Quotations from classic funny dialogues

Complete works of quotations from classic funny dialogues

1, fruit, one day, the chief doctor said to the intern, "You are not allowed to bring fruit in during future operations." "why". "I just, accidentally, put a peeled litchi in the patient's eye."

You can't hurt people who don't get a raise: you can't afford the rent, can you? We are running out of food, aren't we? You have to walk to work, don't you? Don't talk about marriage, love is not even talked about!

Walking into a store, the sign hanging at the door says that all the goods in this store cost one to twenty yuan. A guest saw nothing valuable and said to the clerk, "Please turn off the air conditioner and wrap it for me!" "

4. In junior high school, the school took a history test, and the topic was: What is Liu Bang's recuperation policy? A classmate answered without thinking: two points, one is to smile, ten years old; Second, marry fewer concubines and sleep more! The class laughed.

5. A Dai went to buy firecrackers, and the boss said 1000 rang. When he came back, he only set off 500 firecrackers. A Dai thought for a moment, patted his head and said, I finally understand! When he said a thousand rings, he probably echoed them.

6. The moon is bright and starry. I close my eyes on the balcony and meditate. Suddenly my face is wet, and I think that the rain in early spring is always so hot and humid. At this moment, I suddenly heard a voice upstairs: Hey! I'm really sorry, the foot washing water is fast!

7. You pretend not to see the hint and discharge. I thought about you all night last night, which kept me awake all night. I want to meet you by phone, by the Woods and ponds on the roadside. I said, when will the man across the street pay me back five dollars?

8. When relatives from their hometown come to Beijing, there will be a 15% service charge for eating in high-end restaurants. The waiter has a good service attitude, sending fruits, tremella soup and souvenirs. The relatives are very happy and ask the waiter, what else do you send? The waiter said with a big smile, "We'll see you out later."

9. In the kindergarten, a little boy is building a building block, which is always unsuccessful. A little girl next to him said kindly, "I'll help you." After listening to this, the little boy turned his head disdainfully and said,' Go ahead, don't mind men's business! ' '

10, I am so kind to you, why do I still like others? My boyfriend, who loves literature, replied: Who should I talk to, even if there are many kinds of amorous feelings? Are you in love with someone else on your own initiative? Answer: An almond came out of the wall.

1 1. She said to her boyfriend who loves literature: Dear, have a drink with me! Boyfriend's poetic farewell: friends drink less, lovers talk more. My girlfriend slammed the door and left.

12, the old man asked everyone how they grew up. The headmaster said: I grew up laughing. The director said: I grew up in a small rural area. The official said, I grew up in captivity. The brigade commander said: I grew up in a tour group. The director cried and sobbed. I grew up in the toilet.

13, the sales time is long, and people want to sell things. Sell yourself at home, guest sell children, see a single matchmaker, see a patient selling medicine, and see relatives who can't help but sell. Talking all day, annoying others and having fun.

14. In the restaurant, a monk said to the waitress, Miss is really beautiful! The young lady asked unhappily, how can a monk say such a thing? The monk asked, although I am a vegetarian, can't I read a menu with meat?

15, "Girl, are you wearing a wig?" "yes. But people in the store told me that no one could see it. " "I may not see it, but you forgot to take off the sign on your wig."

16, Husband: Recently, many articles about the dangers of smoking were published in the newspaper, so I made up my mind ... Wife: Don't smoke? Husband: Never read that kind of article again.

17, the reporter asked around the champion of the automobile race: you are the last in every competition, and this time you won the championship. What is the secret? The driver shivered and said, "Me. Me. My brakes are broken! "

18, Li brought her new boyfriend to her home. When she reached the door, Li said to her boyfriend, "You can kiss me now, but I must slap you because my father is looking out of the window."

19. Before the sculpture exhibition, employees accidentally knocked off the David statue of JJ, and the curator urged the female secretary to stick it on. When the exhibition caused a sensation, the curator asked: Why did it stick up? Woman's grievance: All the men I meet are like this!

20. Two people went on a date. It's very cold. That woman deliberately showed off him without a coat. Woman: I forgot to wear my coat. The man quickly tightened his clothes and said, it's a good thing I remember to wear them, otherwise I would freeze to death like you.

2 1, a little girl went to the bakery to buy breakfast. She said to the boss: boss! Buy a chocolate doll. Boss: Do you want a boy or a girl? Girl: A boy doll, of course! Because there are a little more places to eat.

22. Undergraduate resume: major, love undergraduate; Specialty, washing dishes and pots; Ability, love what you didn't say; Salary requirements, your sincerity; Ideal contract period, valid for many years, never quit!

23. Today, you are in a particularly good mood. When you meet acquaintances, you hug them. You smile when you meet a stranger. When you walk, you jump and laugh. I wonder: Is kindergarten so happy?

In Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiaoming to make sentences with the Great Wall. Xiaoming replied, "The Great Wall is very long." The teacher was unhappy: "No, create another one!" " Xiao Ming was even more unhappy and twisted his head: "Why, I'm not Qin Shihuang! "

25. I asked my daughter, "Did you call my father and go home for dinner tonight?" She said, "An aunt answered it." My heart sank. The daughter said, "Aunt said the line you dialed is busy, please redial later."

A Dai said: When I first got married, I was very happy. When I came home from work, the dog ran around barking at me, and my wife handed me slippers. Now everything has changed. When I got home, the dog brought me slippers and my wife barked at me.

27. The girl and the boy met. Before long, the girl got up and left. The young man kept asking why. Girl: You look good, but your stomach is empty. Boy: Who said my stomach was empty? I had a western meal before I came to the park.

28. The tortoise said to his girlfriend Rabbit: I love you for a thousand years! Grandpa rabbit stopped and said, no, it's been decades since the little turtle chased his mother to propose marriage. Rabbit: Mother Tortoise is so arrogant! Rabbit: Not pride, but dullness. They lived for ten thousand years!

29. A Dai's right arm is a prosthesis, and his prosthetic hand slipped at the dance. Say it quickly, partner, don't mess around! A Dai: Sorry, my hand is fake! The partner smiled: I have heard many excuses, but this is the best.

30. The deaf went to see a friend. His dog kept barking, but the deaf couldn't hear him. After entering the room, he said to his friend, your dog didn't sleep last night. The friend asked: How do you know? Deaf: He saw me and kept yawning.

3 1, the school set up a band, and whoever participates will bring their own musical instruments. When my son came home, he asked his father to buy him a musical instrument. Dad thought about it, found a pair of chopsticks for his son and said that dad was short of money these two days. Take these chopsticks and be a conductor!

32. Have you ever done anything wrong to me? It doesn't matter. Today is confession day, so I'll give you a chance to confess. Needless to say, let's do something practical, such as inviting me to dinner.

33. A man said to his girlfriend, "I dreamed yesterday that I built a love hut in your heart that belongs to both of us." The woman said, "I'm so touched." "But my mother said,' That's an illegal building.' "

34. Without you, I am walking on thin ice. With you, I seem to be reborn. Seeing you makes me sweat. You always make me out of control. I almost committed a crime for you. My love for you has never changed. You are my darling, and I am talking about your RMB.

35. Customers call the service hotline to make suggestions, but only hear: Hello, if you need to make a reservation or pay, please press 1. Please press 234765987450 18 for suggestions. Have a nice day!

36. At the end of the year, my wife said to her strict husband: I will give you 100 yuan to buy ten pounds of eggs, five pounds of meat and a little Maojian tea. The husband didn't move, but the wife was angry. Come on. It was just right five years ago, and now it will double.

I fell in love with you at first sight. You said I was ugly, and I was infatuated with you. You call me naive, and I'm 100% honest with you. I told you to stand aside and fight with the alphabet army. Digital leader 0 said, "1, 3, you form B and sneak into the alphabet army!" " After a while, I saw 1 and 3 came back with their heads broken and said, "Chief! B was discovered! "

38. My wife went to the hospital for a physical examination. The doctor said: Everything is all right. Breathe more fresh air at ordinary times and wear warm clothes in winter. After returning home, the wife said to her husband: The doctor said that I must go to the seaside for my holiday in summer and wear a mink coat in winter.

39. A tiger caught a cold and wanted to eat a panda. "You have a cold," cried the panda. Why do you want to eat me? " The tiger said: "the advertisement says that you should eat white and black when you have a cold!" " "It's cold, don't catch a cold, pandas are protected animals!

40. A woman asked a man: Do you know what is the strongest in the world? The man said: I don't know. The woman said: Your beard. The man asked: Why? Woman: Because you have such thick skin, you can still break it.

4 1. My mother washes clothes for my three-year-old son as soon as she comes home from work: Son, my mother has worked hard. How can you repay her when you grow up? The son said: Mom, don't worry, I will also wash my son's clothes when I grow up.

42, dung beetles and mosquitoes fall in love, dung beetles asked: What is your occupation? Mosquito: What about you, nurse? Dung beetles smiled and said, Fate, we are colleagues. I am a pill maker in a pharmaceutical factory.

43. Because of a fever, the matchstick was taken to the hospital and turned into a cotton swab when it came out. Afraid of being laughed at by his partners, he deliberately dipped in mercurochrome, and a matchstick on the road said enviously, "I haven't seen you for a few days, and I have become a red man!" " "

44. What are cloth and paper afraid of? Answer 1: cloth (not) is afraid of 10 thousand, paper (only) is afraid of 1000. Answer 2: cloth (not) is afraid of officials, and paper (only) is afraid of management. What is the most terrible thing in the world? Have a will. Nothing is difficult in the world, if you put your mind to it!

45. One day, Xiao Fang was waiting for her boyfriend at the intersection. After waiting for a long time, a motorcycle stopped, Xiao Fang jumped into the back seat and put on his helmet: "I told you we were going to be late!" " "The knight suddenly said," young lady, I'm here to ask the way. Please don't hit people! " "

46. The man was beaten by his wife and hid under the table. It happened that the neighbors came to visit and felt very shameful. He immediately reacted and tactfully said to his wife: I said two people carry it, but you have to ask me to carry it alone. I can't carry it!

47, difficult, it is really difficult to be a man! It's too late to dig it out slowly, but it's too short to take it out, too soft to put it on your mouth, too shallow to go in, too hard to twitch and breathe, too lazy to lie still, and it will lick it after a long time, but it's really shameless to be comfortable!

48. Both drivers fell in love with the policewoman. A driver said: every time I cross the intersection, she turns the red light into a green light, so let me pass quickly! The other said, on the contrary, every time I passed by, she turned the green light into a red light and looked at me many times.

A gentleman cheated. Look at the classmate in front who drew a box and a horizontal line in the answer area. So according to the copy, after the exam, Mr. Wang asked his former classmates: What is the special format of that question? The classmate replied: I wrote it wrong and deleted it!

50. There is a sign on the roadside to lift the speed limit by 40 kilometers. The coach asked: What is this sign? The apprentice said in a daze: No parking! The coach glared: there is also a 40 in it. What does this mean? Apprentice: 40 cars are not allowed to stop.

5 1, failed hunter: "Is there a pheasant? Buy one! Butcher: Sir, the pheasant has been sold, so buy a leg of lamb! Fresh and tender. Hunter: Do you think I can tell my wife that I shot a leg of lamb today?

52. When driving for the first time, the wife said to her husband: Everything is all right except this little mirror! Husband: Why? Wife: it's not in the right place, because I can't be seen in the mirror, only some cars are coming from behind.

53. When a person serves a guest, the fish on the plate is only one inch long. The guest couldn't help sighing, and his face was full of sadness. The host was puzzled and asked him what concerns he had. The guest said: nothing, just sad that the fish is so short-lived!

On Valentine's Day, the librarian's boyfriend was on duty and his girlfriend came to see him. Boyfriend said: if I didn't buy you a gift in time, I will send you three words! After that, I took out a seal from the drawer and put it on my girlfriend's hand: Don't lend it out!

55. Lucky Sambo Enterprise Edition: Dad! Hey! Did you go home when the sun went down? No way! Where did you go when the stars came out? Overtime! Then why don't you pay overtime? Do your duty! Keep your job, we will be a lucky family!

56. The teacher asked the students why they got such low marks. Student: I have acrophobia. The teacher said angrily, then go home and reflect. Student: No, I'm going to the hospital because I have a headache when I see the teacher.

57. Dad: Do you know why your mother married me? Son: I dare not sleep alone because I am afraid of the dark. Dad: Do you know how many years we have been married? Son: Eight years. Dad: How do you know? Son: Mom said: She has put up with you for eight years.

58. Someone bought a 90-yuan Porsche key online, saying that it would be awesome to go out and pick up girls and put them on the table in the future! Friend: What should I do if I hook up with a girl and want to take the bus? Some people say that you are drunk and can't drive, so take a taxi back.

59. The chief's son met a migrant worker and saw that he looked exactly like himself. He disdainfully asked, Did your mother ever work as a waitress in a fishpond? Migrant workers replied: My mother has never been out of the village, and my father works as a guard for a chief.

60. The oil tycoon and his wife went to Paris. In front of the Eiffel Tower, he said with emotion: When I arrived here 20 years ago, the tower was erected, but unfortunately there is no oil production yet ...

6 1. In the market, an egg seller and a coal seller got into a fight. Everyone stopped fighting and asked, "What are you fighting?" The egg seller said, "Is there anyone like him? I called for selling eggs and he said selling coal. "

62. A handsome guy went to get a haircut. The barber smiled and asked, What hairstyle? Handsome guy said: What hairstyle do you have? The barber took pains to introduce it for more than ten minutes, and then asked, which one do you want? Handsome guy shrugged: I cut my hair!

63. During the holiday, my wife strongly urged me to travel to Korea, saying: Even if I don't buy anything, take a breath of other people's air! The husband said: this is ok. The weather forecast says that the southeast wind will blow tomorrow, and the air in Korea is coming!

64. After working overtime for several days in a row, an employee doesn't want to go to work tomorrow and wants to ask for leave on the grounds of catching a cold. The boss asked: What are you doing on vacation? The worker quickly said, I may catch a cold tomorrow!

65. In class, the teacher asked, "Which voltage can be touched and which voltage can't be touched?" A student replied, "You can touch anything, except that some voltages can only be touched once."

66. It is said that Confucius took students Zi Gong, Lu Zi and Zi You to May Day. A woman saw them and shouted, you are not human! Who is she talking about? Luz, because deer are horses.

67. Man: "It's raining heavily today." Woman: "Yes." Man: "That's because God is drooling over you." Woman: "So that gust of wind just now was given to you by God?"

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