2020. 1 1.29

Positive discipline and parents/skirts contest

Yan Ziyang's Eighth Diary

Date: 20201Sunday, October 29th 165438.

Coordinates: Yuelu District, Changsha City

Weather: cloudy without rain, so it's not very cold.

0 1 After class, did you achieve "positive discipline"?

Formal teachings is a book published by Jinghua Publishing House in 2009. The author Nelson (USA) mainly talks about how to make children acquire this ability with positive discipline.

Let's take a look at the content profile written on Baidu Encyclopedia:

Active discipline is a way to discipline children without punishment or connivance ... Only in a cordial and firm atmosphere can children cultivate self-discipline, sense of responsibility, spirit of cooperation and their ability to solve problems, learn social skills and life skills that will benefit them for life, and achieve good academic results ... We will help parents learn how to use active discipline methods through the "Parents' Active Discipline" workshop, so that their children can acquire this ability. No parents don't do their best for their children, but good wishes may not bring the best results to their children.

In the past 30 years, positive discipline has become the "golden rule" to discipline children. Books on positive discipline have been translated into 16 languages, and sold more than 4 million copies in the United States and 2 million copies outside the United States. From the introduction, we can know that this book is very popular and has become the dominant educational idea at present, and there are many related trainings. After listening to the teacher's lecture, we all feel very good and will take the initiative to reflect on our educational methods. After listening to the lecture, we will be relatively kind and firm, but after a period of time, many parents will restart the factory settings and return to the initial state. Some parents also integrate positive discipline into their general education, but few parents can do it completely, at least I don't know such parents.

Can't do positive discipline, is it an unqualified parent?

Of course not. In my opinion, parents who do their best to give their children the "best" education are qualified parents within their own knowledge (including knowledge and ideas) and ability, from the perspective of children. The application of each educational method requires corresponding skills, and the methods used for different children in different situations are also different. Positive discipline sounds beautiful and works well in theory, but it also needs the right time, place and people.

For workers who specialize in education, their daily work content is like this, and only when the ratio of students to teachers is reasonable can they achieve positive discipline. However, when there are many other things busy and children have a deep memory of the previous discipline methods, it takes a lot of time and energy to use positive discipline methods and requires long-term persistence. After several times, if they don't succeed for various reasons, some parents will definitely give up. So, I went back to the previous method of treating the symptoms rather than the root cause, but it worked quickly.

From here, we can see that active discipline is a prerequisite: parents have fully mastered the knowledge of active discipline, have time and a good attitude to use it, and the family's educational concept has been unified. Obviously, most families do not have this prerequisite. Parents who eventually accept positive discipline may end up like me. They should be disciplined when they are in good condition, but they should still yell when they are in bad condition (if the child is a little stubborn, I think it is necessary to use a "big stick", sometimes bluffing, but bluffing alone can't hurt the child. And parents should know what they are doing in their hearts. After the scene is controlled, they must make it clear. After children go to primary school, they really have to gradually give up the "big stick" and focus on equal communication and negotiation of various solutions.

It is not easy to be a good parent, parents also need to care, parents also need free space to talk about positive discipline every day, but as parents, we are not saints and cannot always be in a good state. If you can't do it according to the method in the book, don't struggle. Positive housekeeping can also be easily understood and implemented.

Uncover the mystery of positive discipline, simple understanding and practice.

Both positive discipline and growth thinking emphasize one point: the change of speaking style. Saying the same thing in the opposite direction has very different effects, such as:

Little Red Riding Hood went to the mountain to pick mushrooms. She picked a basket full of fresh mushrooms. Although she was stung by a bee on her way home, it was completely negligible compared with the joy of picking mushrooms.

Let's put it another way:

Little Red Riding Hood went to the mountain to pick mushrooms. She picked a basket full of fresh mushrooms, but she was stung by a bee on her way home. The joy of picking mushrooms disappeared instantly. By comparison, we can clearly see that the two expressions are in different states, one is positive, the other is negative and depressed. This is specifically a change in the way of speaking, in fact, a change in the way of thinking, that is, it is often said that thinking on the good (bad) side and thinking on the good side can comfort the mind and actively solve problems instead of feeling bored and depressed.

There is an example that all parents have experienced. A child accidentally fell down. In the past, old people often used to scold or beat the floor (or other objects that touched children) to appease their children. As a result, the child scolded and hit the floor as soon as he fell, without looking for his own reasons.

But now, most parents deal with it differently. They encourage children to stand up by themselves and tell them that stumbling is an inevitable thing in their growth. When you fall, you grow up, your movements become more flexible, and you will fall less after learning lessons. Therefore, it would be great if parents can positively guide their children to think and look at the problems in daily life. To put it bluntly, a brief summary of the mysterious positive discipline is nothing more than:

A very useful method: a self-question and a confession.

In my previous article, I mentioned that I read Tencent's thinking growth micro-course by Huang Zhen, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Science and Technology of China. Today, I also showed it to my classmates in grade two of primary school. The video content is simple and easy to understand, and children can easily get the concepts of big tree people and stone people. They all represent the human brain, but obviously, the stone man is always fixed in size and will not develop, while the big tree man keeps growing branches (neuron dendrites) and becomes smarter and more capable.

Seeing this, I believe all children are willing to be big tree people. The stone man's thinking is based on his talent, personality, existing knowledge reserve and ability, and he finds it difficult to change the status quo. Shu Ren's thinking is based on concrete things, actively solving problems, finding out the reasons and seeking development. So when faced with problems, Stone Man's attitude is usually:

"I am just like this", "I am stupid, I can't do it" and "I am from a poor family, and it is too difficult to turn over".

And big tree people will think like this:

"Why did this happen? I am not sure which link? " "This part of the knowledge I have is not solid enough. If I consolidate it, I can perform better. "

Therefore, when children don't know what to do, they want to be big tree people, and they have a very effective self-question: "What will big tree people think?" Today, I told my child that as long as he keeps studying and actively solves problems, there will be more and more dendrites in his head, and he will become smarter and more resourceful. His eyes are shining, haha. We all want to be smart, but if we work hard, we can't see a good result, but it's better than a stone man doing nothing. The efforts to really use the subconscious mind (or mind wandering) will definitely pay off, although sometimes it is not shown in a very significant form.

Confessions are for parents. On the issue of how to control emotions, Huang Hou compares the problems that affect our emotions to the railings of hurdles. The trajectory of life is a hurdle race. Only by touching the railing can we solve the problem bravely. In this case, take a deep breath and bravely cross it. There's nothing to be angry about. When you encounter a problem, tell yourself, "This is just a railing. Just cross it. " . Only by controlling your emotions can you solve your own problems. No matter what educational means you use, you should keep yourself steady, so that you can analyze problems and control the situation as a "bystander".

**05 By the way, the recently discussed volume * *

The word involution is strange to me, so Zhihu gave an answer that was praised by more than 70,000 people:

When watching a movie, in order to get a better view, a person should stand up first, and the person who is blocked by him should also stand up. Finally, everyone will stand up and watch the movie, only the people in the first row will sit.

Playing games, in order to have better entertainment, a person hangs up with others first, and those who are abused by him have to pay the price. In the end, everyone will either try to pay the price or be hanged. Only the administrator can hang everyone without paying the price.

Chasing girls, in order to better express their feelings, men's diamonds will be passed down forever, and others will be passed down forever. Everyone spends more money, only those who sell diamonds earn. In order to grab a train ticket, one person first used the ticketing software, forcing others to use the ticketing software. Because the number of tickets did not increase, everyone finally returned to the starting line, but the development of the ticketing software made money.

Children go to school, one child goes to remedial classes, forcing everyone to go to remedial classes. In the end, the ranking remained the same, but those who started remedial classes made money. Originally, everyone worked eight hours, and some people began to work overtime. In the end, everyone was forced to work overtime, and everyone earned the same amount of money, but the boss's 3 departments were changed to 5 departments. What is involution? Everyone lost it, only a few people got it.

The reason why very few people earn money is probably to buy movie tickets in the first row. But instead of saying that, they will tell you that you didn't sit in the first row because you didn't work hard. I try to be in the front row. Over time, everyone will forget that if no one stands up, the best place to watch a movie is in the middle. ...

Today, I watched a video of Professor Liu Yu from Tsinghua University. She said that involution is actually a vicious competition, which is bitter, tiring and unfair, and it can't be won in the end. She said that her daughter was becoming an ordinary person. One of the best educational tips she got after giving birth was that your child is an ordinary person. When she accepted this, her identity as a mother was liberated.

Without further ado, I agree with Liu Jiaoshou. I believe in "God-given talent, let it go and hire!" But its positive solution should be to find your own comparative advantage (compare yourself with others), give full play to your comparative advantage, and then go further and further on this road, and get happier and happier! Finally, it is summed up by Liu Jiaoshou's words: Education is not to cultivate grass into a big tree, but to cultivate grass into beautiful grass. This should be the ultimate goal of our family education, school education and social education. (Personal opinion, for reference only)

The importance of adequate sleep

Recommended reading: Cultivate children's growth thinking and be a self-confident and self-reliant "big tree person"