In life, how can we know what others really think? What are the skills in conversation?

If you want to master other people's psychological activities, you must study psychology systematically. Here are six ways to accurately figure out the psychology of others.

Observing words and feelings is the basic skill to manipulate freely in all interpersonal relationships. If you can't read, turn the rudder without knowing the wind direction. There is no way to talk about this world. Maybe you will capsize in a small storm.

Intuition is sensitive, but it is also easy to be deceived. Knowing how to reason and judge is the top skill pursued by observing and observing. Words can reveal a person's personality, expressions and eyes can let us peek into the hearts of others, and clothes, sitting posture and gestures will unconsciously betray the master.

Words can tell you a person's status, personality, quality and even reveal his inner feelings, so listening between the lines is the key to "reading words and observing colors"

If looking at colors is like looking at the weather, then looking at a person's face should be as profound as "seeing the clouds and knowing the sun", because not everyone can be overjoyed at any time and on any occasion. On the contrary, "smile on his face and cry in his heart".

"Blinking" is the most important point in "face", which can tell us the truth most involuntarily. People's sitting posture and clothes also help us to recognize others as a whole and be indifferent to their inner intentions.

1. Only when you can distinguish the wind direction can you make a good rudder.

It's also a skill if you can really observe words and observe emotions in communication and improvise. For example, during the visit, we often encounter some unexpected situations. Visitors should concentrate on talking with their hosts, and at the same time be sensitive to some unexpected information and handle it properly.

When the host is talking to you, he looks away, and at the same time, someone is whispering, which means that your visit interrupted something important just now and the host is thinking. Although he is receiving you, he is absent-minded. At this time, the wisest thing for you is to stop and leave the most important request: "You must be busy. I won't bother you. I'll hear from you again in a couple of days! " When you left, the host was both grateful and guilty: "I didn't receive people well because of my own business." In this way, he will try his best to complete your entrustment and repay the favor.

When you visit again, you hope to hear the good news that the entrusted work has been completed, only to find that the master has not completed it satisfactorily or even made slow progress despite all his pains. At this time, anxiety is inevitable, but you should turn your urging into gratitude, fully affirm the efforts made by your host for you, and then tell you the current situation to gain understanding and sympathy. At this time, the host will realize that although it is time-consuming and laborious, it has not really solved the problem. He has the determination of a good person to do it to the end and further run for you.

In interpersonal communication, a keen and meticulous observation of other people's words, expressions, gestures, actions and seemingly casual behaviors is the premise of mastering each other's intentions, and only by measuring the wind can we steer. For example, when dealing with the boss, observing his eyes and hands can give us insight into his heart:

1) When the boss talks, he doesn't look up or at people. This is a bad sign-despise subordinates and think that this person is incompetent.

2) The boss looks at people from top to bottom. This is a manifestation of superiority-overbearing, arrogant and conceited.

3) The boss stared at his subordinates for a long time-he was waiting for more information, and his impression of his subordinates was incomplete.

4) The boss looks at his subordinates in a friendly and frank way, or sometimes winks at them-the subordinates are very capable and liked by him, and even mistakes can be forgiven by him.

5) The boss's eyes are sharp and his feelings remain unchanged, like a sword piercing his subordinates. This is a sign of power, indifference and superiority, and it is also a signal to subordinates: don't try to deceive me, I can read your mind.

6) The boss occasionally looks up, and then bows his head after meeting the eyes of his subordinates. If you do this many times, you can be sure that the boss is not sure about his subordinates.

7) The boss stares at the room and nods slightly from time to time. This is a very bad signal, which means that the boss wants his subordinates to obey him completely, no matter what they say or think.

8) Put your hands together, press down from top to bottom, and balance your body-it means gentleness. Calm down.

9) Put your hands on your waist and bend your elbows outward. This is the traditional body language of a commanding person, and it is often a gesture made when encountering specific power problems.

10) The boss is sitting in a chair, leaning back, hands behind his head, elbows outstretched, which of course shows that he is relaxed at this time, but it probably means conceit.

1 1) The index finger is pointed out to the other side-a naked sense of superiority and militancy.

12) Carrying your hand behind your back is also a sign of superiority.

13) the boss patted his subordinates on the shoulder-recognition and appreciation for them, but only by patting them from the side can they be truly recognized and appreciated. If you shoot from the front or above, it means that you look down on your subordinates or show strength.

14) Fingers together, hands in pyramid shape, fingertips pointing forward-be sure to refuse the gesture of the other party.

15) Hold your hands in a fist-not only to scare others, but also to defend your point of view. If you hit the table with your fist, you are just trying to stop people from talking.

Of course, to make a good social "weather forecast", we need more detailed "meteorological" knowledge. In the next section, we will introduce readers in different categories.

2. Be good at capturing "overtones"

In fact, people are the easiest to agree with what they don't want to do, and people sometimes have different opinions. From this point of view, it is a very learned skill to read words and observe colors. People's inner thoughts are sometimes unconsciously revealed orally. Therefore, when talking with others, as long as we pay attention, we can learn the inner world of others from the conversation.

(1) Understanding psychology from the topic.

People often unconsciously present their emotions from a topic. There are all kinds of topics. If you want to know the other person's personality, temperament and thoughts, the easiest step is to observe the relationship between the topic and the speaker himself, from which you can get a lot of information.

When talking with middle-aged women, most of their topics are themselves, because they feel that they are most concerned about themselves. Sometimes we also talk about husbands or children, because they regard husbands or children as their incarnations, and talking about them is equivalent to talking about themselves. For such middle-aged women, you should appear as a listener and admit that they are a good wife and mother.

In the world of young people, their favorite topic is cars. Magazines about cars are as popular as music and football magazines. Almost all the topics of young people are related to the brand, distance and speed of cars, although most people can't afford cars for the time being. In fact, they are so keen on the topic of cars, which just shows that they have the ability to buy cars in the future, or that they know a lot about cars. This is also a fashionable topic, which is nothing more than showing yourself. So, you should listen attentively to them talking about cars, and it's best not to put on a look of disgust or impatience. Your patience can satisfy their vanity.

(2) the "secret" revealed by the habit of using words.

Language indicates a person's origin. In addition to social, class or regional differences, there are psychological manifestations that vary from person to person. The deep psychology of human twists and turns will be unconsciously reflected in the means of self-expression-wording. Even if it has nothing to do with the self-image you want to express, you can often see the true image of this person by analyzing the wording. In this sense, the characteristics of words I didn't realize tell us more eloquently than the content of words.

People who use the first person singular are independent and autonomous, while those who use the plural are more likely to be people who lack personality, are buried in the group and echo the voice.

People always think that they are writing articles in their own words. In fact, I borrowed words from others inadvertently, and I have a desire to expand myself. Conversely, if I explore this point, I can get a glimpse of my heart. For example, people who use difficult words and foreign languages often get confused. In fact, most of these people use words as a shield to cover up their inner weaknesses. When choosing a job, it is necessary to fully display your talents, but if you are too pretentious, gild the lily and let others fall into the clouds, it will be the most unfavorable effect. This situation is often just a disproof of one's sense of inferiority in intelligence, and words are used as a shield to cover up one's inferiority. In Fortress Besieged, Mr. Zhang showed off his foreign language in front of Fang Hung-chien to show his erudition, which actually only reflected his lack of knowledge.

The way you speak can reflect your true thoughts.

Generally speaking, a person's feelings or opinions are clearly expressed by speaking. As long as you think carefully, even the implication can be gradually revealed under the curtain of speech.

(l) The speed of speech is an important key to breaking deep psychology.

If you are dissatisfied with someone or have a hostile attitude, many people will speak slowly and feel a little boring. If you feel guilty or lie, the speed of speaking will naturally be determined.

(2) See through each other's psychology from the tone of voice.

The man who "worked overtime" mentioned above, when he came home, his tone was not only fast, but also passionate, as if today's "working overtime" really disgusted him-he didn't want to work overtime.

When two people disagree, one person raises his voice, which shows that he wants to overwhelm the other.

For those who are interested, when they speak, they will deliberately cadence, create a unique feeling, have the desire to attract others' attention, and vaguely reveal their desire to show themselves.

(3) See through each other's psychology in an obedient way.

The premise of conversation includes the existence of two different positions, namely, the speaker and the listener. We can break through each other's deep psychology according to their reactions after talking to themselves.

If a person listens carefully, he is likely to sit still and stare at each other. On the contrary, his sight is bound to be scattered, and his body may tilt or move, which is a sign of his boredom.

Some people will listen to each other carefully and reveal their feelings when the narrator is about to finish. From this point of view, the listener can finally break through the speaker's secret by relying entirely on strong patience J and curiosity.

If you want to get some information about a person, you will start with a common topic with him, and then listen carefully, ask questions and listen … step by step to achieve your goal. When the other person is happy, he forgets to guard against it. Instead, he will think that you are a good listener and considerate.

The expression on her face, the clouds in the sky

Color observation refers to observing people's faces and learning people's emotions. This is the same as the old hunter inferring rain and snow by looking at the changes of clouds.

People's psychological activities are very subtle, but this subtlety is often revealed from their expressions. When you are happy, your cheek muscles will relax. When you are sad, you will naturally burst into tears. However, some people do not want others to see these inner activities. On the surface alone, people will make mistakes in judgment.

For example, at a trade fair, the other party smiled with a completely satisfied expression, which made people feel at ease that the negotiation was successful. "I see, what you said is very reasonable. I will definitely consider it this time. " But the final result ended in failure.

From this perspective, we can't simply judge each other's true feelings from their expressions. To break through each other's psychology with expressions, we should pay attention to the following two aspects:

No expression doesn't mean no feelings.

In life, we sometimes see some people, no matter what others say or do, they are all expressionless. In fact, no expression doesn't mean no feelings, because inner activities, if not presented in the muscles of the face, are unnatural. The more expressionless, the easier it is to make feelings more impulsive.

There are two situations when there is no expression, one is extreme indifference, and the other is not looking at it at all.

Smile when you are extremely angry, sad or disgusted.

In this case, people's eyes and expressions are different. Usually what people say is that they are smiling on their faces and crying in their hearts. Although hostile, on the surface, you have to smile and behave gracefully.

People want to do this because if they express their inner desires or ideas without reservation, it will be tantamount to violating social rules, even causing betrayal of others, or becoming the target of public criticism, and I am afraid that they will be sanctioned by society and have to do so.

It can be seen that color viewing often produces errors. Clouds all over the sky may not rain, and people who smile may not be happy. Many times, people go to bitter water and swallow it in their stomachs, but their faces are sweet. On the contrary, when your face sinks, you may be smiling in your heart.

4. Identify people's hearts through "eyes"

There is a story in Greek mythology that Medusa, one of the three sisters of the monster, will immediately turn to stone if she looks at it. To put it bluntly, she deifies the power of her eyes.

From a medical point of view, the eye is the most acute of the five sensory organs, accounting for more than 70% of the sensory field. Therefore, it is called "the king of the five senses". Meng Ziyun: "Those who survive are not good at eyes, but eyes cannot hide their evil. If the chest is straight, the eyes will fall, and if the chest is not straight, the eyes will be dizzy. " It's natural to show sincerity in your eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul.

Desires and feelings in deep psychology are first reflected in sight. The movement, direction and concentration of sight all express different psychological states. Observing the change of sight is helpful to the communication between people. It is not difficult to see the situation inside the house by climbing the windowsill, and you can know the inner situation of people by reading their eyes.

The method of seeing people with eyes has a long history. A person's character cannot be changed, no matter how profound his cultivation is. As the saying goes, a leopard cannot change his spots, but his character is simple, but his value performance is not. Sex is internal, emotion is external, sex is body, emotion is useful, sex is stimulated by external factors, and the degree of stimulation is different. The most obvious and difficult part of emotion is not language, action, attitude, but eyes. Words, actions and attitudes can be disguised by pretending, but the eyes can't pretend. We look at the eyes, not the size, but the eyes.

When you see his eyes calm, you can understand that he has a well-thought-out plan for the problem you are anxious about, and he will definitely win. Just ask him for advice and express anxiety. If he won't make it clear, it's because it's confidential. There's no need to ask more questions. Just wait for his advice.

You can understand that he is helpless when you look at his scattered eyes. It is useless to worry for nothing and ask him for instructions. You need to calm down and find another way to deal with it. You don't have to ask any more questions. This will only increase his confusion. This is your chance to show your instincts. Do it yourself quickly!

If you see his eyes shooting sideways, as if they have thorns, you can understand that he is unusually cold. If you have a request, don't tell him for the time being. You should take the opportunity to quit, even if it is not appropriate to stay a little longer. Instead, study the reasons for his indifference to you and seek ways to save your feelings.

When you see his black eyes, you should understand that this is a fierce signal. You should be careful when dealing with him. His demonic hand is behind his back, waiting for the opportunity to appear. If you are not ready to meet him, you'd better ring the golden bell and retreat as soon as possible.

When you see his eyes look strange, you can understand that he is full of tricks and wants you to try it. At this time, we should take it step by step, and don't take it lightly. It may be a trap arranged by him, and one slip will fall into his hands. Don't believe his sweet words too much. It's the bait on the hook and the icing on the poison. Be extra careful.

You can see that his eyes are dull and his lips are white, so you can understand that he is terrified of the current problem. Although it doesn't matter what he says, although he is not desperate, he is still trying to find a way, but he can't figure out why at all. You don't need to ask any questions. You should retreat and consider how to deal with it. If you have an idea, you should ask him and show how sure you are.

When you see his eyes seem to be angry, you can understand his anger and joy at the moment. If you are not going to break up with him, you should show that you can compromise and make a quick comeback. Otherwise, one more step will inevitably lead to violent confrontation.

You see his eyes are calm and he has a smile on his face. Do you understand that he is satisfied with something? If you want to please him, you might as well say a few more compliments. If you want something, this is also a good opportunity. I believe it will be easier to meet your hopes than usual.

You can see that he is tired of what you say when his eyes are shining and he is absent-minded If you don't hurry to the paragraph, or take the opportunity to leave, or find a new topic and say what he wants to hear.

When you see his eyes fixed, you can understand that he thinks it is necessary to listen to you, and you should follow your predetermined plan. He said tactfully, as long as your opinion is not bad and the method is feasible, of course he is willing to accept it.

If you see his eyes drooping or even his head lowered, you can understand his deep anxiety and extreme pain. Don't tell him your pride, it will aggravate his pain, and you don't tell him your pain, because it is more and more unbearable to help each other in the same boat. You have to say something comforting and leave as soon as possible. It's no use talking more.

If his eyes look up, you can understand that he is disdainful to listen to you. No matter how good your reasons are and how clever your statement is, there will still be no brilliant result. Why don't you stop laughing and find a way to get close?

In short, the eyes are scattered and gathered, moving and static, flowing and condensing, gloomy, dull, drooping and rising. After careful understanding, you will find that human feelings are exposed.

Draw a "map of people's hearts" with your seat.

In the relationship between people, where to sit and how to sit reflect people's deep psychology. First of all, where to sit directly reflects the traditional sense of superiority and inferiority of society and groups, that is, now, at a formal party or a party with many elderly people, whoever sits in what position will be a headache for the host, and unnecessary concessions or disputes will often occur between the participants. Secondly, everyone has the psychology of keeping their special space around their bodies. If they are violated, they will be unhappy and feel uneasy. This space is called "body range". Normally, people don't invade this area.

It is not difficult to see that by marking and analyzing a person's sitting posture and posture, a "topographic map" of people's hearts can be drawn. Let's take a closer look.

The physical distance of the seat also indicates the psychological distance from the other party.

The size of this distance can indicate the degree of subjective attempt to invade the other person's physical field, thus judging some of his psychological thoughts and knowing what he wants to do. For example, a couple who are deeply committed to each other, even in a wide sofa, will inevitably sit next to each other, which of course does not mean that there is not enough space, but reflects their inseparable mentality. In this case, if you are a couple around you and don't want to be annoying, you should be funny, leave some room for others and walk away.

Another example is in the university classroom. If someone wants to take an active part in the discussion, most of these students will sit in the front of the classroom. On the contrary, some students don't come to class often and take up class time to go out to work. They will definitely sit in the back. Those who are not interested in this subject will also choose to sit in the back.

② The direction of the seat is meaningful.

Seats have two directions: one is to sit directly opposite or next to each other, and the other is to sit in a position in the crowd facing away from the room.

Sitting directly opposite or next to it, its psychological state is different. Sitting face to face has a sense of distance. At this time, it will be more comfortable to have an obstacle such as a table between two people.

When sitting on the edge, there is no such restriction. Most people sit side by side at an intimate distance, facing the same direction and staring at the same object. In this case, it is easy to have a sense of connection. Sitting face to face, both sides are in the best position to observe each other, so it is easy to produce line of sight conflict and confrontation.

The same is true of the relationship between men and women. There is a table in the middle, and two people sit face to face and talk. This may be a very intimate scene. But this sitting posture shows that they are not deep enough, indicating that they have a psychological will to understand each other. On the other hand, in general, two people sitting side by side will talk less than men and women sitting face to face, because they already know each other and may even have made a commitment in some cases.

Therefore, we can infer other people's psychological activities and related information from the direction in which they sit, so that you will have countermeasures for what actions you want to take. When you see a man and a woman sitting in each other's arms, don't think about stealing others' love. Only wish them a happy wedding, they will still have a good impression on you. If you see a man and a woman sitting opposite each other, it means that they need further communication. If you are interested in one of them, there may be hope.

3 sit deep and sit shallow and see through each other's psychology.

For human beings, standing posture is the most suitable general state for activities. Therefore, people will sit on the premise that they can stand up immediately. Take shallow sitting in a chair as an example. Some people dare to sit in a chair because they are nervous, and they often take action in an emergency.

Once people relax, they will sit firmly in the chair and spread their feet at the same time, which means they will not stand up immediately.

This can be seen from lions and horses: lions are fierce and powerful, so they can sleep all day, as if representing a kind of self-confidence. Lions like to hunt horses, so this kind of horse stands in fear all day, but it is still doomed.

Therefore, the person who sits deep has an advantage mentally, at least he wants to be condescending. People who sit shallow often feel uneasy when sitting in their seats, showing a state of inferiority.

People who sit shallow will unconsciously show a kind of obedience to each other. In front of such people, you must not be too strong and arrogant, because they will resist inside. On the contrary, if you show friendliness or concern to him, he will certainly like you in his heart. I am willing to be close to you, which lays the foundation for expanding our future relationship. In fact, anyone can use it If many people are willing to approach you, it will give you an advantage. At least you have won in interpersonal relationships, and your work, work and study will be easy to succeed, and it is not far from being appreciated by others or even the boss.

(4) The deep psychological phenomenon of human sitting posture.

Some people cross their legs as soon as they sit down They say such people are deep and unyielding.

However, this is the case of men, and women are slightly different. A woman's bold leg lifts show that she is quite confident in her appearance or clothes. This sitting posture is sure to attract a man's attention, and it also shows her strong desire. This kind of woman has a strong self-esteem and is keen to be a boss. She is easy to associate with men, but not easy to fall in love with a man.

6. See through your heart from what you wear

People come into this world naked and wear clothes just to hide their true colors.

In fact, human beings have never thought about showing themselves unabashedly in order to put on their favorite clothes, including colors and materials. Because everyone's clothes fully express their psychological state.

Well-dressed people have a strong desire to show themselves and love to show off.

In public, we can find that some people always wear eye-catching gorgeous clothes, and such people generally have a strong desire to show themselves. At the same time, this kind of person's desire for money is particularly urgent. Therefore, when you see such people dressed exquisitely, or there are such people among colleagues, it is a good way to gain insight into their psychology, praise their clothes and satisfy their inflated desire to show off, so that such people will not easily become enemies with you.

People who dress up simply lack self-confidence and like to quarrel.

There is a kind of people who wear simple clothes and don't like to wear colorful clothes. Most of these people lack subjective character and confidence in themselves. I hope to give others dignity and make up for my inferiority complex.

Never argue with such people, because the more people feel inferior, the more they want to hide their inferiority. In order to save what little face they have left, they will argue endlessly with others, which is not conducive to maintaining relationships with others.

At this time, you can generously admit his views, but he will feel your tolerance and you will achieve unexpected results.

People who like fashionable clothes feel lonely and their mood often fluctuates.

There is a kind of people who completely ignore their hobbies and even say that they don't know what they really like. They just take fashion as their hobby and follow it closely. This kind of person often has a sense of loneliness and often feels uneasy.

People who ignore fashion tend to be self-centered and unconventional.

There is a kind of people who don't care about the popular situation. This kind of person's character can be said to be very tough, but some people dare not face the outside world and blindly shut themselves in a dark room. This kind of person thinks that if you are in tune with others, doesn't it mean losing yourself? Such people are often self-centered and often make everyone feel boring.

People who have a sudden change in their clothing preferences want to change their lifestyles, and there are also elements of escapism.

Xiao Zhang, a company employee, has been wearing a suit with a fixed style and style. But one day, he put on a handsome jacket, bright pants and a completely different color tie to work. From the aspect of appearance or spirit, Xiao Zhang's heart must have been stimulated and some changes have taken place in his thoughts. So in their deep psychology, there are usually some new meanings. Colleagues curiously guessed: "Is he doing anything today?" "What's his problem?"

If you want to keep a good relationship with such a person who suddenly changes his clothing preferences, you should temporarily look inappropriate or praise him for looking good in everything. I believe that his spiritual door will open to you. Your attitude of admitting is stronger than others' attitude of questioning, and you will win others' reward-praise.

There is a kind of people who are neither fanatical nor indifferent to fashion, and changing clothes is gradually implemented.

Such people are gentle and emotionally stable, and generally don't do anything wrong. They are more rational, but they don't obey their desires and blindly follow the fashion. Such a person is reliable and worth making friends with.