Morning reading reflection: Goodbye, my university

If one day we are drowned in the crowd, we will live a mediocre life.

That’s because we don’t strive to live abundantly and have the simplest life and the most distant dream.

Even if it is freezing tomorrow, the horse will die on the long journey.

———The Year of Qijin

》》》part 1

I always remember that at 3:30 in the morning on September 5th four years ago, My father and I got off the train and saw the five characters "Sanming Railway Station" on an Optimus lamppost in the square, emitting dim light. This will be where I live for four years. This is my first time out of the province. My parents actually didn't want me to leave the province, but I just decided to kill them first and then tell them later. From then on, every winter and summer vacation, I traveled between Wuhan and Sanming, which hurt my heart and lungs. We always have to arrive in Wuhan one day in advance, and we always arrive in Sanming at 3:30 in the morning. There is no car to get home on the day we return to Wuhan.

At the station, we stayed until dawn. Follow the address on the admission notice and come to Sanming College. The guard asked me, which department are you from? I said, Department of Economics and Management. He said, you are not on this campus. This is the main campus, you are on the Sanyuan campus.

The guard asked someone to take us to the branch campus. My seniors took me to the dormitory, and someone helped my dad buy a return train ticket. The dormitory is in the Southern Hotel, which is said to be run by a teacher. Six people per room, bunk beds. The space is very small.

Freshmen who have just come to school always feel that their seniors are very good.

When I started walking around the school, I was completely disappointed. This branch is a land as big as a palm. If you stand at the school gate, the dormitories are on the left, the teaching building is on the right, the cafeteria and dormitories are behind the teaching building, and there is an outlook building on the high ground next to it. Then it was gone. This is my dream university. There are no dormitories with beds and desks, no bright libraries, no tall teaching buildings, and no tree-lined paths.

Just make peace with it as it comes.

Due to the unavailability of instructors, the military training for freshmen was postponed until the end of the freshman year, lasting 10 days. Our instructor is a middle-aged man who trains three classes together. It was early July, and it was hot even in the dormitory, not to mention wearing a military uniform and standing under the hot sun. I could feel sweat falling drop by drop. I was always thinking, why didn't I faint on such a hot day? Unfortunately, pretending to faint is not that high a skill.

There are physical education classes in freshman and sophomore year. This is the class I hate the most in college. Unlike other schools, you have the right to choose sports. Our freshman year is all about sword training, and our sophomore year is all about aerobics. There are many things in this world that cannot be achieved through hard work. Sports is one of them. Sports made me extremely frustrated and felt a deep sense of powerlessness.

I stayed in a hotel my freshman year, moved out and lived in another place my freshman year. Eight-person room with bunk beds and no private bathroom. There is a public bathroom on the first floor. Very unimaginable place. Three long tables took up the remaining space. We just sat on our beds. The computer was placed on the bed and the luggage was stuffed under the bed. It’s okay in winter, I don’t need to shower every day. And you can go to the bathhouse to take a bath. One yuan a time is still very cheap. I was confused in the summer, and there was a long queue to take a shower. Especially taking a shower after the weekly physical education class is really difficult. Our bath water is also heated with electric heating rods.

We still lived in this kind of place for a year until we moved to the main campus in our junior year. The hotel is used to comfort new students. If they stayed in the current eight-person room from the beginning, there would probably be many people dragging their luggage home directly.

》》》part 2

When I was in school, I occasionally felt like I was living thousands of miles away from home. After all, Fujian is a completely different place from Hubei. The taste in Hubei is much heavier than that in Fujian, and Hubei people generally like spicy food. When I cook at home, I always add chili pepper. It can be said that it is neither spicy nor fun. When I first came to Fujian, everything I ate tasted tasteless. Later, I gradually got used to the taste here and found the food in Sanming more and more delicious. Sanming has a richer variety of food than we do in Hubei, such as more types of fish and meat.

It is said that college is very comfortable and easy to gain weight. But when I came to college, I lost a lot of weight. Even though I was eating, sleeping and playing, I couldn't figure out why I lost weight.

When I was a freshman, our dormitory loved to eat bread. Every time I go out, I bring back a piece of bread. I also like to drink colorful milk tea. At that time, I always struggled with whether I would gain weight if I drank such high-calorie food.

After entering the main school, I went to drink milk tea at that restaurant again. The taste was the same, but I couldn’t finish it. Some things only exist for a certain period of time. When time passes, you can never get that taste back.

》》》part 3

When I was in high school, I didn’t understand why those college kids were so sleepy in class. Isn’t college very leisurely? There are so many time to sleep. It wasn’t until I entered college that I realized that if I accidentally fell asleep at night, I would fall asleep early in the morning. You are not alone, everyone is like this, a kind of university atmosphere. If you have classes the next morning, you have to get up at seven o'clock. Naturally, I was very sleepy.

In our management department, we have a very evil system, which is to sign in in the morning. The original intention of leadership is to get us up early and study hard.

The leader must be very happy that he could come up with such a feat, thinking that he had come up with a good method. As everyone knows, if there were no classes in the first two periods, we would have signed in and gone straight to bed. Checking in every morning can be said to be a sight to behold. Some people are drowsy and staggering when walking; some people wear pajamas directly; some people put on extra clothes in addition to pajamas. Of course, there are also people who are neatly dressed and look normal.

》》》part 4

The first semester of my freshman year passed in a hazy way. The first exam of university will soon come. Final exam. A little uneasy. What test should I take? Although I said I didn’t skip classes, I didn’t attend any classes either. The book is like new. But before the exam, the teacher drew the key points for us. It seems that the political economics teacher, an associate professor, told us, you can take the test as you wish, I will not correct the test paper, and as long as you fill it up, you will be allowed to pass. With an uneasy heart, I entered the examination room and found that almost all the test papers were focused on the teacher's drawings. I was so disappointed at that time. It turns out that this is what college exams are like. It is equivalent to a formality. Because I just graduated from high school, I can't accept this method. Later, the scope of drawing was as natural as breathing air, but the scope of the key points became larger and larger, so we often bargained with the teacher, hoping that the scope would be smaller.

Every time I took the final exam, I entered the examination room with the fearless mentality of "If a good student like me can't pass, who else can pass?" The results did not disappoint my confidence. There is also a scholarship, although it is third-class. In college, the busiest time is before exams. Usually, I have no motivation to read a book, and even if I read a book, I can’t remember it. Only on the eve of an exam does temporary memory reach its full potential. After the exam, I forgot everything.

》》》part 5

When we were in our freshman and sophomore years, we studied advanced mathematics. The teacher who teaches this subject is called Fu Youming. We usually call him Brother Youming. When you look at Brother Youming's face, you will think that he looks really abstract.

Higher math is difficult, especially for those of us in liberal arts classes. That's really a tangle. Perhaps, every child in the Department of Economics and Management is deeply impressed by Brother Youming, and this is all due to Gao Shu.

There was a very popular saying on the Internet at that time. Once upon a time, there was a tree called Gaoshu, and there were many people hanging on it.

》》》part 6

In the first semester of my freshman year, I was introduced to the exam by my senior sister. At that time, our financial management class set off a craze for testing coupons. The six people in our dormitory even signed up for two courses at once, securities basics and securities trading. From then on began a miserable research career. At that time, I spent almost all my time reading securities books. The further I went, the more I felt that taking two exams at once was a wrong decision. Two books and two exercises. It’s something completely unfamiliar and seems to take a lot of time. If you can prepare one well, everything will be fine. When I understood this truth, I read part of the second book, immediately gave up on this one, and went back to focus on the first one.

The securities examination center is not in Sanming, but in Quanzhou, Xiamen, Fuzhou. At that time, our dormitory collectively applied for Fuzhou.

When we went to take the exam, we bought tickets at four in the morning. Take a group trip. It's very exciting. I was motion sick at that time, not only car sick but also train sick. The next morning, we arrived in Fuzhou. There were three test centers among the six of us, and we each went to find our own test center. I'm with Liu Mei and Zheng Nannan. The three of us lived in the school guest house. There was a TV there, and we watched If You Are the One in the evening. When we were in Fuzhou, it rained and we didn’t even have a chance to go out and play. I remember, we went to Fuzhou Student Street and it was really crowded.

A week later, the results came out and I passed both subjects. My luck is not very good. I didn’t read much of the second book. What an explosion of character. Roommates usually only pass one door.

Later, my roommates passed the certificates one after another.

Among all our examinations, the securities examination can be said to be the most time-consuming and costly one for us.

》》》part 6

At the end of the freshman year, there was a rumor that one major would be moved to the main campus this year. Maybe it’s our financial management profession.

You don’t know how much we looked forward to the main school at that time. From our campus to the main campus, you need to take bus No. 11 or No. 7. We usually don’t go there. If we do, we will only feel sadder and have no sense of belonging. We don’t know where to stay on such a huge campus. We will only go there when something happens, such as taking the CET-4 test. It was okay in the past, but when we came back, we couldn't get on the bus at all. At that time, Liu Mei and I wandered around the campus for a long time before getting on the bus back to the branch campus.

As freshmen, we still have many fantasies about college. We eagerly hope to go to the main campus, the university that fits our imagination. As you can imagine, the main campus is bustling with people. Thirteen departments, about 10,000 people, unlike the branch campus which only has 400 or 500 people. I like places with lots of people, even if you don’t know them. Strangers around me who are busy or chatting give me an inexplicable sense of security. No attention, no neglect, everyone is in peace.

Later, the school informed that the marketing major would be moved to the main campus. We looked at them with envy as they dragged their luggage into the embrace of the main school.

We were extremely disappointed at the time and really wanted to go to the leadership to protest.

During my junior year, the Sanyuan branch moved completely into the main campus. After passing through the curiosity and excitement of freshman and sophomore year, junior year has grown old quietly. No more hope, no more anger, just accept it all quietly.

Eight-person room with bunk beds and private bathroom. Being driven to despair, we are already very satisfied with such a dormitory. At least I said goodbye to the public bathroom.

Before I went to college, I saw pictures of my brother’s dormitory. On the bed and on the table, my brother was sitting on a chair. There were various books on the bookcase and a computer on the table.

Independent space. From top to bottom, it is a world that only belongs to one person.

This picture has become a dream of mine.

However, when the dormitory arrangements were announced, I knew that this would never happen in my life.

This is my biggest regret during my four years in college.

》》》part 7

When I was a sophomore, I studied accounting. The teacher is Gao Xiaohong. A very sharp teacher. I always remember what she said, die early and be born early. This sentence has been my signature for a long time. Of course, this sentence does not tell you to die as soon as possible, but it means that many things should be done as soon as possible. For example, take the accounting certificate exam. Many people start taking the accounting certificate exam in the second semester of their sophomore year. There must be me in this. Three subjects are taken together, one is accounting basics, one is accounting regulations, and one is accounting computerization. It was another two months of dark preparation for the exam. Between the exams, I was still a little worried. I spent so much time and how sad it would be if I failed the exam. After entering the examination room, it turned out that I had thought too much and had seen most of the questions, so I passed the accounting certificate.

In the first semester of my junior year, I took the high school entrance examination. This is the easiest certificate I have ever taken. In the second semester of my junior year, the four innovative credits have been completed, and there is no longer any pressure to pass exams. But in order not to get too bored, I signed up for a financial planner. When I got those two books, I wanted to give up. They were so thick and big, and much scarier than accounting books. Sometimes, I convince myself that I must read a book and spend at least 300 yuan. I don’t know how I can afford it.

However, later, I still gave up.

Before the exam, we made cheat sheets. Planning to try it. Let’s talk about whether it’s useful or not. Taking the test naked is a very happy thing. Because you haven’t worked hard, it doesn’t matter what the result is.

The invigilation is very lax. Can I say that we had a lot of fun copying it? In the end, I passed the practical but failed the basics.

Senior year, make-up exam for basics. It’s still a naked exam. However, this exam is very strict and there are no cheat sheets.

Therefore, there is no need to think about the results.

》》》part 8

During my sophomore year, I became one of the second or third batch of party activists. This is not my intention. This was reported directly without my consent at all. Take it one step at a time.

I know that it is impossible for me to join the party. When I was a freshman, I participated in a party ideological report on behalf of my roommates. In a small classroom, all the party activists are sitting, and everyone needs to go on stage to read their ideological report. I stood on the podium, and the more I read, the more I wanted to laugh. Finally, I couldn't bear it anymore. I was holding it in so hard, so I skipped a lot of content and hurriedly left the stage. From the corner of my eye, I saw a lot of people looking at me. Others must think I'm too weird. What's so funny about this. In fact, I don't understand why I want to laugh. Perhaps, I subconsciously felt that joining the party was a joke.

When formally joining the party, there will be a swearing-in meeting. If I need to recite those very solemn oaths alone, I will definitely laugh.

Think about what the consequences would be if this happened under such circumstances.

Our group of party members met Hongge. They were all dragged into singing popular songs. The school took advantage of every opportunity and used various spare time to sing popular songs for us. "Internationale". "Five-star red flag fluttering in the wind". There were all kinds of complaints. All kinds of tired.

Later, I went to San Gang to perform and sing popular songs. After it was over, he immediately rushed to the main school to sing a popular song. I remember the weather was bad that day and it was raining. None of us had time for dinner. The school brought a lot of bread to provide us with dinner.

To join the party, you always need to write a lot of materials and submit them. Every time, I only remember this before or after the deadline. I am not a procrastinator, but joining the party was an accident. This makes me feel powerless.

In my junior year, when I was about to transfer to preparatory school, I needed to submit a lot of ideological reports and an application for party membership. The focus is on the application for party membership. At that time, we directly obtained a copy from Baidu and submitted it. Li Yangfan said, no, rewrite. So, let’s go back to the key point, which is Baidu again. Of course, no. Li Yangfan also looked down upon him, saying that it’s so old and you’re still writing about the Third Plenary Session of the 11th Central Committee of the Communist Party of China.

Liu Meiyi and I decided not to join the party. This means that the party does not want us, not that we do not want to join the party. I once asked the League Secretary, what should I do if I don’t join the party? She said that it would be quite troublesome to find Zhang Meihua.

On the way from Houde Building to the dormitory, the more we chatted, the more excited we became. We felt that we had done the most right thing in our lives.

》》》part 9

Before going home during the summer vacation of my sophomore year, I found someone in the fellow villagers group to go home with.

I agreed to go home with Zhang Xuexin. In the end, he went for an internship and didn't go home together. But, we still got to know each other. Zhang Xuexin is my ex-boyfriend.

When I came to school in my junior year, he was already a graduate. When we first met, I recognized him at first sight because I saw his photo in his photo album.

Later, we met several times. He knew that I liked to read books and introduced me to so-and-so books. I, him, and his two squad leaders went to Yongan Stone Forest together.

On that great Singles’ Day in 2011, we were together. In the evening, we went to watch the movie "Love Is Not Blind" together. Sitting in the movie theater, I texted a friend that we were watching this movie. At that time, I felt that as soon as we got together, we were watching a movie about broken love. Even though the hero and heroine got together in the end, the title still contained the word "broken love".

Before Singles Day in 2012, I saw a sentence in the space. Where is the person who watched the movie "Love Is Not Blind" with you on Singles Day last year?

He said that your writing is much better than your eloquence. Every time I meet him, he confiscates my phone. Because I love playing with mobile phones.

On the day of his graduation, they had a dinner in their dormitory, and almost everyone brought their girlfriends. The love rate is quite high. When it comes to eating, besides drinking, the boys also drink. Some people drink too much and talk a lot. He is relatively normal and drinks well.

I suddenly want to know how many couples are still together in his dormitory?

The next day, he went to Xiamen. I stay in school. I just didn't expect that this would be our last meeting. Some people, inadvertently, have long been gone forever.

In September, we broke up. We have gone through the cold winter and the hot summer, but we cannot go through the golden autumn.

My friend said you will find something better. laugh. This sentence is very frequently used to comfort people who have lost love.

From now on, no matter how many people I meet, there will be no one like him.

I have thought about breaking up many times, but after the breakup, I still feel sad. The closest person ever.

After being together, I can’t help but think about many problems. I want to be treated like I care about what he is doing, why he is ignoring me, whether he will always like me, whether we have a future, etc. All kinds of tangles. Therefore, it is better to be single. Alone. No more worries.

I never understood how people who were together eventually broke up. At a certain moment, I suddenly looked away completely and couldn't go on.

》》》part 10

On April Fool’s Day in 2012, we had a three-day holiday. Escape for two days before and two days after. The university is a place where you can turn a three-day vacation into a seven-day vacation. Roommates in the province went back to their respective homes. Zhang Qing and I were left homeless outside the province. One of my hobbies is to witness how many people are in class the day before the holiday. Usually there are about 15 people, but there are 48 people in my class. The teacher will still teach the class calmly.

Zhang Qing suggested that we go to Jingdezhen, Jiangxi.

Go buy tickets the day before, standing tickets. We thought that since this was not a day to go home during the winter and summer vacations, there would not be many people on the train. I got on the train in the early morning of April 1 and found it was crowded. We discussed that if we really stand in Jiangxi, we will not live. So I made a decisive decision to get off at the next stop, Shaxian, and then take the bus back. We bought a return train in Shaxian County, but the train didn't come. We asked the staff why, and the answer we got was that it was a train with an unknown time, maybe very fast or very slow. I'm speechless. Has anyone heard of this kind of train?

Later, I changed my booking time and exchanged my train tickets, and finally returned to school at around three o'clock in the morning. Considering that it was not safe in the South District in the middle of the night, we got off the bus in the North District and crossed back to the dormitory from the school.

The campus was very quiet in the early morning. In the dense teaching buildings, there are sparse lights. We walked on the school road, and the street lights on both sides emitted yellow light, like ancient photo albums, quiet and peaceful. The shadow behind him grew shorter and longer. We talked and laughed. It feels very good.

》》》part 11

In the second semester of senior year, 3 courses, 18 classes per week, for two months. You don't know how happy I was to finally graduate.

The exam ended in early November and I started writing the paper. The topic I originally set was "Value Added Tax". When searching for information, I found that I couldn't find it. So give up. I asked Zhang Xuexin to talk about a few economic-related topics. He mentioned two, real estate and RMB settlement. I really don’t like things about real estate, so I chose the latter. The topic of RMB settlement is too broad, so I added a scope, and the title is "The Impact of Cross-Border Trade RMB Settlement on my country's Commercial Banks".

The instructor is Wu Lina. She believes that the paper should be written according to the current situation, problems and countermeasures.

The outline is quite easy to solve. What the instructor said basically becomes the outline. Everyone who has graduated has deeply experienced the entanglement of thesis. Everyone knows that you will definitely pass the final paper. I have never heard of anyone not getting a diploma because of their thesis. You see, generations of people have graduated. I’m not stupid, how could I not get a diploma? The thesis comes from the feeling that people will always die, but they just don’t know how.

I drag on day by day, watching the time approaching step by step. I want to write a paper, but I don’t know how to write it. Incomparable inner struggle. At first, I thought that the paper should have its own opinions, but later I realized that everyone just copied it from everywhere and revised it.

Blind review on January 3rd. This system started in our class, which is to submit your paper and let someone other than your supervisor judge whether it passes or not. Many people, including me, submitted papers without finalizing them. Every instructor has a different vision, and maybe with good luck, things will get better.

After several days of waiting, the results are here. My thesis was revised and approved. Those who passed and those who made major revisions were only a small number, and most of them were just like me. So, I am very satisfied.

In the coming year, the school will notify you to return to school for defense. Those of us who passed the revision just let it go. I am very grateful for this blind review system. If, like before, the thesis had to be approved by the tutor, I would never be able to pass it in my life. She will just keep telling you, data, data.

Where do I go to find the data? Data requires first-hand data. Our paper is only a small aspect and cannot be found on those official websites.

》》》part 12

Every high school student has dreamed of going to college. I thought college was heaven.

However, most people will be disappointed after arriving at university. Everything is not as imagined. There are many courses and assignments, many certificates to take, and final exams that must be passed. You may not meet that person. Interpersonal relationships will become more complicated, and some people will suddenly break up while walking around. Maybe a few people will have a wonderful and fulfilling new life, but most people will remain unknown or even degenerate. In addition to sleeping every day, I still sleep. Sometimes, I'm confused. Why did I come to college? Is it just to get that diploma? Are these things learned in school useful? Aren't you useless now that you've gone out? Work hard, how hard, study hard? But no matter how good your grades are in school, they are just numbers.

In college, like an ostrich. Take your parents' money and squander it. I don’t want to think about the future, and I don’t want to work hard. I once said, why are you thinking so much? Maybe one day, there will be a natural or man-made disaster and you will go to another world. So, just muddle through.

In college, what I did most was sleep. Sleeping in darkness. In the mornings and weekends when I don't have classes, I usually sleep until noon. Sometimes, after eating lunch, I feel sleepy again and then go back to sleep. Secondly, read novels. Various romance novels. I really want to read classics. It's a pity that I can't stand it. Once I start reading a novel, I can't stop. Don’t stop until you finish reading. When I wanted to skip class, I comforted myself that I just moved the place where I read novels to the classroom.

My best youth was lost in school.

》》》part 13

In college, I basically stayed in the dormitory. The social sphere is the dormitory. Sometimes, when I think about it, my university is quite boring. There is nothing left except roommates.

During our junior and senior years, we lived in a mixed dormitory with four girls from the marketing class. Then, we became the people forgotten by the financial management class. No matter what news, we are not notified here, or are notified only at the latest. But that doesn't matter to us.

Actually, I quite like this kind of life. Sometimes, I envy those who can make friends and companions. However, I am accustomed to being content with the status quo and unwilling to change anything. Talking is sometimes tiring for me. Perhaps, everyone has his or her own different life, whether it is mediocre or glorious or depraved.

》》》part 14

The second semester of senior year, internship period. I originally planned to go to Wuhan. It was close to home, I had high school classmates, and it was really tiring to take the train all the way. But my brother just told me to come to Shenzhen.

I have had many feelings in the past few months. It was the first time that I came out of school and had complete contact with this society. I slowly began to understand some of the things I had heard or experienced before, as well as what my family and friends had said to me before I came out. There will always be all kinds of people who will teach you the reality of this society. If you stay in school for too long, you still have too little experience. In school, I always thought about graduating quickly, supporting myself, and doing whatever I wanted. What a wonderful life. Now that I have really graduated, I feel that my imagination is so full and my reality is so skinny.