care about what they will say next, but they never open their ears ... kyle johnson added:" Some celebrities once told me ... that they don't like people who are good at talking. People who can cultivate good listening ability seem to be less common than anyone with a good personality. "Not only great men like people who are good at listening, but ordinary people also like to be listened to.

As "Reader's Digest" said: "Many people look for doctors; All they want is an audience. "

At the darkest moment of the Civil War, Lincoln wrote a letter to an old friend in Springfield, Illinois, inviting him to Washington, D.C., saying that he needed to discuss some issues with him. When the old neighbor came to the White House, Lincoln talked with him for several hours about the emancipation of slaves ... Lincoln discussed the reasons for supporting and opposing this action, and then read some letters and newspaper articles. Some people condemned him because he didn't solve the slave problem, while others accused him of being afraid that he would liberate slaves. After talking for hours, Lincoln shook hands with his neighbor and old friend and sent him back to Illinois. ...

Lincoln didn't ask his old friend for advice. He said all the words himself, and after saying these words, he seemed to feel much more comfortable. The old friend later said, "After Lincoln talked to me about these words, his expression seemed very comfortable and carefree." Yes, Lincoln doesn't need the advice of his old friends. What he needs in front of him is friendship, sympathy, and someone to listen to him to vent his depression. When we are depressed and have many difficulties, we also have such needs!

If you want to know how to keep others away from you, laugh at you behind your back, or even despise you, there is a good way ... You must never listen to others seriously and keep talking about yourself. If someone else is talking about an important thing and you find that you have your own opinion, don't wait for the other person to finish, put it forward at once. Before you want to come; He will never be smarter than you. Why do you spend so much time listening to words without opinions? Yes, just interrupt, just make others stop talking in one sentence.

Have you ever met that kind of person? Unfortunately, I did. Strangely, some of these people are social celebrities.

Those people are considered "disgusting" ... they are drugged by their selfishness and self-esteem, but "disgusting" by ordinary people.

People who only talk about themselves will always think of themselves, and "only think of their own people" ... Dr. Badler, president of Columbia University, once said: such people are hopeless and uneducated! Dr. Badler added, "No matter what kind of education he has received, it is the same as no education."

Therefore, if you want to be a smiling and popular person, you need to listen to other people's conversations. As Li Furen said, "To make others interested in you, you must be interested in others first." Ask questions that others like to answer and encourage them to talk about themselves and their achievements.

Remember: to the person you are talking to, his needs and problems are hundreds of times more important than yours. His toothache is far more important to him than the natural disaster that killed millions of people. He is more concerned about the healing of a small sore on his head than the big earthquake.

So, if you want others to like you, the fourth principle is:

Be a good listener and encourage others to talk more about themselves.