6. A world without complaints

When I was traveling recently, the bad weather made several destination airports unable to operate normally, so many flights were cancelled or delayed. I changed to another flight, sat next to the boarding gate and saw the unfortunate airline representative at the counter being bombarded by everyone. Everyone seems to think that the bad weather, the cancellation of flights and all kinds of bad things are her fault. Everyone took turns blaming her for their misfortune. I could see that she was about to collapse.

At this time, a small light bulb in my head lit up: "Yes!" " "I'm always used to following my instincts, so I got up and found a seat in the line that wanted to embarrass her. I waited patiently. When I finally reached her, she looked at me with tired eyes. Her forehead wrinkled because of the pressure. She asked, "can I help you, sir?" "

I said, "Yes." Then I told her to be busy when talking to me. I told her that I was waiting in line to give her a five-minute break! While she was typing (I don't know what she was typing), I reminded her that all these people were going to ruin her day, but there were other people in her life who really cared about her, and she also had things she loved, which could give her meaning in life. These are far more important than what happened here today. In that case, everything at the moment is no big deal and should not make her sad. We talked back and forth for a few minutes, while she continued to pretend to be busy.

After seeing her regain her composure, I knew she had to go back to work. I wished her success in her work and told her that it was time to serve her next client. She looked up at me and I could see a tear in her eyes. She said, "Thank you very much. I really don't know how to thank you. "

I smiled and told her that the best way to thank me was to pass on this kindness to another person as soon as I had the chance.

Harry tucker

New York, New York

"Indians know how to live without desires, how to suffer without regrets, and how to die happily singing."

Alexis de tocqueville

A young monk joined a monastic order that demanded the observance of silence, and no one could speak until the abbot agreed. Nearly five years later, the dean finally came to the trainee monk and said to him, "You can speak two words."

The monk weighed it carefully and finally said two words: "The bed is hard." After careful consideration, the dean replied, "I'm sorry your bed is uncomfortable." Let's see if we can help you change the bed. "

Five years later, the abbot came to the young monk again and said, "You can say more."

The monk thought for a long time and said, "My feet are cold."

The dean said, "I will consider how to solve this problem."

The monk was admitted to the hospital for fifteen years, and the dean asked him to say more.

The monk said, "I'll go."

The dean replied, "This may be the best. Since you came, you have done nothing but complain. "

Like this young monk, you may not feel that you used to complain. But now that you're awake, you know you did complain a lot.

We all have this experience: when we put our weight on our arms or legs and sit, lean or lie down for a while, once we shift our weight, blood will rush back to this part of our body, and this part of our body will feel paralyzed and tingling. Sometimes this tingling is uncomfortable, even painful. The same is true when you begin to realize your complaining nature. If you are like most people, you may be surprised when you realize how often you complain. It doesn't matter, keep moving the bracelet, stick to it and don't give up.

The second chapter mentioned that I was fat when I was a child, but I lost 100 kilograms when I was a senior in high school. When my friends asked me what diet played such a powerful role in losing weight, I told them frankly, "The one I have been using." I tried dozens of dieting methods, and finally decided one of them, and the result was satisfactory.

So, even if you find yourself complaining, surprised or embarrassed, you should stick to it. Even if you feel you have a legitimate reason to complain, stick to it. Even if you really want to portray yourself as a victim and win the attention and sympathy of others, stick to it. In particular, even if the complaint is unsuccessful for many days, we must stick to it-even if it has reached the twentieth day, as long as we complain, we must start again. You just need to stick to it, transfer the bracelet over and over again, and start from the beginning over and over again.

"Success is to remain enthusiastic even if you fail again and again."

-Winston Churchill

I have a hobby, which is juggling. I learned how to throw and catch at the same time from a book, which also includes three square sandbags filled with broken walnut shells. The shape of sandbags and the choice of fillers are carefully designed to ensure that sandbags will not roll away when they fall. The important message hidden in these sandbags is that we will fall.

Over the years, I will perform juggling in my daughter's school meetings and other activities, but I have always refused the invitation to the talent show. Juggling is not a talent show, but a skill. Talent can only be acquired through cultivation, and skills can be mastered by most people as long as they are willing to invest time.

I perform juggling, and people often say, "I wish I could."

To this, my answer is: "You can, too, as long as you take the time to practice."

Usually, they will say, "My body is not coordinated enough." This simple sentence saves them from trying and trying to master a skill. In fact, I believe that everyone can master this skill.

After hearing the challenge of not complaining, many people will say, "I wish I could do it, but I certainly can't."

That's bullshit！ Becoming non-complaining is like juggling. It is a skill that can be mastered through learning. You only need to make a little effort at a time, and you can reap impressive success quickly, just like Mike's colored ball mentioned above.

I once taught people to juggle. I always showed them the sandbags that could not be rolled and told them to throw them on the ground.

I told them, "Now, pick up the sandbags." They picked it up.

"Now throw it on the ground." They will do the same.

"Ok, now pick it up."

"Throw it away."

"Pick it up."

"Throw it away."

"Pick it up."

We will do this many times until they get tired of the whole exercise and wonder, "What does this have to do with learning to throw and catch the ball?"

So far.

I told them, "This is a big deal. If you really want to learn this juggling, you should be mentally prepared: you have to put it down, pick it up and do it thousands of times before you can master the juggling skills. But, "I also promised them," as long as you keep practicing, you will certainly master it. "

You just keep picking up the ball. Even if you are tired, don't want to lose them, angry, annoyed and almost helpless, you should pick them up again and again. Even if others laugh at you, keep picking up the ball. Even if you look as if your skills have regressed and your throwing and catching time is shorter than before, keep picking up the ball. You just keep picking up the ball.

Every time I want to learn a new throwing and receiving trick, I will return to the state of dropping and receiving. When I first learned to play with a stick, I threw it into the air. When the stick fell, the wooden handle hit my collarbone heavily, leaving a red mark. So I threw the stick into the closet and decided not to learn to throw it again.

Those who throw purple bracelets into drawers must also think that they can't do it without complaining. However, if I keep letting sticks accumulate dust in the closet, I can't learn to throw sticks. So about a year later, I dug out those sticks and tried again.

When the stick hit me, I carefully avoided its handle. Because I was willing to keep practicing this time, I finally learned to hit a stick successfully. Now I can not only play with sticks, but also with knives and even burning torches.

Anyone can learn to juggle as long as he is willing to pick up the ball, stick, knife and torch repeatedly. Anyone can stop complaining as long as you are willing to move the bracelet and start over again and again.

You may think, "When am I talking about complaining and when am I just stating the facts?" Remember, the difference between complaining and stating the facts is that you put your energy into it. According to Dr. Robin Lasky, "Whether a particular statement reflects resentment ... depends on whether the speaker is dissatisfied." Complaining and not complaining sentences may use exactly the same language, but the difference between them lies in the intention and hidden energy you convey in your words. In the stage of "conscious incompetence", you just need to realize what you are talking about; More importantly, be aware of the energy behind these words.

Remember, even if you complete the 2 1 day challenge as soon as possible, you won't get any reward. In fact, I am very suspicious of those who claim that they can reach the seventh day in one week. According to my experience, those people should not realize that they are complaining. Although they are wearing bracelets, they are still in the stage of "unconscious incompetence".

According to my own experience, the person who can really make progress in the end will say the same thing as the lady who left a message on our (www.facebook.com/AcompaintFreeWorld) Facebook page today: "I just received the bracelet ten minutes ago and put it on ... but now I have moved it five times." An hour later, she left another message: "My bracelet has been moved more than ten times!" " "

My answer is simple: "Hang in there, you are heading in the right direction."

"Habit is habit, and you can't just throw it out of the window; If you want to get rid of an old habit, you can only drag it down the stairs step by step. "

-Mark Twain

Stopping complaining is not a race or a panacea, but a process of change. You are learning, accepting a brand-new lifestyle and giving up a deep-rooted habit. It will take some time.

If you want to stop complaining, you should stop trying to change the unchangeable facts. When I write this paragraph, I am sitting in the train station in San Jose, California. My train is scheduled to leave at 9 o'clock in the morning, and it's already 10: 30 in the morning. I just learned that the new departure time is noon 12-3 hours late. After reading what I just wrote, you may think I'm complaining.

However, I know that my energy is devoted to the present state. I sat on the platform of the train, enjoying the beautiful spring morning, tasting the delicious cinnamon tea and sharing all my passions with you. I am very happy and full of gratitude. It is a great blessing that the train is late, because it gives me more time to write, so that I can do what I like in a beautiful environment.

What if I don't want to wait? Maybe I will complain loudly, lose my temper with the conductor, or complain to the people around me. Maybe, I can start early. This might work, right?

Of course it won't work.

But we often see this kind of behavior. The train will arrive at the station when it is due, which is the perfect moment.

Recently, I was interviewed by a radio morning program, and an announcer said, "But my job depends on complaining-and I earn a high salary by complaining."

I said, "So, from one to ten, how happy are you?"

He paused and said, "Can there be a negative number?"

Complaining may bring us benefits in many ways and win us attention and sympathy; It will even win our radio listeners, but the benefits of complaining don't include happiness.

And you should be happy, you should get the wealth you desire, you should get the friendship and feelings that make you feel full and satisfied, you should be healthy and engage in your favorite career.

You should know that whatever you desire, you should get it.

Stop making excuses and continue your dream. If you still say things like "Men are afraid to promise", "Everyone in our family is fat", "My hands and feet are out of balance" and "My high school counselor said that I have achieved nothing in my life", then you are making yourself a victim. The victim will not be the winner, you must choose what kind of person you want to be.

Complaining is like a note from Epstein's mother. Remember the TV series "Welcome Back" (Kotter, a popular American TV series in the 1970s, starring john Travolta, etc. )? Epstein is a student character in this campus comedy. He often takes his notes to school to avoid things he doesn't want to do. The note may read: "Epstein can't take the exam today because he stayed up all night studying the cure for cancer." Signed: Epstein's mother ". Of course, these notes were written by Epstein himself to avoid exams and school assignments. We complain to free ourselves from adventure and other behaviors. These complaints sound reasonable, but they are all untenable excuses, just like the note in the film, written by the person who actually submitted the note-ourselves.

Please understand that I understand that you may have had a difficult or even painful experience, and so do many people. You can tell your story endlessly, insist that you have done nothing wrong and don't have to take any responsibility for what has happened, and then let it be an excuse to limit your life. Or, you can also think about the principle of slingshot.

What determines how far the stone on the slingshot can fly? The answer is: see if you can stretch the rubber band on the slingshot. If you study the lives of successful people, you will find that their success is not to exclude the challenges in life, but to face the challenges in life. They accept what happens to them and use it to help them grow. They don't tell anyone how wronged they are, but look for opportunities to turn defeat into victory in difficult challenges. Look, they found it. They stretched the rubber band far away. As a result, they flew higher and farther.

1928, Freida Nicholson Woodroof was born in a small farmhouse in Sedgwick County, Kansas City.

Although she is petite and less than five feet tall, she is very well-proportioned and surprisingly beautiful. From a very young age, she has attracted the attention of men of all ages. "Those people just won't let me go." With a naughty expression on her face, she smiled and said, "But I really enjoy the attention of others."

1966 On August 27th, Frida drove a Chevrolet produced by 1963 on the county highway. At this time of last year, the weather was often extremely hot, but the cold air front came early that year, so the temperature was very pleasant, only 72 degrees Fahrenheit (about 22 degrees Celsius). Frieda spent the whole morning painting the walls of the local children's day care center. At this time, the refreshing wind slowly blew in from the open window and dried the paint on her hand. She felt full and relaxed, and her mood was high. She felt as free as a cotton cloud, floating in the vast Missouri sky outside the window.

Frieda has nothing to do this afternoon. She can go home and wait for a call from her daughter, who just married a soldier in North Carolina. Or she can go to her friend Ada's house for a cup of coffee and talk about her daughter's wedding joy. Finally, after some ideological struggle, she decided to go home and wait for her daughter's call. She thinks like this: she can answer the phone before going to Ada's house, so that she can share more things with her friends.

As the car approached the Methodist Church, she saw something. It took her a while to realize what it was-at the corner ahead, a young man drove a big red car towards her at high speed. In less than a second, her brain was racing, from "What's going on?" From "he is in the wrong lane, he will definitely stop" to "broken, he is going to hit it"

Frieda slammed the steering wheel to the right and drove the car into the narrow ditch on the right, just missing the oncoming red car and its careless owner. At the same time, she slammed on the brakes and turned the steering wheel to the left with all her strength, trying to get the car back to its original lane. Due to the sudden deceleration, sharp turn and huge forward momentum, her car lost control and turned several times on the ground.

1963 cars are rarely equipped with seat belts; Even if seat belts are installed, few people will use them. Time seems to have frozen. Freda was in an emergency, so he quickly slipped into the passenger seat next to him to avoid being stabbed by the steering wheel when rolling. Chevrolet weighing 1.25 tons jumps and rolls on the ground like an angry and injured beast.

Freda cleverly hid behind the passenger seat, and in less than a second, the steering wheel hit the driver's seat.

Her face hit the windshield many times, and the serious injury made her lose her feeling, but her consciousness was still there.

The next few seconds are as hard as hours. The solidification time began to flow and Frieda's car gradually stopped. Her petite body fell into the hole where it should have been before the window, and she was black and blue. Her upper body can move freely, but her ass and legs are stuck in the destroyed car. Her face fell heavily to the ground, covered with glass.

On the edge of consciousness, she vaguely thought, "I'm not dead yet." As long as I'm not dead, that's fine. "

However, the accident was not completely over. Like a fierce and dying bull, this badly damaged Chevrolet trembled and slowly turned over for the last time. This time, I bumped into Frieda's head.

However, she is still not unconscious.

The weight of the car crushed Frieda's once beautiful face. She is still awake and badly injured, but her mind is not on her own injury-she has been trying to let her body breathe enough air to sustain life.

Her only remaining nose collapsed, she couldn't use it at all, and her mouth couldn't be opened. Frieda forced her lungs to breathe fresh air through a hole smaller than the tip of a pencil. It takes about a minute to exhale and inhale each time. Her heart is full of panic.

"We have to pull her out." As if a man's voice came from thousands of miles away.

The other shouted, "Go and borrow the tractor from the Rachel brothers!" "

Frida has no time to think about whether she can be saved. She just tried to breathe.

It seems that it took a whole century for Frida to really feel the tractor approaching-before, she could only hear the tractor approaching from a distance. When the hydraulic elevator of the tractor lifted the car, her body fell heavily to the ground. However, what she was thinking at that time was not how painful her body was, but that she could finally breathe smoothly-she was ecstatic about it.

Her face was disfigured. Her once charming blue eyes are now squeezed out of her eyes, and her once beautiful face is now scary.

She was very scared, but she was still awake. On the edge of consciousness, she heard onlookers gathered around whispering.

One person said, "Oh, my God!" "

Another person said, "How beautiful she used to be!"

The third person interjected: "Fortunately, she got married and had children when she was young."

In order to reach the scene of the accident, the ambulance had to travel nearly 40 miles. During this process, she could not speak, and her skull and face were seriously injured. Before lying in a ditch by the side of the road, she kept wondering when she would lose consciousness.

She is always sober.

A few hours later, she finally came to the hospital. Because of her brain injury, the doctor couldn't give her painkillers in the first 24 hours. Miss Ai (an interesting surname), a compassionate nurse, held her hand in front of the hospital bed and accompanied her all day. Pain is like a fire burning all over Frieda. If she has facial function, she will scream, and she will definitely scream all the time. She clasped the hand of Miss Eyre, a nurse, and Miss Eyre gently encouraged her to stick to it.

After the first 24 hours, she was finally able to inject painkillers. After that, she slept for a long time She didn't wake up until she felt the children's tears fall on her hands.

When the doctor finally repaired her badly injured face, she said the first sentence since the accident: "I forgive the driver." Say that finish, she fell into a coma.

Freda had 22 plastic surgeries before getting a new face. Now, she has a mysterious smile like Mona Lisa on her face. Compared with the terrible car accident, her smile is joyful and sly. Her artificial eye looks very realistic, exactly like the other eye that survived, and shines with the same brilliance when blinking.

Freda celebrated her 83rd birthday last week, and I was lucky enough to have lunch with her to celebrate her birthday. She is full of energy and infectious, and even when she enters the room, she can make the whole room light up, which makes people completely guess that she is over 80 years old.

For many people, this traffic accident will ruin their lives. But for Freda, the accident was just an episode.

I asked her, "I know you have forgiven the driver who drives the red car." However, do you hold a grudge against the changes brought about by this car accident? "

Frida always had a smile on her face, and now she smiled even more brightly: "Change me? No, this car accident hasn't changed me. I am still the person I used to be, and I have always had inner beauty. "

"The way to maintain mental health is to look for good things anytime and anywhere."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Almost fifty years after the car accident, Frida continues to live a full and happy life. She started a successful small business, raised her children and fully enjoyed her life. She will tell you that if the car accident has an impact, it is mainly because it helps her better understand the meaning of her existence and know that she is more than just a beautiful face.

She said to me, "I have at least 22 years to live, and I am ready to fully enjoy my life."

When we are hit hard in life, we can choose whether to let it beat us or let it help us improve ourselves.

The fire of disaster can devour us or temper us.

Difficulties can be a tragic ending or a new beginning of joy.