Wechat self-deprecating funny classic quotations

I thought about the five words "I can bear hardships", and I only achieved the first four.

I went to the toilet several times in a row and suddenly found myself a good boy.

360 degrees, I'm dead.

There is always such a person, which we call a well, which means no matter what.

When I was a child, I wrote a composition and learned to lie. Writing a thesis in a university, I learned to plagiarize; Write a report after work and learn to disguise; When you are in love, write love letters and learn to be melodramatic; When I was old, I wrote an autobiography and studied packaging.

I often change jobs. I have been to many cities in China. Whenever my friends ask me where I work, I always say that I am moving in China.

Don't be too kind to me, so that I can't tell whether you are love or friendship, male or female.

I swear I'll chop my hands if I surf the internet again. I found myself a thousand-handed Guanyin.

I thought I wanted a career, but I just wanted a salary.

After a long time, I can see that people are not old and know that the horsepower is not enough.

In another hundred years, I will grow into a towering green onion.

I came quietly, walked quietly, waving a dagger, leaving no one alive.

When will there be a bright moon? See for yourself.

Heroes don't ask for a way out, hooligans don't look at their age.

Parents fool their children into calling education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

Heroes are sad about beauty, I am not a hero, beauty, please leave me alone!

Bad feelings? It went well. There was no one along the way.

Tomorrow after tomorrow, there are so many tomorrows. Since there are so many, we might as well postpone it again.

Meeting strangers is actually very troublesome. Many lies have to be told once.

Running away is shameful but useful, but playing with things is fun.

Trump is still pursuing his dreams at the age of 70, which gives me great inspiration: I am still young and I am not in a hurry to pursue my dreams.

Luxury means pretending to be forced even if you are poor.

College entrance examination students fill in the volunteer guide: idolizing Beishangguang; Taobao, Zhejiang, Shanghai

The first part: I didn't bring my student ID card, admission ticket and ID card. The second part: Listening questions, reading questions, composition questions and cross-examination questions: the focus is on participation.

Jack Ma, Li Ka-shing, Wang Jianlin, Ma and I, the assets of the five of us add up to shake the economic system in Asia and the world.

I think most of the salary can also be called performance fee.

Classic quotations from black people

1. I don't know if I'm getting more and more independent or guilty. After walking for so long, I found that the only reliable thing is myself.

Hold a hand as soft as water in your heart and let a quiet dream fly in the distance. The sunshine is warm and the years are quiet, so time stops here.

No one can stop you just as no one can really help you. Ruggedness is life itself, and the obstacles you can't get through are yourself.

A million bright futures are not worth a warm present.

Once people start walking, they can't stop. Now I am beginning to grow like a random tree, trying hard and confused. I hope that a branch can produce lovely flowers and grow dense shade, which can shield me from the sun in summer and give me fruit to eat in autumn. Make your own tree so that you can enjoy the cool for others.

6. Life is sometimes frustrating, but you can try to make yourself happy.

7. Maybe not every day is so beautiful, but every day will have something beautiful.

8. Some words have been heard, but it takes a lifetime to understand; There are some things you know, but you won't believe them until you have experienced them.

9. True maturity is to do what should be done at the right time, let nature take its course, neither look forward nor backward, nor glance left and right, nor be impatient and flustered.

10. One day your burden will become a gift, and your suffering will light your way.

Funny from black conversation

1. If one day men all over the world have their period, I will sell hygiene classics.

2. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find out!

When I can't sleep, my roommate asked me to count from one to one thousand. I almost fell asleep when I counted to 200. Just drink? .

4. Now I know that Baidu doesn't know everything. I asked it where my fiancee was, but it was difficult …

I was bitten by mosquitoes all night last night, and I found that I lost weight the next day.

6. A tinkling cat always lives in the dark because it can't see its fingers.

Maybe it wasn't a meteor that fell from the sky, but a crashed plane.

I didn't know that dinosaurs could really reappear until I met you.

9. I know you don't treat me like a number. Actually, I didn't take you seriously either.

Everyone wants to catch the tail of youth, but youth is a gecko.

1 1.

12. What are the two words you hear the most in the new water margin-eating wine.

13, shout after me: money is coming, money is coming, and as a result, money really falls from the sky. Alas, it turned out to be a dream.

14. Don't complain that there is no beef in the beef noodles. Is there no wife in the old lady's cake?

15, put away your white eyes. I want to ask, "Is there red eye? Will it infect me?"

16, the kindness of dripping water is rewarded by the spring. When I lend you a dime, please pay back 100.

17, don't be cool with me. You think you are Youku.

18, I gave you my phone number. Why don't you understand my mind? Should I be charged for something? .

19, the teacher said to his mother, "This child giggles at his crotch every day in class."

20, too hot, nothing is positive, acne is the most positive.

One day, the emperor said to the little eunuch, "You can describe me in one word. The little eunuch said: hey!

22. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should eat at least a pair of whales.

I generally don't like to see a doctor, because doctors have nothing to see.

24, my left eye jumps for money, my right eye jumps for disaster, and both eyes jump. Does this mean that I will fall into a bank full of money …

I want to be your heart in my next life. If I don't jump, you will die.

26. I went swimming in the lake in the afternoon and suddenly it rained heavily. I quickly dived into the water to avoid the rain.

I would rather have a prince riding a pig than a prince pig riding a white horse.

28, I want to be as strong as a cactus, but also learn to poke the bad guys.

29. If you ignore me, I will sing "Uneasy" at your house.

30, the first thing to get up in the morning, open your eyes, the first thing to go to bed at night, close your eyes.

3 1, you are crazy, I am a fool, you are crazy together.

Although I am delicate, I am actually illiterate.

33. Sometimes I feel that life is really fun, but sometimes I feel that life is playing with me.

34. When I go to bed at noon, I set the automatic reply to "Then what?" As a result, my classmate chatted with it all noon.

35. I didn't dare to sleep after watching ghost movies last night, but I couldn't sleep after being bitten all over tonight.

I am still sleeping on such a sunny day. I repented, in order to express my deep regret …

37. Don't tell me that you are virtuous. You are just too lazy to do anything.

38. I won't compete with an idiot, so others won't know which one is an idiot.

39. Don't try to be brave after dark without health insurance and life insurance.

40. I like daytime because I can daydream during the day.

4 1, woman who is not good to me, curse you for being sucked dry by Hu.

42. Commitment is like a woman saying she wants to lose weight. It's easier said than done.

43. Today, I saw a buddy hit C with a sniper, squatting on a Yin person, and even squatting out of the screen saver!

44. After visiting the supermarket today, the cashier said: No change. Here are two plastic bags for you.

45. At the beginning of life, you are kind in nature, and you are a hero if you don't do your homework. What should the teacher do when checking? Raise the broom and work with him.

46. I failed in primary school. Since you can play QQ. D, more talkative than college students.

47. Whether you go to school or not, the school is there and starts on time.

48, in fact, people's life is doomed, can live to death.

49. The highest state of being a man is not that you pick up girls, but that you let girls pick up girls.

50. At the beginning of life, human nature is good, and it is a hero to say that you don't find a wife. Mom and dad are in a hurry. What should we do with our bags?

Let's start from the dark.

1. My character has not been unlocked. Don't panic when you cheat, just pretend when you catch it.

You can only find me at night with a grin!

4. Driving at night was photographed unmanned.

5, waiting for the bus at night, people don't stop,

6. You don't need a visa to go to Africa.

7. No matter how you take a picture of me, it's a silhouette.

8. It is more difficult to kill a Q pet than to kill a person.

9. For many people, a haircut is tantamount to disfigurement!

10, like to go out at night, a feeling of wandering.

1 1. How can I kiss you in the dark without breaking your lamp?

12. As soon as I left Wifi, I felt that my mobile phone was scrapped.

13, the famous flower I love is taken. It's terrible to love me.

14, is my face oily? Reflect light, can't see clearly

15, it is said that you can get three points for handing in a blank piece of paper, which is called clean paper.

16, a more shameless era, that is called excellent psychological quality.

17, I feel so unfortunate that the world can know so much about you.

18, it's not terrible to drop the net, what's terrible is to drop it one by one.

19, if you want to leave, I won't stop you, if you want to die, I'll help you!

20. The function of the alarm clock is to remind me to sleep in another position.

2 1, I don't know Wu Bai very well, but his brother 250 knows me very well.

22, wearing a skirt to go out, others think I wear black silk.

23. When soy sauce dripped on me, I couldn't find where it dripped.

24. If people don't attack me, I won't attack. If someone attacks me, I will drive that person crazy.

25. Every time I pass by the blackboard, my classmates think my clothes have gone by.

26. Recently, people always ask me whether it's China fever or Africa fever.

27. When you hold the mouse, you lose the will to do your homework.

28. In today's society, it is more important to take a mobile phone in the toilet than paper!

29. One is more dangerous to wear and the other is safer to grow.

30. If anyone burns my sister's paradise, I will stew her wings.

3 1. Turn off the lights with friends. My friend once thought his computer was black.

32, aah! ! The three male gods among the heirs are all cancer!

33, squatting in the coal pile can only be poked with a stick, soft is me, hard is coal.

I don't care if my friends are black, because none of them are as black as me.

35. My friends who play hide-and-seek at night can't find me. In the end, I won.

36. Others are made of amniotic fluid, and I may be made of ink.

37. The most tragic thing in the world is to buy delicious food and meet the foodies at the same table.

38. Why didn't the bad guys attack Xiao Moxian after she had been transformed for so long?

39. I once passed the scene of a fire and was taken away by an ambulance for no reason.

40. Quarrel on QQ is not the accumulation of swearing, but the speed of typing.

4 1, go your own way and let others talk! Eat your own food and make others vomit!

42, just don't let fierce Zhang Fei, also don't lose black Li Kui jy, dug coal in Xishan, worked as a thief in Dongshan.

43. There are three possibilities for girls to lose sleep: missing their boyfriends; Miss the boy you secretly love; Eat too much

44. When I was a child, my family had no money. I always pull a rope and tie a plastic bag to fly a kite.

45. Today's schoolmates are shorter, more frustrated and more embarrassed.

Crossing the zebra crossing, I appeared, I disappeared, I appeared, I disappeared,,,

47. Your lips are cracked. Forgot to put on lip balm. I put it on my lips. Can I share it with you?

48. One night, I asked the mirror, mirror, mirror, who is the darkest person in the world. The mirror says, who's talking!

49. Grinning at night,,,,,,! Whose false tooth is this? ,,,,,,

50. When the teacher asks me to answer questions in class, I always say, Teacher, look at the answers and I'll see if they are right.

5 1. I want to buy things when I am angry. When I buy things, I have to spend money. When I spend money, my money becomes less. I get angry when I have little money.

52. The mid-term exam was supposed to be a blockbuster, but when I handed it out, I decided to hide my strength.

53. When doing chemical experiments in class, our teacher said: Did the students in the front row buy insurance?

54. I don't envy the little grape pro EXO. I am not blind. How can I not envy! Ah, sincere envy and jealousy!

One day, my friend was walking on the road, and suddenly passers-by shouted to my friend in horror: You, your shadow is still alive!

I hope that one day we can become strangers again, and then we can get to know you again. See how I kill you!

57. My deskmate is top student. Even if I am scolded by my teacher one day, he can take me to Demacia!

58, two top student, two top student, college entrance examination, college entrance examination! One didn't write his name and the other didn't fill in the answer sheet. What an honor! What an honor!

59. Once I went to see the Zen master and asked him: What should I do if I am too dark? The Zen master opened the temple gate, and I said, Zen master, do you want me to open my heart? The Zen master replied, I just want to see where you are.

60. I was still eating cookies when the dormitory lights out in the second year of high school. As a result, the head teacher came in, and I was afraid to make any noise with biscuits in my mouth. Then I saw the head teacher staring at me, and I was even more afraid to move. Then I saw the head teacher coming to my eyes bit by bit, and finally said, Oh, there you are.